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  • 00:00

    ( APPLAUSE ) >> STEPHEN: BUT AT LEAST TRUMP
    ( APPLAUSE ) >> STEPHEN: BUT AT LEAST TRUMP

  • 00:01

    HAS A LAWYER IN THE STORMY DANIELS CASE, WHICH IS MORE THAN
    HAS A LAWYER IN THE STORMY DANIELS CASE, WHICH IS MORE THAN

  • 00:02

    HE CAN SAY FOR THE RUSSIA INVESTIGATION.
    HE CAN SAY FOR THE RUSSIA INVESTIGATION.

  • 00:04

    LAST WEEK, TRUMP'S LEAD ATTORNEY RESIGNED --
    LAST WEEK, TRUMP'S LEAD ATTORNEY RESIGNED --

  • 00:09

    AND, FOR A MINUTE, IT LOOKED LIKE TRUMP WAS GOING TO REPLACE
    AND, FOR A MINUTE, IT LOOKED LIKE TRUMP WAS GOING TO REPLACE

  • 00:11

    HIM WITH HUSBAND AND WIFE LAWYER TEAM, VICTORIA TOENSING AND HER
    HIM WITH HUSBAND AND WIFE LAWYER TEAM, VICTORIA TOENSING AND HER

  • 00:15

    HUSBAND, JOSEPH DIGENOVA, SEEN HERE PLAYING THE EVIL FOSTER
    HUSBAND, JOSEPH DIGENOVA, SEEN HERE PLAYING THE EVIL FOSTER

  • 00:17

    PARENTS WHO WANT TO SEND BEETHOVEN TO THE POUND.
    PARENTS WHO WANT TO SEND BEETHOVEN TO THE POUND.

  • 00:25

    BUT THEN THEY SAID THEY COULDN'T DO IT BECAUSE OF CONFLICTS OF
    BUT THEN THEY SAID THEY COULDN'T DO IT BECAUSE OF CONFLICTS OF

  • 00:27

    INTEREST.
    INTEREST.

  • 00:28

    AND YESTERDAY, TRUMP WAS REJECTED BY TWO MORE PROMINENT
    AND YESTERDAY, TRUMP WAS REJECTED BY TWO MORE PROMINENT

  • 00:30

    ATTORNEYS, TOM BUCHANAN AND DAN WEBB, WHO BOTH REJECTED AN OFFER
    ATTORNEYS, TOM BUCHANAN AND DAN WEBB, WHO BOTH REJECTED AN OFFER

  • 00:33

    TO JOIN PRESIDENT TRUMP'S LEGAL TEAM, CITING BUSINESS
    TO JOIN PRESIDENT TRUMP'S LEGAL TEAM, CITING BUSINESS

  • 00:37

    CONFLICTS.
    CONFLICTS.

  • 00:38

    "OH, I'D LOVE TO BE YOUR LAWYER, DONALD, BUT I'VE GOT CONFLICTS!
    "OH, I'D LOVE TO BE YOUR LAWYER, DONALD, BUT I'VE GOT CONFLICTS!

  • 00:41

    TURNS OUT, I'M ALREADY SCHEDULED TO RIDE A MECHANICAL BULL MADE
    TURNS OUT, I'M ALREADY SCHEDULED TO RIDE A MECHANICAL BULL MADE

  • 00:45

    OF CHEESE GRATERS THEN SQUAT IN A BOWL OF GIN.
    OF CHEESE GRATERS THEN SQUAT IN A BOWL OF GIN.

  • 00:50

    AND I'D RATHER DO THAT."
    AND I'D RATHER DO THAT."

  • 00:54

    ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
    ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )

  • 00:58

    MECHANICAL BULL FANS.
    MECHANICAL BULL FANS.

  • 01:03

    ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( LAUGHTER )
    ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( LAUGHTER )

  • 01:19

    YEAH, YEAH.
    YEAH, YEAH.

  • 01:19

    I WAS IN THE MIME RODEO FOR A WHILE.
    I WAS IN THE MIME RODEO FOR A WHILE.

  • 01:23

    ( LAUGHTER ) NOW THIS PART'S WEIRD.
    ( LAUGHTER ) NOW THIS PART'S WEIRD.

  • 01:26

    SOME PEOPLE ARE SPECULATING THAT ROBERT MUELLER MAY HAVE TOLD
    SOME PEOPLE ARE SPECULATING THAT ROBERT MUELLER MAY HAVE TOLD

  • 01:29

    TRUMP THAT MUELLER HAD CONCERNS ABOUT TRUMP'S OWN
    TRUMP THAT MUELLER HAD CONCERNS ABOUT TRUMP'S OWN

  • 01:31

    RIGHTS.
    RIGHTS.

