- OKAY, BUT DO I LOOK IN THE CAMERA?
NO? OH, AT YOU? ALL RIGHT. [chuckles]
LIKE ON TELEVISION, ALL RIGHT.
[magical sparking]
[booming]
- NOW, KNOCK IT OFF!
ALL THE STUPID-ASS GRAB-ASS AND TOUCHY-FEELY BULL[bleep]!
GOD DAMN! I TOLD YOU THEY WAS ROTTEN.
- I AM BARNABUS JACKSON, PRINCIPAL HERE AT CLORTHO'S,
UH, VINCE CLORTHO HIGH. UH--
- [grunts] - THIS STATION'S
JUST A FORMALITY, BUT--
- HERE'S A BUNCH OF STUFF THAT WE CONFISCATED JUST THIS WEEK.
- STUFF--WE DON'T HAVE TO SHOW THEM THAT.
- HERE'S A WAND WITH A SILENCER ON IT.
WHY? BUT I ASK AGAIN, WHY?
ONE OUT OF FIVE GIRLS IN THIS SCHOOL
IS PREGNANT WITH A DEMON BABY!
- WELL-- - ONE OUT OF FIVE!
- OKAY. [laughs]
THE BABIES ARE EVIL,
BUT THE MOTHERS, THEY'RE GOOD KIDS.
AS WE SAY AT CLORTHO'S, "THERE'S NEVER A PORTAL
THAT CANNOT BE OPENED WITH INGENUITY AND RESPECT."
[can spraying] - NOW--
- [scoffs]
HOW YOU GON' BE USING AN INVISIBLE CLOAK,
WHEN I CAN SEE YOU'RE TAGGING THE DAMN WALL?
- [laughs]
- DIME BAG OF PIXIE DUST.
- [scoffs] - CONTRABAND.
- SEE, HERE'S THE THING,
THE KIDS KNOW THAT THE ONLY WAY TO FLY IS--
- WIZARD PEPPER. - UNBELIEVABLE.
GET YOUR ASS OUT MY OFFICE.
I WILL TURN YOU INTO A SPIDER!
THEY'RE GOOD KIDS.
[school bell ringing] HOGWARTS AND CLORTHO'S,
CLORTHO'S AND HOGWARTS, THEY GO HAND-IN-HAND,
THE BEST TOP TWO WIZARDING SCHOOLS THERE ARE.
BUT YOU KNOW, OUT OF THESE TWO SCHOOLS,
WE EACH HAVE A STRIKE.
WE DO SCORE A LITTLE BIT LOWER ON STANDARDIZED TESTS
THAN HOGWARTS, BUT THERE IS A CULTURAL BIAS.
WE MAY NOT HAVE A HUGE ENDOWMENT
LIKE THEY GET OVER AT HOGWARTS,
AND YES, SOME OF THE TEACHERS
HAVE TO BUY THEIR OWN NEWT'S EYES OR BAT WINGS OR--
- ONE KID GOT TRANSFORMED INTO A CAT.
THEY CAN'T EVEN AFFORD TO CHANGE HIM BACK.
- THIS YOUNG MAN'S NAME IS JAMAR.
NORMALLY, YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO TOUCH THE STUDENTS LIKE THIS
WHEN THEY'RE IN HUMAN FORM,
BUT WHEN THEY'RE A CAT, WE JUST HAVE AT IT.
SPORTS.
EVERYBODY LOVES SPORTS.
IT'S TRUE. - NOT EVERYBODY.
- THE HALLWAYS ARE A-BLUSTER
WITH THE CONVERSATION OF OUR QUIDDITCH TEAM.
- HALF THE TEAM IS BACK HERE RIDING MOPS.
WE GOT TWO LITTLE [bleep] ON SWIFFERS.
- LESTER!
WHEN ALL IS SAID AND DONE, THE AVERAGE CLORTHO STUDENT--
[squeaking] UH, SAY--
THIS MOTHER--
[laughs]
SOMETIMES THE KIDS THINK IT'S CUTE
TO TURN THEMSELVES INTO A RAT,
[laughs] SNEAK INTO MY OFFICE,
PLAY A LITTLE JOKE ON ME.
WHO IS THAT? TYRONE, IS THAT--IS THAT--?
NO, THAT'S AN ACTUAL RAT.