[ Bell ]
[ Bell ]

(man) If I can get you in here.
(man) If I can get you in here.

All right, guys.
All right, guys.

This is a really fun one
This is a really fun one

today on "Fameless."
today on "Fameless."

This is called "Pitch Fit."
This is called "Pitch Fit."

So you guys are gonna be part of our celebrity panel,
So you guys are gonna be part of our celebrity panel,

along with Valarie.
along with Valarie.

Valarie, thank you also for being here.
Valarie, thank you also for being here.

On a show where we let a co-host pitch their TV idea to us
On a show where we let a co-host pitch their TV idea to us

and we make a complete mess of it.
and we make a complete mess of it.

Love it, so are we gonna just play ourselves?
Love it, so are we gonna just play ourselves?

Yeah, but why don't you be,
Yeah, but why don't you be,

like, ass (bleep) versions of yourselves?
like, ass (bleep) versions of yourselves?

Will you-- Would you mind doing that?
Will you-- Would you mind doing that?

That'd be easy for you.
That'd be easy for you.

Oh!
Oh!

Hi, guys.
Hi, guys.

Hi, Jason.
Hi, Jason.

Hi.
Hi.

Welcome to Hollywood.
Welcome to Hollywood.

Well, thank you.
Well, thank you.

I'm from Oklahoma, so this is a huge change.
I'm from Oklahoma, so this is a huge change.

I can't wait to get my ass in there and pitch my idea
I can't wait to get my ass in there and pitch my idea

because I know that I'm gonna
because I know that I'm gonna

win over everybody
win over everybody

and everyone's gonna literally be fighting for my story.
and everyone's gonna literally be fighting for my story.

I pretty much know that today is gonna be an awesome day
I pretty much know that today is gonna be an awesome day

because I'm not only awesome,
because I'm not only awesome,

but my shirt is (bleep) awesome.
but my shirt is (bleep) awesome.

And yeah, it's my lucky donut shirt, and you know what?
And yeah, it's my lucky donut shirt, and you know what?

It's gonna bring me gold today.
It's gonna bring me gold today.

Before we start,
Before we start,

please bring in the next pitcher.
please bring in the next pitcher.

Hi.
Hi.

Hi.
Hi.

How's it going?
How's it going?

Dave, Jason.
Dave, Jason.

Today you've brought a new TV concept
Today you've brought a new TV concept

for our panel to consider, is that correct?
for our panel to consider, is that correct?

That is very correct.
That is very correct.

Today, you have the opportunity to get the golden green light.
Today, you have the opportunity to get the golden green light.

If you get the golden green light,
If you get the golden green light,

your idea will be developed by a major network.
your idea will be developed by a major network.

(exhaling)
(exhaling)

What?
What?

And the pitch begins ...
And the pitch begins ...

Hi.
Hi.

No, oh, sorry.
No, oh, sorry.

(ding)
(ding)

Now.
Now.

Okay, it's basically a show based on me
Okay, it's basically a show based on me

and my identical twin brother.
and my identical twin brother.

I'm gay, he's straight.
I'm gay, he's straight.

We own a vapor store back in Oklahoma together.
We own a vapor store back in Oklahoma together.

He has identical twin girls with my best friend back home
He has identical twin girls with my best friend back home

who is a lesbian,
who is a lesbian,

who they were having sex together without me knowing it
who they were having sex together without me knowing it

and she conceived his twin daughters.
and she conceived his twin daughters.

(ding)
(ding)

Um...
Um...

I'm hooked.
I'm hooked.

And that's what you want to do,
And that's what you want to do,

the moment you're in the room, hook 'em.
the moment you're in the room, hook 'em.

Good.
Good.

So is--
So is--

I'm seeing this as a musical, right?
I'm seeing this as a musical, right?

Yeah. 'Cause of "Oklahoma."
Yeah. 'Cause of "Oklahoma."

I mean,
I mean,

it's a great play.
it's a great play.

I loved when you said a vapor shop.
I loved when you said a vapor shop.

Immediately, my mind goes to, like, a ghost.
Immediately, my mind goes to, like, a ghost.

Like, a supernatural thing.
Like, a supernatural thing.

Girl... Okay.
Girl... Okay.

What is the title
What is the title

of your show?
of your show?

I would like to call it "Tornado Alley,"
I would like to call it "Tornado Alley,"

just because that's Oklahoma.
just because that's Oklahoma.

