This episode is brought to you by the letter 'C'. It stands for consent which just so happens
This episode is brought to you by the letter 'C'. It stands for consent which just so happens

to be a stuff that my mom never told me about. So I'm going to tell you about it. Okay? Nod
to be a stuff that my mom never told me about. So I'm going to tell you about it. Okay? Nod

your head and say yes, let's do this consensually.
your head and say yes, let's do this consensually.

The reason that I wanted to talk about what capital 'C' consent is and what it means for
The reason that I wanted to talk about what capital 'C' consent is and what it means for

both women and men was in response to a recent video I did called '216 reasons humans have
both women and men was in response to a recent video I did called '216 reasons humans have

sex'. Some of the reasons cited did not have to do with people actually wanting to have
sex'. Some of the reasons cited did not have to do with people actually wanting to have

sex. Instead as viewer @Ali Ellendorff pointed out, 'So many are rape related. It makes me
sex. Instead as viewer @Ali Ellendorff pointed out, 'So many are rape related. It makes me

so sad that this is part of our reality.' I'm going to need my teacher glasses to give
so sad that this is part of our reality.' I'm going to need my teacher glasses to give

you a definition of consent, which is when two parties come together in agreement on
you a definition of consent, which is when two parties come together in agreement on

a sexual behavior, an understanding of what is allowed within that sexual behavior, and,
a sexual behavior, an understanding of what is allowed within that sexual behavior, and,

and! This is crucial. The understanding that one or both people can say stop at any point.
and! This is crucial. The understanding that one or both people can say stop at any point.

It doesn't matter whether you're just barely, your lips haven't even touched and all the
It doesn't matter whether you're just barely, your lips haven't even touched and all the

sudden you're like, no, I can't! No, no, no. Or if you are completely naked, you are halfway
sudden you're like, no, I can't! No, no, no. Or if you are completely naked, you are halfway

between third base and a homerun and you don't want to do it anymore, guess what? You can
between third base and a homerun and you don't want to do it anymore, guess what? You can

say stop. And that's totally fine. Allow me to illustrate what I mean with chocolate chip
say stop. And that's totally fine. Allow me to illustrate what I mean with chocolate chip

cookies. Oh my god I love chocolate chip cookies. They are so good. Me too. Can uh, can I get
cookies. Oh my god I love chocolate chip cookies. They are so good. Me too. Can uh, can I get

one of your chocolate chip cookies? Ummm, okay maybe like a bite? A bite?! Are you some
one of your chocolate chip cookies? Ummm, okay maybe like a bite? A bite?! Are you some

kind of chocolate chip cookie tease? You walk out here waving your chocolate chips all up
kind of chocolate chip cookie tease? You walk out here waving your chocolate chips all up

in front of my face, showing them to me and you're all like oh yeah, you can have some
in front of my face, showing them to me and you're all like oh yeah, you can have some

of my chocolate chip cookies. A bite, a taste, a nibble. You are nothing but a tease. Listen.
of my chocolate chip cookies. A bite, a taste, a nibble. You are nothing but a tease. Listen.

You can go home, cause you've got an oven and you can make chocolate chip cookies all
You can go home, cause you've got an oven and you can make chocolate chip cookies all

night, all day, you don't even need me for chocolate chip cookies. You can make 'em all
night, all day, you don't even need me for chocolate chip cookies. You can make 'em all

on your own, you get my drift? Do you get my drift cause I'm talking about masturbation.
on your own, you get my drift? Do you get my drift cause I'm talking about masturbation.

Now for a little more clarification on what consent is, it is something that is active,
Now for a little more clarification on what consent is, it is something that is active,

voluntary, wanted, honest, not just about what you want but also what you don't want.
voluntary, wanted, honest, not just about what you want but also what you don't want.

What consent is not however is something that is coerced or convinced. The absence of 'no'
What consent is not however is something that is coerced or convinced. The absence of 'no'

does not mean 'yes'. The only thing that means 'yes' is 'yes'. Legally speaking there are
does not mean 'yes'. The only thing that means 'yes' is 'yes'. Legally speaking there are

three main areas where you cannot give consent. First of all, if you are severely intoxicated
three main areas where you cannot give consent. First of all, if you are severely intoxicated

by alcohol or drugs and this gets into a lot of gray areas that I'm not going to get into
by alcohol or drugs and this gets into a lot of gray areas that I'm not going to get into

but Laci Green has an awesome video about this called 'Sex + Alcohol' that I highly
but Laci Green has an awesome video about this called 'Sex + Alcohol' that I highly

recommend. The second area is if you are physically or mentally disabled. And finally this might
recommend. The second area is if you are physically or mentally disabled. And finally this might

