time to thank you it's time to talk
about something important Canada and the
United States share a border it's over
3,000 miles long and lately
everybody's been concerned with security
along that border or as many of you know
one of my great passions is Public
Safety so I decided to visit a nearby
border crossing to see if I could help
out here's what happened okay I'm at
Niagara Falls this is the border between
the United States and Canada United
States there Canada here and never has
border safety been more important than
it is right now so I thought I'd do my
part and help out help protect this
valuable board
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
this is Joe Smith is that your real name
yeah that's my real name
Joe Smith yes and you work on the border
yes so you're hiding from something it's
clear how do I make this thing go up and
down there's a button right here
and then you just swing it up and then
there's another button here and if you
really get mad you just push it and the
line goes off do me a favor Joe say I'm
going to Canada now and start to walk
that way and going to Canada now
I don't think so
[Applause]
pretty tight fit in here yeah it's kind
of intimate don't you think yeah a
little bit
you married I'm married just letting you
know okay got a heater got a bunch of
receipt rolls and we got some what's
this moisturizing skin conditioner you
know this is hurting the image of the
law enforcement officer I believe this
isn't you know we're here to protect the
border but first must moisture a I'm
ready I'm ready to go
[Music]
like to ask you a few questions what do
you ladies up to huh you're going for
tea in Canada huh what kind of tea would
that be little old wacky tabacky is that
the idea can I ask you to step out
please please step out step out of the
vehicle please let's go step out of the
vehicle I'm gonna have to frisk you
quickly I hope that's not a problem
arms up please check inside look at this
shoe it's gonna take a quick look at
this shoe here it's a wonderful boot
very nice do you lift this shoe please
okay can you just step on my hand please
and say you've been a bad boy enjoyed
watching it though what's your name sir
Terry and you are a resident of
Brantford unter you're from Brantford
huh now let me ask you something first
of all a few quick questions we ask of
all Canadians
what's the Canadian state bird you aware
it's a trick question there's no state
bird for Canada Lake Ontario if you
filled it with chicken broth how much
chicken broth would that be
trick question why would someone do that
again you're doing very well here sir
can you sing Gordon Lightfoot's wreck of
the Edmund Fitzgerald remember would you
like me to sing a little bit of it
[Music]
chikubi was let gitche gumee he rhymed
gitche gumee with gitche gumee
nice Rick do you mind if I walk around
your vehicle and just check it visually
sir you were bringing this into Canada
to China this is little snow and ice do
you think Canada needs more snow and ice
don't think so
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
hey how's it going pretty good see her
in this booth huh I'm in this I'm in
that booth right over there now you got
the double doors huh I do I got the
single-single but I guess the devil's
okay for some people you like the
uniform very nice you don't like to do
is just keep my thumbs in here you like
that and I just sort of like to stand
around well I kept my thumbs in here
sometimes I get my whole hand in there
walk around like this very nice I'll be
back this way
[Music]
okay I see here a map of New York State
I see some areas are circled what's that
mean want to explain this right here
I want to explain this ma'am let me
understand you have a map of the New
York State area and a hammer
you know what you're gonna make a few
plans go around do a little fashion is
that the idea
we got a cooler here do you want to tell
me what's in this core or do you want me
to open it and find out what's in this
cooler there's beer in the cooler I
can't just let this go without finding
out if it's a real beer I'm not sure yet
sir
remain quiet
[Applause]
that's a real beer
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
Jim Carrey
[Applause]