- WELCOME, JOHNSON FAMILY.
NOW, WE ALL KNOW WHY WE'RE HERE.
COUSIN DELROY'S GETTING MARRIED...
all: MM-HMM.
- TO A MAN.
WHICH IS CRAZY. - MM-HMM.
- AND WE'RE IN SUPPORT, AND, UH, WE JUST NEED A LITTLE HELP
WITH THE PARTICULARS OF A GAY WEDDING.
WHAT I'VE DONE IS I TOOK THE INITIATIVE
TO GET MY FRIEND GARY IN HERE,
WHO'S--I MEAN, HE'S NOT REALLY MY FRIEND.
HE'S A COWORKER OF MINE WHO HAPPENS
TO BE A ACTIVE MEMBER OF THE HOMOSEXUAL COMMUNITY,
AND HE'S GONNA GIVE US SOME ADVICE ON,
YOU KNOW, WHA--WHAT TO DO.
SO, GARY, WHA--WHAT CAN-- WHAT CAN WE EXPECT?
- ALL RIGHT.
WELL, FIRST OF ALL, GUYS,
THANKS SO MUCH FOR HAVING ME HERE,
AND I THINK IT'S REALLY AMAZING
WHAT YOU GUYS ARE DOING FOR YOUR COUSIN DELROY.
REALLY, I JUST WANTED TO SAY, BASICALLY, THAT A GAY WEDDING
IS JUST LIKE A STRAIGHT WEDDING.
YES? YES, SIR.
- SO THEN DO THE MEN WEAR DRESSES AND THEN
THE WOMEN WOULD WEAR SUITS?
- NO. NO, NO, NO.
YOU WOULD JUST WHERE EXACTLY WHAT YOU WOULD WEAR
AT A--AT A STRAIGHT WEDDING.
- NOW, NONE OF US ARE GAY, SO I ASSUME
THAT WE WOULD ALL SIT THEN IN THE STRAIGHT SECTION.
- THE STRAIGHT SECTION? - YEAH.
- OH, THE STRAIGHT SECTION.
HE MEANS AS OPPOSED TO THE GAY SECTION.
- NO, NO, THERE'S--THERE'S-- THERE'S NO SECTIONS, GUYS.
- BUT THE GAY PEOPLE... - NO, NO, NO.
WHAT--YOU WOULD JUST SIT-- - AND THEN THE STRAIGHT?
- NO, LARRY, LARRY, LISTEN TO ME JUST FOR A SECOND.
- BUT THEN THE AISLE. - YOU WOULD JUST--
YOU WOULD JUST SIT ON THE SIDE OF THE PERSON
THAT WERE FRIENDS WITH OR THAT YOUR FAMILY'S MEMBERS,
JUST LIKE IN A STRAIGHT WEDDING.
- SO WE JUST GUESS WHO'S GAY.
- OR NOT. YOU COULD JUST--YEAH.
- WE'LL GUESS WHO'S GAY.
- OKAY. GUESS WHO--
- WHEN IN THE CEREMONY DO WE SING
- WELL, YOU DON'T. YOU DON'T.
THIS IS A RELIGIOUS CEREMONY, SO YOU--
YOU WOULDN'T BE SINGING THAT DURING THE SERVICE.
- OH, ALL RIGHT. - YOU DONE WITH THE QUESTIONS?
- NO, I'M JUST ASKING.
- I'M NERVOUS 'CAUSE I CAN ONLY DO JAZZ HANDS
FOR ABOUT THREE MINUTES 'FORE MY HANDS START TO CRAMP.
- OH, SIR, I DON'T THINK ANYONE'S GONNA EXPECT YOU--
I DON'T THINK ANY-- I DON'T THINK ANYONE'S GONNA
EXPECT YOU TO HAVE TO DO JAZZ HANDS.
- NOW CAN WE SEE THE PONY SHOW FROM THE STRAIGHT SECTION?
OR ARE WE WAY IN THE BACK SOMEWHERE?
- MA'AM, AGAIN, THERE'S NO STRAIGHT SECTION.
WHAT IS A PONY SHOW?
- YOU KNOW, WHEN Y'ALL GO LIKE THIS.