seem like an obvious one but you cannot consent if you say 'no'. That is regardless of any
seem like an obvious one but you cannot consent if you say 'no'. That is regardless of any

kind of sexual activity that has happened with that partner in the past. You might have
kind of sexual activity that has happened with that partner in the past. You might have

sex with someone in the morning but that night if you say no, no means no. And men this conversation
sex with someone in the morning but that night if you say no, no means no. And men this conversation

is for you as well. A lot of times when we talk about consent it's in very gendered,
is for you as well. A lot of times when we talk about consent it's in very gendered,

heteronormative terms. We think of consent as something that a guy should seek out from
heteronormative terms. We think of consent as something that a guy should seek out from

a girl to ensure that he is not then later blamed for doing something like raping her.
a girl to ensure that he is not then later blamed for doing something like raping her.

But when it comes to sexual violence, guys, it can and it does happen to you as well.
But when it comes to sexual violence, guys, it can and it does happen to you as well.

According to Columbia University Health Center, 1 in 10 rape victims is male. 10 to 20 % of
According to Columbia University Health Center, 1 in 10 rape victims is male. 10 to 20 % of

all men will be sexually violated at some point so consent is not just something that
all men will be sexually violated at some point so consent is not just something that

women need to learn about. And it shouldn't just be something for male-female couples,
women need to learn about. And it shouldn't just be something for male-female couples,

no. Sexual violation happens in any kind of gender-sexual orientation slice and dice structure
no. Sexual violation happens in any kind of gender-sexual orientation slice and dice structure

that you would like to look at. If we want to lower the incidence rates of all these
that you would like to look at. If we want to lower the incidence rates of all these

kinds of violations happening, the surefire way to do it across all of these different
kinds of violations happening, the surefire way to do it across all of these different

gender-sexual orientation structures is by talking about consent. We have got to start
gender-sexual orientation structures is by talking about consent. We have got to start

the conversation because societally we are so uncomfortable acknowledging that people
the conversation because societally we are so uncomfortable acknowledging that people

and especially younger people want to have sex that we don't even know how to say no.
and especially younger people want to have sex that we don't even know how to say no.

I didn't know about consent when I was younger and I wish that I had. The least fulfilling
I didn't know about consent when I was younger and I wish that I had. The least fulfilling

sexual experiences that I have had were from my younger days when I was just going along
sexual experiences that I have had were from my younger days when I was just going along

with things because I thought that's what I should do. I didn't know that I had a voice
with things because I thought that's what I should do. I didn't know that I had a voice

and that I could say no and that was no reflection on me but simply what I did and didn't want
and that I could say no and that was no reflection on me but simply what I did and didn't want

to do and that's perfectly and totally fine. It needs to be okay say yes, I consensually
to do and that's perfectly and totally fine. It needs to be okay say yes, I consensually

want to have sex and I want to have a lot of sex and that's totally fine. Equally fine
want to have sex and I want to have a lot of sex and that's totally fine. Equally fine

for you to say you know what, no, I'm not okay having sex, I'm not okay doing this,
for you to say you know what, no, I'm not okay having sex, I'm not okay doing this,

this, or this. Everybody's a little bit different and everyone has a different kind of relationship
this, or this. Everybody's a little bit different and everyone has a different kind of relationship

with sex. Can you tell that I'm passionate about this? All it takes to have consensual
with sex. Can you tell that I'm passionate about this? All it takes to have consensual

sex is to just say hey, you know what? I want this. What do you want? Okay. Let's go do
sex is to just say hey, you know what? I want this. What do you want? Okay. Let's go do

it. Consent again is not meant to take the fun out of sex but rather to liberate us in
it. Consent again is not meant to take the fun out of sex but rather to liberate us in

order to have more fun and the next morning be happy about it. Feel fine about it. There
order to have more fun and the next morning be happy about it. Feel fine about it. There

should not be that kind of guilt associated with sex the next day because we did something
should not be that kind of guilt associated with sex the next day because we did something

just cause we didn't know how to say no. I want to know from you, do you talk about consent,
just cause we didn't know how to say no. I want to know from you, do you talk about consent,

how do you bring it up? And any questions you might have let me know in the comments.
how do you bring it up? And any questions you might have let me know in the comments.

If you want to know more I also recommend you going to Rainn.org, that's Rainn with
If you want to know more I also recommend you going to Rainn.org, that's Rainn with

two 'n's, the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network and they have all sorts of information
two 'n's, the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network and they have all sorts of information

on this. Remember people I've said it once and I'll say it again. Consent makes sex even
on this. Remember people I've said it once and I'll say it again. Consent makes sex even

sexier. So let's do it. Let's talk about sex. It's about freaking time.
sexier. So let's do it. Let's talk about sex. It's about freaking time.