Hi, I'm Nicholeen Peck, and I am  joined here today with my son.  
Hi, I'm Nicholeen Peck, and I am  joined here today with my son.  

My older son Quinton, I am so  excited Quinn for you to be here.  
My older son Quinton, I am so  excited Quinn for you to be here.  

And today, we're going to be talking  about how to praise children effectively
And today, we're going to be talking  about how to praise children effectively

It is a wonderful thing that you are looking into  how to effectively praise children better. Just so  
It is a wonderful thing that you are looking into  how to effectively praise children better. Just so  

you know, that's a part of a praise. In this video,  we're gonna to be talking about, praise that is not effective. 
you know, that's a part of a praise. In this video,  we're gonna to be talking about, praise that is not effective. 

But then, we're also going to be sharing  3 things that you can do to make your praises effective.  
But then, we're also going to be sharing  3 things that you can do to make your praises effective.  

So Quinn, "Yeah". I want to just talk to you  a little bit about what types of praise, have you  
So Quinn, "Yeah". I want to just talk to you  a little bit about what types of praise, have you  

noticed is not as effective as maybe how you were raise?  Sure, growing up I had the opportunity to  
noticed is not as effective as maybe how you were raise?  Sure, growing up I had the opportunity to  

play a lot of sports, and I think this brings true  for a lot of people. You grew up playing sports  
play a lot of sports, and I think this brings true  for a lot of people. You grew up playing sports  

and there's a lot of praise, there's a lot of passion. You want people to perform well, and so  
and there's a lot of praise, there's a lot of passion. You want people to perform well, and so  

your coaches and your teammates will all try to  praise each other and get everybody motivated, right?  
your coaches and your teammates will all try to  praise each other and get everybody motivated, right?  

But one thing that happens especially in  sports and then translates to home environments  
But one thing that happens especially in  sports and then translates to home environments  

and stuff because that's all the people know.  Is the praise, is very passionate but not very  
and stuff because that's all the people know.  Is the praise, is very passionate but not very  

specific and so so you'll give this person like,  "Good job! that's what I want to see", "That's great!"  
specific and so so you'll give this person like,  "Good job! that's what I want to see", "That's great!"  

but it's not very effective. I love that tip I  think that's really good. Because effective praise  
but it's not very effective. I love that tip I  think that's really good. Because effective praise  

should be specific praise, right? So, there's the  vague stuff that's like, "Thank you", "Great job", "You're awesome".
should be specific praise, right? So, there's the  vague stuff that's like, "Thank you", "Great job", "You're awesome".

You know, something like that where how do  you duplicate you're awesome. I can't be awesome  
You know, something like that where how do  you duplicate you're awesome. I can't be awesome  

all the time you know, or something. But I also feel  like it just doesn't teach as much. So appraise  
all the time you know, or something. But I also feel  like it just doesn't teach as much. So appraise  

is meant to teach people and I think that's a big thing. It shows gratitude sometimes which is great,  
is meant to teach people and I think that's a big thing. It shows gratitude sometimes which is great,  

and it's a time to connect with another person.  But it's also a time to teach somebody something.  
and it's a time to connect with another person.  But it's also a time to teach somebody something.  

So just like with a good correction, which we  have plenty of other videos in this channel on.  
So just like with a good correction, which we  have plenty of other videos in this channel on.  

Just like with a good correction, starts with  some specifics of what went wrong and what  
Just like with a good correction, starts with  some specifics of what went wrong and what  

you should do this right, a praise should involve that.  It should, your praise should be very specific,  
you should do this right, a praise should involve that.  It should, your praise should be very specific,  

it should be heartfelt. You can't give a praise and  not mean it. --Well you can. But they'll know.  
it should be heartfelt. You can't give a praise and  not mean it. --Well you can. But they'll know.  

--But they know. It's empty it's not effective  it's less effective than not saying anything.  
--But they know. It's empty it's not effective  it's less effective than not saying anything.  

