hello there IELTs students this episode is all about band 9 essays I found an

ex-ielts examiner and I said hey could you write out a couple of band 9

essays please and then write some commentary as to why these are so good

why these would receive band 9 so what I'll do is I'll just walk you through it

ok we're going to cover all four areas that's task response cohesion and

coherence lexical resource grammatical range and accuracy

we're going to look at all of them and I'll give you the question and I would

strongly recommend you just write down your thoughts

write down your plan and even maybe just write up the whole essay and see if you

can find any similarities or even better you could go through and start adding

the elements I'm talking about start adding these elements to your essay and

then maybe you won't even just send it in for correction so let's have a look

now the first question is there is less communication between family members of

late do you agree or disagree to what extent do you agree okay so as normal

slightly confusing question so as I said before the best way is to don't jump

into the introduction the best way is make a plan make your positions get get your

positions clear in your mind maybe think of some examples map it all out and then

transfer your map into your essay and if you're worried about that path and if you

don't know how to do that then you might want to have a look at ieltspodcast.com

and the Sentence Guide is the online course we've developed which helps you

and guides you through this exact problem because a lot of students just like ah

my mind goes blank it's empty I don't know what to do that's so common so this

is exactly why the course has a full chapter designed to deal with that

problem so let's go there is less communication between family members of

late do you agree or disagree to what extent do you agree okay so I will say I

completely disagree for example our I'd say item for this reason for this reason

this example this example okay you take maybe take a different path but

basically you just gotta get your position straight so let's go into it

let's do the introduction first as electronic devices play an increasingly

more central role in our lives it has been suggested that there has been an

unprecedented decline in interpersonal communication not only with colleagues

business associates and close friends but also with our immediate family so

there are about 1 2 3 4 5 6 points there hopefully you wrote that introduction

out and then you can identify so let's go for that let's go through it

first let's go through it as electronic devices play an increasingly more

central role in our lives increasingly ok lexical resource so what we did by

using increasingly is we avoided saying a much more central role in our lives

that's kind of basic we used increasingly ok

also the examiner said we could have used it significantly there next point

it has been suggested that what's this so grammatical range and what we're

doing here is using the passive we're going to pick up points for using a

different structure ok and this is it's kind of a useful structure

to limit it though in my opinion my personal opinion because it's a bit

clunky and it's not the clearest way to communicate

however we are doing academic we are writing act for academic English

purposes so in that respect it's it's good so there has been an unprecedented

decline okay so once again we're making our sentences richer instead of saying

there has been a decline in interpersonal communication we say there

has been an unprecedented decline okay it's more complex this kind of language

unprecedented basically means never seen before let's move on interpersonal to

decline in interpersonal communication hmm so by inter- interpersonal

communication okay but boosting our lexical resource because we're not

saying communication all the time we're using interpersonal communication we are

varying it and we're just showing the examiner that we've got extensive

an extensive vocabulary resource okay we could have also used social that as a

decline in social communication then it goes on not only with colleagues

business associates and close friends lists this is what I've been saying for

a long time list and this is from the excerpt I also examiner she said lists

are a good way to get in lots of good vocabulary to impress the examiner

I and I usually teach a good way to put in topic-specific vocabulary as well

okay but also with our immediate family once again and instead of just saying

family we're going to say immediate family and once again we're going to use

sort of like an elaboration like instead of just using family and repeating it

all the time we're gonna say immediate family who said immediate we could have

said close one's loved ones okay so variation and avoiding

repetition okay okay good so this just makes it

sounds more complex as well more sophisticated I completely agree

with this assertion okay cohesion and coherence here by using by

saying we completely agree with this assertion we're linking back we are

referring back to the idea about less communication nowadays which is what

we've been saying in a previous sentences and what the question is

asking about okay and more over okay moreover discussed markers to signpost

to the reader what is coming next and moreover this is a worrying trend

lexical resource collocation okay a worrying trend okay

and the examiner says here it is vital that the IELTS candidates know collocations

such as this one okay and because it can be used in lots of different tasks a

worrying trend okay that looks set to continue okay that might sound very

germane and normal but looks set to continue we'll help you with your

lexical resource because just using set as an adjective

okay and in this sense it means likely okay and was it that looks likely to

continue that looks set to continue okay so it's less commonly used language here

let's move on to the first paragraph I'll go through the first sentence

hopefully you'll be writing this down and maybe you want to identify the the

parts you want to identify the parts that you think would be scoring points

so let's go even though face-to-face interactions are possibly at their

lowest ever it would be foolish not to recognize the valuable role that

advanced technology plays hmm let's go through it even though

communic and communication cohesion and coherence here okay so the examiner said

although and even though they have similar meanings but even though it's slightly

