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  • 00:00

    Are you a victim of a narcissist triangulation?  

  • 00:04

    By the end of this video, you're  going to know exactly what's going on,  

  • 00:09

    what phrases that narcissist uses in order to  line up those flying monkeys and triangulate

  • 00:21

    Hi, I'm Rebecca Zung, top 1% attorney and the  best-selling author of the books Negotiate Like  

  • 00:26

    YOU M.A.T.T.E.R and Breaking Free: A Step-by-Step  Divorce Guide. And I've helped thousands of people  

  • 00:32

    go from lives of drama, trauma, and chaos to step  into lives of freedom, possibility, and purpose.  

  • 00:39

    And I do the same thing for you right here on  my channel and in these videos. So make sure  

  • 00:46

    you subscribe and you hit that notification  bell. And that way you'll get notified when  

  • 00:53

    I upload new videos and I go live and I do all  the cool things that I do on this channel to  

  • 00:59

    help you escape these narcissistic relationships. So now let's talk about triangulation and flying  

  • 01:08

    monkeys. If you don't know what a flying monkey  is, it is a person that is being used against  

  • 01:16

    you by that narcissist. And they may not even  know that they're being used as a flying monkey,  

  • 01:24

    or sometimes maybe they know that they're being  lined up against you, but sometimes they don't  

  • 01:28

    even realize that that's what's going on. And  if you want to know more about flying monkeys,  

  • 01:34

    you should definitely check out my video on flying  monkeys, but it comes from the Wizard of Oz where  

  • 01:44

    the wicked witch had flying monkeys. And these  flying monkeys would kind of do her dirty work  

  • 01:52

    and go along with whatever it was that she wanted  to do. And they were just there kind of hanging  

  • 01:56

    out and being used against people, Dorothy, and  there was the Tin Man and the Scarecrow and the  

  • 02:06

    Lion to scare them and also to intimidate. They  were kind of scary looking weird creatures, right? 

  • 02:17

    So that's what a flying monkey is. And the  triangulation is part of what a narcissist  

  • 02:27

    uses to manipulate, punish, and control you. And  definitely check out my video on what tactics they  

  • 02:36

    use for manipulation and control to learn more  about what all of the ones are that they use.  

  • 02:43

    But when you're dealing with a narcissist,  especially during the discard phase, then  

  • 02:47

    flying monkeys are going to start getting lined  up, but they start lining up the flying monkeys,  

  • 02:52

    even while you're in a relationship with them. Both of the narcissists that I had to deal with  

  • 02:58

    were that, and it was one of those things when  it was happening to me that I could feel that  

  • 03:05

    these narcissists were talking about me to people  they thought would hurt me or that it would be  

  • 03:13

    especially powerful to have them be against me in  some way. And I could feel it, but I didn't know  

  • 03:22

    exactly what was going on. I certainly didn't have  the terminology of flying monkey or triangulation  

  • 03:28

    or even narcissism. I didn't even know that  these people were narcissists yet. At that point,  

  • 03:33

    I was really more just like this doesn't feel  right. Something's going on here. Something is  

  • 03:39

    wrong. I feel like these people don't like me  or they're lining up to be with these people. 

  • 03:45

    So I wasn't really sure what was going on, but  here's the kind of phrases, there are certain  

  • 03:50

    kinds of phrases that the narcissist to use  in order to triangulate. One of the phrases  

  • 03:58

    that they use to you, everyone thinks, everyone  else believes that you are an alcoholic. Everyone  

  • 04:09

    knows how difficult you are. Everyone knows how  great I am. Everyone thinks that I am successful.  

  • 04:19

    Everyone else believes that I'm a great dad  or a great mom, but you're the only one who  

  • 04:26

    doesn't think that. Everyone knows how I've built  this business and how great I am to work for.  

  • 04:34

    You're the only one who has the problem. So kind of the flip of everyone thinks is you're  

  • 04:41

    the only one. And that's one of the ways that  they start triangulating. And this is where I say  

  • 04:48

    that these are people who aren't, they don't even  know that they're being used as flying monkeys,  

  • 04:56

    but it's a term meant to gaslight you, trying to  make you think that you're crazy, is that everyone  

  • 05:04

    thinks you're the only one that thinks that. The second one is always, so they go and they  

  • 05:12

    tell people, she always says this about me, or  she's always drinking too much. She's always late  

  • 05:21

    for picking up the children. Always. So they use  words like always to make it seem like it's just  

  • 05:30

    a constant thing. And these are things that  might've happened once. I mean, there might've  

  • 05:35

    been one time where you were late, either to  work or to picking up the kids or whatever.  

