(ominous techno music)
(ominous techno music)

(school bell ringing)
(school bell ringing)

- My parents are outta town this weekend.
- My parents are outta town this weekend.

You know what that means.
You know what that means.

- Party; sick.
- Party; sick.

Let's invite everyone.
Let's invite everyone.

Well, maybe not everyone.
Well, maybe not everyone.

- Hey, I'm not like that.
- Hey, I'm not like that.

You must be the new kid.
You must be the new kid.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Tut.
Tut.

- Ramses.
- Ramses.

I'm havin' a party this weekend if you wanna join.
I'm havin' a party this weekend if you wanna join.

- I don't need your pity.
- I don't need your pity.

- Whoa, pity?
- Whoa, pity?

- Maybe you've never looked in a mirror before,
- Maybe you've never looked in a mirror before,

but you and I are not the same.
but you and I are not the same.

I don't like beer.
I don't like beer.

I like reading, and I don't like football.
I like reading, and I don't like football.

I like reading.
I like reading.

I'm not going to any party.
I'm not going to any party.

I'm gonna be at the library.
I'm gonna be at the library.

Reading.
Reading.

- Whoa.
- Whoa.

What a jerk.
What a jerk.

- I don't know.
- I don't know.

I like him.
I like him.

(insects buzzing)
(insects buzzing)

Oh, (beep), locusts!
Oh, (beep), locusts!

Good God!
Good God!

- (beep)
- (beep)

(sustained piano note)
(sustained piano note)

- Ramses, Ramses, it's everywhere!
- Ramses, Ramses, it's everywhere!

- What's everywhere?
- What's everywhere?

- The malicious rumor being spread about me all over school.
- The malicious rumor being spread about me all over school.

Look, they're posted in the bathrooms, in the halls.
Look, they're posted in the bathrooms, in the halls.

It's not true!
It's not true!

- Of course it's not true.
- Of course it's not true.

Who would spread a lie so absurd and repugnant?
Who would spread a lie so absurd and repugnant?

Tell me right now and I'll fight them!
Tell me right now and I'll fight them!

- Ramses, calm down.
- Ramses, calm down.

I don't know who wrote them, but we have to find out.
I don't know who wrote them, but we have to find out.

- Do we have any clues?
- Do we have any clues?

- None whatsoever.
- None whatsoever.

Except look, they're signed "The Scarab".
Except look, they're signed "The Scarab".

(suspenseful music)
(suspenseful music)

- It could be anybody.
- It could be anybody.

(sustained piano note)
(sustained piano note)

- Oh, hey, Jessica.
- Oh, hey, Jessica.

- Nefertiti, what's up, bestie?
- Nefertiti, what's up, bestie?

- Do you have an extra papyrus fiber?
- Do you have an extra papyrus fiber?

It's my time of the month
It's my time of the month

and I totally didn't see that coming. (laughing)
and I totally didn't see that coming. (laughing)

- Of course.
- Of course.

- Thanks, girl.
- Thanks, girl.

So what's the goss?
So what's the goss?

- Ramses's being a total butt, as always.
- Ramses's being a total butt, as always.

Can't even tell if he likes me anymore.
Can't even tell if he likes me anymore.

- What?
- What?

Screw that jerk!
Screw that jerk!

- I feel like there's an ancient curse on our relationship
- I feel like there's an ancient curse on our relationship

and that we're destined to break up.
and that we're destined to break up.

- Jessica, you're perfect.
- Jessica, you're perfect.

If Ramses isn't giving you the attention you deserve,
If Ramses isn't giving you the attention you deserve,

then someone else will.
then someone else will.

Anyone would be lucky to date you.
Anyone would be lucky to date you.

I wanna date you.
I wanna date you.

I'm in love with you.
I'm in love with you.

- You're right.
- You're right.

Nefertiti, I'm going right up to Ramses
Nefertiti, I'm going right up to Ramses

and telling him to love me, or move on.
and telling him to love me, or move on.

You're the best.
You're the best.

- No, you're the best, Jessica!
- No, you're the best, Jessica!

And she will be mine.
And she will be mine.

You will be mine.
You will be mine.

(sustained piano note)
(sustained piano note)

- There's a new STD going around.
- There's a new STD going around.

You guys gotta be careful.
You guys gotta be careful.

