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00:00

(relaxing music playing)
(relaxing music playing)
00:13

Where's the doctor?
Where's the doctor?
00:14

We're your doctor?
We're your doctor?
00:15

No, you're a bunch of congressmen.
No, you're a bunch of congressmen.
00:17

I recognize you.
I recognize you.
00:18

I just need to get my annual Pap smear.
I just need to get my annual Pap smear.
00:19

Ew.
Ew.
00:21

Do any of you have any medical training?
Do any of you have any medical training?
00:23

We're the House Committee on Women's Health.
We're the House Committee on Women's Health.
00:26

So I think we have a better idea
So I think we have a better idea
00:29

than a bunch of science-y nerdles.
than a bunch of science-y nerdles.
00:32

You mean doctors?
You mean doctors?
00:33

Let's begin.
Let's begin.
00:35

When was the date of your last lady curse?
When was the date of your last lady curse?
00:39

Two weeks ago, if you mean my period.
Two weeks ago, if you mean my period.
00:41

Ew.
Ew.
00:43

And how many blood diapers did you use?
And how many blood diapers did you use?
00:46

Tampons?
Tampons?
00:48

A dozen? I don't know.
A dozen? I don't know.
00:49

And that is...?
And that is...?
00:52

Twelve.
Twelve.
00:54

Now, it says here you are 34.
Now, it says here you are 34.
00:56

(Amy) Yeah.
(Amy) Yeah.
00:58

How many children do you have?
How many children do you have?
00:59

None.
None.
01:01

But it says here you're 34.
But it says here you're 34.
01:02

Correct.
Correct.
01:04

Yeah.
Yeah.
01:05

And how many children do you have?!
And how many children do you have?!
01:07

How often do you and your husband, um...?
How often do you and your husband, um...?
01:09

Oh, I'm not married.
Oh, I'm not married.
01:10

Oh, so you're a virgin.
Oh, so you're a virgin.
01:12

(laughter)
(laughter)
01:15

Have a lollipop and run along.
Have a lollipop and run along.
01:17

No, I'm not a virgin! I'm just not married!
No, I'm not a virgin! I'm just not married!
01:21

I just need my annual Pap smear to make sure I'm healthy.
I just need my annual Pap smear to make sure I'm healthy.
01:23

I have a family history of cervical cancer.
I have a family history of cervical cancer.
01:25

Ew!
Ew!
01:27

How many men have you laid with in the last year?
How many men have you laid with in the last year?
01:28

Sex?
Sex?
01:30

Mm-mm-mm.
Mm-mm-mm.
01:32

Jesus.
Jesus.
01:33

Do two of you have like secret families with your maids?
Do two of you have like secret families with your maids?
01:36

We're not the ones on trial here!
We're not the ones on trial here!
01:38

That's right, young lady.
That's right, young lady.
01:39

Okay, okay.
Okay, okay.
01:41

Guess we have to do the vagina-y part.
Guess we have to do the vagina-y part.
01:45

Wha...? What?
Wha...? What?
01:47

Remember...
Remember...
01:48

even though we're doing this,
even though we're doing this,
01:50

we are not your boyfriend.
we are not your boyfriend.
01:52

What?
What?
01:54

Scooch down on the table,
Scooch down on the table,
01:55

put your legs in those restraints,
put your legs in those restraints,
01:57

and present.
and present.
01:59

What? Wait.
What? Wait.
02:01

I feel a lot more comfortable with a woman in here.
I feel a lot more comfortable with a woman in here.
02:03

Aren't there any women on the Women's Health Committee?
Aren't there any women on the Women's Health Committee?
02:06

That'd be like letting the lions run the zoo.
That'd be like letting the lions run the zoo.
02:09

(laughter)
(laughter)
02:10

(camera shutter clicking)
(camera shutter clicking)

All

Inside Amy Schumer - Dr. Congress

755,249 views

Comedy Central

Video Language:

English

Caption Language:

English (en)

Accent:

English (US)

Speech Time:

86%

2:06 / 2:25

Speech Rate:

142 wpm - Conversational

Intro:

(relaxing music playing). Where's the doctor?. We're your doctor?. No, you're a bunch of congressmen.. I recognize you.. I just need to get my annual Pap smear.. Ew.. Do any of you have any medical training?. We're the House Committee on Women's Health.. So I think we have a better idea. than a bunch of science-y nerdles.. You mean doctors?. Let's begin.. When was the date of your last lady curse?. Two weeks ago, if you mean my period.. Ew.. And how many blood diapers did you use?. Tampons?. A dozen? I don't know.. And that is...?.