- What the fuuuu--
- What the fuuuu--

- I'm Russian, this guy right here is American.
- I'm Russian, this guy right here is American.

- I'm Russian.
- I'm Russian.

- I'm clearly the American.
- I'm clearly the American.

- It's very cold here.
- It's very cold here.

- Of course she has a Russian jacket.
- Of course she has a Russian jacket.

- What kind of drinks are you expecting?
- What kind of drinks are you expecting?

- I think of Wodka, with a W.
- I think of Wodka, with a W.

- That's it, vodka?
- That's it, vodka?

- Yeah, vod--
- Yeah, vod--

- Okay, let's surprise him,
- Okay, let's surprise him,

let's show him what mother Russia had.
let's show him what mother Russia had.

- Looks like beer.
- Looks like beer.

- Yeah, it smells like beer, it's just beer.
- Yeah, it smells like beer, it's just beer.

- Oh my god.
- Oh my god.

- Holy shit.
- Holy shit.

- So this is actually called Yorsh.
- So this is actually called Yorsh.

- Ah, I love Borscht.
- Ah, I love Borscht.

- Nope, very different.
- Nope, very different.

Borscht is red beet soup, this is beer and vodka.
Borscht is red beet soup, this is beer and vodka.

- Know what's funny, is that
- Know what's funny, is that

it tastes like beer and vodka.
it tastes like beer and vodka.

- I just need to move to Russia.
- I just need to move to Russia.

This is some smart sh*t.
This is some smart sh*t.

That's how you know he's Russian.
That's how you know he's Russian.

- I need to take a nap!
- I need to take a nap!

- This is how the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
- This is how the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

got their superpowers.
got their superpowers.

- This is Tarhun, it's a traditional drink from Georgia.
- This is Tarhun, it's a traditional drink from Georgia.

- Do I detect a hint of green?
- Do I detect a hint of green?

And bubbles?
And bubbles?

- I teach you Russian tradition, you ready?
- I teach you Russian tradition, you ready?

- Yes.
- Yes.

- Before you drink, every time you must say toast.
- Before you drink, every time you must say toast.

- To my beautiful future Russian wife.
- To my beautiful future Russian wife.

(crickets chirping)
(crickets chirping)

- Oh, I like that.
- Oh, I like that.

It's not too sweet.
It's not too sweet.

- So this is like Russian Sprite.
- So this is like Russian Sprite.

- That was great, I mean, I'd,
- That was great, I mean, I'd,

keep 'em coming.
keep 'em coming.

- Keep it going, let's go.
- Keep it going, let's go.

- Smells like nail polish remover.
- Smells like nail polish remover.

- Nail salon.
- Nail salon.

- Yeah, oh, wait a minute.
- Yeah, oh, wait a minute.

- What do they give you guys in Russia, what the f*ck?
- What do they give you guys in Russia, what the f*ck?

- Mmm, mmm.
- Mmm, mmm.

My favorite childhood drink.
My favorite childhood drink.

Is good, yes?
Is good, yes?

- This is great!
- This is great!

- Doesn't taste like a nail salon.
- Doesn't taste like a nail salon.

- The acetone--
- The acetone--

(tongue sounds)
(tongue sounds)

Allo!
Allo!

- He's so drunk, he's so drunk, he's drunk!
- He's so drunk, he's so drunk, he's drunk!

- It's kind of like a ginger ale with like a weird,
- It's kind of like a ginger ale with like a weird,

like a slight hint of I don't know what that is.
like a slight hint of I don't know what that is.

- Like ginger ale?
- Like ginger ale?

- This looks like some sort of Russian cola?
- This looks like some sort of Russian cola?

- Why does this smell like a plate of dinner or something?
- Why does this smell like a plate of dinner or something?

(sniffing)
(sniffing)

- Your smile is white as the snow on an afternoon.
- Your smile is white as the snow on an afternoon.

No, that was horrible, man!
No, that was horrible, man!

In Texas we say stuff like,
In Texas we say stuff like,

"darling, you're so pretty,
"darling, you're so pretty,

"you're the only lone star I need."
"you're the only lone star I need."

- I like, I loves it!
- I like, I loves it!

- That's a good one.
- That's a good one.

