Hello I'm long distance you can't reach me hey  everyone welcome back to my YouTube channel it's  

Lucie Fink here and today I'm giving my tips for  how to survive a long-distance relationship you  

may have seen another video of mine where Michael  and I talked about our long-distance story and how  

we got through five years in a long-distance  relationship throughout college if you haven't  

seen that video yet I'll link it for you right  up here today's video is going to be a little bit  

different Michael's not with me today sadly but  we did discuss these tips with one another ahead  

of time so what I'm about to share with you is  sort of our joint tips thank you so much to Ship  

for sponsoring today's video stay tuned a little  bit later in the video I'll tell you about why  

I love Ship and why they're such a cool dating  app but for now let's get into the tips I just  

want to start this video out by saying that I feel  you for anyone out there who's in a long-distance  

relationship and for someone who's going the extra  mile to type into youtube how to survive a long  

distance relationship or searching for tips I  really do feel you and I want to let you know  

that there are so many people out there who have  done long distance who are now on the other side  

of the hurdle and who can really tell you that you  can get through it it's not impossible people will  

tell you it's impossible people will make you  feel crazy for putting yourself through this  

but when you know you know and if you're watching  this you know okay quick recap in case you missed  

my other video Michael and I went to different  colleges so I went to Johns Hopkins University in  

Baltimore he went to Middlebury college in Vermont  we went to the same high school in New York so  

we're both from the same area and from New York  going to Vermont is going north and going to  

Baltimore is going south so we basically were  together and then just whoop split up he was a  

grade older than me so he went a year before  I went and then we were both there together  

so all in all we did five years of long distance  in college before we both moved to New York City  

and ultimately got to be together I'm just about  to rattle off some of my tips and things that you  

can do to kind of keep that spark alive in the  relationship and to get through it and get to the  

other side so tip number one is to schedule dates  together I'm talking virtual dinners movie nights  

anything where you guys can get on a video  chat together and actually do an activity  

something that would be really fun is cooking  the same meal at the same time so maybe setting  

up your computer on a zoom or a Skype call I don't  know what's cool these days back in the day it was  

Skype now I'm pretty sure it's zoom or even just  FaceTime get on a video chat platform and then  

just cook the same meal when you're ready for  dinner set up your table even pour yourself a  

glass of wine light a candle and put the camera  or computer on the opposite end of the table  

and you're basically on a virtual date and  you can do the exact same thing with a movie  

or a tv show you can start it at the exact same  time and watch it together while you're also on  

video chat then you can sort of have those  conversations that you would normally have  

with that person if you were together and you  were having dinner or watching a show together  

you could have that same commentary but it will  definitely make you feel closer to know that  

you're together even if it's through a screen  something else that you can try I personally  

have never done this but I think this would be  awesome is to actually do that exact same thing  

out of the house so go to a restaurant with your  headphones on and have a virtual date while you're  

eating dinner alone at a restaurant at least in  New York City plenty of people go out for dinner  

and they're sitting there by themselves often  they have headphones in and they're listening to  

a podcast or listening to some music so it would  be really similar to just have your headphones  

on and be on a phone call or a video chat while  you're sitting and eating my next idea is to have  

a virtual sleepover Michael and I used to do this  one all the time and it's really funny to tell  

people about it because it sounds kind of silly  but it really did make us feel closer together  

when we were far apart so basically what we would  do is we would log into a video chat platform  

we would set our computers on the back end in the  settings to never sleep so that the screen never  

went to the screen saver then we would plug it in  so it didn't die and we would set our computers up  

facing one another while he was in bed and while  I was in bed we would have a little chat we would  

you know say goodnight and then we'd go to sleep  and when we woke up our computers were still on  

they had not closed down out of the application  so we basically were together all night face to  

face often we would set the computer up not on the  bed but like on the desk across from the bed and  

that way the person could totally see you whoever  woke up first got an incredible view of the other  

person still asleep and every so often we would  wake up at the same time and it was so nice to  

just wake up and see the other person and just  say good morning as if you were in the same room  

together my third tip is to give each other space  I know that being apart you're probably thinking  

well they have enough space because I'm not there  and all I want is to be in their space and I get  