  • 01:33

    AND THAT "DILIGENT PROSECUTORS, WHEN THEY SEE A DEFENDANT DOING
    AND THAT "DILIGENT PROSECUTORS, WHEN THEY SEE A DEFENDANT DOING

  • 01:35

    SOMETHING PROFOUNDLY DANGEROUS TO THEIR SELF-INTEREST,
    SOMETHING PROFOUNDLY DANGEROUS TO THEIR SELF-INTEREST,

  • 01:38

    INCLUDING HIRING LAWYERS WHO HAVE CONFLICTS, WILL RAISE IT
    INCLUDING HIRING LAWYERS WHO HAVE CONFLICTS, WILL RAISE IT

  • 01:40

    WITH THE DEFENDANT AND SUGGEST THEY RETHINK IT."
    WITH THE DEFENDANT AND SUGGEST THEY RETHINK IT."

  • 01:44

    IF THIS IS TRUE, THEN CLEARLY THE BEST LAWYER TRUMP HAS
    IF THIS IS TRUE, THEN CLEARLY THE BEST LAWYER TRUMP HAS

  • 01:48

    AGAINST ROBERT MUELLER IS ROBERT MUELLER.
    AGAINST ROBERT MUELLER IS ROBERT MUELLER.

  • 01:54

    ( LAUGHTER ) I THINK JUST FOR EVERYONE'S
    ( LAUGHTER ) I THINK JUST FOR EVERYONE'S

  • 01:57

    SAKE, MUELLER SHOULD ARGUE BOTH SIDES.
    SAKE, MUELLER SHOULD ARGUE BOTH SIDES.

  • 02:01

    "YOUR HONOR, THE PRESIDENT HAS CLEARLY COMMITTED A FLAGRANT ACT
    "YOUR HONOR, THE PRESIDENT HAS CLEARLY COMMITTED A FLAGRANT ACT

  • 02:02

    OF TREASON."
    OF TREASON."

  • 02:03

    "THIS IS NONSENSE, YOUR HONOR.
    "THIS IS NONSENSE, YOUR HONOR.

  • 02:03

    MR. TRUMP IS A PATRIOT AND PUBLIC SERVANT."
    MR. TRUMP IS A PATRIOT AND PUBLIC SERVANT."

  • 02:05

    "I OBJECT!" "OVERRULED!
    "I OBJECT!" "OVERRULED!

  • 02:07

    I'M THE JUDGE NOW, TOO!" ( LAUGHTER )
    I'M THE JUDGE NOW, TOO!" ( LAUGHTER )

  • 02:10

    ( APPLAUSE ) "I SAID, GOOD DAY!"
    ( APPLAUSE ) "I SAID, GOOD DAY!"

  • 02:16

    ( CHEERING ) ( PIANO RIFF )
    ( CHEERING ) ( PIANO RIFF )

  • 02:24

    ( LAUGHTER ) I RARELY BREAK A SWEAT UP HERE.
    ( LAUGHTER ) I RARELY BREAK A SWEAT UP HERE.

  • 02:29

    ( LAUGHTER ) MEANWHILE -- I WANT TO SQUEEGEE
    ( LAUGHTER ) MEANWHILE -- I WANT TO SQUEEGEE

  • 02:35

    ME OFF AFTER THIS.
    ME OFF AFTER THIS.

  • 02:37

    MEANWHILE, ON THE INTERNATIONAL FRONT, THERE'S SPECULATION ABOUT
    MEANWHILE, ON THE INTERNATIONAL FRONT, THERE'S SPECULATION ABOUT

  • 02:39

    A VISIT TO BEIJING BY NORTH KOREAN LEADER KIM JONG UN AND --
    A VISIT TO BEIJING BY NORTH KOREAN LEADER KIM JONG UN AND --

  • 02:42

    GET THIS -- HE'S ARRIVING ON A MYSTERY TRAIN.
    GET THIS -- HE'S ARRIVING ON A MYSTERY TRAIN.

  • 02:46

    ( LAUGHTER ) A MYSTERY TRAIN!
    ( LAUGHTER ) A MYSTERY TRAIN!

