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today's story takes place in the florida keys the  archipelago off the southern coast of florida as  

such the keys are the southernmost territory of  the continental united states and actually closer  

to cuba than to the motherland on the 10th  of january 1861 the state of florida seceded  

from the union joining the confederate  states in the civil war the island and  

the city of key west however remained  under the union throughout the war  

but 121 years later key west would lead  the archipelago into a rebellion which  

would spark the foundation of a new  rogue micronation the conch republic

the epic story of the conquer republic's  independence begins with the most mundane  

occurrences a painful boring excruciating  roadblock on the 18th of april 1982 the u.s  

border patrol had set a checkpoint on u.s route  1 in front of skeeter's last chance saloon in  

florida city their intent was to search all cars  driving out of key west into the mainland for  

drugs and illegal immigrants route 1 was the only  road out of town and very quickly traffic backed  

up for 19 miles enraged tourists at their travel  plans completely thrown into the air by this  

unexpected action of the border patrol are forced  supposed to guard the national borders not set up  

controls within the state soon you spread that a  checkpoint had placed a stranglehold on key west  

doris intending to travel there panicked and  canceled their reservations this was a hit to the  

economy of key west which was heavily reliant on  tourism hundreds of thousands of dollars were lost  

overnight and what if the border patrol decided  to establish permanent checkpoints this could  

spell the end of the keys news of the roadblock  immediately reached the mayor of key west dennis  

wardlow normally he would have been notified by  the authorities in fact wardlow heard the news  

from his dad and amateur radio operator who had  picked up radio chatter from the border force it  

turns out that the federal government had failed  to notify wardlow the county sheriff the florida  

state representative and even the state governor  mayor wardlow was not one to pap about and he  

contacted the border patrol captain in charge he  demanded to know who had ordered the checkpoint  

and why the captain could have done with some pr  training as he simply replied that it was none of  

the mayor's business to which wardlow replied  don't tell a conch it's none of your business  

conch by the way is the nickname for inhabitants  of the keys and as a proud conch the mayor sprung  

into decisive action he consulted with the city  council and the main business leaders to discuss  

what they labelled as an attack on key west  sovereignty they decided to file for an injunction  

at miami's federal district court to get the  roadblock lifted on april 22 dennis wardlow and a  

group of angry conks flew to miami on the private  plane piloted by their attorney david paul horan  

but miami's u.s district judge refused to issue  the injunction leaving dennis with only one choice  

rebellion as he was approached by reporters  outside the court he declared by establishing  

that border they have declared us a foreign  nation we're tired of the u.s government picking  

on little key west and then he dropped his  bomb tomorrow at noon the florida keys will  

secede from the union in front of the amused and  stunned reporters wardlo vowed to negotiate only  

with president reagan or vice president bush he  concluded i guess they think we're kidding and  

we're not as the small party flew back to their  home base lawyer pilot horn enacted the first  

act of kong defiance he launched the craft into  a nose dive making a low pass over the roadblock  

by the time wardlow and friends landed back in  key west the news had spread many conks were  

supportive of the secession but the enthusiasm  was not unanimous county representatives made it  

clear to the mayor that they didn't want to have  anything to do with his plans they even warned  

him that his move was career suicide ordinary  citizens bombarded wardlow's office with worried  

phone calls asking if their u.s dollars were still  valid other less well-meaning inhabitants sent  

death threats to wardlow's family but dennis was  determined to go through with his designs she  

clarified that the mayor and his acolytes never  considered formally seceding from florida and the  

united states nor did they expect to receive  international recognition the whole idea was  

more of a pr stunt or a massive prank designed to  raise attention on how a poorly handled federal  

decision had endangered the livelihood of their  community by the morning of april 23rd wardlow and  

his conspirators had formed the government  of the conk republic dennis would be its  

prime minister of course overseeing cabinet  members such as the secretary of underwater  

affairs and the minister of nutrition the cabinet  immediately received offers from volunteers who  

wanted to join the still non-existent armed forces  of the conk republic one of these volunteers a guy  

called tony offered to fly his biplane over the  key west naval base and bomb the vessels moored  

