“What do you think happens when we die?” “What?” 
“What do you think happens when we die?” “What?” 

“Hmm?” “Didn’t you just say something?” 
“Hmm?” “Didn’t you just say something?” 

“No, sorry. What were you sayin’?” “I was just asking how looking at  
“No, sorry. What were you sayin’?” “I was just asking how looking at  

colleges and everything was going for  you?...Are you ok? Do you want me to drive?” 
colleges and everything was going for  you?...Are you ok? Do you want me to drive?” 

“Yeah, no, I’m fine. Yeah, it’s  been going good, actually…” 
“Yeah, no, I’m fine. Yeah, it’s  been going good, actually…” 

It was Ernest and Arcadia’s first trip anywhere  together—a short road trip about two and a half  
It was Ernest and Arcadia’s first trip anywhere  together—a short road trip about two and a half  

hours north to Arcadia’s family cabin. It was the  dead of winter, so no one in Arcadia’s family was  
hours north to Arcadia’s family cabin. It was the  dead of winter, so no one in Arcadia’s family was  

using it, and it was the perfect, free getaway  spot for just the two of them. Both Ernest and  
using it, and it was the perfect, free getaway  spot for just the two of them. Both Ernest and  

Arcadia had just recently turned eighteen, and  they were both experiencing that early shedding  
Arcadia had just recently turned eighteen, and  they were both experiencing that early shedding  

of the skin that occurs in the later portion  of youth, followed by the onset of a new form  
of the skin that occurs in the later portion  of youth, followed by the onset of a new form  

of life scaled by greater personal-freedom,  responsibility, maturity, and uncertainty.  
of life scaled by greater personal-freedom,  responsibility, maturity, and uncertainty.  

The two were journeying into adulthood together  and feeling a connection they had never felt  
The two were journeying into adulthood together  and feeling a connection they had never felt  

with anyone or anything before—a comfort  and warmth that made it feel like everything  
with anyone or anything before—a comfort  and warmth that made it feel like everything  

was going to be ok, even if it wasn’t. For  the first time, they were falling in love. 
was going to be ok, even if it wasn’t. For  the first time, they were falling in love. 

As they got closer and closer to the cabin, their  surroundings became more and more desolate as the  
As they got closer and closer to the cabin, their  surroundings became more and more desolate as the  

frequency of exit ramps into populated towns and  cities decreased with each increasing mile into  
frequency of exit ramps into populated towns and  cities decreased with each increasing mile into  

the countryside. The light snow fall appeared  to increase simultaneously as the sky darkened  
the countryside. The light snow fall appeared  to increase simultaneously as the sky darkened  

and the road was illuminated only by the car’s  headlights. Throughout the drive, the two joked  
and the road was illuminated only by the car’s  headlights. Throughout the drive, the two joked  

and talked about all sorts of things—mostly  rudimentary, normal stuff: the day-to-day of their  
and talked about all sorts of things—mostly  rudimentary, normal stuff: the day-to-day of their  

lives, school, parents, friends, movies, sports,  and their future plans. Before they knew it,  
lives, school, parents, friends, movies, sports,  and their future plans. Before they knew it,  

they arrived—a small, but quaint cabin consumed  by darks woods in an area mostly vacant this  
they arrived—a small, but quaint cabin consumed  by darks woods in an area mostly vacant this  

time of year. Ernest pulled into the driveway and  parked. The two unloaded their bags, and Arcadia  
time of year. Ernest pulled into the driveway and  parked. The two unloaded their bags, and Arcadia  

unlocked the cabin door. Once inside, they turned  everything on, turned up the heat, and settled in. 
unlocked the cabin door. Once inside, they turned  everything on, turned up the heat, and settled in. 

“This place is sorta like an oasis in the  middle of nothin’, huh?” Ernest said as he  
“This place is sorta like an oasis in the  middle of nothin’, huh?” Ernest said as he  

organized some stuff in the kitchen. “Yeah, it always felt like an escape  
organized some stuff in the kitchen. “Yeah, it always felt like an escape  

when I was a kid, like everything  was ok here,” Arcadia responded. 
when I was a kid, like everything  was ok here,” Arcadia responded. 

“Yeah, it’s like somehow both unsettling and  comfortable at the same time. I like it, though.” 
“Yeah, it’s like somehow both unsettling and  comfortable at the same time. I like it, though.” 

Ernest pulled out a bottle of vodka that he had  gotten from one of his friends’ older brothers  
Ernest pulled out a bottle of vodka that he had  gotten from one of his friends’ older brothers  

and poured two glasses, mixing the  liquor with some juice he also brought.  
and poured two glasses, mixing the  liquor with some juice he also brought.  

The two sat in the living room, drinking and  talking all night about the same sorts of  
The two sat in the living room, drinking and  talking all night about the same sorts of  

stuff they talked about on the drive—normalcy of  day-to-day life and school and pop-culture, about  
stuff they talked about on the drive—normalcy of  day-to-day life and school and pop-culture, about  

anecdotes of their pasts and plans for the future.  They laughed and cried and had an incredible time. 
anecdotes of their pasts and plans for the future.  They laughed and cried and had an incredible time. 

