Are you a victim of a narcissist triangulation?  

By the end of this video, you're  going to know exactly what's going on,  

what phrases that narcissist uses in order to  line up those flying monkeys and triangulate. 

Hi, I'm Rebecca Zung, top 1% attorney and the  best-selling author of the books Negotiate Like  

YOU M.A.T.T.E.R and Breaking Free: A Step-by-Step  Divorce Guide. And I've helped thousands of people  

go from lives of drama, trauma, and chaos to step  into lives of freedom, possibility, and purpose.  

And I do the same thing for you right here on  my channel and in these videos. So make sure  

you subscribe and you hit that notification  bell. And that way you'll get notified when  

I upload new videos and I go live and I do all  the cool things that I do on this channel to  

help you escape these narcissistic relationships. So now let's talk about triangulation and flying  

monkeys. If you don't know what a flying monkey  is, it is a person that is being used against  

you by that narcissist. And they may not even  know that they're being used as a flying monkey,  

or sometimes maybe they know that they're being  lined up against you, but sometimes they don't  

even realize that that's what's going on. And  if you want to know more about flying monkeys,  

you should definitely check out my video on flying  monkeys, but it comes from the Wizard of Oz where  

the wicked witch had flying monkeys. And these  flying monkeys would kind of do her dirty work  

and go along with whatever it was that she wanted  to do. And they were just there kind of hanging  

out and being used against people, Dorothy, and  there was the Tin Man and the Scarecrow and the  

Lion to scare them and also to intimidate. They  were kind of scary looking weird creatures, right? 

So that's what a flying monkey is. And the  triangulation is part of what a narcissist  

uses to manipulate, punish, and control you. And  definitely check out my video on what tactics they  

use for manipulation and control to learn more  about what all of the ones are that they use.  

But when you're dealing with a narcissist,  especially during the discard phase, then  

flying monkeys are going to start getting lined  up, but they start lining up the flying monkeys,  

even while you're in a relationship with them. Both of the narcissists that I had to deal with  

were that, and it was one of those things when  it was happening to me that I could feel that  

these narcissists were talking about me to people  they thought would hurt me or that it would be  

especially powerful to have them be against me in  some way. And I could feel it, but I didn't know  

exactly what was going on. I certainly didn't have  the terminology of flying monkey or triangulation  

or even narcissism. I didn't even know that  these people were narcissists yet. At that point,  

I was really more just like this doesn't feel  right. Something's going on here. Something is  

wrong. I feel like these people don't like me  or they're lining up to be with these people. 

So I wasn't really sure what was going on, but  here's the kind of phrases, there are certain  

kinds of phrases that the narcissist to use  in order to triangulate. One of the phrases  

that they use to you, everyone thinks, everyone  else believes that you are an alcoholic. Everyone  

knows how difficult you are. Everyone knows how  great I am. Everyone thinks that I am successful.  

Everyone else believes that I'm a great dad  or a great mom, but you're the only one who  

doesn't think that. Everyone knows how I've built  this business and how great I am to work for.  

You're the only one who has the problem. So kind of the flip of everyone thinks is you're  

the only one. And that's one of the ways that  they start triangulating. And this is where I say  

that these are people who aren't, they don't even  know that they're being used as flying monkeys,  

but it's a term meant to gaslight you, trying to  make you think that you're crazy, is that everyone  

thinks you're the only one that thinks that. The second one is always, so they go and they  

tell people, she always says this about me, or  she's always drinking too much. She's always late  

for picking up the children. Always. So they use  words like always to make it seem like it's just  

a constant thing. And these are things that  might've happened once. I mean, there might've  

been one time where you were late, either to  work or to picking up the kids or whatever.  

