(upbeat electronic dance music)
(upbeat electronic dance music)

- Hi, I'm Hilary Duff.
- Hi, I'm Hilary Duff.

It takes a lot of work to look this good
It takes a lot of work to look this good

when you're this pregnant.
when you're this pregnant.

As everyone knows pregnancy causes morning sickness,
As everyone knows pregnancy causes morning sickness,

weight gain, and of course, rampant excessive hair growth
weight gain, and of course, rampant excessive hair growth

all over your body.
all over your body.

After I got pregnant my hormones caused so much hair growth
After I got pregnant my hormones caused so much hair growth

that I felt like a Yeti,
that I felt like a Yeti,

or a Robin Williams.
or a Robin Williams.

I was embarrassed to go out of the house.
I was embarrassed to go out of the house.

I thought I'd never have clean hairless skin again
I thought I'd never have clean hairless skin again

but then I discovered Nogrowactiv System
but then I discovered Nogrowactiv System

from the makers of Proactiv.
from the makers of Proactiv.

Now you can tell I actually have two eyebrows!
Now you can tell I actually have two eyebrows!

I had tried everything to get rid of
I had tried everything to get rid of

my unsightly face and body hair.
my unsightly face and body hair.

But seriously, who has time to shave their back twice a day?
But seriously, who has time to shave their back twice a day?

I tried electrolysis, plucking,
I tried electrolysis, plucking,

and even painful daily waxing but nothing worked.
and even painful daily waxing but nothing worked.

Eventually I'd had enough,
Eventually I'd had enough,

so I called and ordered Nogrowactiv
so I called and ordered Nogrowactiv

and in just 30 days I said goodbye to all the unwanted
and in just 30 days I said goodbye to all the unwanted

back hair, unattractive lady mustaches,
back hair, unattractive lady mustaches,

and unmanageable knuckle hair.
and unmanageable knuckle hair.

- High school was tough, thanks to a rare genetic disorder
- High school was tough, thanks to a rare genetic disorder

and my Greek heritage,
and my Greek heritage,

I used to look like a Diane Arbus photo.
I used to look like a Diane Arbus photo.

But now since I've discovered Nogrowactiv
But now since I've discovered Nogrowactiv

everything's great!
everything's great!

- Like so many women my age I hit an old lady with my car
- Like so many women my age I hit an old lady with my car

and had a gypsy curse placed on me
and had a gypsy curse placed on me

that caused hair to grow all over my body.
that caused hair to grow all over my body.

With Nogrowactiv no one can tell.
With Nogrowactiv no one can tell.

- Until Nogrowactiv I didn't even know I was a woman.
- Until Nogrowactiv I didn't even know I was a woman.

- Nogrowactiv is truly a miracle.
- Nogrowactiv is truly a miracle.

It will get rid of that excess hair,
It will get rid of that excess hair,

make you feel more alive,
make you feel more alive,

and make you more likely to give birth
and make you more likely to give birth

to a baby made entirely of hair,
to a baby made entirely of hair,

100 percent more likely.
100 percent more likely.

Other side effects include...
Other side effects include...

Wait what the--
Wait what the--

- [Female Voiceover] Nogrowactiv is not responsible for
- [Female Voiceover] Nogrowactiv is not responsible for

the care or upbringing of any hair babies.
the care or upbringing of any hair babies.

Hair babies may or may not be the embodiment of evil.
Hair babies may or may not be the embodiment of evil.

- [Demon Voice] All hail Hair Baby.
- [Demon Voice] All hail Hair Baby.

(Hair Baby echos)
(Hair Baby echos)

(record static)
(record static)

(happy elevator music)
(happy elevator music)

- Check it out at 12 o'clock.
- Check it out at 12 o'clock.

- He's not even breaking a sweat!
- He's not even breaking a sweat!

- Lift it, lift it!
- Lift it, lift it!

- Hoist baby, hoist.
- Hoist baby, hoist.

- Excuse me, do you mind moving over?
- Excuse me, do you mind moving over?

- Yeah, sorry we're trying to enjoy the view.
- Yeah, sorry we're trying to enjoy the view.

(child laughs)
(child laughs)

- That's the ticket.
- That's the ticket.

- Oh yeah, jackpot!
- Oh yeah, jackpot!

The older I get the hotter I think dads are.
The older I get the hotter I think dads are.

- No kidding, it takes a real man to have a tea party.
- No kidding, it takes a real man to have a tea party.