Several hours later, after several  drinks, Arcadia passed out on the couch.  
Several hours later, after several  drinks, Arcadia passed out on the couch.  

Ernest was still wideawake, though. And so,  he carefully carried Arcadia into the bedroom,  
Ernest was still wideawake, though. And so,  he carefully carried Arcadia into the bedroom,  

made sure she was ok, and then went  back into the living to watch some TV  
made sure she was ok, and then went  back into the living to watch some TV  

and continue to drink by himself. He watched  whatever was on late-night basic cable—the  
and continue to drink by himself. He watched  whatever was on late-night basic cable—the  

news, then a sports talk show, then a reality  show rerun, then a documentary about chimpanzees.  
news, then a sports talk show, then a reality  show rerun, then a documentary about chimpanzees.  

In one scene of the documentary, it showed how  sometimes male chimpanzees eat other chimps,  
In one scene of the documentary, it showed how  sometimes male chimpanzees eat other chimps,  

sometimes even infants, in order to gain  territory and breading opportunities.  
sometimes even infants, in order to gain  territory and breading opportunities.  

Something about the sequence of everything he was  watching, the unnerving similarity between some of  
Something about the sequence of everything he was  watching, the unnerving similarity between some of  

the scenes in the news and reality show and some  of the scenes in the nature documentary, suddenly  
the scenes in the news and reality show and some  of the scenes in the nature documentary, suddenly  

gave Ernest a weird feeling in the pit of his  stomach. It all made him think about how he was  
gave Ernest a weird feeling in the pit of his  stomach. It all made him think about how he was  

a living thing in the world, and all the absurdity  he was watching on TV, he was also a part of.  
a living thing in the world, and all the absurdity  he was watching on TV, he was also a part of.  

This then made Ernest think about how all these  shows, how basically everything in ordinary life,  
This then made Ernest think about how all these  shows, how basically everything in ordinary life,  

was just a distraction or neat repackaging of  what lied behind, underneath, and inside it—a  
was just a distraction or neat repackaging of  what lied behind, underneath, and inside it—a  

meaningless chaos of absurdity and conflict and  violence and death. What’s the point of all this?  
meaningless chaos of absurdity and conflict and  violence and death. What’s the point of all this?  

Ernest wondered to himself with an increasing  fervency of anxiety. He felt as if a spotlight was  
Ernest wondered to himself with an increasing  fervency of anxiety. He felt as if a spotlight was  

suddenly being shinned on some void inside him.  Compelled by this intense yearn for something he  
suddenly being shinned on some void inside him.  Compelled by this intense yearn for something he  

couldn’t quite locate, Ernest got up, left  the cabin, and walked out into the woods.  
couldn’t quite locate, Ernest got up, left  the cabin, and walked out into the woods.  

He made his way through a small lining of dead  trees as snow fell down onto his exposed skin.  
He made his way through a small lining of dead  trees as snow fell down onto his exposed skin.  

Fairly quickly, he reached a large pond.  Completely frozen over, he walked out onto it.  
Fairly quickly, he reached a large pond.  Completely frozen over, he walked out onto it.  

He kept walking until the view of everything  around him was completely clear and wide in all  
He kept walking until the view of everything  around him was completely clear and wide in all  

directions. Once at the center, he looked up at  the clear night sky filled with stars above him.  
directions. Once at the center, he looked up at  the clear night sky filled with stars above him.  

He remembered how he was apparently  made of stuff that came from them.  
He remembered how he was apparently  made of stuff that came from them.  

This then made him think about how if he kept  going all the way back, tracing back all the  
This then made him think about how if he kept  going all the way back, tracing back all the  

elements of his body and mind, in some strange  way, he would eventually reach stars. But this  
elements of his body and mind, in some strange  way, he would eventually reach stars. But this  

then made him think about what if he kept going  further back. What if he followed what everything  
then made him think about what if he kept going  further back. What if he followed what everything  

he was made of back before the stars, back before  the stuff that made the stars was stuff at all?  
he was made of back before the stars, back before  the stuff that made the stars was stuff at all?  

How far back did it all really go? Where did it  come from? Why was it there? Why was he here?  
How far back did it all really go? Where did it  come from? Why was it there? Why was he here?  

He thought about how no one really  knew the answers to any of this.  
He thought about how no one really  knew the answers to any of this.  

This then made him realize that if he didn’t  know where the stuff he was made of came from,  
This then made him realize that if he didn’t  know where the stuff he was made of came from,  

what did that mean about where it was going, where  it would end up? What would happen when he reached  
what did that mean about where it was going, where  it would end up? What would happen when he reached  

the end of himself, when the next stars reached  the end of themselves, when the stuff that made  
the end of himself, when the next stars reached  the end of themselves, when the stuff that made  

the next stars reached the end themselves, when  everything reached the end of itself? Was this his  
the next stars reached the end themselves, when  everything reached the end of itself? Was this his  

only experience of something before nothingness  forever? Was this the universe’s only experience  
only experience of something before nothingness  forever? Was this the universe’s only experience  

of somethingness before nothingness forever? What  even is nothingness? What happens when we die?  
of somethingness before nothingness forever? What  even is nothingness? What happens when we die?  