Oh, that's a good point, because you know there's  some people that can tell. I was talking with  
Oh, that's a good point, because you know there's  some people that can tell. I was talking with  

someone just yesterday and she said to me, "You know  if somebody just tells me words all the time,
someone just yesterday and she said to me, "You know  if somebody just tells me words all the time,

that I'm not sure that I really fully believe it, right?"  There needs to be more to it and I love that he's  
that I'm not sure that I really fully believe it, right?"  There needs to be more to it and I love that he's  

bringing in the heart here, this is a good piece of  information. So those are key things we need to be  
bringing in the heart here, this is a good piece of  information. So those are key things we need to be  

specific talking about what's going on, we've got  to make sure we appeal to the heart. So, our 3
specific talking about what's going on, we've got  to make sure we appeal to the heart. So, our 3

strategies for effective praise are definitely  going to satisfy those things, as well as more.  
strategies for effective praise are definitely  going to satisfy those things, as well as more.  

Okay so Quinn, I would love to hear and I think  people who are seeing this would love to hear.  
Okay so Quinn, I would love to hear and I think  people who are seeing this would love to hear.  

What our home environment was like a little bit?  Which I thought why I thought it would be fun  
What our home environment was like a little bit?  Which I thought why I thought it would be fun  

to bring you in on this, and specifically around praise. What was the home environment? What did it  
to bring you in on this, and specifically around praise. What was the home environment? What did it  

feel like for you? What was the praising like for you?  Growing up one of my parents were really good  
feel like for you? What was the praising like for you?  Growing up one of my parents were really good  

at telling us that we were doing well. That we were  not only following all of the rules at home, but  
at telling us that we were doing well. That we were  not only following all of the rules at home, but  

that we were going in a direction and living our  lives in a way that made them proud, and that was  
that we were going in a direction and living our  lives in a way that made them proud, and that was  

really important to all of us as kids, especially me.  To see that our parents wanted us to succeed.  
really important to all of us as kids, especially me.  To see that our parents wanted us to succeed.  

They wanted us to keep going. I feel like a lot  of times growing up when parents praise it's too  
They wanted us to keep going. I feel like a lot  of times growing up when parents praise it's too  

vague it's too bland. Does that make sense? It's not personal, growing up in our home  
vague it's too bland. Does that make sense? It's not personal, growing up in our home  

both you and dad, were really effective in not  only saying this is what you did very well.
both you and dad, were really effective in not  only saying this is what you did very well.

But then saying this is how I want to continue to see it.  This is awesome behavior, and we want you to be  
But then saying this is how I want to continue to see it.  This is awesome behavior, and we want you to be  

this kind of person and doing this is how you  do that. And praise, not only motivates a child  
this kind of person and doing this is how you  do that. And praise, not only motivates a child  

but I think offers guidance as well, for that  child to continue to progress how you want them  
but I think offers guidance as well, for that  child to continue to progress how you want them  

to as a parent. I think praise meant a lot  to you, --it did. So you were the oldest child.
to as a parent. I think praise meant a lot  to you, --it did. So you were the oldest child.

There is something about oldest children that  everyone does need to know, and that is that  
There is something about oldest children that  everyone does need to know, and that is that  

usually they like a little bit more attention and  that's just how it is, and they usually do really  
usually they like a little bit more attention and  that's just how it is, and they usually do really  

appreciate knowing when they've done well. Because they sometimes put a heavier burden on themselves  
appreciate knowing when they've done well. Because they sometimes put a heavier burden on themselves  

being the oldest children. Sometimes we even put  a little heavier burden on them because they are  
being the oldest children. Sometimes we even put  a little heavier burden on them because they are  

the oldest children. And so, when we tell them when  things are going well and they've done well.
the oldest children. And so, when we tell them when  things are going well and they've done well.

Then it helps kind of move you on to the next level of  you, right? And, every time that we would praise you.  
Then it helps kind of move you on to the next level of  you, right? And, every time that we would praise you.  