- Let me guess: it's the plague.
- Let me guess: it's the plague.

- How do you know?
- How do you know?

- I have it.
- I have it.

- What are your symptoms?
- What are your symptoms?

- I have all the symptoms: headaches, chill, diarrhea,
- I have all the symptoms: headaches, chill, diarrhea,

black toe, malaise, delirium.
black toe, malaise, delirium.

First it's frogs and pestilence, now this.
First it's frogs and pestilence, now this.

- Dude, it's nothing to be scared of.
- Dude, it's nothing to be scared of.

We have to release the stigma of getting the plague.
We have to release the stigma of getting the plague.

We'll take you to the clinic, they'll big you out.
We'll take you to the clinic, they'll big you out.

You're gonna be fine.
You're gonna be fine.

- Thanks, guys.
- Thanks, guys.

- Come on, man.
- Come on, man.

Having the plague is nothing to be ashamed about.
Having the plague is nothing to be ashamed about.

Approximately 50% of people
Approximately 50% of people

get some strain of it, eventually.
get some strain of it, eventually.

- No, dude, you're thinking of HPV.
- No, dude, you're thinking of HPV.

- Oh, yep, that makes more sense.
- Oh, yep, that makes more sense.

(ball thumping)
(ball thumping)

(eerie whooshing)
(eerie whooshing)

(sustained piano note)
(sustained piano note)

- It's time for the main event, Ramses versus Moses.
- It's time for the main event, Ramses versus Moses.

Pharaoh High rules are in full effect,
Pharaoh High rules are in full effect,

which means the winner gets the other person's friends.
which means the winner gets the other person's friends.

- Come on.
- Come on.

Do we have to?
Do we have to?

- Let's fight!
- Let's fight!

- Well, well, well,
- Well, well, well,

if it isn't everyone's favorite social justice warrior
if it isn't everyone's favorite social justice warrior

with a burning bush.
with a burning bush.

- Hey Rudy, Brett, you know,
- Hey Rudy, Brett, you know,

if you really don't want me to, I won't beat him up.
if you really don't want me to, I won't beat him up.

- Why are you talking to my friends?
- Why are you talking to my friends?

- Why don't you ask your friends why I'm talking to them?
- Why don't you ask your friends why I'm talking to them?

- I'm so confused.
- I'm so confused.

- Before we begin, there's something I gotta do.
- Before we begin, there's something I gotta do.

(ethereal music)
(ethereal music)

Okay, let's do this.
Okay, let's do this.

(both grunting)
(both grunting)

- [Friends] Fight, fight, fight!
- [Friends] Fight, fight, fight!

(Moses grunting)
(Moses grunting)

(Ramses groaning)
(Ramses groaning)

- Thou shalt not mess with me ever again!
- Thou shalt not mess with me ever again!

Come on, boys.
Come on, boys.

Let's bust this joint.
Let's bust this joint.

- Why, gods?
- Why, gods?

Why?
Why?

(sustained piano note)
(sustained piano note)

- Ramses, you look stressed.
- Ramses, you look stressed.

- I am, Rudy.
- I am, Rudy.

There's so much pressure to be good at football.
There's so much pressure to be good at football.

If I screw up, I'll lose my scholarship to Temple.
If I screw up, I'll lose my scholarship to Temple.

- I think I have something that would help.
- I think I have something that would help.

- Whoa, is that an amulet?
- Whoa, is that an amulet?

- Aren't amulets illegal?
- Aren't amulets illegal?

- Sure are.
- Sure are.

You wanna try some?
You wanna try some?

- I don't know.
- I don't know.

- I'll try it.
- I'll try it.

(ethereal music)
(ethereal music)

I see the universe.
I see the universe.

- I don't know about this, guys.
- I don't know about this, guys.

Aren't amulets addictive?
Aren't amulets addictive?

- But don't you wanna be cool?
- But don't you wanna be cool?

(Rudy gasping)
(Rudy gasping)

- Oh, no!
- Oh, no!

Someone gave you a bad amulet!
Someone gave you a bad amulet!

Where'd you get that from?
Where'd you get that from?

(suspenseful music)
(suspenseful music)

Who could have done this?
Who could have done this?

(sustained piano note)
(sustained piano note)

(school bell ringing)
(school bell ringing)

- Ramses, I'm late.
- Ramses, I'm late.