it but especially if you're doing long distance  throughout school or because of a job that person  

really needs to be present where they are and odds  are you need to be present wherever you are too  

so it's a really good idea to make sure that  even though you stay connected you let that  

other person be where they are experience all the  activities that that place has to offer and that  

they're really present and feeling like they're  getting an individual personalized experience  

one thing I personally love about having been  in a long distance relationship is that I felt  

like I got the opportunity to grow on my own and  to become my own person alongside Michael and we  

weren't glued to each other's side the entire  time I got to go to college I got to experience  

all that Johns Hopkins had to offer I was in an  acapella group a sorority I worked for admissions  

I had all my classwork I was doing my own thing  and Michael was doing his own thing at Middlebury  

and we really got to grow up and be our own  people while we still knew that the other person  

was there for us idea number four is to surprise  them by sending them something cute in the mail  

Michael used to do this one for me all the time  everything from flowers to m m's with our faces  

on them one time I got a ginormous gummy bear the  size of my face it was always something different  

it always made me laugh and it always was just a  little delightful surprise that reminded me that  

there was someone in the world thinking of me in  another place depending on where your partner is  

if they have friends nearby that you are connected  to also you can often plan surprises with their  

friends so Michael was constantly in touch with  my friends he was very lucky because he had my  

twin sister Ali who was a good friend of his too  and she was at school with me but you can reach  

out to your partner's friends and try to plan  things for your friend that they just have no  

idea about oftentimes being in a long distance  relationship that spark can seem to be fizzling  

out because you're not physically together so when  you can do these little emotional things just to  

remind your partner that you're there and you're  thinking of them it really makes a huge difference  

tip five is try to connect with your partner  vocally on the phone at least one time a day and  

I don't mean for an hour or even for 30 minutes  you can just connect for five minutes to say hi  

just to let them hear your voice there were  definitely a few days in college when Michael  

and I were not able to get on the phone and that's  okay I'm pretty sure on those days we just texted  

and we explained to the other person why we were  too busy to talk but even if you just connect for  

two minutes like just to say goodnight on the  phone and then you hang up it's a great way to  

keep that communication alive which leads me into  my next tip communicating anyone who has been in  

a long-distance relationship will tell you that  the number one thing that will get you through  

is good communication and these people are not  lying the only way to get through a long-distance  

relationship is to be vocal about how you're  doing how you're feeling what you need more of  

what you need less of when you're with a partner  in person it's really easy to get that stuff out  

just because your body says some stuff and your  face says some stuff and oftentimes your partner  

knows what you're thinking without you saying much  but when you are physically separated from your  

partner you have to vocally tell them exactly  how you're feeling and exactly what you want  

in order for them to know and this doesn't need  to be a formalized you know check-in call once a  

month to say what do you need what do you not need  although if you want to go that route that's fine  

this just means that every time you talk you are  not holding things in or hiding things Michael and  

I had plenty of conversations in college regarding  things that he needed more of or things I needed  

more of in the long distance setting Michael for  example is one of those people who needs words  

of affirmation that's more of his love language  than it is mine but I learned in college that it's  

absolutely what Michael needs and in fact when I  don't tell him enough how I'm feeling about him  

or about our relationship he starts to feel like  I'm not feeling positively and even when that's  

just not the case at all I have to reinforce  it so sharing these things and making sure  

that you're telling your partner exactly what you  need to thrive in the relationship is only going  

to help my next tip is to make plans for future  activities together obviously every long-distance  

relationship is going to be different and maybe  you might not be seeing your partner for five  

years and I truly hope that's not the case but no  matter what the situation is try to make plans for  

when you can see your partner next and always have  that little date in the future that you're looking  

forward to I basically lived through my college  experience in countdown mode every semester I saw  