  • 05:41

    And now this person is going to characterize  this as this always is happening to other people,  

  • 05:48

    they'll say that sort of thing. So basically what's happening  

  • 05:52

    when they are trying to triangulate is  they are trying to get this person to  

  • 06:02

    give them credibility, to give them  validity and also make you feel  

  • 06:09

    bad. So it's kind of like a double thing that  they get out of this is they get this credibility,  

  • 06:17

    which bolsters their ego, which feeds their  narcissistic supply. And coupled with it also  

  • 06:25

    makes you feel intimidated, makes you feel bad,  hurts you in some way, makes you think that you're  

  • 06:32

    crazy. And you're the only one. Or makes you think  that all these people are lining up against you  

  • 06:40

    and everyone is on their side and not on your  side or especially people that mean something  

  • 06:48

    to you. And if you have seen this and you have  been a victim of this, and you know that this is  

  • 06:56

    not okay, give me a "not okay" in the comments. So the next one that they use is even, even,  

  • 07:06

    and how they use even is like even the worst  person in the world knows that fill in the blank.  

  • 07:16

    Even my crazy ex never acted  as bad as you, even your mother  

  • 07:23

    doesn't like you, even the people on the  street were looking at you and seeing how  

  • 07:31

    unhinged you were, even the drunkest people  at the party saw how your behavior was so bad,  

  • 07:41

    things like that. So even is another way that they  start to triangulate. And they might even say it  

  • 07:50

    to other people as they're talking bad about  you. Even the neighbors saw that or heard them  

  • 08:02

    screaming or heard him or her doing something  or whatever. So these are the types of evens  

  • 08:10

    that they'll use for other people to try to line  those people up against you and make you feel like  

  • 08:17

    even the biggest scum of the earth is seeing you  and judging you or is better than you in some way. 

  • 08:27

    So the flip side of all of these words can also  be used as well. So every time or always can  

  • 08:35

    always be never. And no one thinks instead  of everyone thinks. The idea is really just  

  • 08:44

    to try to make you feel like you're on an island  alone, that no one else thinks the way you think,  

  • 08:50

    that everyone else believes that the other person  is wonderful. You're never going to get anywhere.  

  • 08:58

    You shouldn't even bother to try. It's  also to try to make you feel jealous,  

  • 09:03

    make you feel small, make you feel controlled by  this person, intimidated by this person. They get  

  • 09:10

    everybody thinking that they're wonderful.  And the flip side of you feeling terrible  

  • 09:17

    and intimidated or jealous, or like everyone  thinks badly of you in some way and thinks  

  • 09:22

    wonderful of the other person in some ways. So they'll use whatever they need to,  

  • 09:29

    especially with people that they think will be  extremely hurtful to you like maybe your family  

  • 09:36

    or other people that you work with, or people  who are close to you, anybody who they think that  

  • 09:45

    they're really, really good at finding the weak  spots, the people who might fall for what it is  

  • 09:52

    that you're going to say. One of the things that  I noticed when I was dealing with a family member,  

  • 09:58

    who's a narcissist, is that this person would go  up to the other person and act like the victim  

  • 10:05

    like, Oh, I've tried so hard and they're  just not kind to me, they're not good to me.  

  • 10:16

    And then the other person would come  back to me and my husband and say,  

  • 10:24

    Oh, maybe you could try harder or maybe you could  give this person another chance, because obviously  

  • 10:32

    that person who's now become a flying monkey has  no idea what the history of the relationship was  

  • 10:40

    or the kinds of things that had been done.  They only know the sad story, the victim story. 