there it turns out that those ships were bursting  with federal agents who had immediately convened  

over key west waiting for orders to arrest the  mayor somehow rumors of the impending attack  

reached a miami herald reporter and from there  the admiral in charge of key west the admiral  

hurriedly phoned wardlow begging him not to  make any rash decisions what the officer and the  

press had failed to grasp though is that tony the  bomber was planning to attack the navy with only a  

certain type of ammunition his own homemade conch  fritters these are a local delicacy prepared with  

freshly ground conk meat garlic onions red peppers  jalapenos tabasco and beer then you add egg milk  

salt flour and pepper and leave it to rest in  the fridge you then scoop up this ball and then  

fry the hell out of it for five minutes why  someone would want to waste such goodness by  

dumping it from a plane is beyond me but i guess  the gesture had some symbolic significance the  

bombing however never took place the big events  of the day was staged at noon when wardlow and  

his cabinet gathered in clinton square for their  declaration of independence the stars and stripes  

flag was lowered and replaced with a new blue and  yellow banner of the conk republic wardlow then  

issued his proclamation we serve notice to the  government in washington to remove the roadblock  

or get ready to put up a permanent border to a  new foreign land if we're not equal we'll get out  

the federal government was present in the form  of several special agents coast guard sailors and  

navy personnel two naval officers still stood in  full gala uniform but dennis later declared that  

they appeared ready to take him down at any minute  as soon as he finished reading his proclamation a  

loud drone announced the arrival of tony's biplane  contritters were dropped from the sky and more of  

these spherical goodies started flying in clinton  square lobbed by the conchs against the feds none  

of this was part of warlord's plans the situation  got even more out of hand when county commissioner  

joe bauberton confronted one of the navy officers  and whacked him in the head with a stale loaf of  

cuban bread so it was time for wardlow to step  in riding the wave of ridicule he declared war  

on the u.s and he immediately surrendered to one  of the officers the second american civil war or  

the one minute war had ended but the conk republic  would not yield to unconditional surrender in fact  

the cabinet demanded one billion dollars in  foreign aid from washington in their eyes it  

was fair compensation for the damage incurred  during the long federal siege and the gruelling  

onslaught of the battle of clinton square the  us government's reply was a plain no they would  

not pay the ridiculous amount of money in fact  they would not pay any reparation for the economic  

damages caused by the roadblock so the conchs had  been conquered after all well par from it actually  

dennis the rebel mayor david the flying attorney  tony the fritter-bomber and joe the wielder of  

the mighty loaf had attracted plenty of media  attention with their antics the resulting negative  

publicity for the federal government prompted the  border patrol to finally remove their roadblock  

the conquer republic had triumphed even if in  theory its territory coincides with the florida  

keys it is not and never was an independent state  but rather a state of mind a source of local pride  

and an important boost of tourism if you're  lucky enough to visit these lands make sure  

to get a t-shirt or bump a sticker bearing the  republic's legendary motto we seceded where others  

failed alright we'll get back to today's video  in just a quick moment first a word from today's  

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in 1990 the mayor of key west and prime minister  of the conquer republic captain tony terracino  

decided to appoint a secretary-general to whom he  would delegate the day-to-day operations of this  

micro-state of mind that honor was given to  peter anderson who took his role very seriously  

so seriously that in 1994 he crashed the summit  of the americas succeeding in having his republic  

represented as an actual country but it was not  all fun and games after the succession of the  

conch the federal state and local governments  behaved like good buddies and there were no  

sources of tension but things were about to  change on the morning of september 20th 1995  

a local radio station wpik reported that the  478th civil affairs battalion of the u.s army  

was to conduct some war games in the florida keys  more precisely they were to stage a mock invasion  

and occupation of the island the military however  had failed to notify key west authorities scratch  

war games or military exercises this made it  a real invasion an assault on their sovereign  

republic anderson notified president clinton  and the heads of the armed forces that they  

were ready to mobilize and defend their nation on  september 21st the conk republic sailed forth to  

meet their foes ready to give them hell in the  waters of key west harbor they should specify  