- Who's your daddy?
- Who's your daddy?

Who's your daddy? - I mean look at that,
Who's your daddy? - I mean look at that,

I'd take a guy with a nurturing side over a hot guy any day.
I'd take a guy with a nurturing side over a hot guy any day.

- [Marcy] Oh my gosh, Baby Bjorn two o'clock!
- [Marcy] Oh my gosh, Baby Bjorn two o'clock!

- Look at the bags under his eyes!
- Look at the bags under his eyes!

He's probably been up with that baby all night.
He's probably been up with that baby all night.

- Dedicated.
- Dedicated.

- Oh my god, look at that guy.
- Oh my god, look at that guy.

Looks like he hasn't worked out in a year.
Looks like he hasn't worked out in a year.

- Selfless!
- Selfless!

- And he's still in his PJs!
- And he's still in his PJs!

So worried about the kids he doesn't
So worried about the kids he doesn't

even care what he looks like,
even care what he looks like,

Exhausted! - Exhausted!
Exhausted! - Exhausted!

Exhaustion is so hot.
Exhaustion is so hot.

- Sleep deprivation is so hot.
- Sleep deprivation is so hot.

(dogs barking)
(dogs barking)

- Hey, Jellybean!
- Hey, Jellybean!

- That's cute, if we were 25. (laughing together)
- That's cute, if we were 25. (laughing together)

- Sometimes I just go to Whole Foods
- Sometimes I just go to Whole Foods

and watch dads in their element.
and watch dads in their element.

- Oh yeah, the diaper aisle's my go-to.
- Oh yeah, the diaper aisle's my go-to.

- Or sometimes I watch old home videos.
- Or sometimes I watch old home videos.

- Of your dad?
- Of your dad?

- Yeah, but like when he was younger.
- Yeah, but like when he was younger.

(dogs barking)
(dogs barking)

- Hold the freakin' phone.
- Hold the freakin' phone.

(climactic orchestral music)
(climactic orchestral music)

(explosion)
(explosion)

(retching)
(retching)

(dramatic sighs)
(dramatic sighs)

- Why do you think we're so attracted to dads?
- Why do you think we're so attracted to dads?

- Maybe we like the idea of being taken care of?
- Maybe we like the idea of being taken care of?

- No, we can take care of ourselves.
- No, we can take care of ourselves.

Maybe we want kids of our own.
Maybe we want kids of our own.

(loudly laughing together)
(loudly laughing together)

- Yeah right, kids are gross.
- Yeah right, kids are gross.

- They should all be eaten by goats.
- They should all be eaten by goats.

(ducks quacking)
(ducks quacking)

- Aww, look at the little ducklings.
- Aww, look at the little ducklings.

- Aww, how cute!
- Aww, how cute!

Look how the mom is leading them!
Look how the mom is leading them!

Wait, that's not the momma duck,
Wait, that's not the momma duck,

that's a daddy duck.
that's a daddy duck.

- You mean a drake?
- You mean a drake?

- That's exactly what I mean.
- That's exactly what I mean.

- He's a single parent.
- He's a single parent.

(gasps) He's fathering them.
(gasps) He's fathering them.

- Hold me back!
- Hold me back!

- No Marcy, no, no, no, no!
- No Marcy, no, no, no, no!

♪ Watching every motion in this feathered lover's game. ♪
♪ Watching every motion in this feathered lover's game. ♪

♪ Haunted by the notion somewhere there's a pond in flames. ♪
♪ Haunted by the notion somewhere there's a pond in flames. ♪

♪ Take my breath away. ♪
♪ Take my breath away. ♪

♪ My love, take my breath away. ♪
♪ My love, take my breath away. ♪

(duck quacks)
(duck quacks)

- Your turn.
- Your turn.

(trumpet music)
(trumpet music)

- [Male Voiceover] This is Parent News,
- [Male Voiceover] This is Parent News,

the news that makes sense to parents.
the news that makes sense to parents.

(air whooshing)
(air whooshing)

- Tonight on Parent News,
- Tonight on Parent News,

how to do a Netflix.
how to do a Netflix.

- Who's winning the game?
- Who's winning the game?

- Are boys really wearing scarves?
- Are boys really wearing scarves?

- What does MDMA stand for?
- What does MDMA stand for?

It's not what I thought it was.
It's not what I thought it was.

All this and more on Parent News.
All this and more on Parent News.

