[video with English subtitles]
[video with English subtitles]

Zmar Silent Retreat 18-25 May 2016
Zmar Silent Retreat 18-25 May 2016

Love Your Self to Death
Love Your Self to Death

May 19, 2016 Session 1
May 19, 2016 Session 1

[Questioner] When I see the activity of mind,
[Questioner] When I see the activity of mind,

when it's been observed, when there is identity,
when it's been observed, when there is identity,

all it takes is a quick stop, a quick turning inward,
all it takes is a quick stop, a quick turning inward,

and that confirmation is there.
and that confirmation is there.

It's right here. This awareness is.
It's right here. This awareness is.

I can go back and ask, 'Did it ever leave, in my experience? No!'
I can go back and ask, 'Did it ever leave, in my experience? No!'

It's not going anywhere and it never left.
It's not going anywhere and it never left.

What I am wanting to check or expose is,
What I am wanting to check or expose is,

am I being lazy by doing that quick check,
am I being lazy by doing that quick check,

and then continuing on in the activity of ...
and then continuing on in the activity of ...

[Mooji] The awareness, you admit, doesn't leave.
[Mooji] The awareness, you admit, doesn't leave.

So who is it or what is it that leaves?
So who is it or what is it that leaves?

You say, 'The awareness is always there. It is always there.'
You say, 'The awareness is always there. It is always there.'

But you are not always there.
But you are not always there.

You already speak from the place, 'But what do I need to do?
You already speak from the place, 'But what do I need to do?

Do I need to look back? Then I can go back.'
Do I need to look back? Then I can go back.'

So who is this agent that comes in and goes out?
So who is this agent that comes in and goes out?

This is what I want to clarify with you.
This is what I want to clarify with you.

Are you speaking from and as awareness?
Are you speaking from and as awareness?

Or as a visitor, a tourist in awareness, that you go back there?
Or as a visitor, a tourist in awareness, that you go back there?

Or that you are essentially awareness but a part-time person?
Or that you are essentially awareness but a part-time person?

Then very often you go out to work in the person-world,
Then very often you go out to work in the person-world,

and then 'Ah! Ping!' And you go back to consciousness.
and then 'Ah! Ping!' And you go back to consciousness.

Where you are speaking from and who you are speaking as,
Where you are speaking from and who you are speaking as,

is determining how you register your own position,
is determining how you register your own position,

because you are speaking as the one who goes out
because you are speaking as the one who goes out

and then comes back as the identity itself.
and then comes back as the identity itself.

And it wants to know, 'What can I do to stabilize in this?'
And it wants to know, 'What can I do to stabilize in this?'

So reality is given more to the attention you are putting on your person.
So reality is given more to the attention you are putting on your person.

The person, which is also consciousness, wants to know,
The person, which is also consciousness, wants to know,

'What can I do to just stay as the consciousness?'
'What can I do to just stay as the consciousness?'

You are the consciousness!
You are the consciousness!

When you go back to consciousness ... but you are the consciousness!
When you go back to consciousness ... but you are the consciousness!

What happens is that the favorite hanging-out place for consciousness,
What happens is that the favorite hanging-out place for consciousness,

when it is expressing in the form of a person or human being,
when it is expressing in the form of a person or human being,

is in the form, 'I am this body. I am this identity.'
is in the form, 'I am this body. I am this identity.'

It expresses as that. It lives in that self-portrait as being a person.
It expresses as that. It lives in that self-portrait as being a person.

Then what happens is that, in the person's world,
Then what happens is that, in the person's world,

things don't work according to the person's projections or ideas.
things don't work according to the person's projections or ideas.

It is meant to be like that,
It is meant to be like that,

so that it gets gradually frustrated with its projections,
so that it gets gradually frustrated with its projections,

and has to find solace or a retreat back into its own source.
and has to find solace or a retreat back into its own source.

It is connected with the source.
It is connected with the source.

[Mooji] But at present it is more identified
[Mooji] But at present it is more identified

with the projection, with the person.
with the projection, with the person.

You are asking from the position of the person,
You are asking from the position of the person,

'How can I come back and stay as the consciousness?'
'How can I come back and stay as the consciousness?'

Is it like that?
Is it like that?

[Q.] I didn't know, but yes. Yes.
[Q.] I didn't know, but yes. Yes.

But I was also asking if I am being lazy by just doing the quick check,
But I was also asking if I am being lazy by just doing the quick check,

and saying, 'Yes! I am awareness.'
and saying, 'Yes! I am awareness.'

Because whenever I look for the interested one, it's not there.
Because whenever I look for the interested one, it's not there.

It can't be found. It can be seen initially.
It can't be found. It can be seen initially.

[M.] In the instant you look for the interested one, and not find it,
[M.] In the instant you look for the interested one, and not find it,

then what is your position?
then what is your position?

[Q.] Presence. And even presence is seen,
[Q.] Presence. And even presence is seen,

and with a little more turning in that can also disappear as well.
and with a little more turning in that can also disappear as well.

There is a laziness to not do that extra step.
There is a laziness to not do that extra step.

