"We’re so similar..."
"We both like scotch, we’re both awesome."
Robin Scherbatsky and Barney Stinson.
Why couldn’t these unconventional lovebirds make it work?
"The emotional stuff, it’s not your thing,
I thought I’d save you the trouble."
"Maybe I don’t want to be saved the trouble.
Maybe I want the trouble."
How I Met Your Mother emphasized that these characters
are two peas in a pod- they like all the same things,
put friendship first, and are total commitment phobes.
"Why are you so afraid of giving this a chance?"
"Because I am scared of how much I like you."
If anyone can make these two romance-skeptics want to settle down,
it’s each other.
"He looks nice in his suit."
"She can handle her scotch."
"He's my boyfriend."
"And she's my girlfriend."
And the show builds to the climax of their wedding,
setting the entire final season during the weekend of their nuptials.
"Our wedding is going to be legend-ary."
But after all that, the Robin and Barney romance culminates
in a marriage that (we abruptly learn in the second-to-last episode)
lasts only a few years.
"It was great....It was great."
"It WAS great."
"It was great."
"It was great.
It was GREAT."
As jolting and unsatisfying as this was for fans
who’d invested in the couple, in truth, something always felt a little off
about the idea of Robin and Barney getting hitched.
"I’m wondering if this whole getting married thing is
something I can go through with."
And not just because the show creators had decided long ago that
Robin and Ted were endgame.
If we consider Barney and Robin’s romantic pasts, it becomes pretty clear
that neither of them is really suited to
a hyper-traditional monogamous relationship.
"I don't want to get married right now,
maybe ever."
"Marriage is stupid."
Much of Robin and Barney’s marital unhappiness appears to be
the product of trying to force themselves into
rigid cultural boxes that don’t fit them.
Here’s our Take on why Robin and Barney were never meant
to end up married to each other,
or for that fact, to anyone.
"You're watching The Take.
Thanks for watching and be sure to share and subscribe."
To make sense of Robin and Barney as a couple,
let’s consider both as individuals, starting with 'The Barnacle' himself.
"Oh yeah, you just know she likes it dirty."
If you’ve watched even a few seconds of the early seasons of
How I Met Your Mother, you would have rightly deduced that
"get married" was the last thing on Barney’s to-do list,
somewhere below "stop wearing suits" and "stop doing magic tricks."
"I know what you want...
Magic!"
While Ted seems to have come out of the womb longing to settle down,
Barney feels like a biological bachelor.
"Barney Stinson AL-ways gets the yes."
And he’s drawn to Robin precisely because she affirms many of
the same values he holds.
"We both think the marriage and commitment thing’s a drag.
We both want something casual and fun.
And we clearly get along really well."
Barney isn’t looking for a wife, he’s looking for a wingman (or wingwoman)
that he’s also really attracted to.
"Best wingman ever."
This is actually part of the foundation of what’s healthy
about their relationship.
Whereas Ted’s romantic ambitions for Robin involve
turning her into something she’s not,
Barney likes her for who she already is.
"You're the most awesome person I have ever known...
Well, second most awesome."
Still, this mindset doesn’t always add up to
a functional relationship pattern by conventional standards.
"How could you be in love and still be sleeping with anything that moves?"
"I'm sorry I don’t follow you."
No matter how accepting Robin is of Barney’s love of women,
at times it gets close to crossing a line.
"You haven’t been acting like a guy who’s about to get married,
and I know it’s okay because Robin’s so cool, but I’m telling you,
she’s not as cool as you think she is."
Meanwhile, Barney’s other relationships in the show shine light on
deep-seated issues that keep him from ever going the distance.
"I’m on board with the whole prenup thing."
"That’s great, it’s here to protect you too, sweetie,
from becoming unappealing to me."
The over-the-top pre-nup he tries to impose on Quinn before their wedding
reveals his obsession with control and inability to trust.
"Barney, do you trust me?"
"No."
With Norah, he has trouble being honest about who he really is,
then cheats on her with Robin.
"I cheated on you."
And in addition to his problems with control and infidelity,
Barney struggles with the very idea of being a conventional partner.
"I found out I’ll never trust someone enough to get married.
My single life is, and always will be legen - wait for it!"