  • 02:48

    IT'S LIKE "MURDER ON THE ORIENT EXPRESS," AND I AM ALREADY
    IT'S LIKE "MURDER ON THE ORIENT EXPRESS," AND I AM ALREADY

  • 02:51

    REGRETTING USING THE WORD "ORIENT."
    REGRETTING USING THE WORD "ORIENT."

  • 02:52

    MY APOLOGIES.
    MY APOLOGIES.

  • 02:58

    SOURCES SAY NORTH KOREA HAS A MYSTERIOUS GREEN
    SOURCES SAY NORTH KOREA HAS A MYSTERIOUS GREEN

  • 03:01

    TRAIN THAT FOR YEARS HAS BEEN USED FOR NORTH KOREAN LEADERS TO
    TRAIN THAT FOR YEARS HAS BEEN USED FOR NORTH KOREAN LEADERS TO

  • 03:02

    MAKE SECRET TRIPS.
    MAKE SECRET TRIPS.

  • 03:06

    IT'S THE PERFECT WAY TO THROW PEOPLE OFF YOUR TRAIL.
    IT'S THE PERFECT WAY TO THROW PEOPLE OFF YOUR TRAIL.

  • 03:09

    "WHERE COULD THAT MYSTERY TRAIN BE GOING?
    "WHERE COULD THAT MYSTERY TRAIN BE GOING?

  • 03:12

    COULD IT BE THE TRACK?
    COULD IT BE THE TRACK?

  • 03:16

    ( LAUGHTER ) THIS IS EASILY THE MOST
    ( LAUGHTER ) THIS IS EASILY THE MOST

  • 03:20

    DETECTABLE TRANSPORT FOR A LEADER SINCE KAISER WILHELM'S
    DETECTABLE TRANSPORT FOR A LEADER SINCE KAISER WILHELM'S

  • 03:21

    ENIGMA ZEPPELIN!
    ENIGMA ZEPPELIN!

  • 03:24

    ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
    ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )

  • 03:27

    NOW, LITTLE IS KNOWN ABOUT THIS MYSTERY TRAIN-- IT'S A BIT OF
    NOW, LITTLE IS KNOWN ABOUT THIS MYSTERY TRAIN-- IT'S A BIT OF

  • 03:31

    A... TRAIN.
    A... TRAIN.

  • 03:32

    BUT WE DO KNOW THAT IT'S BEEN IN USE FOR DECADES, AND THAT KIM
    BUT WE DO KNOW THAT IT'S BEEN IN USE FOR DECADES, AND THAT KIM

  • 03:34

    JONG-UN'S FATHER, KIM JONG-IL, EVEN HAD IT DECKED OUT FOR
    JONG-UN'S FATHER, KIM JONG-IL, EVEN HAD IT DECKED OUT FOR

  • 03:38

    LAVISH PARTIES, BOUTS OF HEAVY DRINKING, AND KARAOKE.
    LAVISH PARTIES, BOUTS OF HEAVY DRINKING, AND KARAOKE.

  • 03:42

    SOUNDS FUN, UNTIL YOU'RE TRAPPED IN THE DINING CAR WITH A
    SOUNDS FUN, UNTIL YOU'RE TRAPPED IN THE DINING CAR WITH A

  • 03:45

    MURDEROUS MADMAN SINGING "CRAZY TRAIN."
    MURDEROUS MADMAN SINGING "CRAZY TRAIN."

  • 03:50

    ( LAUGHTER ) ♪ AEEE, AEEE ♪
    ( LAUGHTER ) ♪ AEEE, AEEE ♪

  • 03:58

    NO OZZY FANS?
    NO OZZY FANS?

  • 04:01

    ( LAUGHTER ) OF COURSE, FOR SECURITY ALL OF
    ( LAUGHTER ) OF COURSE, FOR SECURITY ALL OF

  • 04:01

    THE TRAIN CARRIAGES ARE BULLETPROOF, BUT THE ADDITIONAL
    THE TRAIN CARRIAGES ARE BULLETPROOF, BUT THE ADDITIONAL

  • 04:03

    WEIGHT MEANS THE TRAIN CAN REACH A MAXIMUM SPEED OF JUST 37 MILES
    WEIGHT MEANS THE TRAIN CAN REACH A MAXIMUM SPEED OF JUST 37 MILES

  • 04:05

    PER HOUR.
    PER HOUR.

  • 04:07

    SO WHILE YOU CAN'T SHOOT IT, YOU CAN BEAT IT IN A BIKE RACE.
    SO WHILE YOU CAN'T SHOOT IT, YOU CAN BEAT IT IN A BIKE RACE.