stronger and is less commonly used by IELTS candidates it's good to know

face-to-face interactions so what would face-to-face interactions help with

lexical resource grammatical range well lexical resource and the reason is is

because it's a substitution for communication and as I've said a million

times before is that the IELTS examiner's do not like repetition okay

show the examiner you've got extensive vocabulary okay even though face to face

interactions are possibly at their lowest level ever it would be foolish not to

recognize the valuable role that advanced technology plays okay foolish

yeah it would be foolish not to recognize so lexical resource point and

this would help you with and you'd get points here because it's complex

language and it means stupid basically okay it would be stupid not to recognize

but obviously because this is formal academic English we do not use words

like stupid all right not to recognize the valuable role once

again lexical resource okay and again it's a useful collocation the valuable

role that advanced technology plays let's move on okay so I'll just

summarize again even though instead of although face to face were avoiding

repetition and foolish we're using slightly more advanced vocabulary

valuable role we're using collocations to help boost with the vocab so yeah

three four important points there that's continued thanks to it okay this

basically means because of as a result of unless common and this is less

comment and because okay so thanks to it we can

instantly get in touch with any individual or I can our organization at

the touch of a button okay hopefully you would have recognized that there is an

idiomatic phrase there okay and at the touch of a button means extremely

quickly the examiner here says that idioms

should be used with caution in IELTS writing but this one is acceptable is

that it but this one is an acceptable one to use and is acceptable because

it's used in the correct and appropriate situation it's not fast okay we got so

mad that regardless of times they're on a location so let's go through thanks to

it we can instantly get in touch with any individual or organization of the

touch of a button regardless of timezone or location good for example we can

follow what our friends have been doing through social media platforms such as

Facebook or Instagram therefore the rise in communication by

search methods cannot be underestimated good let's go for example we can follow

what our friends have been doing okay the present perfect have been doing so

that's going to help in a grammatical range its car okay because it's a tense

not commonly used by non-native speakers and you could also use it in your write

in your speaking okay and the examiner says here that it would impress the

examiner so take note through social media platforms such as Facebook or

Instagram good therefore now what would therefore help with so cohesion and

coherence again discuss markers are required throughout to organize the text

okay so therefore the rising communication

via such methods let's see such methods okay

the such method is referring to the social media platforms which we

mentioned before so can you see like parts of the

sentence are referring to other parts of the paragraph and this helps you build

your essay this helps you with your make sure essay cohesive and coherent and the

examiner picked up on that and duly noted that it's an important point to

pay attention to then at the end via such methods cannot be underestimated

how would that help your score in which criteria well it will help you with

grammatical range and accuracy because you're using modal passives okay help to

which help to impress the examiner let's move on next paragraph can you see how

this is all building okay we've got the signpost language we've got it all

connecting we've got examples there I've got the signpost language sorry we've

got the I said that already but we've got the collocation you've got the

lexical resource okay I'm using different tenses of range of tenses so

it's really helping to write to support the examiners grading process let's move

on nevertheless what would that help with

okay so here the examiner said to regional coherence starting the

paragraph with this word indicates that something different is going to follow

that contrasts with the previous idea so again linking it to the previous

ideas building this essay building your argument building your position

nevertheless this reduced contact with our own family is a disturbing byproduct

of electronic communication could be attributed to the changes to the change

in lifestyles for the current generation mm-hmm let's go into this with more

detail this reduced contact with our own family is a disturbing okay

Lexical resource means complex language meaning worrying okay by-product okay a

very useful and complex word meaning that something happens as a result of

another thing happening okay the crime is a byproduct of rising levels of

unemployment okay useful useful word again okay a

byproduct of electronic communication and could be attributed to the change in

lifestyles now in that fragment what was the point that the examiner noted could

be attributed use of modal passive to expand grammatical range okay for the

current generation once again lexical resource now he's a very valuable tip

okay in IELTS writing it is highly likely that you're going to talk about

people so knowing lots of ways to refer to them

is essential as examiner's do not like repetition so it's important to avoid it

to get a high grade in lexical resource

fantastic now for my own experience I knew this and this is why in my online

class there's whole chapters about how to avoid repetition how to use signpost

language and how to build an essay that's going to score you points so

let's carry on for instance the previous generation

once again very late I would just said that yep once again referring to people

so for instance the previous generation worked in 9 to 5 jobs 9 to 5 jobs

grammatical range cohesion and coherence no lexical resource another

idiomatic phrase ok and this means a job with regular working hours okay so for

instance the previous generation works in 9 to 5 jobs and went

home everyday to eat and chat about the day with their families good

talking out repetitions got day that twice but they the ex-examiner wrote

this I reckon it complain okay so the Millennials now listen to the sentence

because there's like one two three four five six points where you can get six

fragments which pick up points so let's go

the Millennials in stark contrast are frequently employed as digital nomads

working irregular hours and this lack of routine results in errors in the results