that the republican navy consisted of a small  number of fire boats and private sailing vessels  

but they would give them hell nonetheless as  they approached u.s navy and coast guard ships  

the konks let out a devastating barrage of water  sprayed with their anti-far hoses before the u.s  

sailors could react the cog navy unleashed a  volley of water balloons stale cuban bread and  

of course conch critters this naval blitzkrieg  was too much to endure and the u.s fleet raised  

the white flag i expect those poor sailors  later suffered from ptsd while the battle was  

raging at sea a land invasion was being met with  fierce resistance the 478th battalion were merely  

preparing to cross the bridge that would take them  onto key west but a force of 200 unarmed conchs  

blocked their path no us army boots would violate  the sacred soil of the conquer republic unless  

they politely asked permission to do so of course  which is what happened the following day the army  

sent a letter addressed to key west officials  stating that the exercise in no way meant to  

challenge or impugn the sovereignty of the conquer  republic little did everybody know that tensions  

would flare up again nearly three months later  on december 16th the federal government ended  

a shutdown period caused by conflicts between  president clinton and the majority republican  

congress the shutdown implied that the government  would close all major national monuments one of  

them was fort jefferson at dry tortugas national  park some 66 nautical miles west of key west  

closing the four was bad news for the keys as they  could lose up to thirty thousand dollars a day in  

tourism revenue fifty five thousand dollars  in today's money key west officials secretary  

anderson and local entrepreneurs estimated that  operating fort jefferson cost only one thousand  

six hundred dollars a day so how about they took  over it it was definitely worth the investment  

they were able to raise the necessary funds  but needed state and federal permission to take  

over the monument as time wore on the investors  could not get a hold of anybody able to authorize  

their request so in pure kong fashion they took  matters into their own hands anderson assembled  

a small team flew them to fort jefferson and  approached the local park rangers declaring that  

the monument was now open in the name of the conk  republic this was not a hostile takeover however  

as the conk offered a check to the rangers so  that they could reopen the fort but the rangers  

were not amused they refused to reopen the  monument and issued a citation to the conchs for  

trespassing on federal property tail between their  legs the conquer republic's air raid party flew  

back to key west yes you can't win every battle  but at least the rangers dropped their charges  

after a decade of peace the conchs and the  feds butted heads again in january of 2006.  

fifteen cuban refugees had landed on an  abandoned span of seven mile bridge the  

winding road bridge connecting the florida keys  their demand for asylum was rejected on the basis  

that the abandoned span was not connected to dry  land and therefore it was not american soil on  

hearing such news anderson pricked his ears if  that part of the bridge was not american soil  

surely it was up for grabs and so he led a  force of conchs onto the bridge section planting  

flags of the republic all along it anderson had  successfully occupied the bridge with ambitious  

plans to turn it into a model green community  with composting toilets wind and solar power  

rainwater collection like living on a boat really  washington did not oppose the peaceful invasion  

nor anderson's grand designs it was florida  governor jeb bush instead who issued a communique  

stating that the bridge belonged to the people of  florida and the state was not planning to sell it  

having heard these stories of the conquer public  antics while maybe tempted to join their fold if  

you'd like to apply for citizenship you may do  so at one of their consulates abroad this is  

this state's the king of dad jokes you don't need  to be born on their territory nor be born from a  

kong parrot prospective citizens however may be  subjected to a background check for their beliefs  

and actions in particular the republic encourages  a certain type of individual to apply for this  

honor they will welcome freethinkers capable of  solving complex problems with simplicity those  

who are accepting of others but cynical towards  governments as a whole anyone who feeds the  

poor better if with happy meals or whoppers  the republic is also looking to swell its  

ranks with pirates salvages beachcombers hippies  beatniks and hobos past or present on the other  

hand cog authorities reserve the right to reject  politicians bureaucrats bigot zealots extremist  

war mongers and lawyers especially ambulance  chases being a citizen comes with privileges  

as well as duties one of them is homeland defense  each citizen of the conquer republic aged between  

