[Music]
tedx Memphis it is an honor to be here
and also pretty timely if you ask me see
I'm fresh on the other side of my
quarter life crisis now to be clear the
crisis is still here I just turned 26 so
your girl aged out I'm on the other side
of that quarter life side and if you're
not familiar a quarter life crisis is
basically like a midlife crisis just 25
years early so you're still asking the
same questions of Who am I am I using my
time well what are the things that I
really want to do in terms of family
career health drinking water saying
hydrated all of those important things
that we have to pay attention to and for
Millennials this is actually a pretty
big phenomenon according to the Center
for Disease Control
one in three Millennials have a
diagnosed anxiety disorder and anxiety
is one of the key elements of any kind
of crisis it's proven math I promise and
for us it's not just about figuring
those things out but we're doing so in a
world that really human history has
never seen before we have things such as
the internet which is endless
information we are living in some of the
most innovative and prosperous times
according to the United Nations the
World Bank the IMF and also are still
seeing persistent inequalities that seem
like they haven't really moved much in
centuries according to every credible
climate scientist if we don't change
what we're doing by 2050 we will have
ear ibly damaged our world
so there's a lot sake in there right and
when you're looking for purpose which
usually comes in the question of what do
you want to do with your life that's a
big challenge and I have a theory that
for Millennials and for all people we're
probably a little scared so in the
spirit of new friendships it's time to
overshare we're going to dive into my
quarter life crisis to work through how
I believe that following purpose has
kind of kept us stuck and really we
should be focusing on wellness and I
believe that that will give us the
answers we've been searching for
so I've had the fortune of basically
knowing my deepest fear since I was
really little some people call that
precocious other people call that an
undiagnosed anxiety disorder tomato
tomahto the first time I really
recognized what was going on cuz I
always felt like something was there it
was when I was in Trinidad with my
family visiting my other family my mom's
from Trinidad Tobago and I adored my
grandmother she's incredibly creative so
when she was gonna have to do art
projects like I'm there you know so
we're walking one morning to her kiln to
get her new ceramics and I'm holding her
hand and ice notice for the first time
that her fingers were really wrinkly and
the verdant green veins in her hand were
popping out more than I was used to and
her fingers were also a little thin and
it hits me that you know she's older and
she's not gonna be here forever and I'm
like her so I'll be older and I won't be
here forever so little eight-year-old me
is like walking into an existential
crisis and I have to let that go pretty
quickly because my hand had been like a
limp fish and her so she's like Chloe
you don't love me anymore thinking I
don't want to hold her hand
so I squeeze it really tight to prove to
her that I love her and I get out of my
extension crisis and I'm like nope I'm
here
and that moment really shaped how I went
through life going forward I told myself
okay I know I'm scared to not be here so
I'll love on my loved ones really hard
I'll figure out how to be a very good
person in the world and I'll follow my
purpose and dive deep into it so I'm
doing this I'm on it I'm deep in school
and I get to college I'm ready
so I join all these kinds of clubs I
don't just join them but I volunteer
myself to be a leader in them I'm an RA
so I'm taking care of 30 women every
year which one of the best things I had
ever done and I'm in school I'm a
student I'm doing all these things I'm
like great but something was feeling off
like I didn't really feel like myself
and so I thought oh well maybe I'm just
busy that's the price of purpose right
like you're just really basically
stressed as cool when you go to a
liberal arts school so I'm like okay
yeah I'm doing the thing this is great
and I'm but at the same time I recognize
you know I probably need a rest or what
they call a vacation at some point
and that moment seemed to come for me in
the summer of 2015 so I had a mentor in
school who names Julia Hannah brain and
she was shepherding a grant with the
National Institutes of Health and so we
partnered together to bring that to
Trinidad and Tobago and work with the
University of West Indies serving a
project that served people with
disability so I'm like cool I'm still in
purpose but I get to go back to Trinidad
which was the first time I'd been back
since my grandmother had passed and I
would get that kind of rest and I was so
ready to be back on the island to see my
family there and so I get there and
going through the work trying to make
friends with my fellow researchers and
doing all these things and whatever was
going on with me was still there and
like man I thought you know the ocean
air the island breeze would just like