[Mooji] Yes, yes. While the show is still vivid,
[Mooji] Yes, yes. While the show is still vivid,

while the play still has a sense of reality about it,
while the play still has a sense of reality about it,

then the reality is imbued in the play
then the reality is imbued in the play

from the identity that consciousness is wearing.
from the identity that consciousness is wearing.

If it wears as a person, the play becomes much more virile. More sticky.
If it wears as a person, the play becomes much more virile. More sticky.

When it is viewed from the place of presence, which is impersonal,
When it is viewed from the place of presence, which is impersonal,

there is more space in the play.
there is more space in the play.

The play goes on, but you are not a victim there.
The play goes on, but you are not a victim there.

Somehow, perceiving of everything arising
Somehow, perceiving of everything arising

is occurring to you as the witness,
is occurring to you as the witness,

but it is almost like you are on the bridge between two worlds.
but it is almost like you are on the bridge between two worlds.

From this place you can look this way into the world of phenomenality
From this place you can look this way into the world of phenomenality

and relationships and person-hood,
and relationships and person-hood,

and then this side into infinite consciousness.
and then this side into infinite consciousness.

To be on the bridge is better than to be over in the land of the person.
To be on the bridge is better than to be over in the land of the person.

But the more time you spend only being on the bridge,
But the more time you spend only being on the bridge,

then the bridge keeps getting longer and longer.
then the bridge keeps getting longer and longer.

Then you may even buy a house there. [laughter]
Then you may even buy a house there. [laughter]

This state of presence is beautiful, because you don't get entangled.
This state of presence is beautiful, because you don't get entangled.

You are almost enjoying both. But you are little bit in between.
You are almost enjoying both. But you are little bit in between.

Sometimes from the place of presence,
Sometimes from the place of presence,

it collapses into that pure awareness.
it collapses into that pure awareness.

But then something comes back out again and may even go back in further.
But then something comes back out again and may even go back in further.

This movement of positions is still in the world of phenomenality.
This movement of positions is still in the world of phenomenality.

As you become more grounded in your awareness
As you become more grounded in your awareness

that you are the awareness itself,
that you are the awareness itself,

then you can move into those regions
then you can move into those regions

but they become more superficial, playful.
but they become more superficial, playful.

It will not have the kind of consequence
It will not have the kind of consequence

it will have while you are in a state of person-hood,
it will have while you are in a state of person-hood,

or even in the state of presence.
or even in the state of presence.

How to do this? How to do it?
How to do this? How to do it?

[Mooji] Once you come to the state of presence,
[Mooji] Once you come to the state of presence,

presence meaning that you are aware of the body
presence meaning that you are aware of the body

and the senses and sensations that we call life,
and the senses and sensations that we call life,

the function of memory, and intellect, and imagination, and actuality.
the function of memory, and intellect, and imagination, and actuality.

All of these things are playing for you.
All of these things are playing for you.

You enjoy through them but you are not so stained by them.
You enjoy through them but you are not so stained by them.

That's the place of presence.
That's the place of presence.

The sense of love for the self is growing.
The sense of love for the self is growing.

[Mooji] The more it grows into itself
[Mooji] The more it grows into itself

the less attraction it will have for the world.
the less attraction it will have for the world.

At some point your self-love combusts into complete unicity.
At some point your self-love combusts into complete unicity.

It is happening naturally.
It is happening naturally.

Just like if you fall in love with someone, the love wants to grow.
Just like if you fall in love with someone, the love wants to grow.

It wants to expand.
It wants to expand.

You don't need anyone to remind you to remember your beloved.
You don't need anyone to remind you to remember your beloved.

It is caught inside the trap.
It is caught inside the trap.

In the net of your own love it just wants to expand.
In the net of your own love it just wants to expand.

Once you have tasted this self-taste of the self,
Once you have tasted this self-taste of the self,

you want to go all the way.
you want to go all the way.

But if we still have some investment in the realm of duality,
But if we still have some investment in the realm of duality,

we want to protect that too.
we want to protect that too.

There is a sense of vulnerability
There is a sense of vulnerability

and you don't want anything to happen to your attachments,
and you don't want anything to happen to your attachments,

because you will feel pain through them.
because you will feel pain through them.

You have investments in the world of phenomenality,
You have investments in the world of phenomenality,

which is a kind of binding.
which is a kind of binding.

At the same time you have aspirations for the true.
At the same time you have aspirations for the true.

But you cannot walk on two roads at the same time.
But you cannot walk on two roads at the same time.

So there is a feeling of this coming and going may happen for a time.
So there is a feeling of this coming and going may happen for a time.

But something is pushing to go into one element or the other one.
But something is pushing to go into one element or the other one.

Like this it comes.
Like this it comes.

This is why I ask you,
This is why I ask you,

Are you an object in front of the lens of perception?
Are you an object in front of the lens of perception?

Or are you behind the lens of perception?
Or are you behind the lens of perception?

You understood this question?
You understood this question?

Are you an object in front of the lens of perception,
Are you an object in front of the lens of perception,

or are you behind the lens of perception?
or are you behind the lens of perception?

Or are you both? Or are you beyond the whole of that?
Or are you both? Or are you beyond the whole of that?