You would just kind of stand a little taller.  I mean you literally did that you'd be like...  
You would just kind of stand a little taller.  I mean you literally did that you'd be like...  

There's like this happy like, "Oh that's great", and  you know you say dad was great at praising.
There's like this happy like, "Oh that's great", and  you know you say dad was great at praising.

People may like to know this who know me, and who kind of  follow some of the things that we do as a family.  
People may like to know this who know me, and who kind of  follow some of the things that we do as a family.  

But dad was not a natural appraiser. No, and that  was actually something I was gonna say, "You were  
But dad was not a natural appraiser. No, and that  was actually something I was gonna say, "You were  

always very good at it". It took dad a little bit,  Dad had to be trained and that's okay. He has the  
always very good at it". It took dad a little bit,  Dad had to be trained and that's okay. He has the  

critical eye, --He does. So, he's the one who  would be like, "Wait, that's not quite good enough",  
critical eye, --He does. So, he's the one who  would be like, "Wait, that's not quite good enough",  

"Wait, did you do okay?" until, "Okay, you messed  up there." You know, and it would just be  
"Wait, did you do okay?" until, "Okay, you messed  up there." You know, and it would just be  

and not to throw my husband under the bus at all.  He definitely is one of those type-A people though,  
and not to throw my husband under the bus at all.  He definitely is one of those type-A people though,  

that when he accomplishes something he does  it well, it's meticulous. He wants his children  
that when he accomplishes something he does  it well, it's meticulous. He wants his children  

to be meticulous but there was a point when he  realized. I keep just focusing on these little  
to be meticulous but there was a point when he  realized. I keep just focusing on these little  

nitpicky things and for some reason my wife is  having a better bond with the children than I am , 
nitpicky things and for some reason my wife is  having a better bond with the children than I am , 

and we were talking about praising and I said,  "For every 1 time, we correct the children.  
and we were talking about praising and I said,  "For every 1 time, we correct the children.  

We need to be praising them 6 to 10 times. 6 to 10 times and at that point he went, "Oh, I think  
We need to be praising them 6 to 10 times. 6 to 10 times and at that point he went, "Oh, I think  

I better change some stuff", and he really tried.  I gotta tell you my love for him, my heart size  
I better change some stuff", and he really tried.  I gotta tell you my love for him, my heart size  

for my husband just grew. Because he decided that  he was going to be focusing more on the positive  
for my husband just grew. Because he decided that  he was going to be focusing more on the positive  

instead of always on the negative. So I'm wondering  anyone that's watching this, what are praises that  
instead of always on the negative. So I'm wondering  anyone that's watching this, what are praises that  

have changed your life? Can you think of a moment,  when maybe a parent, maybe a teacher, or a friend  
have changed your life? Can you think of a moment,  when maybe a parent, maybe a teacher, or a friend  

or a neighbor, a grandparent. Somebody told you  something, a praise, that really touched your heart?  
or a neighbor, a grandparent. Somebody told you  something, a praise, that really touched your heart?  

Because those are moments that actually change  our course. When you praise someone and it's really  
Because those are moments that actually change  our course. When you praise someone and it's really  

meaningful, and really heartfelt, they become a  different version of themselves. Sometimes, they put  
meaningful, and really heartfelt, they become a  different version of themselves. Sometimes, they put  

off the thoughts about all of their insecurities,  or all the things they don't do good and they  
off the thoughts about all of their insecurities,  or all the things they don't do good and they  

decide to live up to that praise. That's the beauty  of a really effective praise. So, put in the chat,  
decide to live up to that praise. That's the beauty  of a really effective praise. So, put in the chat,  

is there a moment in your life that made you want  to become a better version of yourself? I think  
is there a moment in your life that made you want  to become a better version of yourself? I think  

those types of comments would really impact  everybody who sees this video. So Quinn,
those types of comments would really impact  everybody who sees this video. So Quinn,

we've got to share these 3 tips for effective praise.  So, how about you start us out number 1
we've got to share these 3 tips for effective praise.  So, how about you start us out number 1

is describe. Right, so when you're giving praise.  One of the most important things you can do is  
is describe. Right, so when you're giving praise.  One of the most important things you can do is  

be specific in your praise. Describe what happened  and why it was a good thing that that happened.  
be specific in your praise. Describe what happened  and why it was a good thing that that happened.  