(dramatic news music)
(dramatic news music)

Tonight's top story,
Tonight's top story,

writing a check is the single most
writing a check is the single most

common practice in the world.
common practice in the world.

- But there's a brand new way to write a check
- But there's a brand new way to write a check

without even writing it.
without even writing it.

It's called a Bank of Americard.
It's called a Bank of Americard.

- I interviewed my son about the Bank of Americard
- I interviewed my son about the Bank of Americard

to see if he could shed some light on this new phenomenon.
to see if he could shed some light on this new phenomenon.

(air whooshing)
(air whooshing)

(heart rate monitor beeping)
(heart rate monitor beeping)

Son, what is a Bank of Americard?
Son, what is a Bank of Americard?

- Mom, what are you doing here?
- Mom, what are you doing here?

- Well, I have a news show
- Well, I have a news show

this will just take a second. - Yeah I know,
this will just take a second. - Yeah I know,

I'm literally going into surgery right now.
I'm literally going into surgery right now.

- Davey, it's going to take a second,
- Davey, it's going to take a second,

what is a Bank of Americard?
what is a Bank of Americard?

- There's not really a Bank of Americard,
- There's not really a Bank of Americard,

it's just a debit card.
it's just a debit card.

- So, it's a Bank of Americard.
- So, it's a Bank of Americard.

- No, Mom one time Bank of America ran a special
- No, Mom one time Bank of America ran a special

where they called it a Bank of Americard
where they called it a Bank of Americard

but it's just a debit card, that's all it is.
but it's just a debit card, that's all it is.

(monitor beeping faster) - So what do you have?
(monitor beeping faster) - So what do you have?

- I don't know, I used Citibank.
- I don't know, I used Citibank.

(heart rate monitor flat lines)
(heart rate monitor flat lines)

- So, you have a Citibank Bank of Americard.
- So, you have a Citibank Bank of Americard.

- Mom! I've gotta!
- Mom! I've gotta!

- He's really busy! He's a doctor!
- He's really busy! He's a doctor!

Okay, back to Scott and me.
Okay, back to Scott and me.

- (clear throat) I don't know if I trust those things.
- (clear throat) I don't know if I trust those things.

How do they process them?
How do they process them?

- Well, they just take your card,
- Well, they just take your card,

and then they call the bank,
and then they call the bank,

and they make a copy of it. (laughs)
and they make a copy of it. (laughs)

It's simple.
It's simple.

- Sounds like a government thing.
- Sounds like a government thing.

- Well they say it's easy and that's music to my ears.
- Well they say it's easy and that's music to my ears.

(upbeat music) - Mine too
(upbeat music) - Mine too

and speaking of music,
and speaking of music,

let's check in with Steve Karem to see
let's check in with Steve Karem to see

what's going on with the hit star Justin Beaver
what's going on with the hit star Justin Beaver

and his new pants.
and his new pants.

(air whooshing)
(air whooshing)

- You know, I like Justin Bieber
- You know, I like Justin Bieber

but these are definitely not pants.
but these are definitely not pants.

Back to you Nora and Scott.
Back to you Nora and Scott.

(air whooshing)
(air whooshing)

- You know I think that little girl's got a bright future.
- You know I think that little girl's got a bright future.

- Mm-hm.
- Mm-hm.

- Well, that does it tonight for Parent News.
- Well, that does it tonight for Parent News.

- And you can always email us. - Awesome!
- And you can always email us. - Awesome!

- At davesmom4873_i@aol.com
- At davesmom4873_i@aol.com

or do a letter!
or do a letter!

(trumpet music) - And join us tomorrow
(trumpet music) - And join us tomorrow

when we discuss Dubstep.
when we discuss Dubstep.

Is it a dance or is it drugs?
Is it a dance or is it drugs?

Goodnight.
Goodnight.

(murmuring)
(murmuring)

- My guess is drugs.
- My guess is drugs.

(laidback jazz music)
(laidback jazz music)

(static)
(static)

(gentle piano music)
(gentle piano music)

- It's been too long! - So good to see you.
- It's been too long! - So good to see you.

- Hi, your place! - (shushing)
- Hi, your place! - (shushing)

- Why are we whispering?
- Why are we whispering?

- Don't wake the baby.
- Don't wake the baby.

(dramatic baby mobile music)
(dramatic baby mobile music)

- We're sleep training.
- We're sleep training.

- I opened up the good stuff from Italy.
- I opened up the good stuff from Italy.