What happens after everything dies? If everything  ends, does anything really matter? How could  
What happens after everything dies? If everything  ends, does anything really matter? How could  

it? Suddenly, an extreme, frigid pain came  over Ernest’s entire body. It was a feeling  
it? Suddenly, an extreme, frigid pain came  over Ernest’s entire body. It was a feeling  

unlike he had ever felt before. Then, in a sudden  shock, he realized he was partly submerged in the  
unlike he had ever felt before. Then, in a sudden  shock, he realized he was partly submerged in the  

freezing cold water of the pond. The surface of  the ground had cracked beneath him, and he was now  
freezing cold water of the pond. The surface of  the ground had cracked beneath him, and he was now  

on the underside of it. He flailed dangerously  in a panic, pulling parts of the surface down  
on the underside of it. He flailed dangerously  in a panic, pulling parts of the surface down  

under with him as he tried to grab a hold of the  edge. After struggling for a few long seconds,  
under with him as he tried to grab a hold of the  edge. After struggling for a few long seconds,  

he was able to pull himself back up. But  now, he stood on the surface, soaked in  
he was able to pull himself back up. But  now, he stood on the surface, soaked in  

the freezing water, uncontrollable grasping for  air, and exposed to the cold world around him. 
the freezing water, uncontrollable grasping for  air, and exposed to the cold world around him. 

In a delirious panic, Ernest ran back to the  bank of the pond and then back to the cabin.  
In a delirious panic, Ernest ran back to the  bank of the pond and then back to the cabin.  

When he reached the cabin, though, it was  gone. His car was gone. Everything was gone.  
When he reached the cabin, though, it was  gone. His car was gone. Everything was gone.  

There was only an empty lot. His panic became  surreal. He quickly realized he had gone the  
There was only an empty lot. His panic became  surreal. He quickly realized he had gone the  

wrong way and was now at some sort of campsite.  He turned around and ran back the way he came, but  
wrong way and was now at some sort of campsite.  He turned around and ran back the way he came, but  

his body and mind were now struggling to function,  and he had lost most of his sense of orientation.  
his body and mind were now struggling to function,  and he had lost most of his sense of orientation.  

After going several different directions, all he  could seem to find was more dark, cold forest.  
After going several different directions, all he  could seem to find was more dark, cold forest.  

As time passed, Ernest became increasingly  lethargic and tired. He felt a visceral intimation  
As time passed, Ernest became increasingly  lethargic and tired. He felt a visceral intimation  

of his morality as he began to feel his body less  and less. I’m going to die, he thought to himself,  
of his morality as he began to feel his body less  and less. I’m going to die, he thought to himself,  

I’m going to die. Ernest’s panic soon turned to  grief and dread. Unsure of what to do and where  
I’m going to die. Ernest’s panic soon turned to  grief and dread. Unsure of what to do and where  

to go, he sat down beside a fallen tree, huddled  himself around himself, and closed his eyes. As  
to go, he sat down beside a fallen tree, huddled  himself around himself, and closed his eyes. As  

he laid there, he thought about the cabin. He  thought about Arcadia. He thought about the  
he laid there, he thought about the cabin. He  thought about Arcadia. He thought about the  

warmth and comfort of that ordinary house heated  just to room temperature, a few appliances, a TV,  
warmth and comfort of that ordinary house heated  just to room temperature, a few appliances, a TV,  

and another human being whom he loved. He had  never wanted anything so badly in his life—the  
and another human being whom he loved. He had  never wanted anything so badly in his life—the  

banal normality of everything on the surface. As Ernest’s thoughts began to slow and spread  
banal normality of everything on the surface. As Ernest’s thoughts began to slow and spread  

out more and more, separated by increasingly  long intervals of unconsciousness, suddenly,  
out more and more, separated by increasingly  long intervals of unconsciousness, suddenly,  

a distorted, soft voice of a woman echoed  through the woods and into Ernest’s frozen ears. 
a distorted, soft voice of a woman echoed  through the woods and into Ernest’s frozen ears. 

“Ernest? Ernest?!” Disoriented, Ernest woke back up. “Hello?” 
“Ernest? Ernest?!” Disoriented, Ernest woke back up. “Hello?” 

“Ernest! Follow my voice.” “Where are you?” 
“Ernest! Follow my voice.” “Where are you?” 

“Just keep following my voice. I’m right  here. I’m right here. I’m right here.” 
“Just keep following my voice. I’m right  here. I’m right here. I’m right here.” 

In a life-or-death game of existential Marco Polo,  
In a life-or-death game of existential Marco Polo,  

Ernest followed Arcadia’s voice  through the woods for twenty minutes.  
Ernest followed Arcadia’s voice  through the woods for twenty minutes.  

And then, he saw it: the warm light from the  windows of the cabin. In front, the silhouette  
And then, he saw it: the warm light from the  windows of the cabin. In front, the silhouette  

of Arcadia. For that moment, he forgot that he  was freezing cold, soaking wet, and going to die.
of Arcadia. For that moment, he forgot that he  was freezing cold, soaking wet, and going to die.