what's incredible is in five seconds flat self-doubt can take over and rob
you of your power and rob you of joy and rob you of your potential for in five
seconds flat you can actually use one stupid little trick to push yourself to
grab it when you talk about personality so
extroverts introverts a lot of us really I know I did this I was all wrong about
what confidence mean I thought confidence was a personality
trait I love this tell me more I thought that people that are outgoing or the
confident once right and the truth is confidence is not a personality trait at
all it's a skill and a lot of the extroverted people that you know are
actually very insecure I used to be one of them I used to be the kind of bossy
crass loudmouth that didn't believe in myself that didn't believe in my ideas
that didn't have the confidence and the courage to really be the real me
Who I am who I'm not flaws at all there are a tremendous number of introverted
people that feel uncomfortable putting the attention on themselves but they're
very very confident in their ideas they definitely believe in themselves and so
when you start to separate confidence not as a matter of personality but as a
skill that you can acquire because confidence is the ability to move in my
opinion from thought to action because when you're a confident person you
believe enough in yourself and your capabilities that you're willing to try
that you're willing to share to me confidence isn't the assuredness that it
turns out it's the willingness to try and and that was a huge insight for me
and and what a lot of people don't know about me although I share this on stage
and I'm extremely open about this because this is a topic that's really
important to me is that the single most profound use of the five-second rule is
mind control and I say that as a lawyer I will tell you you can use
this stupid trick to cure yourself of anxiety yeah I wanted to talk about that
so you struggled very profoundly anxiety hmm so walk us through like some nuts
and bolts of how you use the five-second rule cuz I think we're so my hypothesis
and the reason we found it impact theory is that the world is living through two
pandemics the pandemic of the body which everybody understands because it's so
visual yep being overweight dying of diet related diseases such as diabetes
and things like that but because the second pandemic the pandemic of the mind
is invisible people don't realize how pervasive a suicide is and it's a
leading cause of death among young men I mean it's crazy and then that there are
ways that they can go about attacking that and fixing the problem so yeah walk
us through that sure I would love to so first of all I literally have struggled
with anxiety my entire life and anxiety for this conversation the way I define
it is it is the habit of worrying spiraled out of control you know you may
say that you are a worrier that's not true you have a habit of worrying a
habit is a pattern of behavior or thinking that you repeat without
realizing it so anxiety happens when that pattern of
worrying about things spirals out of control and now it starts to marry and
manifest itself with physical sensations - that's all that it is I know that I
say that's all that it is me personally I struggled with anxiety I think my
entire life it became quite acute when I was in my late teens and early 20s I
became medicated in the middle of law school I took us all off for two decades
when our first daughter was born who is now 17 the postpartum depression and the
cascading panic was so terrible that not only was i medicated and couldn't
breastfeed but I couldn't be left alone with her so when I say you can cure
yourself of anxiety I don't say that lightly four years ago after I had been
using the five-second rule to change my behavior how I spoke to my husband how I
negotiate in business meetings how I conduct sales the kind of parent that I
am my health habits my eating habits curbing the drinking
I thought I wonder if I can use this five four three two one thing to get
control of my thought patterns now my behavior patterns my thought patterns
yes you can so we're gonna we're gonna build this conversation because I want
to start with something we can all relate to and that is how do you stop
worrying and how do you stop listening self-doubt this is how you're gonna do
it so all day long you're going to have moments where your thoughts drift and I
use that word on purpose because for me there is a physical sensation when you
start to use the five-second rule and you start to wake up not only on time in
the morning but you wake up to your life and the opportunities in your life
there's your thoughts drift like you'll just be hanging out with your friends
and then suddenly you're like I'm not sure that the person likes me anymore
you know I haven't heard from my kids lately I wonder if they're dead or you
know you know as what check it like you just start worrying about stuff why
because it's a habit because when you're not paying attention your brains shifts
from you being a decision-maker and paying attention to you just kind of
spinning things on autopilot and one of your habits is worrying the second you
wake up and you notice holy cow I'm talking some negative garbage to
myself right now five four three two one you've just shifted the part of the
