What does it mean to be  entitled? Well, I know. In fact,
What does it mean to be  entitled? Well, I know. In fact,

I have lived with many children who are  entitled because I was a treatment foster parent  
I have lived with many children who are  entitled because I was a treatment foster parent  

for youth ages 12 to 18. I'm Nicholeen Peck and  in this video, we're talking about entitlement.
for youth ages 12 to 18. I'm Nicholeen Peck and  in this video, we're talking about entitlement.

In this video, we're going to talk about what  it means to be entitled but also what you can  
In this video, we're going to talk about what  it means to be entitled but also what you can  

do about it. Would you like solutions? If so, let  me know what other things that I can share with  
do about it. Would you like solutions? If so, let  me know what other things that I can share with  

you by commenting in the chat. Let's talk about  entitlement, what does it mean to be entitled?
you by commenting in the chat. Let's talk about  entitlement, what does it mean to be entitled?

When a person is entitled that means that they are  expecting certain things or expecting certain  
When a person is entitled that means that they are  expecting certain things or expecting certain  

treatment. In fact, more specifically a person who  is entitled actually thinks that the solution  
treatment. In fact, more specifically a person who  is entitled actually thinks that the solution  

to their problem is something that is outside  of themselves. They are thinking extrinsically.  
to their problem is something that is outside  of themselves. They are thinking extrinsically.  

A person who is not entitled knows that they have  to fix what's going on in the inside of themselves  
A person who is not entitled knows that they have  to fix what's going on in the inside of themselves  

in order to fix their problem. This means that they  are intrinsically motivated to find an intrinsic  
in order to fix their problem. This means that they  are intrinsically motivated to find an intrinsic  

solution to their problems. We're going to talk  about the solutions to the entitlement problem  
solution to their problems. We're going to talk  about the solutions to the entitlement problem  

in a minute. But first, let's get a little bit more  detail about what it really means to be entitled.
in a minute. But first, let's get a little bit more  detail about what it really means to be entitled.

When a person is entitled they often have  attitude problems ,they talk back to other people, 
When a person is entitled they often have  attitude problems ,they talk back to other people, 

they disrespect others, they're obsessed with what  they get, what they didn't get how they feel, what  
they disrespect others, they're obsessed with what  they get, what they didn't get how they feel, what  

someone did to them. They make excuses for a lot of  their mistakes because they feel like they deserve  
someone did to them. They make excuses for a lot of  their mistakes because they feel like they deserve  

excuses. Instead of taking full responsibility  for their thoughts behaviors and for their  
excuses. Instead of taking full responsibility  for their thoughts behaviors and for their  

relationships. So when a person is entitled they  are constantly bringing this selfish perspective  
relationships. So when a person is entitled they  are constantly bringing this selfish perspective  

to the table. Do you know somebody who is like that?  Well if so, I've got some solutions for you. Does  
to the table. Do you know somebody who is like that?  Well if so, I've got some solutions for you. Does  

this information about entitlement interest you?  If so, give this video a thumbs up. Now, let's get into  
this information about entitlement interest you?  If so, give this video a thumbs up. Now, let's get into  

what we can do to help with entitlement problems. So here are some of my special tips for things  
what we can do to help with entitlement problems. So here are some of my special tips for things  

that you can do to help deal with entitlement and  help a person overcome entitlement. The first thing  
that you can do to help deal with entitlement and  help a person overcome entitlement. The first thing  

is the person needs to understand who they are  and who you are. I know that seems really basic  
is the person needs to understand who they are  and who you are. I know that seems really basic  

but it's deeper than you might imagine. The person  who is being selfish who is being entitled is  
but it's deeper than you might imagine. The person  who is being selfish who is being entitled is  

only thinking about themselves and their own value. They are forgetting about all of the other people  
only thinking about themselves and their own value. They are forgetting about all of the other people  

around them and how you all are interconnected. So, in our family and in my teaching self-government  
around them and how you all are interconnected. So, in our family and in my teaching self-government  

parenting course I talk about creating a family  vision. So, this is a picture of where the family is  
parenting course I talk about creating a family  vision. So, this is a picture of where the family is  

headed 20 years in the future. This vision helps  us have something to hold on to. We are able to  
headed 20 years in the future. This vision helps  us have something to hold on to. We are able to  

connect based on who we know we are to each other.  This means that we have to be constantly keeping  
connect based on who we know we are to each other.  This means that we have to be constantly keeping  

each other in mind. So, when a person is not living  according to this vision then we're going to be  
each other in mind. So, when a person is not living  according to this vision then we're going to be  

correcting them because this vision is an  understood instruction. Instructions are really  
correcting them because this vision is an  understood instruction. Instructions are really  