My issue is the title.
My issue is the title.

The title-- I mean, that's--
The title-- I mean, that's--

Think of another title. Dave...
Think of another title. Dave...

Yup.
Yup.

Let's hear your pitch.
Let's hear your pitch.

Okay.
Okay.

So this is "Alien Meets Wiener."
So this is "Alien Meets Wiener."

There's Jules the alien.
There's Jules the alien.

He comes to earth and the first person they--
He comes to earth and the first person they--

he meets, is a wiener dog.
he meets, is a wiener dog.

The twist is that this dog is actually a ghost of a dead dog.
The twist is that this dog is actually a ghost of a dead dog.

There's a musical number.
There's a musical number.

(Kari) And what was the title again?
(Kari) And what was the title again?

"Alien Meets Wiener."
"Alien Meets Wiener."

(Kari) Clever.
(Kari) Clever.

Which I'm open to changes.
Which I'm open to changes.

No, but that's-- No, that's--
No, but that's-- No, that's--

No, not a thing, that is very clever.
No, not a thing, that is very clever.

Um, this dog has a brother dog.
Um, this dog has a brother dog.

Both twins. On either side and...
Both twins. On either side and...

...one of the twin dogs is gay.
...one of the twin dogs is gay.

Okay.
Okay.

Realistically, that's not even a show.
Realistically, that's not even a show.

Everything he's saying is mimicking what I already said,
Everything he's saying is mimicking what I already said,

so he's clearly not an original thinker.
so he's clearly not an original thinker.

We have two soft maybes.
We have two soft maybes.

Truthfully,
Truthfully,

there's one hard almost.
there's one hard almost.

What we will do is give you an opportunity...
What we will do is give you an opportunity...

...to switch pitch.
...to switch pitch.

What?
What?

You can choose to take the pitch
You can choose to take the pitch

that has more momentum, Dave's pitch,
that has more momentum, Dave's pitch,

and carry it home to the finish line.
and carry it home to the finish line.

You want me to pitch his idea?
You want me to pitch his idea?

It's not his story.
It's not his story.

It's my pitch.
It's my pitch.

Switch pitch.
Switch pitch.

No, this is insane.
No, this is insane.

That's how switch pitch works.
That's how switch pitch works.

(Valarie) Yeah.
(Valarie) Yeah.

No, not a thing.
No, not a thing.

Congratulations for not winning.
Congratulations for not winning.

See what I'm seeing?
See what I'm seeing?

Yeah.
Yeah.

(Kari) Yeah.
(Kari) Yeah.

I think you guys would be amazing on another show.
I think you guys would be amazing on another show.

What?
What?

We could call it, um...
We could call it, um...

Maybe "Fameless."
Maybe "Fameless."

Ooh, I like that.
Ooh, I like that.

"Fameless"?
"Fameless"?

Yeah.
Yeah.

It's the prank show that you're on right now.
It's the prank show that you're on right now.

Wait, what? Wait, this?
Wait, what? Wait, this?

You're on a prank show right now, dude.
You're on a prank show right now, dude.

What?
What?

What the (bleep)?
What the (bleep)?

I'm not pitching a real show?
I'm not pitching a real show?

Okay.
Okay.

You all get a high one, especially you.
You all get a high one, especially you.

Me?
Me?

And you!
And you!

(Jason) Come on!
(Jason) Come on!

I don't know what's real anymore.
I don't know what's real anymore.

The whole time I'm like
The whole time I'm like

what the hell is he doing here?
what the hell is he doing here?

I was like he is the most
I was like he is the most

retarded --
retarded --

no offense
no offense

that's a bad word to use
that's a bad word to use

Just like very slow.
Just like very slow.

Not all there. There's a screw loose.
Not all there. There's a screw loose.

And I was like, "He must have some amazing idea?"
And I was like, "He must have some amazing idea?"

And then he opens that and it's
And then he opens that and it's

about a dog and an alien.
about a dog and an alien.

I literally almost took my paper and walked off.
I literally almost took my paper and walked off.

I was like [bleep] you guys
I was like [bleep] you guys

I'm going home.
I'm going home.

David Spade, you are literally...
David Spade, you are literally...

a piece of shit.
a piece of shit.

I'm just gonna leave it at that.
I'm just gonna leave it at that.