How do you starve them? How do you get them to stop?
That's what I'm going to tell you,
by the end of this video, you will know how to do that,
so stay tuned.
Hey there, I'm Rebecca Zung.
I am a narcissist negotiation expert, I am an attorney,
and on this channel, and in these videos,
I teach you how to shift that power dynamic,
I give you real resources, real tips, on how to actually do that,
how to actually change your life, real things to do,
so that you can start going on the offensive,
instead of feeling like you're constantly on the defensive,
like a turtle on your back that it’s got its foot on you and
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Okay, so let's talk about
when that narcissist just will not let you go,
how do you get them to stop?
Well, first of all, don't panic, you can get them to let you go,
we can get them to do that,
you're trying to shake them off, it's like, get off me, get off me,
you want to cut off that source of supply,
I have been there by the way, not in a romantic situation,
it was a business situation for me and
I mean, once they've attached themselves to that source, that host,
like a parasite, or a leech and
they've got themselves a good source of supply there,
they do not want to let it go and
I had that situation myself and it was very difficult to shake that.
I had to do it, and I got it done and
you can get it done too,
but you basically have to let the narcissist know that
there ain't no more source over here,
you got to go get it somewhere else.
Supply is their life blood,
it's their food, it's their oxygen,
remember, they didn't attach themselves to you,
because you had so little value,
even though they've been devaluing you for so long,
that's like the great big wool that
they've been pulling over your eyes all this time.
Really, they attach themselves to you
because you were a great source of supply to them,
they don't want to let that go so easily,
they really I need all the forms of supply that
they can potentially keep their hands on
so, they're not going to let it go very easily,
so, really what you're trying to do here is
let them know that there's nothing here for you anymore,
this cupboard is bare,
you’re going to have to go find it somewhere else.
So, how do you start doing that?
You have to slowly shift the conditioning
because what happened at the beginning of this relationship is,
they conditioned you, and you allowed yourself to be conditioned,
so this dynamic was set up,
where you became a good source of supply to them,
in whatever way the relationship began,
whether it was a business or personal relationship,
believe me, I know
because I was in a business relationship with one and
so I became a source of supply for this person,
thinking I was going to be a good person and
I was going to show this person how kind I was and
how generous I was, and actually,
how much value I could bring to the relationship and
the more value I brought, the more supply I brought and
the more that person was like,
“Oh, yeah, never letting this one go”,
even though they devalued, and passive-aggressive and
horrible, all of that stuff and you think
why would I ever want to stay in a relationship with this person,
who is so terrible, but, I digress.
Anyway, so you need to shift that conditioning,
because they think that you're not going to leave
or they think that if they act a certain way,
that they're going to be able to pull you back in,
they act up, if they start maybe having a rage,
or devaluing you in some way, or having a tantrum,
that they'll be able to pull you back in,
so you're going to have to become immune to those things and
be okay with the fact that they're going to do
what they did, to try to get you back
when you start to cut off that source of supply.
Any emotion that you show, is going to give them supply,
so when the text come in, when the emails come in,
when you have those conversations,
when you have those interactions, no emotion, right?
By the way, I have a whole video on “How to respond to text messages”
so you should definitely check that out,
really good, really good,
I give you lots of very specific text responses and how to respond,
it's really super good, so definitely check that out.
So wherever you are, don't get defensive,
no explanations, just the facts,
almost like you're reporting the news,
like you're a robot almost, and
if you need to go scream, cry or do whatever you want to do,
after you're out of the interaction, fine,
but not while you're there,
no emotion, do not get triggered,
do not show them you are triggered, that gives them supply,
that is what they want, they get off on that,
they're trying to get a rise out of you,
you do not show them that emotion.
That's number one. Remember, just the facts.
One form of communication, try to make it email,
just so that you're starting to get yourself to a place
where you are putting yourself in a position
to start pulling back, you're pulling back,
you’re starting to get this person out of your life,
you want to get to a point where
you're no longer in each other's lives at all,
you can wipe this person from the CPU of your life,
we're like they never existed at all, if possible,
I know if you have children together, it's difficult,
but if you can get down to one form of communication,
email is best because, those are the best for potential trial exhibits
if you do have potential court, email is best,
but one line of communication would be really the best,
one form, one form.
Cut-off looking at their social media,
maybe if you have to meet with them, have a specific agenda,
I'm going to meet with you for 30 minutes and
this is going to be the conversation we're going to have,
that's it, nothing more, I got to be out of here,
we're going to talk about this topic,
that's it, I'm out of here, very, very specific.
Keep the boundary sperm so that
you can keep your mental health strong,
stay away from the toxic fumes, that's third and
really, really be super vigilant about it, because
this is how you are going to start starving them of this narcissistic supply,
they need to have the supply,
they need to have this stuff that's going to feed their ego,
so if they're not going to get it from you,
they will go find it from somewhere else.
That's fine, let them go find it from somewhere else,
let them know that this is no longer the place,
that this store is closed, that this factory is closed,
this is no longer the place that they can get it,
so they'll slither down the road and they'll go find it somewhere else.
So, that is what you do when narcissists will not let you go,
that is how you cut off that source of supply.
Do not panic, because that triggers them and
that's when you start to see the little DM
start popping up into your little inbox,
they start to realize “Oh, there’s still something there”,
you don't want that, okay?
You want to be firm, so no emotions,
one line of communication, firm boundaries, got it?
If you are negotiating with them,
definitely start with my free “Crush my negotiation” prep worksheet
at winmynegotiation.com.
It's a free e-book, 15 pages, totally free,
Why not go get it? Free, 15 pages, e-book, so good,
definitely grab that,
join my free private Facebook group,
it's like so good, supporting each other,
“Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca Zung”.
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remember today is always a great day to start negotiating your best life.
I'm Rebecca Zung,
I am so glad that you're here and
I will definitely see you in the next video!