A few years ago, prominent Christian  radio host and psychologist Dr.  
A few years ago, prominent Christian  radio host and psychologist Dr.  

James Dobson said this about affirming pastors:
James Dobson said this about affirming pastors:

Really?
Really?

When I was growing up, my family, like a lot  of Christian families, listened to Dr. Dobson  
When I was growing up, my family, like a lot  of Christian families, listened to Dr. Dobson  

regularly. He was the head of a media empire—we  read his books and magazines, we listened to his  
regularly. He was the head of a media empire—we  read his books and magazines, we listened to his  

radio show, we got his kids’ tapes with our  nuggets and waffle fries from Chick-fil-A.  
radio show, we got his kids’ tapes with our  nuggets and waffle fries from Chick-fil-A.  

So although he’s not nearly as  influential now as he used to be,  
So although he’s not nearly as  influential now as he used to be,  

when he says something like  this, it affects a lot of people.
when he says something like  this, it affects a lot of people.

And this isn’t the only time he’s said  it. Here he is on another occasion,  
And this isn’t the only time he’s said  it. Here he is on another occasion,  

talking to Franklin Graham:
talking to Franklin Graham:

So how did somebody so  prominent get this so wrong?
So how did somebody so  prominent get this so wrong?

This is a great example of what happens  when people confuse sexual orientation  
This is a great example of what happens  when people confuse sexual orientation  

with sexual behavior. As I’ve pointed out repeatedly in the past, sexual orientation is defined by who you’re  
with sexual behavior. As I’ve pointed out repeatedly in the past, sexual orientation is defined by who you’re  

attracted to—a straight woman is attracted  to men, a gay woman is attracted to women,  
attracted to—a straight woman is attracted  to men, a gay woman is attracted to women,  

and a bisexual woman is attracted to  both. That’s all bisexual means—attracted  
and a bisexual woman is attracted to  both. That’s all bisexual means—attracted  

to men and women. She could be  monogamous, she could be celibate,  
to men and women. She could be  monogamous, she could be celibate,  

she could be waiting for the right person—she’s  still bisexual, because that’s her orientation.
she could be waiting for the right person—she’s  still bisexual, because that’s her orientation.

Dr. Dobson is wrongly defining bisexual not as an  orientation but as a sexual behavior—sex with men  
Dr. Dobson is wrongly defining bisexual not as an  orientation but as a sexual behavior—sex with men  

and women at the same time. But why would it  mean that? Straight people don’t have sex with  
and women at the same time. But why would it  mean that? Straight people don’t have sex with  

everyone they’re attracted to at the same time;  why would that be any different for bi people?
everyone they’re attracted to at the same time;  why would that be any different for bi people?

This is such a simple concept that it seems a little silly to have to explain it. But a surprising  
This is such a simple concept that it seems a little silly to have to explain it. But a surprising  

number of myths about bisexuals can be traced  back to not understanding this basic idea.
number of myths about bisexuals can be traced  back to not understanding this basic idea.

For example, I haven’t heard too many  people claim that bisexual means orgies, 
For example, I haven’t heard too many  people claim that bisexual means orgies, 

but I have heard a bunch of people claim  that bisexuals can’t be monogamous—or  
but I have heard a bunch of people claim  that bisexuals can’t be monogamous—or  

refuse to date someone bisexual because  they’re afraid that person would cheat.
refuse to date someone bisexual because  they’re afraid that person would cheat.

But that’s just as silly as saying that  bisexuality means orgies. Being attracted to  
But that’s just as silly as saying that  bisexuality means orgies. Being attracted to  

multiple people doesn’t mean you can’t choose to  settle down with one of them. A straight man might  
multiple people doesn’t mean you can’t choose to  settle down with one of them. A straight man might  

be attracted to different women for different  reasons, but he can still decide to commit himself  
be attracted to different women for different  reasons, but he can still decide to commit himself  

to one woman, even though there are other women  out there who push his buttons in different ways.  
to one woman, even though there are other women  out there who push his buttons in different ways.  

Okay, that may not be the best  example of this, but you get my point.
Okay, that may not be the best  example of this, but you get my point.