- NO, THERE WON'T BE--
THERE WON'T BE ANY OF THIS DURING THE CEREMONY.
- OH. OH.
- WHEN DO WE SING
- OH. - SIR, NOT DURING THE CEREMONY.
- OKAY.
- WHAT ABOUT
- I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO BUY NO GAY PRESENTS.
- WELL, I-I DON'T KNOW WHAT A GAY PRESENT IS.
USUALLY, WHAT COUPLES DO IS THEY JUST--
THEY JUST REGISTER AT A STORE...
- HUH.
- LIKE A STRAIGHT COUPLE WOULD.
- THE GAY STORE, OR-- - JUST A REGULAR STORE.
- WHERE DO YOU GET THE EUROS TO BUY GAY GIFTS?
- ARE YOU SAYING EUROS?
YOU WOULDN'T-- YOU WOULDN'T USE EUROS.
- NO, IT'S--IT'S-- IT'S A GOOD QUESTION, FINNEY.
WE--WE SHOULD MAKE SOME EYE CONTACT
SO WE MAKE SURE THAT THE COMMUNICATION'S HAPPENING.
- YEAH. - I THINK HE WANTS TO KNOW
IS IT, LIKE, A--YOU KNOW, A DIFFERENT CURRENCY?
OR IS IT MORE LIKE CAMEL CASH?
- NOPE, JUST GOOD, OLD-FASHIONED U.S. DOLLARS, YEP.
- DO WE HAVE TO PARTICIPATE IN THE ANAL SEX?
- OH! - OR CAN WE JUST WATCH
AND CHEER IN A FIREMEN'S HAT?
- NO, THERE'S NO ANAL SEX AND NO FIREMAN'S HAT.
- OH, OKAY. - IT'S CUNNILINGUS.
- IS THAT A QUESTION, SIR?
- WHEN DO WE GET TO SING
HALLELUJAH, IT'S RAININGMEN?
- SO THERE'S NO GAY HYMNS IN THE CEREMONY?
- SIR, THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A GAY HYMN.
- WHAT? - WELL, DOES THE FAKE PRIEST
LOOK LIKE A REAL PRIEST OR LIKE A NUN?
- IT'S GONNA BE A REAL PRIEST. - OR...
- NO, THERE'S NO "OR."
- IS IT A SEXY BOAT CAPTAIN,
THEN HE TAKES HIS CLOTHES OFF?
all: OHH. - WHAT? NO. NO.
- DO WE THROW SOMETHING OTHER THAN RICE?
- LIKE WHAT, SIR?
WHAT WOULD YOU THROW OTHER THAN RICE?
- I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW.
COUSCOUS. SKITTLES.
- GUYS, A GAY WEDDING IS JUST LIKE A STRAIGHT WEDDING, OKAY?
IT'S EXACTLY THE SAME.
- WELL, WHEN THEY KISS, IS IT OKAY TO STAND UP AND SAY, "EW"?
- NO, IT'S NOT BECAUSE IT WOULD BE--THAT WOULD BE HOMOPHOBIC.
- THIS FROM THE MAN WHO WON'T ALLOW GAY HYMNS
AT THE GAY WEDDING.
- OKAY, BUT LIKE A INVOLUNTARY GASP.
- I WOULD JUST, I GUESS, TRY TO CURB THAT BEHAVIOR.
- OKAY. I'LL--I'LL LOOK AWAY THEN.
- OH, MY GOD. - NOW, IS RUPAUL GONNA BE THERE?
- NO, I DON'T THINK DELROY KNOWS RUPAUL.
- UH, NEIL PATRICK HARRIS? - NO.
- OOH, DOOGIE.
- WHAT IF YOU DON'T WANT YOUR PICTURE ON THE INTERNET?
- THIS IS RIDICULOUS! - EXCUSE ME, GARY.
"RIDICULOUS." IS THAT A GAY TERM?
- OKAY, YEP. I'LL SHOW MYSELF OUT.
- OH, HE'S A LITTLE TESTY, ISN'T HE?
- NAH, HE CAN GO. - GOOD LUCK.
- WE JUST TRYING TO FIND OUT HOW IT GO.
- LET'S GO, STEFAN.
- I THINK WE PRETTY MUCH GOT IT.