Kind of like telling a story, right? So, when  something just occurred then you say, "You know,  
Kind of like telling a story, right? So, when  something just occurred then you say, "You know,  

just now this is what happened". Yeah, Instead of  just saying "Good job", you say, "This is what you did,  
just now this is what happened". Yeah, Instead of  just saying "Good job", you say, "This is what you did,  

it was really well done, and I'm really  glad that you were able to do it so well".
it was really well done, and I'm really  glad that you were able to do it so well".

Right, exactly, so you're telling them. Okay, I told you  to look at me, keep a calm face voice and body.  
Right, exactly, so you're telling them. Okay, I told you  to look at me, keep a calm face voice and body.  

Say "Okay" do the task immediately, and then check  back, and you looked at me you kept that calm face  
Say "Okay" do the task immediately, and then check  back, and you looked at me you kept that calm face  

voice and body. You said, "Okay" and you were  totally fine I could tell, and then you did  
voice and body. You said, "Okay" and you were  totally fine I could tell, and then you did  

the task immediately and then you checked back.  That means you fully followed instructions.
the task immediately and then you checked back.  That means you fully followed instructions.

So, in the teaching self-government parenting system, we teach 4 basic skills. The main skill, I mean  
So, in the teaching self-government parenting system, we teach 4 basic skills. The main skill, I mean  

you have to know all 4 to be able to govern yourself. But the main one, the one that everyone  
you have to know all 4 to be able to govern yourself. But the main one, the one that everyone  

needs to know has those 5 steps that I just listed. For how to follow an instruction, and if  
needs to know has those 5 steps that I just listed. For how to follow an instruction, and if  

a person can't follow an instruction they really  end up not being able to control themselves is  
a person can't follow an instruction they really  end up not being able to control themselves is  

what happens. They can't instruct themselves  forward. Anyway, so I would describe every step  
what happens. They can't instruct themselves  forward. Anyway, so I would describe every step  

that they did well and tell them you did this skill. This skill that I already taught you.
that they did well and tell them you did this skill. This skill that I already taught you.

So, I know that seems a little repetitive it maybe  even seems like too many words, people don't want  
So, I know that seems a little repetitive it maybe  even seems like too many words, people don't want  

to put them in any way. It doesn't seem natural  initially. Yeah, that's alright that's good.  
to put them in any way. It doesn't seem natural  initially. Yeah, that's alright that's good.  

It's natural, we feel like natural is just to be  like, "Yey, that's good enough", right?  
It's natural, we feel like natural is just to be  like, "Yey, that's good enough", right?  

And sometimes it's okay, you know. On a text you  can be like... you know, or from a distance  
And sometimes it's okay, you know. On a text you  can be like... you know, or from a distance  

you can be like, "You did this". But really if you  want to help a person repeat a good behavior.  
you can be like, "You did this". But really if you  want to help a person repeat a good behavior.  

If you want them to internalize that praise. You got to start with the story. The second tip  
If you want them to internalize that praise. You got to start with the story. The second tip  

that we have for you is, the rationale. So after  you've described exactly what they did well.  
that we have for you is, the rationale. So after  you've described exactly what they did well.  

