- Reason number one, apparently your face color
- Reason number one, apparently your face color

has to match your neck color,
has to match your neck color,

and I simply cannot figure that out.
and I simply cannot figure that out.

(neighing)
(neighing)

What up, everyone?
What up, everyone?

It's your girl, Superwoman.
It's your girl, Superwoman.

Reason number two.
Reason number two.

Yo, once in a while I get comments under my videos
Yo, once in a while I get comments under my videos

that are all like, "Yo, Lilly,
that are all like, "Yo, Lilly,

"you should do a makeup tutorial, yo!"
"you should do a makeup tutorial, yo!"

And I'm just like, what the eff kinda drunken day
And I'm just like, what the eff kinda drunken day

have you had to comment that under my video?
have you had to comment that under my video?

Like, how many beers does it take
Like, how many beers does it take

for you to believe that I know anything
for you to believe that I know anything

about beatin this face?
about beatin this face?

Straight up, I could never be a beauty guru.
Straight up, I could never be a beauty guru.

Like, I have a better chance of being
Like, I have a better chance of being

the first female brown President of the United States.
the first female brown President of the United States.

And I'm Canadian.
And I'm Canadian.

I just don't have what it takes to pull off
I just don't have what it takes to pull off

those popular beauty formats, you know?
those popular beauty formats, you know?

For example, monthly favorites.
For example, monthly favorites.

The eff?
The eff?

You expect me to have different favorites every month?
You expect me to have different favorites every month?

As if I buy new crap every month?
As if I buy new crap every month?

Nah.
Nah.

Hey, everyone, welcome to my January favorites.
Hey, everyone, welcome to my January favorites.

My first favorites is this bra
My first favorites is this bra

that I wear every single day.
that I wear every single day.

In fact, it'll also be my February and my March favorite,
In fact, it'll also be my February and my March favorite,

because it's the only bra I wear.
because it's the only bra I wear.

In fact, I'm not even wearing a bra right now
In fact, I'm not even wearing a bra right now

because I'm holding the bra in my hand
because I'm holding the bra in my hand

and I only wear this bra.
and I only wear this bra.

Woo!
Woo!

This mascara is from January of last year,
This mascara is from January of last year,

and it's still one of my favorites.
and it's still one of my favorites.

I just refuse to throw it away.
I just refuse to throw it away.

I don't know what it is,
I don't know what it is,

it's like I can't commit to a relationship,
it's like I can't commit to a relationship,

but for some reason I'm emotionally attached
but for some reason I'm emotionally attached

to this bottle of dried up crap.
to this bottle of dried up crap.

I'm pretty sure if I use it I'll get pinkeye,
I'm pretty sure if I use it I'll get pinkeye,

but hey, you know what?
but hey, you know what?

Love hurts.
Love hurts.

This month I've been living off
This month I've been living off

my brand new pair of Spanks that have a pee hole.
my brand new pair of Spanks that have a pee hole.

I would show them to you,
I would show them to you,

but they're on a little bit crooked
but they're on a little bit crooked

and they got a bit dirty.
and they got a bit dirty.

Hello, my name is Lilly, and I'm a mascara bottle hoarder.
Hello, my name is Lilly, and I'm a mascara bottle hoarder.

Why do I have so many empty mascara bottles
Why do I have so many empty mascara bottles

in my make up bag?
in my make up bag?

Like, I have some mascara that's ancient,
Like, I have some mascara that's ancient,

from way back when, from a time when it was acceptable
from way back when, from a time when it was acceptable

to poke people on Facebook.
to poke people on Facebook.

If such a time ever existed.
If such a time ever existed.

Speaking of makeup bags, mine is a hot effin mess.
Speaking of makeup bags, mine is a hot effin mess.

You ever see people that do those videos like,
You ever see people that do those videos like,

"This is in my makeup bag,"
"This is in my makeup bag,"

and they take out these flawless looking products,
and they take out these flawless looking products,

like straight up untouched?
like straight up untouched?

And I'm just like, you know,
And I'm just like, you know,

your eyeliner looks like it went to a private school.
your eyeliner looks like it went to a private school.

You know, it had a good upbringing.
You know, it had a good upbringing.

My makeup is a disaster.
My makeup is a disaster.

My makeup had a tough childhood.
My makeup had a tough childhood.

My makeup had to work three jobs to pay rent.
My makeup had to work three jobs to pay rent.

My makeup gets racially profiled by the police.
My makeup gets racially profiled by the police.

My makeup eats Maggi noodles
My makeup eats Maggi noodles

for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

Too real!
Too real!

My makeup bag looks like a natural disaster.
My makeup bag looks like a natural disaster.

Hey, everyone, this is what's inside my makeup bag.
Hey, everyone, this is what's inside my makeup bag.

This broken blush that explodes all over everything.
This broken blush that explodes all over everything.

Literally, all my makeup seems shy.
Literally, all my makeup seems shy.

This broken eyelash curler that always slips out of my hand
This broken eyelash curler that always slips out of my hand

and pulls out all my hairs,
and pulls out all my hairs,

but I don't know, I just think less is more.
but I don't know, I just think less is more.