The whole reason that Robin seems to be the exception,
disproving Barney’s apparent inability to be a boyfriend or husband,
is that she breaks from many typical relationship expectations.
"To my femininity."
"Nah...you're more of a bro.
You're a dude.
You're a man."
While Ted criticizes Robin for making men feel like
she doesn’t need them, Barney thinks this is awesome.
"You were the least needy woman I’ve ever met, that’s awesome."
And unlike previous partners who wanted Barney to give up
his bachelor ways, Robin eventually insists he keep
his fortress of solitude just the way it is.
"If I ask you to change too many things about yourself,
you’re not going to be the man I fell in love with."
So ultimately, Barney and Robin fit precisely because both
have a non-traditional style- and in their best moments,
they work together to find their own way of being together,
which doesn’t have to adhere to other people’s rules.
"Robin, thanks to you I can walk up to any girl and
say whatever creepy, disgusting thing I want and totally get away with it."
In the end, though, they’re not able to win
this battle against monogamous norms.
Their first break-up comes about because Barney and Robin feel unable
to be who they really are in the context of a traditional relationship.
"Two awesomes cancel each other out.
I’m tired of being canceled out."
And in the brief glimpse we get of their marital collapse,
we see their partnership unraveling because they’ve again lost the ability
to confidently do things their own way.
Barney objects to Robin’s constant traveling and work.
"This is so not great!
I’m sorry that I have to work
while I’m here, it’s called being on assignment."
but he’s long known that independence and career ambition
are two of her defining traits.
So it’s not so much that Barney can’t accept these things
about Robin as a person; it’s that his new role as her husband
casts her qualities in a new light, making him feel insecure and invalidated
if she prioritizes her professional goals over time with him.
"Well what about me?
There’s no WiFi in this hotel.
How am I supposed to run a business, Robin, with no WiFi!"
In the end, Barney essentially confirms that his problem wasn’t with Robin
but with lifetime commitment, when he says he doesn’t see
their divorce as some sign that he needs to change.
"I know there was a time when it seemed like I was capable
of going the distance, but, if it wasn’t going to happen with Robin,
then it’s just not going to happen with anyone."
Now let’s look at Robin’s relationship history.
Robin rejecting Ted’s declaration of love on their first date
is basically the inciting incident that gets the ball rolling
on the whole series.
"I think I’m in love with you."
"What?!"
Her initial reluctance to date this guy who’s so obviously eager
for a serious relationship is based on a clear understanding
of her priorities: to focus on her journalism career,
"I'm a journalist.
My career could take me anywhere and I hope it does."
protect her freedom to travel, and be open to
future professional opportunities.
"Look Ted, I don't know where I'm going to be in five years
and I don't want to know.
I want my life to be an adventure."
When Robin does finally give Ted the old college try,
she once again has to pull away when it becomes impossible to ignore
that she and Ted want wildly different things out of life.
"I don’t wanna have KIDS in Argentina."
"And I don’t wanna have kids in ARGENTINA."
In all of Robin’s other relationships, too, we see that things end badly
for her whenever she tries to change herself
to fit a traditional relationship model.
After she decides to turn down a dream job to put her love
for her co-anchor Don first, she gets burned when
he takes that same offer.
"Can you imagine what it’s like to have the phone ring and
it’s your dream job on the other end?"
"Yes."
When she accepts Kevin’s marriage proposal,
he later takes it back after finding out that she can’t have
(and doesn’t want) kids.
"So, he unproposed."
Time and time again, Robin tries to become
a more conventional girlfriend or wife, only to end up hurt or rejected.
And in part, these relationships unravel
because she can’t keep convincingly playing the part of the supportive,
self-sacrificing girlfriend or wife, which isn’t who she is.
"Oh Lily, you know, I’m not into all that coupley stuff."
One way or another, her desire for independence and her resistance
to being vulnerable inevitably resurface.
"Robin, I don’t get the sense you like being with me."
"I like being with you."
"Not as much as you like being alone."
After her marriage to Barney ends, she gets to do exactly what
she’s always wanted to do: travel the world as
a famous TV news reporter.
"Greece, Morocco, Moscow, yeah, Worldwide News keeps me pretty busy."