No matter what your orientation is, monogamy  requires sacrifice. By committing to one person,  
No matter what your orientation is, monogamy  requires sacrifice. By committing to one person,  

you’re saying no to the alternatives. But it’s  a sacrifice many people believe is worth it.  
you’re saying no to the alternatives. But it’s  a sacrifice many people believe is worth it.  

And bi people make that decision for the  same reason straight and gay people do.
And bi people make that decision for the  same reason straight and gay people do.

The problem isn’t that  bisexuals can’t be monogamous.  
The problem isn’t that  bisexuals can’t be monogamous.  

The problem is that when they are, we tend  to assume they’re either straight or gay.
The problem is that when they are, we tend  to assume they’re either straight or gay.

It’s an easy mistake to make. “She  has a husband…she must be straight.”  
It’s an easy mistake to make. “She  has a husband…she must be straight.”  

“He has a husband…he must be gay.”
“He has a husband…he must be gay.”

These are common, understandable assumptions. But  
These are common, understandable assumptions. But  

they contribute to a problem  often called “bi erasure.”
they contribute to a problem  often called “bi erasure.”

Dividing the world into gay and straight can make  people who aren’t gay or straight feel alone,  
Dividing the world into gay and straight can make  people who aren’t gay or straight feel alone,  

and misidentifying bi folks as gay or straight  
and misidentifying bi folks as gay or straight  

takes away important role models for  other bi folks who are young or newly out.
takes away important role models for  other bi folks who are young or newly out.

And that kind of invisibility adds fuel to  another myth—that bisexuals simply don’t exist,  
And that kind of invisibility adds fuel to  another myth—that bisexuals simply don’t exist,  

like nuanced Twitter arguments or  lighthearted Zack Snyder films.
like nuanced Twitter arguments or  lighthearted Zack Snyder films.

Unfortunately, one of the causes  of this myth is people like me.
Unfortunately, one of the causes  of this myth is people like me.

See, like many gay people, I grew up not wanting to  be gay. I called myself straight for many years,  
See, like many gay people, I grew up not wanting to  be gay. I called myself straight for many years,  

but eventually the time came that  I just couldn’t ignore my same-sex  
but eventually the time came that  I just couldn’t ignore my same-sex  

attraction any more. So because I wasn’t  ready to face the truth that I was gay,  
attraction any more. So because I wasn’t  ready to face the truth that I was gay,  

I convinced myself for a while that I was bi.
I convinced myself for a while that I was bi.

It was a half-truth. It allowed me to admit to myself that I was attracted to men  
It was a half-truth. It allowed me to admit to myself that I was attracted to men  

without admitting to myself that  I wasn’t attracted to women.  
without admitting to myself that  I wasn’t attracted to women.  

This is super common. A lot of gay people claim  to be bi before finally admitting they’re gay.
This is super common. A lot of gay people claim  to be bi before finally admitting they’re gay.

It’s so common, in fact, that it gave  rise to a joke among some gay people,  
It’s so common, in fact, that it gave  rise to a joke among some gay people,  

who, when someone came out as bi, would laugh  and say, “Bi now, gay later!” Hyuk, hyuk, hyuk, hyuk.
who, when someone came out as bi, would laugh  and say, “Bi now, gay later!” Hyuk, hyuk, hyuk, hyuk.

Look, if you’re describing stories like  mine, yes, it’s clever wordplay. But to  
Look, if you’re describing stories like  mine, yes, it’s clever wordplay. But to  

make that assumption about somebody else  is horribly insensitive and deeply hurtful.  
make that assumption about somebody else  is horribly insensitive and deeply hurtful.  

A lot of us gay folks got it wrong when  we called ourselves bi. But that doesn’t  
A lot of us gay folks got it wrong when  we called ourselves bi. But that doesn’t  

mean there aren’t genuine bi folks out there. I  know from listening to my bi friends that they  
mean there aren’t genuine bi folks out there. I  know from listening to my bi friends that they  

really do experience attraction to both  men and women—something I never had.
really do experience attraction to both  men and women—something I never had.