  • 10:48

    Covert narcissists are especially great at this.  This is why I really just have a massive disdain  

  • 10:55

    for covert narcissist. If you want to know more  about covert narcissist, check out my video  

  • 11:01

    on covert narcissism in relationships. I go into  much, much deeper information about that, but  

  • 11:08

    they're especially good at playing the victim. And  Oh, this person who is much more powerful than me  

  • 11:19

    was able to take advantage of me and it's not fair  and life isn't fair. And so that's another way  

  • 11:27

    that narcissist use as a method of triangulation. So if you are dealing with a narcissist  

  • 11:38

    and you are getting ready to negotiate with one,  make sure to grab my free Crush My Negotiation  

  • 11:44

    Prep Worksheet, you can just get  it at winmynegotiation.com. And  

  • 11:50

    if you liked this video, make sure to give  me a like, and if you know anybody who is  

  • 11:56

    dealing with a narcissist also, and dealing with  triangulation and dealing with flying monkeys  

  • 12:02

    and all of these abuse tactics that narcissists  are using, make sure to share this video,  

  • 12:08

    give it a share and drop me a comment. Go ahead  and do that now. And if you haven't subscribed  

  • 12:15

    to my channel, make sure to do that now,  subscribe and hit that notification bell. 

  • 12:21

    If you're dealing with a narcissist  and you're feeling isolated and alone,  

  • 12:24

    and you want to connect with others  who are also dealing with narcissists,  

  • 12:28

    make sure to come join me in  my free private Facebook group,  

  • 12:32

    it's called Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca  Zung, and we'll drop links to all this stuff below  

  • 12:39

    as well. I am so glad that you stopped  by today and watch this video. Remember,  

  • 12:45

    today's a great day to start negotiating your  best life. I will see you in the next video.

All

The example sentences of TRIANGULATE in videos (7 in total of 8)

when wh-adverb they personal pronoun are verb, non-3rd person singular present trying verb, gerund or present participle to to triangulate verb, base form is verb, 3rd person singular present they personal pronoun are verb, non-3rd person singular present trying verb, gerund or present participle to to get verb, base form this determiner person noun, singular or mass to to
but coordinating conjunction what wh-pronoun you personal pronoun may modal find verb, base form is verb, 3rd person singular present that preposition or subordinating conjunction only adverb about preposition or subordinating conjunction 20 cardinal number % noun, singular or mass of preposition or subordinating conjunction your possessive pronoun matches verb, 3rd person singular present triangulate noun, singular or mass with preposition or subordinating conjunction
but coordinating conjunction instead adverb " assisted verb, past participle gps proper noun, singular " in preposition or subordinating conjunction that preposition or subordinating conjunction it personal pronoun uses verb, 3rd person singular present the determiner location noun, singular or mass of preposition or subordinating conjunction cell noun, singular or mass phone noun, singular or mass towers noun, plural to to triangulate verb, base form .
it personal pronoun s proper noun, singular a determiner number noun, singular or mass of preposition or subordinating conjunction hidden verb, past participle sensors noun, plural in preposition or subordinating conjunction be verb, base form our possessive pronoun guest proper noun, singular that wh-determiner are verb, non-3rd person singular present used verb, past participle to to triangulate verb, base form your possessive pronoun position noun, singular or mass
combine verb, base form those determiner angles noun, plural with preposition or subordinating conjunction distances noun, plural from preposition or subordinating conjunction a determiner chain noun, singular or mass or coordinating conjunction tape noun, singular or mass measure noun, singular or mass , and coordinating conjunction you personal pronoun can modal triangulate verb, base form
you personal pronoun can modal triangulate verb, base form the determiner positions noun, plural of preposition or subordinating conjunction those determiner dots noun, plural and coordinating conjunction get verb, base form 3 cardinal number d proper noun, singular motion noun, singular or mass tracking verb, gerund or present participle data noun, plural out preposition or subordinating conjunction of preposition or subordinating conjunction it personal pronoun
recording proper noun, singular her possessive pronoun as adverb well adverb , that preposition or subordinating conjunction they personal pronoun can modal then adverb use verb, base form to to triangulate verb, base form positions noun, plural and coordinating conjunction markers noun, plural on preposition or subordinating conjunction her possessive pronoun suit noun, singular or mass .

Definition and meaning of TRIANGULATE

What does "triangulate mean?"

/trīˈaNGɡyəˌlāt/

other
Measure by using trigonometry.
verb
To measure lengths and areas with triangles.