Then you want to touch the heart. Just like you  talked about how that touching the heart is so  
Then you want to touch the heart. Just like you  talked about how that touching the heart is so  

important and that's where the rationale comes in.  Now in this rationale step, this is where you're  
important and that's where the rationale comes in.  Now in this rationale step, this is where you're  

going to tell probably some of those natural  consequences to good behavior that they might  
going to tell probably some of those natural  consequences to good behavior that they might  

not recognize. Something like, "You know when you  choose to follow instructions, like you've done  
not recognize. Something like, "You know when you  choose to follow instructions, like you've done  

so well here. Then that actually bonds you closer  to your parents and your family. In fact, we feel  
so well here. Then that actually bonds you closer  to your parents and your family. In fact, we feel  

respected and it makes us feel like we can trust  your discernment your decision-making in other  
respected and it makes us feel like we can trust  your discernment your decision-making in other  

things in your life. Which means, we're probably  going to give you more opportunities with things  
things in your life. Which means, we're probably  going to give you more opportunities with things  

that you want to do with your friends and other things".  Do they realize that following instructions  
that you want to do with your friends and other things".  Do they realize that following instructions  

equals more freedom. They don't always  realize that, --They do not. They don't, but if  
equals more freedom. They don't always  realize that, --They do not. They don't, but if  

you explain it to them in the rationale step.  That positive natural consequence that comes  
you explain it to them in the rationale step.  That positive natural consequence that comes  

in a relationship when you show that respect, and  you keep the roles in the right place, that makes  
in a relationship when you show that respect, and  you keep the roles in the right place, that makes  

a huge difference in their lives. So, touching the  heart, looking them in the eyes, this is a big thing.  
a huge difference in their lives. So, touching the  heart, looking them in the eyes, this is a big thing.  

When you're praising them the whole way along.  You've got to be touching that heart, and looking  
When you're praising them the whole way along.  You've got to be touching that heart, and looking  

at them in the eyes, and thinking "You did it, I am  proud of you", And you know, this is a good thing  
at them in the eyes, and thinking "You did it, I am  proud of you", And you know, this is a good thing  

this is a moment to celebrate and just thinking  you did this you were wonderful, when you're  
this is a moment to celebrate and just thinking  you did this you were wonderful, when you're  

looking in their eyes. Now, we need to be careful  when we praise, not to say statements to people  
looking in their eyes. Now, we need to be careful  when we praise, not to say statements to people  

that are false. Because children know. like if I  said to you, "Quinn, you are the smartest person  
that are false. Because children know. like if I  said to you, "Quinn, you are the smartest person  

on the planet". In your mind, you'd be like that's  super nice but you're wrong. Because you already  
on the planet". In your mind, you'd be like that's  super nice but you're wrong. Because you already  

know that there's a smarter person on the planet.  So we have to be careful that our praise is not  
know that there's a smarter person on the planet.  So we have to be careful that our praise is not  

full of lies and just puffery, right? But  we can say positive motivation statements,  
full of lies and just puffery, right? But  we can say positive motivation statements,  

and that's the third tip that we want to give you, for effectively praising children or anyone for  
and that's the third tip that we want to give you, for effectively praising children or anyone for  

that matter is the positive motivation statements.  So, there are things that we can share with people  
that matter is the positive motivation statements.  So, there are things that we can share with people  

that sound like a good positive motivation.  What would be something like you could think  
that sound like a good positive motivation.  What would be something like you could think  

of positive motivation? So, after you've described  and your heart's in the right place. The motivation  
of positive motivation? So, after you've described  and your heart's in the right place. The motivation  

statement would be, "That was really well done",  "Good job", "Awesome job, following instructions".
statement would be, "That was really well done",  "Good job", "Awesome job, following instructions".

Try to be a little bit specific, but honestly even just  good job at that point you're trying to encourage  
Try to be a little bit specific, but honestly even just  good job at that point you're trying to encourage  

future good behavior. Exactly, I think that's  a big thing. So then that's where the little mini  
future good behavior. Exactly, I think that's  a big thing. So then that's where the little mini  

celebration happens and you can make it  as big as you want or not as you know. In fact,  
celebration happens and you can make it  as big as you want or not as you know. In fact,  

when my children were little, we did this little  song and so they we would be you know...
when my children were little, we did this little  song and so they we would be you know...