It makes sense that, when forced to choose between
saving her marriage and living her dreams,
she chooses the latter.
"Is this just not working anymore?"
And it should be viewed as a happy ending that this character,
who let herself be talked out of what she knows she wants
too many times, decided to be true to herself.
"And pretty famous, you’re everywhere."
"I am not everywhere...
Okay I’m some places."
Instead, leading up to its ending, the show seems to imply that
Robin is being selfish by pursuing her career and
that this focus is making her unhappy.
"A genuine Scherbatzsky sighting out in nature.
At this point, that’s like seeing sasquatch."
"No, sasquatch is a warm and affectionate creature.
Robin is more like the Yeti, cold and aloof."
And this brings us to the other major obstacle to Barney’s and Robin’s
romantic happiness: of course, the specter of Ted.
This ex who makes it clear that he’s never stopped loving her
haunts all of her relationships,
and even causes problems on the days before her wedding with Barney.
"It’s ridiculous that you won’t admit holding Robin’s hand was weird."
"It wasn’t weird!"
"Yes it was."
Arguably, to Robin, Ted the over-the-top romantic
represents the idea of settling down and having
that fairytale love in general.
It’s a goal that she’s decided she doesn’t want or need.
"I’ve never wanted kids, and never, in a million years,
will I ever want kids."
Yet just as she can’t ever quite reject Ted conclusively, for good,
she can’t totally kick the idea that maybe this conventional prize
is something she should want.
"If I was gonna have someone's babies, I'd have your babies."
Thus, Robin’s final reunion with Ted can be read
in one of two opposite ways:
In the first, Robin was meant to be with Ted all along;
it’s just taken her this long to get over her many
relationship hang-ups and admit that she’s always really loved him.
"This is a story about how you’re totally in love
with Aunt Robin."
The second reading of this resolution, however, is that Robin is,
once and for all, truly surrendering.
After a lot of resistance, she finally gives into
the damaging myth that monogamous commitment represents
the only socially accepted, "happy ending" for a woman-
even though all of the evidence we’ve seen throughout the series
suggests that this doesn’t satisfy her.
"No guy’s gonna say ‘Who’s your Daddy?’
to Robin Szcherbatsky, you’re your own Daddy."
So you could argue that Barney and Robin’s not ending up together
ultimately can be explained by them buying into Ted’s idea about
what a relationship should look like, instead of their own.
"My God.
You just did it again.
You just Mosby'd me."
"I did not."
"You did.
You little minx."
"Okay, you're right.
I did just Mosby you."
And looking at our two portraits of Robin and Barney together,
we can conclude that the end of their marriage shouldn’t be
viewed as some massive failure, but rather, two people realizing
that marriage wasn’t serving their individual goals and desires.
"This isn’t a failed marriage, it’s a very successful marriage
that happened to only last three years."
"Either we all get out of here or no one does."
"But I-"
"Don't be a hero Scherbatsky!"
What’s most striking about Robin’s and Barney’s coupling
is that these two have a ton in common.
"I’m such a mess.
Why do you even like me?"
"'Cause you’re almost as messed up as I am."
They both appreciate finely aged whiskeys
and cigars imported from Cuba,
"I’ll have a Johnny Walker Blue, neat, and a Montecristo, number two."
they both have pretty significant daddy issues,
"Father issues, hot."
neither of them dreams of having kids,
"I think I want to have zero kids."
"Congratulations!"
"Congratulations, because the blood test came back and
I'm not the father?
Happy not-a-father's day!"
and of course, they both share Canadian ancestry.
"Which makes you-"
"Don't say it."
"One-quarter Canadian."
Most of the time these shared affinities
add up to an amazing friendship that’s complemented by
mutual attraction.
Both: "We have to have sex right now."
"Aw."
A natural comparison to Robin and Barney are Rachel and Joey from Friends.
"I think I’m falling in love with you."
Much like Robin and Barney, Rachel and Joey are very similar
in temperament, considered the two "hot" ones in their group,
and neither tends to overthink things like the neurotic Ross,
who would correspond to Ted in this triangle.
"But I don't want to be single, okay?
I just want to be married again."