brain that you're using you've shifted from the basal ganglia which is where
your habit loops are spinning and you've awakened your prefrontal cortex
you've also interrupted that pattern now what you're going to do because your
mind is actually ready to receive a different thought because of the
counting now you can put in an anchor thought like if you have a mantra if
you've got a vision about the way that your business is going to turn out in
five years if you just have a thought that makes you really happy and proud
insert that now why does this work it works because of the counting and I'm
not kidding we know based on research the positive thinking alone not
effective in some instances trying to force yourself to think paws
can actually make the worries worse why well the reason why is because it's
really hard to just change the channel what we have to do first is basically
interrupt it and turn off the TV and then turn it back on with the prefrontal
cortex awakened so the counting is essential and so you can start using
this today you catch yourself talking garbage to yourself because we all know
if I were to put a speaker on your head and broadcast it up he's sitting here in
the audience you'd be in an insane asylum because the crap that you say to
yourself is insane and the problem is we listen to it you'll be you'll be in a
sales meeting and you'll be undermining yourself they're not gonna buy oh my
gosh I'm in trouble you're not even present five four three
two one switch it back get back to that vision that you have about toasting your
success or this customer being really happy are you being proud of yourself
whatever that vision may be you can control your thoughts and this is not
just us talking about it this is a tool that you can use so let's take it a step
further so worrying if you let it go unchecked what will happen is you will
get used to worrying you will get used to living in a state where you're
slightly agitated all the time let me talk a little bit about agitation so
what we know based on research is that physically in your body so
physiologically being excited is the exact same thing as being afraid let me
say that again because it is so important in your body being excited is
the exact same thing as being afraid your body doesn't know the damn
difference your heart races your armpits sweat you're like you know you may get
tight in your throat you mean your cheeks may get pink like my do and I get
excited the only difference between excitement and fear is what your brain
says and the problem is if you have a habit of worrying guess what you're
gonna tell yourself is going on that you're that you're like freaking out
that you're not excited that something must be wrong
oh gosh why would you say something's wrong because you got to have it a
saying that all the time even as I became a speaker for a living
I'd be on CNN when I first started doing it I would be freaking out backstage but
even even though like you know just to come in just last week he's standing
backstage about to go on 8,000 people heart races armpit sweat you know my
hands get clammy I'm not nervous though not at all I'm excited
and so I develop this technique and research out of Harvard not based on my
technique but something very similar proves that if you basically right
before you're about to do something take a test run a race public speaking a
business negotiation ask somebody to marry you whatever it may be that get
your heart racing just do this go I'm excited I'm excited to give that speech
I'm excited to ask him or her I'm excited to do this race I'm excited
because what happens is you give your brain context so your brain doesn't
escalate the stuff going on in your body your brains not worried make sense so
you can combine this with a five second rule so we know how to do worrying you
can't you catch your thoughts drift five four three two one
anchor thought if you start to feel your heart racing five four three two one to
awaken the prefrontal cortex and then start going I'm really excited to do
this I'm really excited to do this another technique that you can use is
ask I think they call it interrogative and territory questions where instead of
giving yourself a pep talk say well why am I ready to do this why am I ready
because that'll force you to answer the question which then convinces you so why
am i ready to close this sale why am I ready to give this speech why am I ready
so those are two strategies that you can use back by science that are proven to
actually make your performance be much better now let's take it a step further
to anxiety so anxiety is what happens when the habit of worrying spins out of
control your body gets really agitated and then you allow your mind to escalate
it into a full-blown panic attack so for those of you that have not had the
pleasure of having a panic attack let me explain what it's like so have you ever
been in your car and you're driving down the road and you go to change lanes and
all the sudden there's like oh my god there's a car right
right and you swerve a little bit and then your hearts like blue and you may
sweat a little bit and and you grip the wheel really tight and you're super
locked in on on the road ahead of you but then that car pulls away and the the
near miss scenario passes and your mind starts going okay you're all right now
