See ya later, buddy.
See ya later, buddy.

I have something for you.
I have something for you.

I'm a wealthy man.
I'm a wealthy man.

I am a captain of industry.
I am a captain of industry.

What is this power you have over me?
What is this power you have over me?

I don't know.
I don't know.

Here.
Here.

Read this. Oh, what is this?
Read this. Oh, what is this?

It's me manifesto.
It's me manifesto.

All of us hermits have one.
All of us hermits have one.

"The Secret of Life by Plays-With-Squirrels."
"The Secret of Life by Plays-With-Squirrels."

Okay, everybody! I've got the, uh...
Okay, everybody! I've got the, uh...

The secret of life here if you want to know.
The secret of life here if you want to know.

Feeny!
Feeny!

Fee-hee-hee... (COUGHING)
Fee-hee-hee... (COUGHING)

Oh, I can't do it anymore.
Oh, I can't do it anymore.

Mr. Matthews?
Mr. Matthews?

Mr. Squirrels.
Mr. Squirrels.

Eric?
Eric?

Plays-With.
Plays-With.

Okay, the party's over. I'll see you at my funeral.
Okay, the party's over. I'll see you at my funeral.

No, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no.

Where's Angela?
Where's Angela?

She was here. She left.
She was here. She left.

Too painful to be in the same room with the man she should've married?
Too painful to be in the same room with the man she should've married?

What?
What?

Don't tell him that we have a daughter.
Don't tell him that we have a daughter.

I have a niche?
I have a niche?

Niece.
Niece.

Niece?
Niece?

Where is Rachel?
Where is Rachel?

Yeah, where is Rachel?
Yeah, where is Rachel?

Does anyone know whatever happened to her?
Does anyone know whatever happened to her?

I hear she moved to Texas.
I hear she moved to Texas.

Rachel?
Rachel?

I wanted to see if there was anything left between me and my old boyfriend.
I wanted to see if there was anything left between me and my old boyfriend.

You mean, the one you broke up with when you moved here?
You mean, the one you broke up with when you moved here?

Yep, that's the one.
Yep, that's the one.

Well, was there anything left?
Well, was there anything left?

A little. I married him.
A little. I married him.

Congratulations. Do you have any kids?
Congratulations. Do you have any kids?

Yeah, two little ones. Little Cory and little Topanga.
Yeah, two little ones. Little Cory and little Topanga.

(LAUGHS) Really?
(LAUGHS) Really?

No. What, are you joking?
No. What, are you joking?

Oh. (CHUCKLES)
Oh. (CHUCKLES)

Well, married life is great, isn't it?
Well, married life is great, isn't it?

We're divorced.
We're divorced.

Oh.
Oh.

What happened?
What happened?

He parked in my spot.
He parked in my spot.

(ALL LAUGH NERVOUSLY)
(ALL LAUGH NERVOUSLY)

Yeah, well, I've been watchin' y'all,
Yeah, well, I've been watchin' y'all,

and I just can't believe that none of you are friends anymore.
and I just can't believe that none of you are friends anymore.

I mean, I thought you guys would be together forever.
I mean, I thought you guys would be together forever.

Yeah, but ever since that little argument we had in the classroom...
Yeah, but ever since that little argument we had in the classroom...

What do you mean, over me?
What do you mean, over me?

You guys aren't friends anymore because of me?
You guys aren't friends anymore because of me?

Well, I guess it had something to do with that.
Well, I guess it had something to do with that.

Wow. Wait. Wait a second.
Wow. Wait. Wait a second.

You didn't all make up after I left and live happily ever after?
You didn't all make up after I left and live happily ever after?

Well, our marriage counselor says we're doing fine.
Well, our marriage counselor says we're doing fine.

Quiet!
Quiet!

Wow.
Wow.

I thought nothing could keep you guys apart.
I thought nothing could keep you guys apart.

Neither did I,
Neither did I,

but I guess something did.
but I guess something did.

I guess we just weren't as strong as we thought we were.
I guess we just weren't as strong as we thought we were.

Or as smart as we thought.
Or as smart as we thought.

I married a moose.
I married a moose.

We don't need counseling.
We don't need counseling.

So, Mr. Squirrels,
So, Mr. Squirrels,

you've written something there, have you?
you've written something there, have you?

Oh, yes.
Oh, yes.

I've been by myself for the past seven years.
I've been by myself for the past seven years.

I've put together a compendium of all my knowledge.
I've put together a compendium of all my knowledge.

Everything I know is in me manifesto.
Everything I know is in me manifesto.

Read it, Jack.
Read it, Jack.

Eric, that thing is like 3,000 pages long.
Eric, that thing is like 3,000 pages long.

Nope. 3,000 blank pages.
Nope. 3,000 blank pages.

Only the first one has writing on it.
Only the first one has writing on it.

What does it say?
What does it say?

Well, um... "Lose one friend, lose all friends,
Well, um... "Lose one friend, lose all friends,

"lose yourself."
"lose yourself."

So, why are all the other pages blank?
So, why are all the other pages blank?

Nothing else seemed important.
Nothing else seemed important.

You were always my most interesting student,
You were always my most interesting student,

Mr. Squirrels.
Mr. Squirrels.

You know, I wish we had known that then.
You know, I wish we had known that then.

Do you think we would have listened?
Do you think we would have listened?

I blew it. I let her go.
I blew it. I let her go.

Well, I don't know, but, uh,
Well, I don't know, but, uh,

I guess we'll never know now, huh?
I guess we'll never know now, huh?