melt us away it was like maybe I
shouldn't be here longer so about
halfway through we get invited to a
harvest festival at a friend's Catholic
Church and I'm not Catholic but my
grandmother was I'm thinking about her a
lot on the drive over and you know I'm
thinking about her and then all of a
sudden accursed me
oh I don't know how to do the thing
right and so I'm just like okay and so I
like I did line and I'm like watching
everybody else do the thing and when I
get up to the priest I just freaked out
so whatever I did was not it and I was
like okay so he's just gonna throw more
holy water on me to cleanse this and
like we'll just move on but it really
had me thinking through all of the
rituals my grandmother did to be such a
devout Catholic and to be so wonderfully
steeped in her purpose and give good to
the world so to be honest with you I
have no idea what that sermon was about
I was just sitting there thinking of my
grandmother and thinking about purpose
and I kind of feeling I was feeling was
bubbling up right and I'm just unusually
distracted looking at any and everything
except the message so when everybody
breaks for lunch to celebrate with the
feast I kind of sneak away a bit because
I needed just some space to figure out
what was going on and get my head right
so that could be all smiley with people
right like that's the thing so I go out
and I look over at the edge of the
mountain and I'm looking down to the
south of the island trying to see if
maybe I could see princess town I had no
idea I was actually gonna know if I'd
seen it or not it's just way down there
but looking at that large expanse and
also being the mind state I was in
something felt different and all of a
sudden I felt like a freight train hit
me in the chest carrying emotions that I
didn't know before I felt like the whole
world was trembling like I was being
pulled apart I'm having a panic attack
I never had one before so this was crazy
it felt like an earthquake in my body so
I'm looking around to see if everything
else is also shaking and it's not so I'm
just like freaking out I hate how I'm
feeling and I can't stop it so I go back
into the church right cuz I also don't
want people to see me like and I just
get on my knees and I start praying and
I'm crying and I don't know really what
I'm saying I'm just like this feels
really intense and to be honest I just
want some help please make it stop that
moment was very serious for me to slow
it down so when I got back to the states
I decide okay I'm gonna check out
therapy and I was an RA so I always told
my residents you know if you're feeling
off you should go see a counselor right
cause it's so easy to tell somebody else
to go see a counselor so I get there but
or I'm like prepping for it you know and
I'm someone who needs time to process so
I was like okay well this therapist is
really not gonna tell me anything I
don't know about myself and so I'm gonna
write down and I brought it for you
because this is me being wild I wrote
down everything I had gone through in my
life and thought to myself okay i'ma
read her my checklist and she's just
gonna tell me the things that I already
know which is I need to sleep more drink
water take care of myself
rest and I thought okay cool I'll get
the therapist to tell me this so my
friends say hey let's go out I could be
like oh sorry meri I gotta sleep you
know therapy is crazy so that's what I
that's that's what I'm on okay so I walk
in there got my little list and she's
you know smiles at me that kind of
building trust smile like I've peaked
game you know and she's like so how are
you and I'm like I'm great she's like
okay so what brings you in today I pull
out my little list I'm like sitting
there I'm like yeah Susan hear all the
things I go down the list and then I
look at her and her trusting inviting
smile had turned into like
so how are you and I don't know what
voodoo magic she pulled on me but I
start ball I mean it is like Niagara
Falls is falling from my face I am just
like torn apart and the truth is that
was the first time I had been honest out
loud about what was going on so what I
didn't share with you and it's because I
had also not been sharing with myself
was that I was heartbroken the person my
high school sweetheart I had been with
for five years who I thought I was gonna
marry I broke up with him not too long
before because we didn't really know it
out ourselves outside of our
relationship and he hadn't been there
for me when I had a tumor in my breast
for nine months not knowing if I had
cancer or not after the stock market had
crashed in 2008 there was financial
strain on my family and dealing with
that as a younger kid that's a lot of
the world to try to figure out I was
also feeling anxious I had depression
and I didn't know it there are also tons
of things on this list but we're not
that close yet so you don't get to know
them but the gist of it is is that I was
really not being honest with myself and
pursuing all of these things outside of
myself thinking that if I pursued them
hard enough I could push my anxiety down
and all of this fear I had all the
challenges I had and they just take
their bags and go packing right like get