  • 04:13

    ( LAUGHTER ) THE "NEW YORK TIMES" CALLED IT
    ( LAUGHTER ) THE "NEW YORK TIMES" CALLED IT

  • 04:14

    BULLETPROOF, SLOW AND FULL OF WINE.
    BULLETPROOF, SLOW AND FULL OF WINE.

  • 04:18

    ALSO THE TITLE OF SYLVESTER STALLONE'S COMEBACK MOVIE.
    ALSO THE TITLE OF SYLVESTER STALLONE'S COMEBACK MOVIE.

  • 04:23

    ( LAUGHTER ) WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
    ( LAUGHTER ) WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU

  • 04:24

    TONIGHT.
    TONIGHT.

  • 04:24

    SAM BEE IS HERE.
    SAM BEE IS HERE.

  • 04:26

    BUT WHEN WE RETURN, IS JOHN BOLTON GOING TO KILL US ALL?
    BUT WHEN WE RETURN, IS JOHN BOLTON GOING TO KILL US ALL?

  • 04:28

    STICK AROUND.
    STICK AROUND.

All

Robert Mueller Pities The Fool

1,836,116 views

The Late Show with Stephen Colbert

Video Language:

  • English

Caption Language:

  • English (en)

Accent:

  • English

Speech Time:

95%
  • 4:31 / 4:43

Speech Rate:

  • 141 wpm - Conversational

Category:

  • Entertainment

Tags :

Intro:

( APPLAUSE ) >> STEPHEN: BUT AT LEAST TRUMP. HAS A LAWYER IN THE STORMY DANIELS CASE, WHICH IS MORE THAN
HE CAN SAY FOR THE RUSSIA INVESTIGATION.. LAST WEEK, TRUMP'S LEAD ATTORNEY RESIGNED --. AND, FOR A MINUTE, IT LOOKED LIKE TRUMP WAS GOING TO REPLACE
HIM WITH HUSBAND AND WIFE LAWYER TEAM, VICTORIA TOENSING AND HER
HUSBAND, JOSEPH DIGENOVA, SEEN HERE PLAYING THE EVIL FOSTER
PARENTS WHO WANT TO SEND BEETHOVEN TO THE POUND.. BUT THEN THEY SAID THEY COULDN'T DO IT BECAUSE OF CONFLICTS OF
INTEREST.. AND YESTERDAY, TRUMP WAS REJECTED BY TWO MORE PROMINENT
ATTORNEYS, TOM BUCHANAN AND DAN WEBB, WHO BOTH REJECTED AN OFFER
TO JOIN PRESIDENT TRUMP'S LEGAL TEAM, CITING BUSINESS
CONFLICTS.. "OH, I'D LOVE TO BE YOUR LAWYER, DONALD, BUT I'VE GOT CONFLICTS!
TURNS OUT, I'M ALREADY SCHEDULED TO RIDE A MECHANICAL BULL MADE
OF CHEESE GRATERS THEN SQUAT IN A BOWL OF GIN.. AND I'D RATHER DO THAT.". ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ). MECHANICAL BULL FANS..

Video Vocabulary

graters

/ˈɡrādər/

noun other

device having surface covered with holes edged by slightly raised cutting edges. Utensil with sharp edges for shredding foods.

speculating

/ˈspekyəˌlāt/

noun verb

Taking risks that might lead to big profits. form theory or conjecture about subject without firm evidence.

laughter

/ˈlaftər/

noun

action or sound of laughing.

attorney

/əˈtərnē/

noun

Person giving legal advice; a lawyer.

mechanical

/məˈkanək(ə)l/

adjective noun

operated by machine. working parts of vehicle.

conflicts
noun other verb

serious disagreement or argument. Arguments or struggles between two or more parties. To have opposite ideas; to disagree; To not match.

husband

/ˈhəzbənd/

noun verb

married man considered in relation to his spouse. use resources economically.

applause

/əˈplôz/

noun

approval or praise expressed by clapping.

playing

/plā/

verb

To do something for enjoyment and fun.

victoria

/vikˈtôrēə/

noun proper noun

A light four-wheeled horse-drawn carriage with a collapsible hood, seats for two passengers, and an elevated driver's seat in front.. A state of southeastern Australia; population 5,313,823 (2008); capital, Melbourne. Originally a district of New South Wales, it became a separate colony in 1851 and was federated with the other states of Australia in 1901..

because

/bēˈkəz/

conjunction

For a reason.