""I'm done being single, I'm not good at it"
Ross has been in love with Rachel since he was a teenager, so,
like Ted, he often seems to be in love with
a certain idea of this girl, while Joey (like Barney)
develops feelings that are based on actual friendship and
enjoying the person she truly is, right now.
"I wanted her to be the mother of my children and
spend eternity in her arms."
"See, *I* want to have sex with her, at least one more time!"
But both of these romances were ultimately doomed by the problem
of the neurotic professor who apparently had "dibs"
on ending up with the girl.
"I'm not saying I wasn't a little surprised to see
you guys kissing, I mean... at first I was like AAAAAGHHHH..."
"Robin Mosby."
"Robin Stinson."
"Ted Scherbatzky.
I'll take her name.
"I don't care."
Friends never even really gave the Rachel-Joey relationship
much chance to develop.
"What's the matter?"
"I'm sorry, I-I-I don't know.
I'm sorry.
I don't know
why I did that."
And in the end, Rachel and Joey consoled themselves with the idea
that their friendship was too strong to give way to romance.
"How come Monica and Chandler could do it?"
"I guess they weren't as good friends as we are."
Robin’s and Barney’s attraction got the opportunity to be explored
in much more depth, but the suggestion that these two are, in essence,
great friends also applies to this couple.
"Ted can't be pregnant... you need to have sex to get pregnant."
"What up!
Freeze frame high five!"
Thus, when revisiting the supposed "failure" of
Robin and Barney’s marriage, it’s worth considering that
not every couple that loves each other needs to be married
or even be monogamous.
"I feel the same way, I suck at relationships."
Perhaps Barney and Robin would have done better to end up as some version
of "friends with benefits."
"We should figure out what this is."
"Yes we should, or-or..."
The pressure to first define their relationship is external-
in the form of Lily literally locking them in a bedroom and
forcing them to choose a label.
"Let us out!"
"No!
Sit down, define the relationship,
write the definition on a piece of paper."
And this reflects the show’s deeply ingrained faith
in the laws of monogamy, which are upheld by Ted Mosby
and his long-term couple pals Lily and Marshall.
"Marshall and I have been together fifteen years and the only debate
we've had over Tommy Boy is whether its awesome or super awesome.
That's love bitch!"
Ted’s, Lily’s and Marshall’s idea of a relationship requires
Robin and Barney to sacrifice things which, to quote Barney,
are awesome about themselves.
"I wanted to go to a concert, he wanted to go to a party.
Obviously, we couldn’t do what just one of us wanted,
so we stayed in..."
And that makes them feel like less-good versions of themselves.
"Why do that fat guy and old ladykeep star-
oh my God, that’s us."
If Robin was able to confidently pursue her career
without feeling like this was in direct contradiction
to her role as a "wife", then maybe she wouldn’t
have grown to resent Barney.
And if Barney were able to occasionally indulge his desire
for the bachelor lifestyle to gather more content
for his lifestyle blog, then he might not have felt
so threatened by his wife traveling around the world and
leaving him in a hotel room without WiFi.
"Robin Scherbatsky, World Wide News anywhere but New York apparently...
but it's great!
I mean it makes things super difficult for us,
but it’s great."
Both of their relationship issues were accelerated by the pressure
of fitting into a marital mold that neither of them really wanted.
"Or, maybe he bailed on the wedding."
"Oh c’mon, don’t even think like that."
"Well he’s terrified of commitment, but ironically loves being tied down."
It’s worth noting that the show’s official alternate ending,
which was actually included on the DVD, implies that after Robin achieves
the professional success she always dreamt of,
she and Barney eventually get back together.
"Things fall apart, things get put back together."
And widespread fan outrage over the last-minute Ted and Robin reunion
suggests that this alternate conclusion
would have felt more satisfying to many.
It offers us a world where Tracy, the woman who shares Ted’s vision
of a happy family, is truly framed as
the love of his life,
and there’s space for Robin and Barney
to each do what they need to do separately, while finding
their way back to each other in their own unconventional fashion.
So if you thought that Barney and Robin got
a raw deal in the finale, consider wiping your memory of
the original version and making the alternate version
of the ending the one true ending in your mind.
"This woman has a hold on my heart that I could not break if I wanted to."
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[Music]