(upbeat music)
- Okay Phoebs, you look in the kitchen.
I will look in the back closet.
- I can save you time, ladies.
I'm right here.
(audience laughing)
- Yeah, Chandler, why don't you take a walk.
This doesn't concern you.
(audience laughing)
- We are looking for our Christmas presents from Monica.
- What, that's terrible.
- No, no, we do it every year.
- Oh, well that makes it not terrible.
(audience laughing)
- No, yeah, we never find them.
She's always bested us that wily minx.
(audience laughing)
- Yeah, don't worry, we're just gonna search here
for an hour and then we're gonna go over
to Joey's and search, okay?
- No, not okay.
You can't look for Monica's presents.
- Oh no, we have to.
- No, you don't have to.
And you can't because I live here too.
(audience laughing)
- Well, then you should look with us.
(audience laughing)
- Why?
- Chandler, aren't you worried about
what to get Monica for Christmas?
- No, I have a great idea for a present for her.
- Oh, that's it?
A great idea, okay.
(audience laughing)
- Chandler, that's not enough.
What if she gets you a great present,
two medium presents and a bunch of little presents
and you've just got her one great present.
I mean, that's just gonna make her feel bad.
Why would you do that to her Chandler, why?
Why?
(audience laughing)
- If I help, we could find them faster!
- That's right.
(audience laughing)
- Oh, oh!
We have a live one!
- Ah, it's a Macy's bag - Yeah.
(Rachel groaning) - Oh, who's it for?
(audience laughing)
- Dear losers, do you really think I'd hide presents
under the couch?
(audience laughing)
P.S. Chandler, I knew they'd break you.
(audience laughing)
- Uh-oh, she may be onto us.
(audience laughing)
- We are so gonna find them this year.
- You know, when you guys said you were gonna
go across the hall and look,
you don't do that every year, do ya?
- Yeah.
- You don't, like, go into the back of my closet
and look under my gym bag or anything?
(audience laughing)
- No, we never do that. - No.
(audience laughing)
- Because Joey gave me some stuff
to store that I've never seen before in my life!
(audience laughing)
Okay, that did not just happen.
(snapping)
(upbeat music)
- And these come in the shapes
of your favorite Christmas characters,
Santa, Rudolph and baby Jesus.
(audience laughing)
- All right, I'll take a box of the creme filled Jesus's.
(audience laughing)
- Wait a minute, one box?
Come on, I'm trying
to send a poor little girl to space camp.
I'm putting you down for five boxes.
Chandler, what about you?
- Uh, all right, do you have any coconut flavored deities?
- No, but there's coconut in the Hanukkah Men-Oreos.
(audience laughing)
I'll tell you what, I'll put you down for eight boxes,
one for each night.
(audience laughing)
Mon?
- All right, I'll take one box of the Mint Treasures,
one, and that's it.
I started gaining weight after I joined the Brown Birds.
Remember?
Dad bought every one of my boxes and I ate them all.
- No Mon, Dad had to buy every one of your boxes
because you ate them all.
(audience laughing)
But, uh, you know I'm sure
that's not gonna happen this time.
Why don't I just put you down for three
of the Mint Treasures and just a couple of the Rudolphs.
- No.
(audience laughing)
- Ah, come on now.
You know you want 'em.
(audience laughing)
- Don't, don't, don't do this.
I'll tell you what, Mon.
I'll give you the first box for free.
(audience laughing)
- Oh God, I gotta go!
- Come on, all the cool kids are eating them.
(audience laughing)
(upbeat music)
Hey Ben!
What if the Holiday Armadillo told you
all about the Festival of Lights?
- Cool!
- [Monica] Come on, Ben.
- Years and years ago,
there were these people called the Maccabees.
- Ho, ho, ho!
Merry Christmas!
(audience laughing)
- [Ben] Santa!
- Hey!
(audience laughing)
- What are you doing here, Santa?
(audience laughing)
- Well I'm here to see my old buddy, Ben.
What are you doing here, weird...
Turtle man?
(audience laughing)
- I'm the Holiday Armadillo!
Your part Jewish friend.
(audience laughing)
You sent me here to give Ben some presents, remember?
- What?
(audience laughing)
(upbeat music)
- Thank you, happy holiday.
(bell ringing)
That's trash, young lady.
No, you can't...
Hey!
Stop that young lady!
She donated trash!
(audience laughing)
Hey!
(audience laughing)
The charity's on fire! (bell ringing)
Help!
Oh good, thank you, I need that.
Woo!
(audience laughing)
What is this?
It's 9 o'clock in the morning!
(audience laughing)
(upbeat music)
- You know, I remember my father,
all dressed up in the red suit,
the big black boots and the patent leather belt,
sneaking around downstairs.