So, sure, not everybody who claims to  be bi is bi, but lots of people are.
So, sure, not everybody who claims to  be bi is bi, but lots of people are.

Yes, Virginia, there are bisexuals.
Yes, Virginia, there are bisexuals.

On the other hand, some people  go to the opposite extreme,  
On the other hand, some people  go to the opposite extreme,  

claiming that everyone is really bisexual  and no one is truly gay or straight.
claiming that everyone is really bisexual  and no one is truly gay or straight.

I can see where people might get this idea.  Researchers sometimes depict straight, bi,  
I can see where people might get this idea.  Researchers sometimes depict straight, bi,  

and gay on a spectrum, partly as a way to show  that there are degrees of bisexuality. You could  
and gay on a spectrum, partly as a way to show  that there are degrees of bisexuality. You could  

be here, or here.
be here, or here.

So in the fight against bi erasure, it can be tempting to imagine that  
So in the fight against bi erasure, it can be tempting to imagine that  

everyone’s somewhere in the middle, and people  just don’t admit it because of social pressure.
everyone’s somewhere in the middle, and people  just don’t admit it because of social pressure.

But the evidence just doesn’t support  that. Research overwhelmingly shows that  
But the evidence just doesn’t support  that. Research overwhelmingly shows that  

most people really are straight, and after  years of listening to people cry because of  
most people really are straight, and after  years of listening to people cry because of  

their lack of opposite-sex attraction, I can  assure you that some people really are gay.
their lack of opposite-sex attraction, I can  assure you that some people really are gay.

It’s true that social stigma makes it  hard to know how many people are bi.  
It’s true that social stigma makes it  hard to know how many people are bi.  

Many researchers believe that bisexuality  is more common in women than in men,  
Many researchers believe that bisexuality  is more common in women than in men,  

but nobody can say for certain  what the percentages are.  
but nobody can say for certain  what the percentages are.  

All we can say with certainty is that some people  really are bi, and some people really aren’t.
All we can say with certainty is that some people  really are bi, and some people really aren’t.

It’s easy to assume that other people feel the  same things you do—to think that if you’re bi,  
It’s easy to assume that other people feel the  same things you do—to think that if you’re bi,  

everyone must be, and if you’re not bi, no one  must be. But in fact, people are different.
everyone must be, and if you’re not bi, no one  must be. But in fact, people are different.

And that brings us to one final myth.
And that brings us to one final myth.

In another video, I discussed the false claim that  anyone can become straight if they want to be.  
In another video, I discussed the false claim that  anyone can become straight if they want to be.  

Well, sometimes bi folks are misrepresented— or misrepresent themselves—as  
Well, sometimes bi folks are misrepresented— or misrepresent themselves—as  

having gone from gay to straight because they  
having gone from gay to straight because they  

went from a same-sex relationship to an  opposite-sex relationship. But, again,  
went from a same-sex relationship to an  opposite-sex relationship. But, again,  

that doesn’t mean their orientation changed.  They were bi to start with, and they’re still bi.
that doesn’t mean their orientation changed.  They were bi to start with, and they’re still bi.

And since not everyone is bi, those same  options aren’t available to everyone.
And since not everyone is bi, those same  options aren’t available to everyone.

But for many Christians, that  raises an interesting question.  
But for many Christians, that  raises an interesting question.  

Since bi folks can choose an opposite-sex  romance, should they? Are they obligated to?  
Since bi folks can choose an opposite-sex  romance, should they? Are they obligated to?  

If arguments for same-sex marriage  begin with the premise that gay people  
If arguments for same-sex marriage  begin with the premise that gay people  

don’t have a choice in our attractions,  where do those arguments leave bi people,  
don’t have a choice in our attractions,  where do those arguments leave bi people,  

who presumably could choose an opposite-sex  relationship if they wanted to?
who presumably could choose an opposite-sex  relationship if they wanted to?

That question deserves a whole video of its own.  
That question deserves a whole video of its own.  

And it just so happens it’s the subject  of my next video. Stay tuned; bi for now.
And it just so happens it’s the subject  of my next video. Stay tuned; bi for now.

Or in my case, gay, actually.
Or in my case, gay, actually.