okay and this lack of routine results in a different way of life to our ancestors

okay so small typo ver if you get hold of the PDF of bank's nine essays but

anyway let's carry on so the Millennials lexical resource

okay and basically it means a person who became an adult around the year 2000 in

stark contrast it's in stack contrast right so not also is this fairly complex

okay and but it's just a show contrast okay and it's even more complex because

we put stark instead of saying in contrast we're saying in stark contrast

okay and they were contrasting this idea with the previous idea shows that this

is that this paragraph is a collection of sentences that all linked to each

other and the arguments are related and this is what makes the essay much more

coherent and easier to follow okay Millennials and stack contrast are

frequently employed okay let's see so our frequently void frequently employed

the passive but using the passive once again and as digital nomads

okay another new word in English meaning someone who uses technology especially a

laptop and a wireless network to work remotely from anywhere in the world

genius no okay working irregular hours and this lack of routine results in a

different way of life to our ancestors good so now hopefully you spotted that

there's another word another fragment and of the two fragments that picked up

points here we go working irregular hours and this lack of routine results

in a different way of life to our ancestors

so working reduced relative clause the full clause would be who are working

okay point and this lack of routine results in a different way of life to

our ancestors once again a different way of saying people okay to say different

way of life to other people that wouldn't have got you many points our

ancestors however boost helps you score high okay let's move on let's see so

we're going to the conclusion let's go despite communication being at its

highest level in terms of quantity the quality of this communication is

debatable two points there despite communications being so here

instead it's for cohesion and coherence again because we're kind of contrasting

the ideas despite this and basically we're saying although so if you're using

although we're immediately showing a different point of view to what we were

saying before and despite does the same task

okay and also the sentence has been made more complex because we're saying

despite communication being so here the structure is despite + verb + ing ok so

we could say despite Americans being fairly active they are however bla bla

bla ok are they are renowned for being

slightly overweight whatever that's probably false I don't know

I'm not criticizing Americans let's move on so despite communication being at its

highest level in terms of quantity the quality of this communication is

debatable so points here for the final word which is debatable complex language

meaning questionable lexical resource again moving on social media updates

complex language that isn't that is relevant to the topic social media

updates should not replace personal contact with close family members and

interactions should be encouraged by senior family members ok I'll go through

the whole sentence again at the end because is slightly longer so let's go

and so here the next point is interactions once again a substitution

for communication yeah and we're avoiding repetition again ok should be

encouraged modal passives what would the modal passage help us with grammatical

range and accuracy ok so we're showing the examiner that we

can use this tense accurately ok by senior family members all right so I

probably just butchered that a little bit I'll just do it again

so despite communication being at its highest level in terms of quantity the

quality of this communication is deep debatable social media updates should

not replace personal contact with close family members and their and

interactions should be encouraged by see here family members by setting a good

example to children such as not using gadgets at the dinner table and instead

trying to engage with their offspring in more meaningful ways wonderful wonderful

way to finish so where's the points there ok where we can in that fragment

we could say setting a good example a collocation to set a good example I

always set a good example at the dinner table by putting my phone into flight

mode for example ok collocation to children such as not using gadgets of

the dinner table and instead of trying to engage with their offspring in more

meaningful ways offspring once again we're using a variety of words and to

describe people and would be more specific or avoiding repetition were

helping the examiner give those points ok so that was the whole essay I think

my personal opinion the key points to draw from this is that we use in

idiomatic expressions ok accurately and sparingly were not stuffing them in

there all of the grammar was perfect ok obviously it's written by an exiled

examiner so it's something to aim for - there is confidence with the range of

grammar structures used and there was definitely a lot of variety with the

lexical resource ok now regarding cohesion and coherence you could see

that it was all tied together that the points were linking with each other and

together all these sentences worked the incan cohesion

ok to demonstrate and communicate a very valid point that was all on task

response there's no notes by the examiner interestingly about task

response because there was no need to it was all on topic

there was no like veering off topic talking about how Zuckerberg wants to

put lots of helium balloons around Africa blah blah blah

nothing like that because it wasn't so related okay this was all just focused

neat and organized essay that clearly got the point of test response right so

and if you want to write like that have a look at IELTS podcas.com and have

a look at the online course there it's very useful and we we teach how to do

these types of essays okay teach it daily whole cast there it's got good

solid results with success stories interview students who are successful so

have a look at that and I think you'll find a lot of value there okay have a

great day and keep studying my case summers here in Europe so you might be

tempted just to ditch your studies and go to the beach if so take your podcast

with you but ideally you'll be focusing you'll be working you'll be motivated

and remember it's just a short time a small price to pay for some big benefits

for the rest of your life okay so bear that in mind keep going you're doing

fantastic and all the best