- To reconnecting with old friends.
- To reconnecting with old friends.

(air whooshing)
(air whooshing)

- No clinking, the baby.
- No clinking, the baby.

- Can he really hear a glass clinking? (laughs quietly)
- Can he really hear a glass clinking? (laughs quietly)

(gulps)
(gulps)

(chews loudly)
(chews loudly)

- I mean what happens
- I mean what happens

if he wakes up? - Shh!
if he wakes up? - Shh!

(air whooshing)
(air whooshing)

- We've gotta move.
- We've gotta move.

This is just like old times.
This is just like old times.

- Yeah, minus the Jäger shots.
- Yeah, minus the Jäger shots.

Are you guys laughing silently?
Are you guys laughing silently?

- Just because we're sleep training
- Just because we're sleep training

doesn't mean we're not fun.
doesn't mean we're not fun.

(thump) (baby gurgles)
(thump) (baby gurgles)

(dramatic baby mobile music)
(dramatic baby mobile music)

So, tell me about your mom.
So, tell me about your mom.

How is she?
How is she?

(sad piano music) - Not great,
(sad piano music) - Not great,

she just started her second--
she just started her second--

She just started her second round--
She just started her second round--

- Shh.
- Shh.

- She just started her second round of chemotherapy.
- She just started her second round of chemotherapy.

- I'm sorry, could you dial your voice down
- I'm sorry, could you dial your voice down

just one more notch.
just one more notch.

- You guys I'm barely even speaking.
- You guys I'm barely even speaking.

If I talk any quieter I'll just be mouthing words.
If I talk any quieter I'll just be mouthing words.

I don't know what you're saying.
I don't know what you're saying.

You know what?
You know what?

Maybe it's better if I come back when the baby's awake.
Maybe it's better if I come back when the baby's awake.

- No! - Don't be crazy!
- No! - Don't be crazy!

- We've been so excited for your visit.
- We've been so excited for your visit.

- We told ourselves having kids wouldn't change us.
- We told ourselves having kids wouldn't change us.

- Please.
- Please.

(gentle piano music)
(gentle piano music)

- You can't stop every sound from ever happening.
- You can't stop every sound from ever happening.

- Of course! - Of course!
- Of course! - Of course!

(sneeze)
(sneeze)

- Whoa, that was a close one.
- Whoa, that was a close one.

- It's okay I'm a dad now.
- It's okay I'm a dad now.

- Can I use your restroom?
- Can I use your restroom?

- Of course it's down the hall.
- Of course it's down the hall.

(creaking)
(creaking)

- Don't move!
- Don't move!

(air whooshing)
(air whooshing)

- These floors are like sound landmines.
- These floors are like sound landmines.

(creaking)
(creaking)

(dramatic baby mobile music) - No flushing!
(dramatic baby mobile music) - No flushing!

(wheezing)
(wheezing)

- What did you guys do to your dog?
- What did you guys do to your dog?

You didn't like take out it's voice box did you?
You didn't like take out it's voice box did you?

You didn't do that because that would be crazy.
You didn't do that because that would be crazy.

(dramatic violin)
(dramatic violin)

- I'll tell you what's crazy,
- I'll tell you what's crazy,

the fact that we haven't gone to the garage.
the fact that we haven't gone to the garage.

- Yeah, we're taking too many chances.
- Yeah, we're taking too many chances.

Because his mother's allergic to kale.
Because his mother's allergic to kale.

(happy orchestral music)
(happy orchestral music)

(car horn beeps) (laughter)
(car horn beeps) (laughter)

I've got this.
I've got this.

(car alarm)
(car alarm)

(muted gun shot)
(muted gun shot)

What'd I miss?
What'd I miss?

- Um, I need to go.
- Um, I need to go.

- Already? Party pooper!
- Already? Party pooper!

Hey, quieter footsteps,
Hey, quieter footsteps,

on your tiptoes like we practiced.
on your tiptoes like we practiced.

- Oh shoot, I forgot my phone!
- Oh shoot, I forgot my phone!

- You what! - You what!
- You what! - You what!

(dramatic rock music) (clock ticking)
(dramatic rock music) (clock ticking)

- No calls no texts. (sighs)
- No calls no texts. (sighs)

- What's wrong with you people?
- What's wrong with you people?

- Shh! Listen, the baby. - Shh! Listen, the baby.
- Shh! Listen, the baby. - Shh! Listen, the baby.

