(cheerful upbeat music)
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- [Amanda] Hey, Psych2Goers,
and welcome back to another video.
If you're a new here, welcome to Psych2Go.
Confidence, some people are born
with an innate streak of confidence,
whilst it takes a little time
for others to develop confidence
as they develop from children into adults.
But there will be times
when your confidence takes a knock, right?
It's common to feel like you wish
your confidence was better.
While other things that are out of control
may impact your confidence, such as other people,
it's important to know which things you are in control of
and how you can prevent yourself
from destroying your own confidence.
So here are nine habits that are destroying your confidence.
Number one, you care too much about what other people think.
How many times have you said to yourself:
- [Cartoon] "I don't care what other people think about me."
- [Amanda] Honestly, the tally
isn't quite encouraging, is it?
(Cartoon laughing) - [Cartoon] No.
- [Amanda] That's okay.
It's common to care about what other people think,
especially if we're trying to impress them.
As human beings, you want to be liked
and respected by others.
However, when you value other people's thinking
and opinion above your own
and change your behavior to reflect
what you think others want to see,
you're doing more harm than good for yourself.
Number two, negative thinking.
- [Cartoon] I'm not good enough.
I can't do this.
- [Amanda] You've had one too many
of those days, haven't you?
- [Cartoon] Uh-huh.
- [Amanda] You become what you think.
If you always think you're not good enough
then you'll never be confident.
Do you have thoughts that you can never get that promotion
even though you are qualified?
That's negative thinking.
Indulging in pessimism creates a self-fulfilling prophecy.
- [Cartoon] Oh boy.
- [Amanda] Yeah, you're gradually destroying
your self-confidence with all of these thoughts.
Reframing those negative thoughts to say,
"I am good enough to get this job
"and I need to show my skills,"
can reinforce a more positive mindset.
It's crucial to focus on what you can do
instead of worrying about the outcomes
that you can't control.
Number three, social media living.
Do you compare your lifestyle
with your friends on social media?
Or how many times have you thought
that your social media life is better than your own life?
The pretty pictures people paint on social media,
as we know, are not always as they appear to be.
If you consistently find yourself
comparing yourself to others
and living in your own version of reality,
and only putting out what you want the world to see,
then you may notice
that this has an impact on your confidence
in the real world.
Once you start to understand
that this is not what everyday lives are like
then you should start to feel more grounded.
Number four, self-deprecating talk.
When you diminish what you do
you're taking shots at your self-confidence.
If every time you speak in a personal
or professional setting, and you say
that you're not that great,
you're diminishing your worth and value.
When you're constantly communicating
that you're not that great,
it's bound to make you feel less than confident.
Writer C.S. Lewis once said,
"Humility is not thinking less of yourself
"but it's thinking of yourself less."
So remember that and try not to confuse
humility with self-deprecation.
Number five, the blame game is your favorite sport.
When you find yourself in a situation
that you are not happy with,
such as the job that you hate,
do you tend to find excuses and blame everybody else
or everything else for what is happening?
This destroys your self-esteem
and you feel less confident
about being able to manage your situation.
You'll need to develop an exit plan for your self-esteem.
In his video, How To Beast explains this idea
of blaming acts as a defense mechanism.
So rather than pass the blame,
taking ownership of your situation
should jumpstart your confidence, fingers crossed.
Number six, you set the bar low for yourself.
When you disclaim, "I'm not very good at this,
"so don't have any expectations."
It immediately makes others question your ability.
Disqualifying yourself verbally reassures you
that others won't have high expectations from you
and won't be disappointed.
But by setting yourself at this level,
naturally your confidence is going to be low
as is your sense of value.
So when you put confidence on it
it instills confidence in others about you as well.
Number seven, thinking that you don't have anything to say
or contribute to a discussion.
Why don't you tend to get involved in conversations
at work or at social events?
Is it because you don't believe
that you have anything meaningful to add?
- Maybe.
- [Amanda] Well, this too is destroying your confidence,
as you may feel like people will be bored
of what you have to say
or that they'll think that you're not smart.
- Yeah, or they'll make fun of me.
- [Amanda] This is a story that you've told yourself
and you've started to believe that it's true.
It may be that the topic of conversation
is not something that you're particularly interested in
or know a lot about,
but it should not be allowed to cost you your confidence.
Okay, number eight.
You dismiss compliments.
Guilty as charged, right?
- [Cartoon] Mm-hmm.
- [Amanda] Yeah, me too.
We often receive compliments by deflecting
or shying away from accepting them
because we're embarrassed or we don't believe the comment.
By deflecting, we're not only selling ourselves short
but challenging the judgment of the person complimenting us.
- [Cartoon] Uh-oh.
- [Amanda] Accepting compliments graciously
doesn't make you an egomaniac.
We can accept compliments graciously
and take them on board when developing our confidence.
And number nine, ruminating.
Ever find yourself repeatedly going over
what you didn't get right
or situations you didn't like?
An example of this may be
that you continuously think about something
you said during a presentation to your work colleagues.
Rumination is taking thinking
to another dimension altogether.
Even though thinking is considered
necessary for problem-solving,
ruminating is focused on the problem
and not on finding the solution.
In her article for Forbes, Jamie Kaluga wrote that
"When you ruminate on your poor decisions
"or setbacks consistently, even the most confident people
"can struggle at times and it's perfectly normal."
You are unique individuals with different skills.
So use them to your advantage.
Using positive affirmations every day where possible
can help to remind you of your strengths
and what you want to develop.
Do any of these describe your experience?
Or did any of these points describe you?
If you have any comments or feedback regarding this video,
please leave them in the comment box below.
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diminishing their confidence due to their own habits.
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As always, thanks for watching.
See you next time.