Well, son, welcome to Diagon Alley the greatest place on earth
Well, son, welcome to Diagon Alley the greatest place on earth

Isn't it great
Isn't it great

Dad this place is disgusting
Dad this place is disgusting

Albus what do you mean?
Albus what do you mean?

What what happened? This place looks like rubbish. There's even a small homeless man eating out of a dumpster
What what happened? This place looks like rubbish. There's even a small homeless man eating out of a dumpster

YUM, all right
YUM, all right

That's just a goblin. I used to come here with Ron and Hermione drink butter beer for hours. In fact this where i got Hedwig
That's just a goblin. I used to come here with Ron and Hermione drink butter beer for hours. In fact this where i got Hedwig

Hello there. Mr. Ollivander. What's going on? Where is everyone? Why is this place so so and how are you even still alive? Uh
Hello there. Mr. Ollivander. What's going on? Where is everyone? Why is this place so so and how are you even still alive? Uh

It all started about five years ago with the popularity of online retail Diagon
It all started about five years ago with the popularity of online retail Diagon

Alley just hasn't been the same everyone orders online now and they're stopped coming. I was all alone
Alley just hasn't been the same everyone orders online now and they're stopped coming. I was all alone

So I'm stuck here filling out the shipment orders. Darn you Amazon. This is so depressing
So I'm stuck here filling out the shipment orders. Darn you Amazon. This is so depressing

This used to be my favorite place besides Hogwarts as a kid
This used to be my favorite place besides Hogwarts as a kid

It was my first taste of the Wizarding World we have to do something
It was my first taste of the Wizarding World we have to do something

There's nothing you can do Harry the world is evolving
There's nothing you can do Harry the world is evolving

Even the muggles voted us out of the EU we can bring people back trust me, but first we need team
Even the muggles voted us out of the EU we can bring people back trust me, but first we need team

And I was saying there's no way our game oh where to you have to sip slowly Hagrid like this
And I was saying there's no way our game oh where to you have to sip slowly Hagrid like this

Whoa
Whoa

Starbucks...
Starbucks...

Hey everyone, I'm glad you all could make it wait Dobby. How are you? Don't worry about it
Hey everyone, I'm glad you all could make it wait Dobby. How are you? Don't worry about it

um
um

Okay. All right, guys, you got my text, you know the situation
Okay. All right, guys, you got my text, you know the situation

So are you ready to save diagon alley? Yeah!!!
So are you ready to save diagon alley? Yeah!!!

I don't know Harry. I kind of enjoy not having to leave my house to get my kids books every year
I don't know Harry. I kind of enjoy not having to leave my house to get my kids books every year

But Ron don't think this new generation should be able to experience the fun we had. remember the time when your dad beat up
But Ron don't think this new generation should be able to experience the fun we had. remember the time when your dad beat up

Mr. Malfoy, or when Fred and George set themselves on fire or when we broke into Gringotts good times
Mr. Malfoy, or when Fred and George set themselves on fire or when we broke into Gringotts good times

Okay, let's do this. All right. So now that everyone's on board
Okay, let's do this. All right. So now that everyone's on board

We need to spice things up a bit me Ron and Hawaii will find live entertainment Hagrid and Dobby you to cleanse place up
We need to spice things up a bit me Ron and Hawaii will find live entertainment Hagrid and Dobby you to cleanse place up

Let's get to it. Hold on. Let me finish
Let's get to it. Hold on. Let me finish

You know, they spelled my name wrong
You know, they spelled my name wrong

weirdos...
weirdos...

Great work cleaning up guys. We're still figuring out a plan. Why don't we just get like Taylor Swift or something?
Great work cleaning up guys. We're still figuring out a plan. Why don't we just get like Taylor Swift or something?

She'll bring in thousands Ron. We know you love her, but we can't let a muggle in but
She'll bring in thousands Ron. We know you love her, but we can't let a muggle in but

I think we're gonna have to find some talent ourselves. It's time to host magic Scott Talent
I think we're gonna have to find some talent ourselves. It's time to host magic Scott Talent

So you think you have what it takes to be the next ARB the Wizarding word, do you?
So you think you have what it takes to be the next ARB the Wizarding word, do you?

Not so aggressive Ron. All right everyone good luck and let's begin
Not so aggressive Ron. All right everyone good luck and let's begin

Sir Nicholas day mimsy popping tenacity or service? Although some call me nearly. Headless Nick. This is what I can do. Ah, ah
Sir Nicholas day mimsy popping tenacity or service? Although some call me nearly. Headless Nick. This is what I can do. Ah, ah

Too predictable next. Hello. My name is newt scamander. And these are my fantastic beasts Oh
Too predictable next. Hello. My name is newt scamander. And these are my fantastic beasts Oh

During the wrong time line. No
During the wrong time line. No

next next next
next next next

Hello, would you please come over here for our demonstration?
Hello, would you please come over here for our demonstration?

All you need to do is
All you need to do is

Ha ha take that for once my life. I'm not the butter their pranks. Hello. I would like to introduce my friend Mr
Ha ha take that for once my life. I'm not the butter their pranks. Hello. I would like to introduce my friend Mr

fluffy pants. what?
fluffy pants. what?

no fluffy!ahh!
no fluffy!ahh!

Oh, we're doomed can I try huh? I guess okay. Yeah
Oh, we're doomed can I try huh? I guess okay. Yeah

I hate to her everyone's feelings, but this is a mess
I hate to her everyone's feelings, but this is a mess

You know, what if I use my fortune to buy everything from online: wands, books robes, they'll be forced to come back! Harry
You know, what if I use my fortune to buy everything from online: wands, books robes, they'll be forced to come back! Harry

That's a ridiculous idea. Sometimes the dumbest ideas are the best Hermione
That's a ridiculous idea. Sometimes the dumbest ideas are the best Hermione

Welcome well, I might be broke. My kids won't go to uni, but Diagon alley is saved! what happened to you?
Welcome well, I might be broke. My kids won't go to uni, but Diagon alley is saved! what happened to you?

What happened to your hair? Touche. I can hear them now. Harry, what have you done?
What happened to your hair? Touche. I can hear them now. Harry, what have you done?

(oof)
(oof)