2 and 99 years old is required to serve in the  conk national guard conk guards are required to  

always maintain a personal arsenal consisting of  loaves of stale for cuban bread a fishing net a  

tickle stick to catch lobsters and a court of  pre-mixed margaritas other drinks are allowed  

the republic's military is regulated by a strict  set of rules which you may find on their official  

website at conchrepublicmilitaryforces.com here  are some articles of note article 5 membership  

membership in these armed forces should  never be based on a person's race ethnicity  

gender sexual orientation political persuasion  religion or any other criteria and article 15  

duels if any member of these forces considers  themselves to be offended by any other member  

he may challenge the offending party to a duel the  traditional weapons which may be used are limited  

to water guns water balloons conch fritters stale  cuban bread and key lime pie the second website  

mentions that the republic's armed forces include  a detachment of green berets special forces and  

even cia but the acronym does not refer to the  intelligence agency but to cuties in action and  

organization of local ladies dedicated to  community service projects now it may not  

be to everyone's taste to serve as a conch green  beret but fear not you can still pledge allegiance  

to the republic without requesting full-fledged  citizenship in fact you could apply for a souvenir  

passport via the republic's official website  for a hundred dollars you can even bag a regular  

passport and if you dish out one thousand  two hundred dollars you'll receive a snazzy  

diplomatic passport secretary general anderson  claims to have traveled with his diplomatic  

passport to at least 30 nations including russia  the passport was regularly inspected and stamped  

each time and no objections were raised by  border guards according to jennifer babson  

of the miami herald anderson used the conquer  public passport to go through u.s immigration  

on at least five occasions between 1994 and 1998.  the same newspaper in october 2001 reported that  

the fbi was investigating a more sinister use of  a kong travel document apparently in the fall of  

2000 when muhammad atta had applied for a republic  passport and may have used it to enter the u.s it  

was never determined if that applicant was the  same muhammad atta who crashed american airlines  

flight 11 into the north tower of the world trade  center on 9 11. what we know with more certainty  

is that a passport may have saved someone's life  sometime in the 1980s conch passport holder bud  

navarro took a trekking trip to guatemala despite  it being a dangerous destination since 1960 the  

country had been gripped by a bloody civil war  between the central government backed by the  

u.s and the leftist guatemalan national  revolutionary unit supported by cuba one  

day bud walked into a small mountain village and  entered the local cantina for a well-deserved rest  

but as soon as the doors closed behind bud  several pairs of hostile eyes turned towards him  

the bar was bursting with angry heavily armed  men leftist guerillas who had identified the  

stranger as a hated american but was not fluent  in spanish but he could recognize the hostility  

of the words directed to him a mix of ethnic slurs  and inferences as to the profession of his mother  

as the angry mob advanced towards him but had the  presence of spirit to produce his conch passport  

and then shouted americano no republica de la  conquer his declaration of allegiance to the  

separatist state puzzled the horde long enough  to stop their murderous intent with whatever  

little spanish he knew bud managed to charm the  revolutionaries with the epic story of conch  

succession and what may have been a lynching  ended up with a massive hangover from tequila  

as of today the us and the conquer republic  enjoy peaceful relations the mock micro  

nation still attracts tourists especially  during the celebrations commemorating the  

secession festivities are held every year around  mid-april and include parades street parties and  

fundraisers at the time of producing this  episode the cog republic is approaching  

its 40th anniversary a landmark event to  be celebrated from april 15th to the 24th  

the 2022 anniversary event will include bar crawls  pirate adventures conch shell-blowing contests and  

the marvelously oxymoronic elections of the  conch republic royal family but the highlight  

will be as in previous years the great conk  republic drag race in which participants will  

race with pimped up shopping carts and buggies  while carrying female impersonators we hope that  

today's overview of this sovereign state of mind  has lifted your spirit and inspired you to face  

adversary with the right cocktail of defiance  and ridicule more than anything we hope to have  

captured the spirit of the conquer republic  and its proud inhabitants as summarized by  

the current secretary of state captain  james r gilleran the value of humor  

community and a passion to encourage others  to behave in a proud and foolish manner

you