He didn't want anybody to see him
but he'd be drunk so he'd stumble,
crash into something and wake everybody up.
- Oh, that doesn't sound like a very merry Christmas.
- Who said anything about Christmas?
(audience laughing)
- Hi.
- Hey, anyone hear from Phoebe yet?
- No, nothing.
- I hope she's okay.
- Yeah, I know exactly what she's going through.
- How do you know exactly what she's going through?
- She told us.
(audience laughing)
- So what do ya got there, Monica?
- Just some stuff for the party.
- Hey, what are you guys doing here?
Aren't you supposed to be Christmas shopping?
- You guys haven't gotten your presents yet?
Tomorrow is Christmas Eve!
What are you gonna do?
- Don't you have to be claymation to say stuff like that?
(audience laughing)
- Oh, by the way Mon,
I don't think the mailman liked your cookies.
Here are the ornaments your mom sent.
(audience laughing)
- Well, maybe the mailman liked the cookies,
we just didn't give him enough.
- Monica, pigeons learn faster than you.
(audience laughing)
(upbeat music)
- Hey, um, can I ask you guys something?
- [Ross And Monica] Sure.
- Um, I don't have any brothers so I don't know
but, uh, did you guys wrestle?
- Oh yeah.
- Oh, ho, all the time.
In fact, I was undefeated.
(audience laughing)
- Well you weighed 200 pounds.
(audience laughing)
- Still, I was quick as a cat.
(audience laughing)
- Well, I met Danny's sister yesterday.
That was actually the girl on the subway.
- [Monica] Oh, you're kidding.
- And, uh, yeah, they were very, you know,
wrestle-y.
But I guess that's normal?
- We don't, we don't wrestle now.
(audience laughing)
- Not since I got too strong for you.
(audience laughing)
- Too strong for me?
- Yeah.
- You wanna go right now?
Because I'll take you right now, buddy.
You wanna go?
- Oh fine.
- Ready?
Wrestle!
(audience laughing)
(groaning)
- You know what?
Actually, that's great.
That helps a lot, thanks.
(audience laughing)
(upbeat music)
Hi, welcome to our tropical Christmas party.
You put your coats and sweaters
and pants and shirts in the bedroom.
(audience laughing)
- It's hard to tell because I'm sweating,
but I use exactly what the gel bottle says.
(audience laughing)
An amount about the size of a pea.
How can that be too much?
(audience laughing)
- Ice?
Ice?
Ice squares, anyone?
Take a napkin.
All right.
- Monica.
Monica!
Monica, your guests are turning into jerky, okay?
- Really?
I'm perfectly comfortable.
Hey, hey, hey, get in line buddy,
I was next.
(audience laughing)
(upbeat music)
- Hey.
What are you doing here?
- Well, I thought a lot about what you said
and I realized, maybe I was a little judgmental.
Yeah, oh, but oh.
- Now Phoebe, remember, hey,
they're just fulfilling their Christmas...
- Destiny. - Sure.
- Yes.
Okay.
Yikes, that one doesn't look very fulfilled.
- Oh, that's one of the old ones.
He's just taking it to the back.
- You keep the old ones in the back?
That is so ageist.
(audience laughing)
- We have to make room for the fresh ones.
- So what happens to the old guys?
- Well, they go into the chipper.
- Why do I have a feeling that's not as happy as it sounds?
(machine revving)
(dramatic music)
- No, no!
(gasping)
- Hey, hey, hey!
(upbeat music)
- Hey.
- Oh my God. - Hey.
Look at that, it's a Christmas miracle!
(audience laughing)
- What are you doing here?
- I wanted to be with you.
I missed you so much.
- Hey, hey, who'd you miss the most?
- Monica.
- Gotcha.
(audience laughing)
- I never wanna leave you again.
- I thought if you left, you'd get fired.
- Turns out, they can't fire me.
Because I quit.
- What?
- What, you really quit your job?
- Yeah.
It was a stupid job
and I could not stand leaving you.
And why should I be the only one
who doesn't get to do what he really wants to do?
- What do you really want to do?
- I have not thought this through.
(audience laughing)
- Oh my God.
- I know, I should have talked to you first about it.
- No, I think that this is what you wanna do.
I think it's great.
- Thanks.
- Chandler, your being here
is the best Christmas present I could have ever imagined.
- Aw.
- Now give me my real gift.
(audience laughing)
- Here, pass those around.
- A donation has been made in your name
to the New York City Ballet.
(audience laughing)
How did you know?
(audience laughing)
- Are you kidding?
I can't return this.
(audience laughing)
- I thought it was time we started thinking
about other people.
And besides, this gift still says I love you guys.
- Mine says to Lilian Meyers.
- I don't have a job.