Where do we begin? From those  

I have spoken to through my work with Turning  Point, the beginning seems to be that women in  

our society are seen as the carers - the  ones who can cope. Whatever life throws  

at them - they will always cope. On call twenty-four hours a day,  

seven days a week, whether their children  are sick, their husbands are out of work  

or their parents are old and frail and need  attending - they will cope. They will cook  

and clean, go out to work, attend to the needs  of those around them - and they will cope. 

They may be suffering themselves, from post-natal  depression, violence in the home or struggling  

in a daze of exhaustion and stress to  make ends meet - but they will cope. 

Strangely, it is women themselves as  well as men who believe this to be true.  

So deep seated is this belief  that it can take enormous  

courage for women to admit they cannot cope, that  they may need help. Either from family and friends  

or the support systems put in  place by you the professionals. 

Frequently they will attempt to survive it  alone, falling help-lessly into a deeper  

and darker depression as they feel  more and more trapped by the life  

they are leading. As their world closes in on  them their self-esteem evaporates into a haze of  

loneliness and desperation as they retreat further  and further from those who could help them. 

Many women and men turn to alcohol to numb  the pain of their despair. But because it is  

seen in women as less acceptable to admit to a  dependence on alcohol, it often goes unnoticed.  

They are merely perceived as having  a 'rather nervous disposition'.  

The suffering behind their  anxious eyes so often goes unseen. 

Sadly, for others the strain becomes too much  and their decision to take their own life  

seems to them the only way of ending their pain.  Perhaps they didn't believe they deserved the same  

support they had given to others? For those who find the courage  

tentatively to ask for help the pill for  every ill is most often administered.  

For decades tranquilizers, sleeping pills and  anti-depressants have been given to generations  

of women - three times as many as to men! These pills, these mother's little helpers  

have left a legacy of millions of  women locked into a terrible torment,  

doomed to a life of dependence from which  there is still very little help to escape.  

More often than not they retreat into their own  private hell behind closed doors. Terrified to go  

out of their homes into what to them has become  a frightening world. Dealing with these pills has  

now become a greater problem than the 'condition'  that caused them to be taken in the first place! 

Recently, I met a woman who against the odds  had succeeded in getting off the tranquilizers  

she had been prescribed to help  with her post-natal depression.  

She had been taking these pills for over  thirty years! Giving herself permission  

to give them up had not been easy  but with specialist help she had won! 

Her biggest realization was that during those  years she had completely lost touch with her own  

identity. She had now discovered that she was no  longer the person others believed her to be. The  

drugs had closed her down. They had managed  to turn her into an anxious zombie. At last,  

she was now able to learn how to live again  and become the person she was born to be. 

Whether these drugs were given in a genuine  attempt to help or whether they were offered as  

a means of making her more tranquil and acceptable  to those around her, the effect can be the same.  

These pills will tend to make a woman more  passive to help her conform to the norm.  

But whose norm is it? Isn't it normal  

not to be able to cope all the time? Isn't it  normal for women as well as men to feel frustrated  

with life? Isn't it normal to feel angry and  want to change a situation that is hurting? 

Perhaps we need to look more closely at the cause  of the illness rather than attempt to suppress it.  

To accept that putting a lid on powerful feelings  and emotions cannot be the healthy option. That  

to offer women the opportunity to explain their  predicament sooner, could be a far more effective  

use of limited resources, rather than wait  until their strength to survive has been sapped. 

As long as the real reasons for their  problems go unnoticed and unattended,  

they will continue to pass on to the  next generation their dis-ability. 

If we as a society continue to disable women, by  encouraging them to believe they should only do  

things that are thought to benefit their family  even if these women are damaged in the process;  

if they feel they never have the right to  do anything that is just for themselves;  

if they feel they must sacrifice  everything for their loved ones  

even at the cost of their health, their  inner strength and their own self-worth;  

they will live only in the shadow of others  and their mental health will surely follow.  

But if we can help to give them back  their right to fulfil their own potential  

and to share that with their  family, children or friends,  

maybe fewer women would find themselves  living a life that is bleak beyond belief. 

Those women who have taken on the heavy burden of  attending to others need also to be attended. Not  

just for their own sake but for the good of us  all. Health and happiness taken at the cost of  

other's pain and suffering cannot be acceptable.  Women have a right to their own 'peace of mind'. 

Each person is born with very  individual qualities and potential.  

We as a society owe it to women to create a  truly supportive environment in which they too  

can grow and move forward. But if we  are to help the quiet desperate lives  

lived behind closed doors by so many women, they  need to know for certain they are not alone - that  

real support and understanding is there for them. I hope this conference will help us to understand  

the needs of women more clearly and that  you will find a way of reaching them  

more effectively and help to give them  back their rightful, mentally healthy life.