right you're all right now that's it that's all that's what a panic attack is
only it happens while you're standing in front of your coffee pot seriously you
have that same polygon eye that and your heart's racing and and the problem for
your brain is that your brain can't look around and say holy cow we almost got
hit by a car right your brain saying what the hell is wrong with her
she's making coffee and she's freaking out and so now your brain is a problem
because what's your brains job it's designed to protect you mm-hmm so your
brain will now do whatever it can to magnify the problem remember we talked
about the spotlight effect it'll start telling you all kinds of crazy stuff
because it can't figure out contextually what the hell's going on she's just
making coffee now her hardest rating racing and she's breathing really holy
cow maybe she is having a heart attack a lot of people that have panic attacks
say I think I'm dying oh my god with some what's happening or you'll see them
do the deer-in-the-headlights thing where they got to get out of the room
that is the spotlight effect in your brain now taking control and magnifying
everything to get you out of whatever it was so here's how you use the
five-second rule you use it to stabilize your thoughts before the panic escalates
and then what happens is it drifts into worry and then it disappears so the
second you feel worried you catch it you train yourself to do that if you start
feeling yourself getting you know your heart racing you can five four three two
one and use the I'm excited I'm excited if you if that doesn't work literally
five four three two one and just give yourself an anchor thought literally of
you being okay I'll give you another quick example because this is one that
we have a tremendous number of success with and people that hear the example
use it immediately and are blown away I used to be terrified of flying terrified
every bump I'd be freaking out and and so I started using this strategy
with the plane so the second that you feel yourself getting nervous five four
three two one and then your anchor thought is a vision of what you're gonna
do when you get to where you're going so when I get on the plane tomorrow to fly
back to Boston I'll think about walking in the house and the place is like a
disaster it'll look like everybody's stuff got loaded into a cannon and fire
it all over the you know first floor and so if we hit turbulence five four three
two one I'll think about that vision because cognitively for my brain if I'm
walking in the house and it's a disaster the plane made it that's the power of
this it's incredible incredible what I love about you mail is that hey I love
how raw and real you are about your own situation which because people are gonna
look at you and the first thing they're gonna want to do is make your
extraordinary is way not to have to like live up to your standard because what
you've accomplished really is astonishing and seeing you on stage is
unbelievable unbelievable you're so good at that and
I know that it comes from working your ass off but wow it's very very
impressive thank you but then that you use
techniques like that you've got answers for you know how have I done this I've
done it like this and I've had guests sit across from me that that's not their
stick right like they have done truly extraordinary things with their life but
they seem in just like totally blind to how they did it and the fact that you
can walk people through it is so cool well I think we're all flawed and that's
the beauty of who you are and instead of trying to make yourself perfect in every
area it's so much easier when you accept the things that you're terrible or at or
that are your weaknesses or that are the things about your wiring look if I were
diabetic I would take insulin I happen to be somebody that's wired for anxiety
no big deal so figure out how to instead of fighting
those things actually trick it because the truth is that you're never gonna
feel ready to make these changes you're never gonna feel like doing them but you
can always make a decision that's always in your control staying with somebody
that treats you like garbage is a decision it is
staying at a job that you hate is a decision staying in the body that you
are not proud of is a decision is it going to be easy no it's not gonna be
easy to change it's simple to a Google search and then use the five-second rule
to force yourself to do that stuff change comes down to five second
decisions and this is why the five second rule is is important for
everybody to know it's your job to push yourself and I don't care if you're dr.
Martin Luther King jr. or your Michelangelo or your lin-manuel Miranda
who wrote Hamilton you will struggle with self-doubt and everybody that you
admire everybody and the list is the same favorite Oh Oprah Winfrey and I
want to be like you know Tom and I want to be like you know Branson and I want
to be like jay-z and I want like everybody's listed as a Bill Gates and
do you know what those people do they do not have the habit of hesitating they
trust themselves in today's world where you have the Internet you can literally
learn launch do anything anything the only thing that's truly stopping you are
the limiting patterns that you think the the self-doubt the fear the habits that
you have and you can break them