out the pain you know that's not how
anxiety works that's not how life works
and that's certainly not how death works
which is what I was scared of so the
next five years what I really had to do
was get back to the very basics I had to
learn how to be healthy and what that
looks like for me is I had to figure out
what does health look like for me
physically mentally emotionally
spiritually and socially and make those
things my number one priority which is
code for I had to make me my priority
that's a wild thing to do when you were
so used to dreaming everything external
to serving to loving to try to push
everything around the world to be
peaceful but when you're avoiding
yourself that's not possible so I
developed a wellness routine and for me
that looked like all those things I
thought my therapist was going to
just sleep drink water exercise take
time for yourself go to therapy it's
important it will save your life
and honestly it that was the basics for
me and then on top of that I had to
figure out okay what are the things that
I need to nourish myself and one of
those things is flowers my parents
probably knew this when I was little
they named me Chloe
which means blossoming which i think is
kind of cool but those are the kinds of
things that you really get to know about
yourself when you take a pause and look
inward so on top of getting to the
basics getting to know myself I started
having moments where I felt peaceful
inside no matter what was going on and
this brings us to 2019 the best
and honestly hardest year of my life
thus far so it's the best in the sense
that the program I've been working on
for the past three years got funded
which was great and I now run that
program I got named to a few
professional lists including the Forbes
30 under 30 Wow didn't see that coming I
also fell in love even Wilder excitedly
didn't see that coming with an amazing
partner and we got to travel all over
the US and Europe and honestly it's the
healthiest relationship I've ever been
in on the other hand it's also been the
hardest of my life I had debilitating
anxiety that really I would be in the
bed for so long and felt like I couldn't
move I'd lost loved ones and to gun
violence I did not expect I had all of
these still questions around how do we
make change in the world how do we go
through and make meaning out of our
lives when there's so much pulling at us
how do you rest and what I would say
that I'm most proud of through all of it
is that through every moment I was
present I was healthy I was myself and I
can confidently say that I thrived
throughout all of what was challenging
and wonderful at the same time that is
called wellness it's being able to
manage the internal in the external in a
way that creates a harmony for yourself
to where you know you are still grounded
in who you are you're at peace with all
of what is in you and around
you and figuring out okay what are my
next best steps so let's go back out and
look at the world for just another
second aside from all the apocalyptic
facts I've told you about in the
beginning there are also a lot of great
things going on we have people who are
promoting causes who are protesting in
the streets saying we know we deserve
more look at Hong Kong look at what's
happening in India look at honestly
what's happening in the US every day
we're trying to figure it out and really
the reason I think we haven't figured
out just how to do this together is
because we've all been so wrapped up and
what is our purpose purpose has two
options you can set a goal you can meet
that goal but then you're a board and
you have to figure out new goals it's
like this endless cycle right of chasing
external things or you could set a goal
for yourself that is so far out that
it's actually unattainable and peace and
fulfillments always just beyond your
reach
so you consume and you grasp and you
take in so much all the time looking for
how do I make this better and the truth
is I don't think it's through purpose I
think really what we're looking for when
you see protests me see people fighting
causes are going to work you're looking
for fulfilment we're looking for peace
inside and we're looking for how do we
act well and be well with one another
and you cannot give or make what you
don't have so how do we make world peace
when we don't know how to have peace for
ourselves so if you want to save the
world if you want to live in an
environment that is thriving and where
prosperity looks the same for all of us
not just the few who have the most
privilege you start with you you start
with figuring out what does health look
like for me physically mentally socially
emotionally spiritually and work really
hard on being good at you because just
like hurt people hurt people not
peaceful people wreak havoc right so my
challenge to you today is to really take
serious as commitment to cultivating
wellness for yourself because once you
are filled yourself with that kind of
piece it has no choice but to flow out
into all the spaces around you and I can
guarantee you
you will enjoy your life so much more
which is truly the reason we're here so
thank you so much for coming to my
[Applause]