What do you think? No?
What do you think? No?

- You take black bread, rye bread,
- You take black bread, rye bread,

and you soak it overnight in water,
and you soak it overnight in water,

and that creates fermentation, and then so basically,
and that creates fermentation, and then so basically,

this is liquid bread.
this is liquid bread.

- Oh, it moves so slow!
- Oh, it moves so slow!

- Oh!
- Oh!

Ew! Ew!
Ew! Ew!

- This is uh, Ryazhenka, which is baked milk.
- This is uh, Ryazhenka, which is baked milk.

- It's very good, no?
- It's very good, no?

You're gonna get used to it, he gonna get used to it.
You're gonna get used to it, he gonna get used to it.

- Beauty hurts.
- Beauty hurts.

- This is great, we get to try water.
- This is great, we get to try water.

- Doesn't smell like anything.
- Doesn't smell like anything.

What is that!?
What is that!?

- I don't understand this drink.
- I don't understand this drink.

It doesn't make any sense.
It doesn't make any sense.

- It tastes exactly what it would taste like
- It tastes exactly what it would taste like

if you woke up in the morning, didn't brush your teeth,
if you woke up in the morning, didn't brush your teeth,

still had your nasty retainers in there,
still had your nasty retainers in there,

and then took a sip of water.
and then took a sip of water.

- Yes! Yes, it tastes like nasty retainer!
- Yes! Yes, it tastes like nasty retainer!

- If you took like, beach water
- If you took like, beach water

and then made it like seltzer,
and then made it like seltzer,

it's like seltzer beach water.
it's like seltzer beach water.

- It's mineral water.
- It's mineral water.

It's very very healthy,
It's very very healthy,

it has a lot of amazing health benefits and,
it has a lot of amazing health benefits and,

also, it's a Russian trick to cure hangover.
also, it's a Russian trick to cure hangover.

- Whoa, it smells like breast milk.
- Whoa, it smells like breast milk.

- Oh, I don't want this.
- Oh, I don't want this.

- Why?
- Why?

- This is a, this smells awful.
- This is a, this smells awful.

(groaning)
(groaning)

- No, no, no!
- No, no, no!

(retching)
(retching)

- I love it, which is so weird, I think it--
- I love it, which is so weird, I think it--

- Oh my god, the aftertaste!
- Oh my god, the aftertaste!

- It burned my tongue.
- It burned my tongue.

- It burned the sh*t out of my tongue.
- It burned the sh*t out of my tongue.

- Have you ever have milk from a horse?
- Have you ever have milk from a horse?

(retching)
(retching)

- It's horse milk, of course.
- It's horse milk, of course.

It's horse milk, it's just horse milk.
It's horse milk, it's just horse milk.

Of course.
Of course.

No big deal, it's horse milk.
No big deal, it's horse milk.

It's horse milk!
It's horse milk!

- The good news is--
- The good news is--

- There's no good news--
- There's no good news--

- It's very high in whey protein.
- It's very high in whey protein.

- You know how exotic horse milk is?
- You know how exotic horse milk is?

- What is it supposed to do for you?
- What is it supposed to do for you?

Is it like, there's any benefits?
Is it like, there's any benefits?

- Yeah, what?
- Yeah, what?

- Probably healthy.
- Probably healthy.

- All this stuff was great, I mean,
- All this stuff was great, I mean,

all of it was great.
all of it was great.

Besides the horse milk, I mean,
Besides the horse milk, I mean,

it was really delicious, and uh,
it was really delicious, and uh,

I really enjoyed all of it.
I really enjoyed all of it.

- Feel like now we gotta go get some Russian drinks
- Feel like now we gotta go get some Russian drinks

together, we gotta go hit like a Russian happy hour like
together, we gotta go hit like a Russian happy hour like

this friendship can't stop here.
this friendship can't stop here.

- With some pickles on the side.
- With some pickles on the side.

- My eyes are open to Russian culture,
- My eyes are open to Russian culture,

and my eyes are definitely open
and my eyes are definitely open

to the beauty of a Russian bride.
to the beauty of a Russian bride.

Das-vyoo-don-yoo.
Das-vyoo-don-yoo.

(laughter)
(laughter)

- Texas Russian.
- Texas Russian.