Michael at least once sometimes twice and I was  always counting down until the next time I saw him  

that helped get me through my days it helped keep  me excited for something in the future and even if  

you can't be excited for these short-term future  activities maybe you can start thinking about  

long-term future plans where are you going to be  in five years from now what kind of life do you  

hope to be living together plan these things with  your partner and actually have activities in mind  

that are going to be coming soon in the future  one thing we love doing was planning double  

date activities for when Michael came to visit  me or when I came to visit him we would go out  

with friends of his that were in relationships  or even friends of his that were looking for  

relationships and now I quickly want to interject  to tell you about Ship and I have this cool hat  

to put on for the experience actually I like  hats backwards we're going backwards oh yeah  

so likely if you're watching this video you're in  a relationship which means you're not currently on  

dating apps you're looking at a girl who's never  been on a dating app in her entire life because  

I've been in a relationship since I was 16. so  I don't know about you but I often have felt a  

little bit left out when my single friends are on  dating apps and they're swiping I've even grabbed  

their phones from them to try to swipe for them  because it is fun to play matchmaker and I do  

want to be involved in my friends relationships  and my friends lives but as someone who's been  

in a long-term relationship sometimes that can be  difficult so this is where Ship comes in and Ship  

is easily the most fun dating app in the world for  people in relationships instead of just sitting at  

home on your couch and swiping through the app  alone feeling defeated and stressed out you can  

actually recruit your friends your co-workers  your family members to swipe for you and for  

people like me who are taken and are not on  dating apps for themselves you can get on Ship  

and swipe for your friends so now that the  world is kind of going back to normal and my  

friends are starting to date again I am on Ship  swiping for them all the time and my twin sister  

is actually newly single as well so I can swipe  for her too on your activity feed you can see  

who's shipping who and who matched with someone  and basically I can sit there for hours I can  

swipe left on people who are no goes I can swipe  right on people who are maybes or definite yeses  

and then I'll get a pop-up if one of my friends  matched with someone Ship also just launched a  

new feature called shift party which lets you  sit on video call with your friends and swipe  

live with them perfect for quarantine and the kind  of weird times we're in where we're all sitting at  

home and we want to feel like we're hanging out  with our friends in real life so whether you're  

single or you're taken click the link in my  description box and get on Ship start swiping  

for your friends start letting your friends swipe  for you and date someone that your friends already  

like and approve of all right my next tip wait  I really like this hat I don't want to ruin it  

next tip is to try to know where you're going  to be when the distance is up I know this one  

is difficult because everyone's situation is  different and some people go into long distance  

relationships indefinitely without knowing when  it ends and I'm not saying that's impossible but  

personally I found one of the main reasons I  was able to make it through was knowing when  

the light at the end of the tunnel was coming I  went into college knowing that I was going to be  

in Baltimore for four years and when college was  up I was going to New York it wasn't up in the  

air where I was going I didn't say I'll look into  what job opportunities come I said I'm going to  

New York and I'm only seeking jobs in New York and  Michael said the same for himself so we both knew  

that in 2014 we were going to be in New York side  by side and we didn't live together immediately we  

actually waited two more years before we moved in  together but we were in the same city right away  

so ideally you have that light at the end of the  tunnel and you kind of know that something good  

is coming even if it is five six years down the  line if you don't have that I'm not saying it's  

impossible but it might make things a little  bit trickier and a little bit less certain  

next tip is to snap some sexy pics not telling  you to send nudes but I'm not telling you  

not to be careful obviously make sure that your  internet browser and phone are secure yada yada  

got to go through all the things but being in  a long distance relationship if you're with a  

trusted partner who I'm assuming the partner is  trusted do not enter a long-distance relationship  

with someone that you don't trust but if you trust  this person you want to keep it saucy you want to  

keep it alive you want to keep the relationship  fresh dynamic and inter asante if you know what  

I'm saying so if you do want to send anything make  sure to text them first make sure they're by their  

phone make sure their phone isn't just sitting  on a table with a group of friends sitting nearby  

and then send them something to excite them even  if it's not a picture maybe it's just a strongly  

worded text if you know what I'm saying but send  something that makes them really know how badly  

you want to be with them in person and yeah I  hope you're catching my drift on to the next tip  

read the same book at the same time now this one  might seem silly but when I'm reading a book I get  

really into it I get invested in the characters  it gives me a lot to think about and a lot to  

talk about so if you and your partner essentially  establish a virtual book club with one another  

you can be in each other's heads you can have the  same activity at night before you go to bed and  

it will just give you an extra layer of something  intelligent to talk about and discuss another tip  

is to exchange scents with your partner if you  have a specific cologne or perfume that you like  

to wear or even if your clothing just smells like  your natural body smell and your partner really  

likes that smell swap it give them a t-shirt give  them a bra give them something that they can keep  

in their drawer that they can constantly pull  out and smell and be reminded of you I am such  

a smelling wait I was gonna say I'm such a smelly  person I meant to say I'm such a type of person  

who smells bring me places one inhalation of  something and I'm like in a past memory of where  