(dramatic orchestral music)
(dramatic orchestral music)

(thumping)
(thumping)

- What the hell guys?
- What the hell guys?

I'm trying to sleep in here!
I'm trying to sleep in here!

- Baby! - Baby!
- Baby! - Baby!

(sings lullaby)
(sings lullaby)

- This is your baby?
- This is your baby?

You guys are insane!
You guys are insane!

- You woke the baby!
- You woke the baby!

(happy orchestral music)
(happy orchestral music)

- So it says here Madonna's reinventing herself again.
- So it says here Madonna's reinventing herself again.

Hey, did you get that letter from the doctor yet?
Hey, did you get that letter from the doctor yet?

- [Will] I did.
- [Will] I did.

- What did it say?
- What did it say?

- That my Dad's gay.
- That my Dad's gay.

- I knew it, those blood tests don't lie.
- I knew it, those blood tests don't lie.

(knocking)
(knocking)

Who's that?
Who's that?

- [Will] That's my landlord Pearl,
- [Will] That's my landlord Pearl,

(knocking) I'm really late on my rent.
(knocking) I'm really late on my rent.

- I'm getting outta here man, she's nasty.
- I'm getting outta here man, she's nasty.

- Please, I need you to stay.
- Please, I need you to stay.

- This is gonna be ugly.
- This is gonna be ugly.

- Hi Pearl.
- Hi Pearl.

- Where's the rent?
- Where's the rent?

- You don't have to raise your voice.
- You don't have to raise your voice.

- You pay now!
- You pay now!

- I can give you half.
- I can give you half.

- You pay now, bitch!
- You pay now, bitch!

- Hey, don't talk to me like that okay?
- Hey, don't talk to me like that okay?

- I'm tired of this crap.
- I'm tired of this crap.

- Look, I thought I was clear in my email
- Look, I thought I was clear in my email

that I needed a couple weeks.
that I needed a couple weeks.

- I work too hard.
- I work too hard.

- Can I just get two more weeks?
- Can I just get two more weeks?

- I want my money.
- I want my money.

- You need to relax!
- You need to relax!

- [Pearl] You're an asshole.
- [Pearl] You're an asshole.

- Uh-uh.
- Uh-uh.

- I want my money, bitch.
- I want my money, bitch.

- Hey, don't call me bitch.
- Hey, don't call me bitch.

I'm a grown man!
I'm a grown man!

- [Pearl] Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch.
- [Pearl] Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch.

- God you're mean. (cries)
- God you're mean. (cries)

(lauhgs)
(lauhgs)

- Don't make fun of me crying.
- Don't make fun of me crying.

- You'll be evicted.
- You'll be evicted.

- I'm not doing so good Pearl.
- I'm not doing so good Pearl.

- I put you on the streets.
- I put you on the streets.

- Pearl, I'm gonna pay ya,
- Pearl, I'm gonna pay ya,

I'm working three jobs right now,
I'm working three jobs right now,

working nights, I'm driving a cab.
working nights, I'm driving a cab.

I'm inside with my buddy right now
I'm inside with my buddy right now

just going over my resume.
just going over my resume.

- I'm gonna smack you.
- I'm gonna smack you.

- Okay, you know what?
- Okay, you know what?

You need to relax.
You need to relax.

- I want my money!
- I want my money!

- Look why do you need your money so fast?
- Look why do you need your money so fast?

Come on!
Come on!

- I need to get my drink on.
- I need to get my drink on.

- You scare me, you're an alcoholic.
- You scare me, you're an alcoholic.

- Can I have four beers?
- Can I have four beers?

- Seriously, you are an alcoholic.
- Seriously, you are an alcoholic.

Yeah you're drunk, I knew it.
Yeah you're drunk, I knew it.

You're already drunk.
You're already drunk.

- I'm just buzzed.
- I'm just buzzed.

- You know what?
- You know what?

You're in no condition to deal with this right now.
You're in no condition to deal with this right now.

- I'm taking my beer.
- I'm taking my beer.

- You know, just take your beer
- You know, just take your beer

and get outta here, okay?
and get outta here, okay?

Yeah, we'll talk tomorrow.
Yeah, we'll talk tomorrow.

This isn't over.
This isn't over.

- Come Mommy.
- Come Mommy.

- Jesus!
- Jesus!

(upbeat electronic dance music)
(upbeat electronic dance music)

- That was just a taste.
- That was just a taste.

(air whooshing) (creaking)
(air whooshing) (creaking)