- Advanced geometry doesn't start for five minutes.
- Advanced geometry doesn't start for five minutes.

Just enough time to sneak into the stairwell and-
Just enough time to sneak into the stairwell and-

- No, late as in pregnant, Ramses.
- No, late as in pregnant, Ramses.

- Preg what?
- Preg what?

I thought you were on birth control.
I thought you were on birth control.

- I am.
- I am.

I'm on all of them.
I'm on all of them.

I'm on liquid mercury, liquid lead, arsenic.
I'm on liquid mercury, liquid lead, arsenic.

I guess it just gave me brain damage.
I guess it just gave me brain damage.

- So you gonna keep it?
- So you gonna keep it?

- I don't know.
- I don't know.

I mean, it's a weird time for babies.
I mean, it's a weird time for babies.

Gods killing all the firstborns,
Gods killing all the firstborns,

and I'm starring in the school play.
and I'm starring in the school play.

- How can I help?
- How can I help?

- Just don't tell anyone, okay?
- Just don't tell anyone, okay?

- Okay, I won't.
- Okay, I won't.

I swear on Osiris.
I swear on Osiris.

- And don't tell Coach Daytona.
- And don't tell Coach Daytona.

- Jessica, you have to tell Coach Daytona.
- Jessica, you have to tell Coach Daytona.

You can't cheerlead like this,
You can't cheerlead like this,

you're the top of the pyramid.
you're the top of the pyramid.

- Why are you so obsessed with pyramids?
- Why are you so obsessed with pyramids?

(shoe squeaking)
(shoe squeaking)

(sustained piano note)
(sustained piano note)

(bell ringing)
(bell ringing)

- Two dates for prom?
- Two dates for prom?

What am I gonna do?
What am I gonna do?

- Here, close your eyes.
- Here, close your eyes.

You're in a tomb surrounded by your riches
You're in a tomb surrounded by your riches

and the love of your life.
and the love of your life.

Who do you want your corpse to be buried by
Who do you want your corpse to be buried by

for all eternity?
for all eternity?

- Jessica.
- Jessica.

- My girlfriend?
- My girlfriend?

- Your what?
- Your what?

I thought she was dating Moses.
I thought she was dating Moses.

- Moses?
- Moses?

- You wanna get burgers after school?
- You wanna get burgers after school?

- Burgers?
- Burgers?

(sustained piano note)
(sustained piano note)

(bell ringing)
(bell ringing)

- Jessica, you let the spirit of Anubis possess you again?
- Jessica, you let the spirit of Anubis possess you again?

I thought you were done with that stuff.
I thought you were done with that stuff.

- I only use it for tests.
- I only use it for tests.

(voice becomes monstrous)
(voice becomes monstrous)

I see the underworld.
I see the underworld.

- But see, now it won't leave you alone.
- But see, now it won't leave you alone.

- Oopsy boopsy, I thought this was the darkroom.
- Oopsy boopsy, I thought this was the darkroom.

Whoops!
Whoops!

You kids have fun, okay?
You kids have fun, okay?

No kissing. (laughing)
No kissing. (laughing)

Whoa!
Whoa!

- Wow, Copernicus is so interesting.
- Wow, Copernicus is so interesting.

It's a shame he's only a foreign exchange student
It's a shame he's only a foreign exchange student

that's here at Pharaoh High for a week.
that's here at Pharaoh High for a week.

- Yeah, I'd love to see what happens to him
- Yeah, I'd love to see what happens to him

when he's back in Poland.
when he's back in Poland.

(upbeat music)
(upbeat music)

(sustained piano note)
(sustained piano note)

- Coach Teddy Roosevelt, listen!
- Coach Teddy Roosevelt, listen!

- No, you listen, Ramses!
- No, you listen, Ramses!

Nobody fights during my scrimmages.
Nobody fights during my scrimmages.

You are embarrassing this whole football team.
You are embarrassing this whole football team.

- But Moses started it!
- But Moses started it!

- And I'm ending it.
- And I'm ending it.

Ramses, Moses, Tut,
Ramses, Moses, Tut,

I'm locking the three of you in here,
I'm locking the three of you in here,

and you're not leaving until you can walk out as friends.
and you're not leaving until you can walk out as friends.

