- GOOD MORNING, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
WE ARE ABOUT TO BEGIN BOARDING
SOUTH NORTHERN AIRLINES FLIGHT 34 TO GRAND RAPIDS.
- OH, OKAY, I'M--EXCUSE ME. BOARDING GROUP ONE.
I'M IN BOARDING GROUP ONE. EXCUSE ME.
I'M IN BOARDING GROUP ONE.
- AND WE WOULD LIKE TO BEGIN PRE-BOARDING
WITH OUR FIRST-CLASS PASSENGERS.
FIRST-CLASS PASSENGERS ONLY, PLEASE.
NEXT, OUR BUSINESS-CLASS PASSENGERS MAY NOW BOARD.
OKAY, NOW WE'D LIKE TO WELCOME
OUR REGAL ALLIANCE ELITE MEMBERS.
REGAL ALLIANCE ELITE MEMBERS.
OKAY, NOW ALL PASSENGERS WITH CHILDREN.
- OKAY.
- ANYONE WITH SMALL CHILDREN MAY BOARD NOW.
[child fussing]
- OKAY, WE WOULD LIKE TO CONTINUE BOARDING
WITH UNIFORMED MILITARY PERSONNEL.
- WHAT? WHY CAN'T--
THIS IS-- THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR SERVICE.
GOD BLESS YOU.
- THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE.
ALL RIGHT, PEOPLE IN WHEELCHAIRS.
ANY PRIESTS, NUNS, RABBIS, IMAMS.
- WHAT? WHY DO THEY GET SPECIAL TREATMENT?
- AS-SALAAM-ALAIKUM.
- I'VE NEVER--
THAT'S TYPICAL.
- ANY OLD PEOPLE IN WHEELCHAIRS WITH BABIES?
[baby cries]
- DOESN'T SEEM PARTICULARLY--
- ANY OLD, RELIGIOUS PEOPLE WITH MILITARY BABIES?
- WHAT'S A MILITARY--
- THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE.
JASON SCHWARTZMAN.
ANYONE WITH A BLUE SUITCASE, YOU MAY NOW BOARD.
- FINALLY.
- NOPE, NOT YOU, SIR. - NOT ME?
THIS IS A BLUE SUITCASE.
- THAT'S A BLUE COMPUTER BAG.
- SO YOU'RE NOT-- YOU'RE NOT GONNA LET ME ON THEN?
- [sips loudly]
- DAMN IT!
DAMN IT, DAMN IT, DAMN IT, DAMN IT, DAMN IT!
GOD DAMN IT!
- ANYONE WHO DOESN'T SEEM CRANKY.
DRUNK PEOPLE.
WE WILL NOW BE BOARDING ANY DRUNK PEOPLE.
DRUNK PEOPLE.
- [grunts]
ALL RIGHT, IT'S--
NOPE, IT'S MY BAG.
SIR. JUST--
[groans]
[indistinct muttering]
[phone rings] - OOH.
HELLO?
OH, HEY, CHRISTIAN.
YEAH.
TOTALLY.
WELL, YOU HAVE YOUR FAVORITES, AND I HAVE MY FAVORITES.
[laughs] OKAY.
CALL YOU LATER.
CIAO, CIAO.
BOARDING GROUP ONE.
[dramatic music]
[sirens wailing]
[indistinct chatter]
♪ ♪
- AND THE FUSELAGE.
- I FOUND JASON SCHWARTZMAN!
ALL RIGHT, THAT'S EVERYBODY!
LET'S WRAP IT UP, PEOPLE.
- [groans]
BOARDING GROUP ONE OVER HERE!
GOT A BOARDING GROUP ONE. [groans]