I was when I last smelled that and Michael he did  have a specific scent that he used to wear in high  

school but also his natural body smell smells so  good to me I know I've said this in a video before  

he showers like two times a day but despite the  showers he always smells good I've never smelled  

body odor on him and I cannot say the same for  me but Michael smells so good and all of his  

clothes smell like him and I remember when I was  in college I think I had a large t-shirt of his  

maybe a baseball jersey from the past and I  just kept them in my drawer and whenever I  

smelled them I really smelled Michael I felt like  he was with me and it brought back memories and it  

made me feel my love for him all over again so  sensory smelling items next tip is to actually  

stop texting your partner altogether and start  sending voice messages this is something I've  

just started doing in my everyday life to friends  and family partially because I'm lazy and texting  

takes way longer than just saying what you got  to say but I actually think in a long distance  

relationship to have these little voice memos  going back and forth over text every day instead  

of actually sending text with emojis it's a little  bit more personalized and it helps you hear your  

partner's voice way more often part of the reason  why getting on a call with your partner is really  

nice is because hearing their voice brings you  back brings back positive memories makes you  

realize how much you miss them and how excited  you are to be with them and when you have these  

little voice memos that are just being sent back  and forth all day it really does bring you back  

to that place of being together and just brings  you joy and here's my last tip it's just a bonus  

idea if you want to do something fun and creative  the next time you're with your partner have them  

write down little love messages on tiny pieces  of paper fold all the pieces of paper up and  

throw them into a jar and then every day or every  week for the next span of time when you're away  

pull one note out of the jar every so often and  read it to yourself they can be little jokes they  

can be cute mushy quotes it can just be a little  message about how they feel about you whatever it  

is I can tell you it will put a smile on your  face it will make you feel loved it might even  

make you laugh and overall it's just going to be  a positive fun little creative game that you've  

created together what I really want to say to all  of you out there is you can do it tell them got it  

say it again it's going to happen you have got  this you can do it despite what everyone says we  

had every single person around us telling us that  we wouldn't be able to do it and that it was too  

difficult and we might want to just see what else  is out there and we said no no way no way there's  

no one else out there there's no one else he's  the only one for me if you know it's right and it  

feels right in your gut stick to your gut listen  to your heart listen to your soul don't listen to  

what other people say because it's really really  hard to explain your feelings to other people and  

it's really hard at a young age to tell the people  in your life that you know who you're going to  

marry everyone thinks you sound crazy but how old  were you when you knew you were going to marry me

seven really how old were you  um how old was I I don't know  

17 yeah I was 16. I'm pretty sure I said to  him at 16 that I was going to marry him and I  

really tiptoed around my family in saying that  because I knew how ridiculous it sounded but I  

knew I just did and it happened so you got  this one day you'll be sitting together  

just like this on the couch and you'll say we  did it too and if someone says how'd you do it  

you'll say I have this great video on YouTube  by Lucie Fink and her husband Michael and you  

should click it it's right here I hope you like  this video I hope it was helpful for people out  

there who are in long distance relationships I  seriously feel for you I know what you're going  

through and I know you can make it if you have  any questions comment below if you're also in a  

long distance relationship and you have any more  amazing tips for what's getting you through please  

drop them down below in the comments after I made  my first LDR video I've received so many messages  

from people out there who are saying that they  felt seen and that it was really really helpful  

for them in their relationship so I'm hoping this  video does the exact same thing for you as always  

let me know down below what other types of videos  you want to see on the relationship front please  

let me know what would be useful for you and  what you're interested in learning more about  

and I'm sending you so much love from my  New York City apartment see you next time

bye