Or are you sometimes sometimes, and sometimes sometimes?
Or are you sometimes sometimes, and sometimes sometimes?

It's worth it to just reflect on that a little bit.
It's worth it to just reflect on that a little bit.

You can see, 'Yes, when I go into my story,
You can see, 'Yes, when I go into my story,

I am very much in front of the lens. I am inside the lens.'
I am very much in front of the lens. I am inside the lens.'

So what's behind the lens looking? You are also there.
So what's behind the lens looking? You are also there.

The moment you confirm that,
The moment you confirm that,

a greater power is felt in the witness than in the person.
a greater power is felt in the witness than in the person.

If this witnessing ability does not come to light,
If this witnessing ability does not come to light,

then you will just know yourself as a person.
then you will just know yourself as a person.

It is a form of consciousness but a very restricted, limited consciousness,
It is a form of consciousness but a very restricted, limited consciousness,

which you may not know until you have a taste of the unlimited.
which you may not know until you have a taste of the unlimited.

Because you can only evaluate or assess one state
Because you can only evaluate or assess one state

as you are coming out of it into another one.
as you are coming out of it into another one.

When you are in one state you don't know what you are.
When you are in one state you don't know what you are.

You have no measure to compare.
You have no measure to compare.

But as you are coming out of one state, you can look back and feel,
But as you are coming out of one state, you can look back and feel,

'Ah! I didn't know I was so tense before.'
'Ah! I didn't know I was so tense before.'

When you didn't know a contrast
When you didn't know a contrast

you only knew this tension, and it was life!
you only knew this tension, and it was life!

As soon as you begin to taste the inner freedom,
As soon as you begin to taste the inner freedom,

then you start to see your bondage.
then you start to see your bondage.

And it creates a kind of war, because one part wants to go to full freedom.
And it creates a kind of war, because one part wants to go to full freedom.

Another part is still holding on to the past, imagination.
Another part is still holding on to the past, imagination.

This struggle happens. But, love wins.
This struggle happens. But, love wins.

We grew up with a saying, 'You become what you love'.
We grew up with a saying, 'You become what you love'.

The more you are in love with the self,
The more you are in love with the self,

the more you move away from the non-self.
the more you move away from the non-self.

At one time, it will become so intensely powerful, this love for the self,
At one time, it will become so intensely powerful, this love for the self,

that you can not bear duality.
that you can not bear duality.

When you cannot bear duality, what is going to happen then?
When you cannot bear duality, what is going to happen then?

[Mooji] You come into total unicity.
[Mooji] You come into total unicity.

And then what will happen to the duality that we love?
And then what will happen to the duality that we love?

It simply becomes an expression of the unicity.
It simply becomes an expression of the unicity.

It's not that [poof!] it goes up,
It's not that [poof!] it goes up,

and finally everybody and everything is gone,
and finally everybody and everything is gone,

and you are just there alone as emptiness. [laughter]
and you are just there alone as emptiness. [laughter]

We have to speak like this because there is a lot fear around that.
We have to speak like this because there is a lot fear around that.

There is an old saying, 'When the world is seen, God is not seen.
There is an old saying, 'When the world is seen, God is not seen.

And when God is seen, the world is not seen.'
And when God is seen, the world is not seen.'

Then you think, 'Oh my God! Oh my God!
Then you think, 'Oh my God! Oh my God!

As long as I'm seeing the world, I'm not discovering the true.
As long as I'm seeing the world, I'm not discovering the true.

As soon as I discover the true, the world disappears.'
As soon as I discover the true, the world disappears.'

What does it mean?
What does it mean?

Not that the form of the world disappears, but the meaning it has for you.
Not that the form of the world disappears, but the meaning it has for you.

Because there isn't anything that has one single meaning for everybody.
Because there isn't anything that has one single meaning for everybody.

Each one has their own meaning.
Each one has their own meaning.

So what is the true meaning of the thing? Maybe it has no meaning.
So what is the true meaning of the thing? Maybe it has no meaning.

As soon as the self is realized in the heart completely,
As soon as the self is realized in the heart completely,

this entire universe becomes, for you, the embodiment of God, of truth.
this entire universe becomes, for you, the embodiment of God, of truth.

[Mooji] Just this. Not, 'Oh you know, I just got married last week,
[Mooji] Just this. Not, 'Oh you know, I just got married last week,

I can't afford for my wife to be nothing, just yet.' [laughter]
I can't afford for my wife to be nothing, just yet.' [laughter]

Poof! Because if the wife vanishes, the husband is gone also.
Poof! Because if the wife vanishes, the husband is gone also.

[silence]
[silence]

[Q.] Thank you.
[Q.] Thank you.

[Mooji] You love yourself to death.
[Mooji] You love yourself to death.

[Q.] I will.
[Q.] I will.

[Mooji] Ehh? [Q.] I will.
[Mooji] Ehh? [Q.] I will.

[Mooji] Yes, yes, yes.
[Mooji] Yes, yes, yes.

Copyright 2016 Mooji Media Ltd. All Rights Reserved.
Copyright 2016 Mooji Media Ltd. All Rights Reserved.

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