This broken eyeshadow palette that makes it look like
This broken eyeshadow palette that makes it look like

all the colors are having an orgy.
all the colors are having an orgy.

Now, if you wanna go black,
Now, if you wanna go black,

you have two things to keep in mind.
you have two things to keep in mind.

Number one, you'll never go back,
Number one, you'll never go back,

and number two, you might get some green and purple.
and number two, you might get some green and purple.

Now, you may notice that this one's empty
Now, you may notice that this one's empty

and all the rest are full.
and all the rest are full.

That's because I only know how to use that one color.
That's because I only know how to use that one color.

The rest are just fillers,
The rest are just fillers,

like the crappy members of a boy band.
like the crappy members of a boy band.

Where the eff is the next thing?
Where the eff is the next thing?

What is this?
What is this?

Where the eff are you?
Where the eff are you?

Here we have eyelash glue.
Here we have eyelash glue.

It's been in my makeup bag for approximately two years
It's been in my makeup bag for approximately two years

because I keep pretending like I know how to do that,
because I keep pretending like I know how to do that,

but I don't.
but I don't.

And then there's those cute formats with other people.
And then there's those cute formats with other people.

Like, hey, not only am I gorgeous
Like, hey, not only am I gorgeous

and know how to do makeup wonderfully,
and know how to do makeup wonderfully,

but I have all these people in my life
but I have all these people in my life

that love me so much.
that love me so much.

And for me, that's a little bit of an issue.
And for me, that's a little bit of an issue.

Okay, honestly, where is he?
Okay, honestly, where is he?

- [Person Off Camera] Um, who?
- [Person Off Camera] Um, who?

- My boyfriend.
- My boyfriend.

- [Person Off Camera] You don't have a boyfriend.
- [Person Off Camera] You don't have a boyfriend.

- What?
- What?

Oh yeah, you're right.
Oh yeah, you're right.

But that's okay, because I can just do the next best thing.
But that's okay, because I can just do the next best thing.

- Hello, today I'm doing Lilly's makeup.
- Hello, today I'm doing Lilly's makeup.

- Oh wait, dad, how are we gonna do this?
- Oh wait, dad, how are we gonna do this?

You hand can't cross that split screen line.
You hand can't cross that split screen line.

- Let me try.
- Let me try.

- Crap!
- Crap!

Side note, I actually do have a video
Side note, I actually do have a video

of my dad doing my makeup on my channel.
of my dad doing my makeup on my channel.

The link is in the description.
The link is in the description.

It's cute AF!
It's cute AF!

Cute AF.
Cute AF.

I can't be the only one that thinks that
I can't be the only one that thinks that

beauty and lifestyle people have a routine for everything.
beauty and lifestyle people have a routine for everything.

Morning routine.
Morning routine.

Nighttime routine.
Nighttime routine.

Lunchtime routine.
Lunchtime routine.

Morning summer routine.
Morning summer routine.

Winter nighttime routine.
Winter nighttime routine.

And I'm just like, am I the only idiot out here
And I'm just like, am I the only idiot out here

that doesn't have a routine
that doesn't have a routine

that accommodates to the seasons?
that accommodates to the seasons?

My routine is not a Starbucks cup.
My routine is not a Starbucks cup.

Okay, my routine doesn't give an eff
Okay, my routine doesn't give an eff

what color the leaves are outside.
what color the leaves are outside.

I don't have a routine.
I don't have a routine.

In fact, my period doesn't even follow a routine.
In fact, my period doesn't even follow a routine.

My period some months is like, hey,
My period some months is like, hey,

this month I'll be a colon.
this month I'll be a colon.

I'm gonna just come twice.
I'm gonna just come twice.

Oh my God, that'd be horrible.
Oh my God, that'd be horrible.

It's happened.
It's happened.

Getting your period twice in a month is like
Getting your period twice in a month is like

the opposite of being stressed that you're pregnant.
the opposite of being stressed that you're pregnant.

You're like, oh my God, have I been converted
You're like, oh my God, have I been converted

back into a virgin, or for some people, remained one.
back into a virgin, or for some people, remained one.

Whatever, shut up, don't judge me.
Whatever, shut up, don't judge me.

My routine videos would suck.
My routine videos would suck.

Hey everyone, this is my year long night routine.
Hey everyone, this is my year long night routine.

First I'm going to not wash my face,
First I'm going to not wash my face,

and then I'm going to go to sleep.
and then I'm going to go to sleep.

Thanks for watching.
Thanks for watching.

Don't even get me started on makeup routines.
Don't even get me started on makeup routines.

A, I would be really bad at making those cutesy faces
A, I would be really bad at making those cutesy faces

in between takes.
in between takes.

I would not be able to do that seriously.
I would not be able to do that seriously.

B, as mentioned before, I only know how to do
B, as mentioned before, I only know how to do

one look with my makeup.
one look with my makeup.

C, I don't know what the eff each brush is for,
C, I don't know what the eff each brush is for,

nor do I clean them regularly.
nor do I clean them regularly.