You know the song, --I probably do. Yes, so like we  would go shopping and stuff and they would say,  
You know the song, --I probably do. Yes, so like we  would go shopping and stuff and they would say,  

"Oh mom, can I have a donut?" and I'd say "No,  you know you can't", and then they'd say "Okay".  
"Oh mom, can I have a donut?" and I'd say "No,  you know you can't", and then they'd say "Okay".  

Because they know how to accept no answer, and then  I'd know that even if I was in the store I would  
Because they know how to accept no answer, and then  I'd know that even if I was in the store I would  

do my praise. "Oh, you did a great job accepting a  no answer, you looked right at me, you kept to calm  
do my praise. "Oh, you did a great job accepting a  no answer, you looked right at me, you kept to calm  

face voice and body out". You, know all that kind of  stuff and then I would say, "And when you accept a  
face voice and body out". You, know all that kind of  stuff and then I would say, "And when you accept a  

no answer, you're happier on the shopping trip".  and then I would say something like, "♪ London said  
no answer, you're happier on the shopping trip".  and then I would say something like, "♪ London said  

okay, London said okay, okay, okay, London said okay ♪"  I mean that was like a major celebration. Anytime, anywhere  
okay, London said okay, okay, okay, London said okay ♪"  I mean that was like a major celebration. Anytime, anywhere  

that song would happen. They loved it they would  laugh, they thought it was when they were little  
that song would happen. They loved it they would  laugh, they thought it was when they were little  

they thought it was so funny. You don't have to  do that for the 15-year-old son though, right?  
they thought it was so funny. You don't have to  do that for the 15-year-old son though, right?  

That's like for the toddler, so that's okay. So this  is your little mini-celebration. I would probably  
That's like for the toddler, so that's okay. So this  is your little mini-celebration. I would probably  

look at my 15-year-old son and say, "Following  instructions is a really mature skill, and you're  
look at my 15-year-old son and say, "Following  instructions is a really mature skill, and you're  

going to be able to give yourself instructions  and be able to follow through with your own goals,  
going to be able to give yourself instructions  and be able to follow through with your own goals,  

and your own desires in life and that's going  to benefit you forever". So I would just be like  
and your own desires in life and that's going  to benefit you forever". So I would just be like  

that's a really mature skill, good job that's  a mature skill. So, that's your positive motivation  
that's a really mature skill, good job that's  a mature skill. So, that's your positive motivation  

statement. So, even though my son is a grown  adult man. I'm gonna actually end with a praise,  
statement. So, even though my son is a grown  adult man. I'm gonna actually end with a praise,  

and I'm just gonna do it with all of our 3 steps. So you can see what it really would be like  
and I'm just gonna do it with all of our 3 steps. So you can see what it really would be like  

to do an effective praise, and you know  what these skills are not just for children.  
to do an effective praise, and you know  what these skills are not just for children.  

They're for praising anyone. "Quinn, you did a great job on this video.  
They're for praising anyone. "Quinn, you did a great job on this video.  

You had not ever done this before. You jumped right  in 2 feet like, --Okay, what I look like...
You had not ever done this before. You jumped right  in 2 feet like, --Okay, what I look like...

Alright, I'm gonna be part of this, and you  nailed it. I mean you really were able to  
Alright, I'm gonna be part of this, and you  nailed it. I mean you really were able to  

talk authentically about who you are, who you've  become. What life was like at home and I think you  
talk authentically about who you are, who you've  become. What life was like at home and I think you  

gave people an understanding of how important  praise has been in your life. Well done, buddy".  
gave people an understanding of how important  praise has been in your life. Well done, buddy".  

You praised it, and I think you're great at working  on these videos, okay. I hope that I can have you  
You praised it, and I think you're great at working  on these videos, okay. I hope that I can have you  

here with me again. If you have enjoyed this video,  I know you're gonna love the next video which is: 
here with me again. If you have enjoyed this video,  I know you're gonna love the next video which is: 

How to teach your children to respect their parents. Click on that link now, we'll see you there!
How to teach your children to respect their parents. Click on that link now, we'll see you there!