- But, Coach Teddy Roosevelt!
- But, Coach Teddy Roosevelt!

- Friends!
- Friends!

(all shouting)
(all shouting)

- It's like, I know I'm chosen, but like I'm almost 18 now.
- It's like, I know I'm chosen, but like I'm almost 18 now.

Like, when is it gonna be my time to choose?
Like, when is it gonna be my time to choose?

- Word. - So true.
- Word. - So true.

- Wow, despite our differences,
- Wow, despite our differences,

we actually have so much in common.
we actually have so much in common.

- Tutankhamen.
- Tutankhamen.

- What?
- What?

- You said, we have a lot in common;
- You said, we have a lot in common;

I said Tutankhamen.
I said Tutankhamen.

It's my name, it's my full name.
It's my name, it's my full name.

- Your name is Fart Common?
- Your name is Fart Common?

- No.
- No.

(sustained piano note)
(sustained piano note)

- As student class pharaoh,
- As student class pharaoh,

I will fill the Nile with Mountain Dew,
I will fill the Nile with Mountain Dew,

mandate no mud brick homework,
mandate no mud brick homework,

and institute Silly Pajama Fridays.
and institute Silly Pajama Fridays.

(audience applauding)
(audience applauding)

- Thank you, Moses.
- Thank you, Moses.

Very moving stuff.
Very moving stuff.

Ramses, you're next.
Ramses, you're next.

- If you elect me student class pharaoh,
- If you elect me student class pharaoh,

I wouldn't change a thing.
I wouldn't change a thing.

I love this place.
I love this place.

I love its flaws.
I love its flaws.

I love that we get to make mistakes in a safe place.
I love that we get to make mistakes in a safe place.

I love the memories that we're making.
I love the memories that we're making.

These are the best years of our lives.
These are the best years of our lives.

- [Audience] Ramses, Ramses, Ramses, Ramses-
- [Audience] Ramses, Ramses, Ramses, Ramses-

- Fine, I concede.
- Fine, I concede.

- Well, no, hold on, hold on.
- Well, no, hold on, hold on.

I've tallied the votes.
I've tallied the votes.

The winner of student class pharaoh is,
The winner of student class pharaoh is,

The Scarab?
The Scarab?

(audience gasping)
(audience gasping)

(sustained piano note)
(sustained piano note)

(bell ringing)
(bell ringing)

- What are you working on there?
- What are you working on there?

- Nothing, stop it!
- Nothing, stop it!

- Oh my God.
- Oh my God.

Is this a poem?
Is this a poem?

Okay, "Little bird, large bird, hook, eyeball hook,
Okay, "Little bird, large bird, hook, eyeball hook,

"snake, praying man."
"snake, praying man."

Ramses, this is really good.
Ramses, this is really good.

- It's stupid.
- It's stupid.

Look, my dad's gonna be here any minute.
Look, my dad's gonna be here any minute.

He can't know about this.
He can't know about this.

- Can't know about what, Ramses?
- Can't know about what, Ramses?

- Nothing, Dad
- Nothing, Dad

Nefertiti was just showing me a poem she wrote.
Nefertiti was just showing me a poem she wrote.

- You shouldn't be wasting your time with poems.
- You shouldn't be wasting your time with poems.

We need your work back at the auto shop.
We need your work back at the auto shop.

Those donkeys aren't going to fix themselves now, are they?
Those donkeys aren't going to fix themselves now, are they?

(Dad harrumphing and coughing)
(Dad harrumphing and coughing)

- Yes, Dad.
- Yes, Dad.

Here, Nefertiti.
Here, Nefertiti.

Here's your poem back.
Here's your poem back.

(Dad groaning)
(Dad groaning)

- [Ramses] Dad, hurry up!
- [Ramses] Dad, hurry up!

- I'm walking as fast as I can, okay?
- I'm walking as fast as I can, okay?

God damn!
God damn!

- [Ramses] No, you're not!
- [Ramses] No, you're not!

(sustained piano note)
(sustained piano note)

(bell ringing)
(bell ringing)

- I'm sure you get this all the time.
- I'm sure you get this all the time.

What year is this supposed to be?
What year is this supposed to be?

Because I don't know what year-
Because I don't know what year-

- Guys, I found this baby on the Nile,
- Guys, I found this baby on the Nile,

and it's not like other babies.
and it's not like other babies.