Okay, like, maximum, one time every four months, max.
Okay, like, maximum, one time every four months, max.

Hey, everyone, today I'm going to be showing you
Hey, everyone, today I'm going to be showing you

how to do my only makeup look.
how to do my only makeup look.

I'll be using these two concealers and mixing them
I'll be using these two concealers and mixing them

because I'm brown and nothing matches my skin tone.
because I'm brown and nothing matches my skin tone.

Light, darker.
Light, darker.

Does this match my skin?
Does this match my skin?

Not really.
Not really.

I'm gonna apply this with a random brush
I'm gonna apply this with a random brush

that's inside this custy case.
that's inside this custy case.

As you can see, it's very dense
As you can see, it's very dense

with previous makeup and germs.
with previous makeup and germs.

Next I'm gonna use this foundation
Next I'm gonna use this foundation

that I found in a pharmacy one day
that I found in a pharmacy one day

because I forgot my makeup at home that day.
because I forgot my makeup at home that day.

Uh, does this match my skin tone?
Uh, does this match my skin tone?

Not really.
Not really.

Now that my base is done and my face
Now that my base is done and my face

doesn't match my neck,
doesn't match my neck,

I'm gonna make up a bunch of crap that seems right.
I'm gonna make up a bunch of crap that seems right.

I'm using this eyeshadow.
I'm using this eyeshadow.

I don't know what it's called, but it looks pink,
I don't know what it's called, but it looks pink,

so I'm calling it pink.
so I'm calling it pink.

This brush seems right.
This brush seems right.

I'm gonna put some white in the corner of my eye
I'm gonna put some white in the corner of my eye

because I'm not racist.
because I'm not racist.

Now I'm gonna use this eyeliner
Now I'm gonna use this eyeliner

that has a million of those annoying
that has a million of those annoying

fuzzy string things in it that'll drive me crazy
fuzzy string things in it that'll drive me crazy

and eff everything up.
and eff everything up.

Now the wings of my liner will never be even,
Now the wings of my liner will never be even,

so I'm basically creating a handicapped bird
so I'm basically creating a handicapped bird

on my face.
on my face.

I'm gonna fill in my eyebrows with this thing,
I'm gonna fill in my eyebrows with this thing,

whatever this is.
whatever this is.

But clearly I have an abundance of it.
But clearly I have an abundance of it.

Wait, what is this even called?
Wait, what is this even called?

Manjeet's Beard.
Manjeet's Beard.

Mm, nice.
Mm, nice.

Fill, fill, fill, fill, fill.
Fill, fill, fill, fill, fill.

I'm a girl!
I'm a girl!

Next I'm gonna curl my eyelashes.
Next I'm gonna curl my eyelashes.

The key here is to not die.
The key here is to not die.

Once I did this and died, and it was horrible.
Once I did this and died, and it was horrible.

Top that off with some mascara from 2010.
Top that off with some mascara from 2010.

Use a sexy lipstick.
Use a sexy lipstick.

This one is called Bawse from Smashbox
This one is called Bawse from Smashbox

and it's literally the best thing in my makeup bag.
and it's literally the best thing in my makeup bag.

Next, I'm going to, oh my God, this is so good.
Next, I'm going to, oh my God, this is so good.

Mm, eff me hard, this is amazing!
Mm, eff me hard, this is amazing!

Yes, baby, mm, so bad.
Yes, baby, mm, so bad.

Oops, I mean, finish off with some cheek polish.
Oops, I mean, finish off with some cheek polish.

For real though, mad love to everyone
For real though, mad love to everyone

that does beauty, lifestyle stuff online.
that does beauty, lifestyle stuff online.

I applaud you.
I applaud you.

Straight up, I'll just stick to comedy,
Straight up, I'll just stick to comedy,

where I can be mediocre and happy wearing sweatpants.
where I can be mediocre and happy wearing sweatpants.

This is the part where you have to say
This is the part where you have to say

that I'm not mediocre and actually really funny.
that I'm not mediocre and actually really funny.

You should probably go ahead and comment that below.
You should probably go ahead and comment that below.

I'll wait.
I'll wait.

Oh, you're so sweet, this is so unexpected!
Oh, you're so sweet, this is so unexpected!

Yo, what's up, hope you enjoyed that video.
Yo, what's up, hope you enjoyed that video.

If you did, you know what to do.
If you did, you know what to do.

Give it a thumbs up.
Give it a thumbs up.

Don't just say you will, actually do it.
Don't just say you will, actually do it.

You wanna preorder my book, How to Be a Boss,
You wanna preorder my book, How to Be a Boss,

it is available now, little square right over there,
it is available now, little square right over there,

last video right there,
last video right there,

second vlog channel right there.
second vlog channel right there.

Make sure you subscribe,
Make sure you subscribe,

'cause I make new videos every Monday and Thursday
'cause I make new videos every Monday and Thursday

and I want you to be here.
and I want you to be here.

One love, Superwoman.
One love, Superwoman.

That is a wrap, and zoom!
That is a wrap, and zoom!