can't stop masturbating here's why and  what to do about it i'm dr trish leigh  

cognitive neuroscientist and sex addiction  recovery coach let's break this down together  

number one let's discuss why you masturbate number  two how do you masturbate and number three what  

can you do instead let's start with number one why  so there's a why behind your masturbation habit  

so if the why is that you're using masturbation  to relax and to de-stress to fill a void of a  

sexual urge so you just get the compulsion  or the feeling that you want to masturbate  

you are using masturbation as mood regulation  to make you feel better and if you've developed  

a compulsive masturbation habit it may have  become the tool the only tool unfortunately  

in your toolbox to offset stress and to help you  relax maybe fall asleep maybe take the edge off  

the day or just to fill the void of boredom so  the why behind masturbation is important because  

you're using it as a tool for the wrong thing  and when we get to the what can you do instead  

we're going to put more tools in your toolbox  okay so number two how do you masturbate i know  

what you're thinking already and that's not what  i mean what i mean is where are you going during  

masturbation to create that arousal so likely  you're going to fantasy likely you're going  

to a mental recall of the porn images that you've  seen before perhaps an ex-girlfriend or lover who  

was willing to do some funky and kinky things that  you want to experience at arousal again your brain  

might be going to fantasy this is very important  because if you're in fantasy while you masturbate  

and if it's born out of a porn habit it is likely  a compulsive masturbation habit that is like a  

porn habit minus the porn so so many people that  i talked to say i've been able to stop going  

into the screen i haven't watched porn in a year  but now masturbation i'm having more difficulty  

getting rid of that habit that's because the porn  images are internalized that's what makes porn  

addiction so much more challenging than an alcohol  addiction or drug addiction at least in my opinion  

because the people that i talk with they say man i  wish if i had a drug addiction you could put me in  

a room for 30 days and i'll come out cleaner than  when i went in because i wouldn't have been able  

to get my fix but if you put me in a room for 30  days i can get my fix all day long by myself and  

that's the problem so if you're going to fantasy  if you have euphoric recall of porn images you  

need to stop doing that because you're firing up  the old neural pathways of hypersexuality making  

it almost impossible for you to create these  new neural pathways of healthy sexuality which  

is a beautiful transition to number three what do  you do instead well if you happen to be the rare  

person in the world and on this channel who has  found a way to create a healthy masturbation habit  

then you can continue with your healthy  masturbation habit and what that is it's feeling  

the feelings in your body and connecting kind of  at a self-spiritual level to having an experience  

where you feel good but you're present and this is  what we want you to accomplish while you're having  

great sex with your honey in the real world so if  you're able to do that in your body without going  

to fantasy without heightening that arousal level  to up here where you're getting that dopamine  

deluge that unfortunately is frying out your  brain it's desensitizing the reward center and  

it's knocking your frontal lobe offline if you get  that heightened level of arousal and stimulation  

either mental from fantasy or physical from  incredible masturbation stimulation that  

you can do yourself through masturbation that  you can't get with a partner so you're still  

wounding your brain and that sensitivity which  causes erectile dysfunction and another why for  

so many people is they'll masturbate before  they plan on being with a partner because  

they can't get there without that heightened  stimulation if that's you you really need to  

back out the masturbation habit which leads us to  the second part of what can you do instead what to  

do instead is to develop a healthy relationship  with sex where you're using it for connectivity  

not for this high level intensity where your  brain gets all this dopamine instead you're  

using it for the perfect neurochemical cocktail of  dopamine serotonin and oxytocin which connects you  

to your partner doesn't mean you can't get it on  absolutely you can get it on you're just doing it  

in a relational way with somebody else you're  coupling your brain neurologically to sex with  

a partner not sex by yourself at these heightened  levels of arousal so back out that masturbation  

habit absolutely stay out of the screen get your  head out of fantasy and back in the real world and  

go enjoy sex with a partner now listen no partner  no problem for right now i know that you may want  

to continue to masturbate but if you keep using  hypersexual neural pathways it will be much more  

difficult for you to calm your brain down get it  into that middle zone of electrical energy which  

creates the perfect neurochemical cocktail that  helps you attract a healthy partner so if you stay  

in masturbation you're repelling a partner because  you're using the wrong brain pattern so you have  

to leave masturbation behind and start building  intimacy in the real world with potential partners  

that are like-minded and that you can connect with  in a whole person way so sign up for those online  

chess sessions that you've been dying to sign up  for start connecting okay i hope this helps you  

out and if you're looking for more help on your  journey please go over to www.drtrishleigh.com,  

i have programs of different shapes and sizes  digital programs there's affordable ones there  

for you so that we can help you out and as  always control your brain or it'll control you