important at our house. In fact, there are four  basic skills that I teach my children so that they  
important at our house. In fact, there are four  basic skills that I teach my children so that they  

can learn self-mastery and so that we can have  good communication. These four basic skills are  
can learn self-mastery and so that we can have  good communication. These four basic skills are  

following instructions, accepting no answers and  criticism, accepting consequences, and disagreeing  
following instructions, accepting no answers and  criticism, accepting consequences, and disagreeing  

appropriately. Being able to follow instructions  is the number one skill that a child needs because  
appropriately. Being able to follow instructions  is the number one skill that a child needs because  

if they will not or cannot follow instructions the  parent cannot parent them. This creates dysfunction  
if they will not or cannot follow instructions the  parent cannot parent them. This creates dysfunction  

and throws off all of the family roles. If  you do not keep your roles in the right place  
and throws off all of the family roles. If  you do not keep your roles in the right place  

no one knows who they are. Which means we have  a loss of identity and problems cannot be fixed.
no one knows who they are. Which means we have  a loss of identity and problems cannot be fixed.

So let's talk about how to fix the problems  with entitlement. When a child is experiencing  
So let's talk about how to fix the problems  with entitlement. When a child is experiencing  

entitlement I'm going to pull them aside and  have a special meeting with them called a  
entitlement I'm going to pull them aside and  have a special meeting with them called a  

parent counseling session. During this parent  counseling session I'm going to talk to them  
parent counseling session. During this parent  counseling session I'm going to talk to them  

about what I'm noticing, some of these behavior  trends. I'm going to mention this at a time when  
about what I'm noticing, some of these behavior  trends. I'm going to mention this at a time when  

they have not been acting entitlement. So this  is a time when they maybe will not be feeling  
they have not been acting entitlement. So this  is a time when they maybe will not be feeling  

emotional. I don't want to trigger them or start  them in non-productive thinking at this time.
emotional. I don't want to trigger them or start  them in non-productive thinking at this time.

I'm just gonna say, "Have you noticed that recently  there seems to be this frame of mind that you go  
I'm just gonna say, "Have you noticed that recently  there seems to be this frame of mind that you go  

to where you are blaming other people or where  you are thinking that other things are happening  
to where you are blaming other people or where  you are thinking that other things are happening  

to you. But in reality, when you finally fix your  problem it's actually because it's a change that  
to you. But in reality, when you finally fix your  problem it's actually because it's a change that  

you made." Well, this is a common thing a trap  that people can fall into and I'm gonna help  
you made." Well, this is a common thing a trap  that people can fall into and I'm gonna help  

you conquer this particular problem. We're going  to make a plan for your success. So then, we're  
you conquer this particular problem. We're going  to make a plan for your success. So then, we're  

going to draw upon skills that I've already taught  them, those ones that I mentioned before. As well as  
going to draw upon skills that I've already taught  them, those ones that I mentioned before. As well as  

some other problem-solving exercises that I teach  the children in order to help them make a plan for  
some other problem-solving exercises that I teach  the children in order to help them make a plan for  

solving their problem. So, what might that plan  look like? A plan for handling entitlement issues  
solving their problem. So, what might that plan  look like? A plan for handling entitlement issues  

might look like this. We decide that when they are  acting in a way that is entitled that that means  
might look like this. We decide that when they are  acting in a way that is entitled that that means  

they are not disagreeing appropriately because  usually that's the case. Oftentimes, one of the  
they are not disagreeing appropriately because  usually that's the case. Oftentimes, one of the  

hallmarks of entitled behavior is back talkin. So they want to say something. They want to make  
hallmarks of entitled behavior is back talkin. So they want to say something. They want to make  

an excuse. They want to tell you how it really is  something like that. But they're just not doing it  
an excuse. They want to tell you how it really is  something like that. But they're just not doing it  

in the right way. So, one of those four basic  skills which is disagreeing appropriately  
in the right way. So, one of those four basic  skills which is disagreeing appropriately  

has a six-step process that they can go through  in order to be understood but to do it in a very  
has a six-step process that they can go through  in order to be understood but to do it in a very  

respectful and effective way. So, then I will tell  them if they choose not to use this skill properly  
respectful and effective way. So, then I will tell  them if they choose not to use this skill properly  

then I will correct them. The correction will  be handled in a specific manner. When I correct  
then I will correct them. The correction will  be handled in a specific manner. When I correct  

my children, I do not react emotionally to their  behavior this does not help them self-assess. 
my children, I do not react emotionally to their  behavior this does not help them self-assess. 