And now this person is going to characterize  this as this always is happening to other people,  

they'll say that sort of thing. So basically what's happening  

when they are trying to triangulate is  they are trying to get this person to  

give them credibility, to give them  validity and also make you feel  

bad. So it's kind of like a double thing that  they get out of this is they get this credibility,  

which bolsters their ego, which feeds their  narcissistic supply. And coupled with it also  

makes you feel intimidated, makes you feel bad,  hurts you in some way, makes you think that you're  

crazy. And you're the only one. Or makes you think  that all these people are lining up against you  

and everyone is on their side and not on your  side or especially people that mean something  

to you. And if you have seen this and you have  been a victim of this, and you know that this is  

not okay, give me a "not okay" in the comments. So the next one that they use is even, even,  

and how they use even is like even the worst  person in the world knows that fill in the blank.  

Even my crazy ex never acted  as bad as you, even your mother  

doesn't like you, even the people on the  street were looking at you and seeing how  

unhinged you were, even the drunkest people  at the party saw how your behavior was so bad,  

things like that. So even is another way that they  start to triangulate. And they might even say it  

to other people as they're talking bad about  you. Even the neighbors saw that or heard them  

screaming or heard him or her doing something  or whatever. So these are the types of evens  

that they'll use for other people to try to line  those people up against you and make you feel like  

even the biggest scum of the earth is seeing you  and judging you or is better than you in some way. 

So the flip side of all of these words can also  be used as well. So every time or always can  

always be never. And no one thinks instead  of everyone thinks. The idea is really just  

to try to make you feel like you're on an island  alone, that no one else thinks the way you think,  

that everyone else believes that the other person  is wonderful. You're never going to get anywhere.  

You shouldn't even bother to try. It's  also to try to make you feel jealous,  

make you feel small, make you feel controlled by  this person, intimidated by this person. They get  

everybody thinking that they're wonderful.  And the flip side of you feeling terrible  

and intimidated or jealous, or like everyone  thinks badly of you in some way and thinks  

wonderful of the other person in some ways. So they'll use whatever they need to,  

especially with people that they think will be  extremely hurtful to you like maybe your family  

or other people that you work with, or people  who are close to you, anybody who they think that  

they're really, really good at finding the weak  spots, the people who might fall for what it is  

that you're going to say. One of the things that  I noticed when I was dealing with a family member,  

who's a narcissist, is that this person would go  up to the other person and act like the victim  

like, Oh, I've tried so hard and they're  just not kind to me, they're not good to me.  

And then the other person would come  back to me and my husband and say,  

Oh, maybe you could try harder or maybe you could  give this person another chance, because obviously  

that person who's now become a flying monkey has  no idea what the history of the relationship was  

or the kinds of things that had been done.  They only know the sad story, the victim story. 

Covert narcissists are especially great at this.  This is why I really just have a massive disdain  

for covert narcissist. If you want to know more  about covert narcissist, check out my video  

on covert narcissism in relationships. I go into  much, much deeper information about that, but  

they're especially good at playing the victim. And  Oh, this person who is much more powerful than me  

was able to take advantage of me and it's not fair  and life isn't fair. And so that's another way  

that narcissist use as a method of triangulation. So if you are dealing with a narcissist  

and you are getting ready to negotiate with one,  make sure to grab my free Crush My Negotiation  

Prep Worksheet, you can just get  it at winmynegotiation.com. And  

if you liked this video, make sure to give  me a like, and if you know anybody who is  

dealing with a narcissist also, and dealing with  triangulation and dealing with flying monkeys  

and all of these abuse tactics that narcissists  are using, make sure to share this video,  

give it a share and drop me a comment. Go ahead  and do that now. And if you haven't subscribed  

to my channel, make sure to do that now,  subscribe and hit that notification bell. 

If you're dealing with a narcissist  and you're feeling isolated and alone,  

and you want to connect with others  who are also dealing with narcissists,  

make sure to come join me in  my free private Facebook group,  

it's called Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca  Zung, and we'll drop links to all this stuff below  

as well. I am so glad that you stopped  by today and watch this video. Remember,  

today's a great day to start negotiating your  best life. I will see you in the next video.