Its mind can be read.
Its mind can be read.

I can tell what it's thinking.
I can tell what it's thinking.

- Whoa.
- Whoa.

Let me try.
Let me try.

(Tut gasping)
(Tut gasping)

He's hungry.
He's hungry.

- Let me try.
- Let me try.

(Rudy gasping)
(Rudy gasping)

He's sleepy.
He's sleepy.

- He's so special.
- He's so special.

I bet he's destined to be the next king.
I bet he's destined to be the next king.

- That actually kind of depends on, you know,
- That actually kind of depends on, you know,

who the baby's dad is, so.
who the baby's dad is, so.

- And I should figure out who that is.
- And I should figure out who that is.

- Wait, I'm getting a really strong premonition from him.
- Wait, I'm getting a really strong premonition from him.

(Tut gasping)
(Tut gasping)

He has pooped.
He has pooped.

(dramatic music)
(dramatic music)

- [Together] He has pooped.
- [Together] He has pooped.

(baby gurgling)
(baby gurgling)

(sustained piano note)
(sustained piano note)

(bell ringing)
(bell ringing)

- We're stuck in a sandstorm.
- We're stuck in a sandstorm.

I can't believe it.
I can't believe it.

- Of all the students to be stuck in a pyramid with,
- Of all the students to be stuck in a pyramid with,

it had to be Izzy.
it had to be Izzy.

- I'm that bad, huh?
- I'm that bad, huh?

- Isn't that like your whole thing?
- Isn't that like your whole thing?

You wanna seem bad?
You wanna seem bad?

- Yeah, I wear a black jacket and I talk tough, too.
- Yeah, I wear a black jacket and I talk tough, too.

Ever since my family moved from Toronto
Ever since my family moved from Toronto

I was worried people wouldn't like me,
I was worried people wouldn't like me,

so I beat them to the punch.
so I beat them to the punch.

- I feel that.
- I feel that.

- You do?
- You do?

- Yeah, I ruled all of Egypt at age nine.
- Yeah, I ruled all of Egypt at age nine.

- So same thing.
- So same thing.

(romantic music)
(romantic music)

- Hey guys, guess what?
- Hey guys, guess what?

The sandstorm is over.
The sandstorm is over.

- See ya, loser!
- See ya, loser!

- Tut, don't you have like a magical power
- Tut, don't you have like a magical power

to control a sandstorm?
to control a sandstorm?

(sad music)
(sad music)

- Yes, I do.
- Yes, I do.

(Brett groaning)
(Brett groaning)

(sustained piano note)
(sustained piano note)

(bell ringing) - Tonight's the night.
(bell ringing) - Tonight's the night.

The night we figure out who The Scarab is.
The night we figure out who The Scarab is.

- The Scarab thinks he's coming here
- The Scarab thinks he's coming here

to get some top secret information,
to get some top secret information,

but the moment he steps on that hidden stone,
but the moment he steps on that hidden stone,

he'll activate our trap.
he'll activate our trap.

- I just want The Scarab gone
- I just want The Scarab gone

so he can stop ruining our lives.
so he can stop ruining our lives.

(objects rattling)
(objects rattling)

- Quick, hide, hide, hide!
- Quick, hide, hide, hide!

(suspenseful music)
(suspenseful music)

(spear whooshing) (Scarab exclaiming)
(spear whooshing) (Scarab exclaiming)

- Oh my gosh!
- Oh my gosh!

- [Nefertiti] Oh, no!
- [Nefertiti] Oh, no!

- [Ramses and Moses] Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- [Ramses and Moses] Whoa, whoa, whoa.

- No, no, no, no.
- No, no, no, no.

Moses, what the do, huh?
Moses, what the do, huh?

You weren't supposed to kill him!
You weren't supposed to kill him!

- I just did one of the normal traps
- I just did one of the normal traps

that they taught us in temple class.
that they taught us in temple class.

- Guys, he's hurt real bad.
- Guys, he's hurt real bad.

(Ramses exhaling)
(Ramses exhaling)

- Let's just get this mask off of him.
- Let's just get this mask off of him.

(all gasping)
(all gasping)

- Who are you?
- Who are you?

(ominous music)
(ominous music)

(bell ringing)
(bell ringing)

(suspenseful music)
(suspenseful music)