In fact, it begins a power struggle. Parents start  power struggles so often, they don't usually  
In fact, it begins a power struggle. Parents start  power struggles so often, they don't usually  

realize it because they're just being frustrated  in the minute and they think that showing the  
realize it because they're just being frustrated  in the minute and they think that showing the  

child frustration will actually lead to compliance  and solve a problem but it hardly ever does.
child frustration will actually lead to compliance  and solve a problem but it hardly ever does.

In fact, if you have a child that's strong-willed it's  just going to lead to more manipulation from them  
In fact, if you have a child that's strong-willed it's  just going to lead to more manipulation from them  

and a force your power struggle. So, when I describe  behaviors that need to be corrected I start  
and a force your power struggle. So, when I describe  behaviors that need to be corrected I start  

by explaining everything that happened in the  situation. So I say things like, "Just a moment ago  
by explaining everything that happened in the  situation. So I say things like, "Just a moment ago  

I gave you an instruction. You didn't look at me,  you didn't keep a calm face voice and body. You  
I gave you an instruction. You didn't look at me,  you didn't keep a calm face voice and body. You  

didn't say okay or ask to disagree appropriately.  You didn't do the task immediately and you didn't  
didn't say okay or ask to disagree appropriately.  You didn't do the task immediately and you didn't  

check back. So you were not doing any of the five  steps for following instructions. So I see that  
check back. So you were not doing any of the five  steps for following instructions. So I see that  

you are choosing not to follow instructions. When  you choose not to follow instructions we need to  
you are choosing not to follow instructions. When  you choose not to follow instructions we need to  

take this extra time to talk about what you should  have done and practice doing things the right way.
take this extra time to talk about what you should  have done and practice doing things the right way.

What you should have done was", and then I  specifically, describe all those same steps  
What you should have done was", and then I  specifically, describe all those same steps  

for what they should have done. Then we carry on  into the consequence portion of the correction  
for what they should have done. Then we carry on  into the consequence portion of the correction  

as well as the training portion of the correction.  Doing an effective correction that feels calm  
as well as the training portion of the correction.  Doing an effective correction that feels calm  

and safe and is completely predictable because  you've told them ahead of time this is how you  
and safe and is completely predictable because  you've told them ahead of time this is how you  

will handle it leads to greater success than  just throwing things at them in the minute.
will handle it leads to greater success than  just throwing things at them in the minute.

So in this parent counseling session you're  going to review a skill that they need to use  
So in this parent counseling session you're  going to review a skill that they need to use  

to help them get their way and be understood and  then you are going to also tell them how you will  
to help them get their way and be understood and  then you are going to also tell them how you will  

handle it if they still choose to behave in an  entitled way. The next thing you have to do is  
handle it if they still choose to behave in an  entitled way. The next thing you have to do is  

be consistent and follow through now. I know for  some people that's hard. Maybe they're afraid of  
be consistent and follow through now. I know for  some people that's hard. Maybe they're afraid of  

negative consequences. They don't want the time  it takes but you absolutely must commit that you  
negative consequences. They don't want the time  it takes but you absolutely must commit that you  

will be consistent. People learn self-government  because of cause and effect and they need a leader.
will be consistent. People learn self-government  because of cause and effect and they need a leader.

You as the parent are the teacher and leader and  they need you to point out when adjustments must  
You as the parent are the teacher and leader and  they need you to point out when adjustments must  

be made. Otherwise, they might not see their  mistakes and that will deprive them of the  
be made. Otherwise, they might not see their  mistakes and that will deprive them of the  

opportunity to make a change. When you correct  your children you should have a tone of calmness.
opportunity to make a change. When you correct  your children you should have a tone of calmness.

Make sure that those corrections feel safe. How do  you create a tone of calmness? Well, you've got to  
Make sure that those corrections feel safe. How do  you create a tone of calmness? Well, you've got to  

have a calm skill set to rely upon so that you can  make sure that you keep your own emotions in check.
have a calm skill set to rely upon so that you can  make sure that you keep your own emotions in check.

Because if you become emotional then guess  what you're actually behaving in an entitled  
Because if you become emotional then guess  what you're actually behaving in an entitled  

way too. Because you watched this video I have  a free toolkit that I want to give you. It's a  
way too. Because you watched this video I have  a free toolkit that I want to give you. It's a  

calm parenting toolkit. Below this video in the  description section there is a link to the calm  
calm parenting toolkit. Below this video in the  description section there is a link to the calm  

parenting toolkit. Click on that link now and go  and get the help that you need so that you can be  
parenting toolkit. Click on that link now and go  and get the help that you need so that you can be  

calm when they aren't and they are being entitled  and so that you can help them become calm so that  
calm when they aren't and they are being entitled  and so that you can help them become calm so that  

these entitlement problems can go away for good.  Click on the link now and I will see you there.
these entitlement problems can go away for good.  Click on the link now and I will see you there.