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Hey Jimmy, it's the 1800s, an exciting time to be alive.
Why don't you get out there and explore the world?
Gee whiz mum, thanks.
This place is amazing.
Where am I?
Why you're in France, my boy.
Here we come up with wacky new ways of running a country.
Liberty, egality, fraternity.
Whoa! Welcome to the United Kingdom.
Here, we invented the train.
Alllllll aboard.
Holy smokes.
You're in a German factory, my friend.
Here, we harness fire and coal
to create all these sexy lederhosen.
This is incredible.
I can't wait to see where I'll end up next.
Where am I?
You're in Russia.
Have I gone back in time?
No, this is just how it is.
Are you a farmer?
Worse, technically, my landlord owns me
which makes me a serf.
I'm scared.
You should be because I haven't eaten in four days
and you look pretty tasty.
Hey Jimmy, how were your travels?
I hate you.
(soft melodic music)
Russia, in the 19th century.
Feudal, underdeveloped and stuck in the past.
While the rest of Europe had been modernizing
and improving their citizen's lives.
Russia's rulers were taking a different approach.
My Lord, we're falling behind the rest of Europe.
It's time to industrialize.
Give the people rights and share your power.
(loud bomb exploding)
Russian Tsars had no time for pathetic ideas
like liberty and modernization
because they were too busy
having the time of their lives
while the serfs were breaking their backs in the fields,
the Tsars held all the power
and they didn't have to listen to anyone.
Wanna run the country like a backwards feudal kingdom
while the rest of your pack
paces humanitarian and economically, go right ahead.
Wanna keep the people on educated
so they don't get any ideas?
There's no one to stop you.
Wanna keep exporting grain
even when there's a massive famine
causing hundreds of thousands to die?
That is your God given right.
While all of this was great for the Tsar.
If you were literally anybody else, it probably sucked
because Russia was falling behind.
If they were to keep up with Europe
they'd need a strong ruler with some big ideas.
Oh, look here comes one now.
Hey everyone, it's me Tsar Alexander the second
and I've got some big news.
I'm releasing you all from your serfdom.
You're all free.
(crow cheering loudly)
Yep, I'm the best.
Oh, there is one thing though.
I spoke to your local lords
and they weren't happy about losing all their free labor.
So as a compromise, you're all gonna have to pay them back
in near impossible amount of money for the next 49 years.
Expect your lives to barely change.
Okay, bye.
Now, I know what you're thinking.
This Tsar Alexander the second seems like a pretty cool guy.
He's trying to reform the country
and get Russia on the right path.
Everyone must love this guy, right, wrong.
Why does one man
get to decide fate of everyone in the country?
This whole system is dumped.
Somebody should do something.
Like what?
Like kill the Tsar.
You're gonna kill the Tsar?
Well me, no, I'm busy.
I was kind of hoping you'd do it, okay.
See the people love me.
They're throwing flowers,
confetti and high-grade explosives.
(bomb exploding loudly)
Okay Nicholas, your grandfather has a mild case
of being blown up by a terrorist
and he's not looking too hot.
So we're gonna go say our goodbyes, okay?
No, it'll be too scary for him.
Nonsense, it won't be scary at all.
We're just gonna say a quick goodbye, ready?
Boy, look at me.
The people did this to me and one day, they'll do it to you!
See it wasn't scary at all.
So Alexander the second was dead,
but luckily they had another Alexander lying around.
Alexander the third and he felt his dad's reforms
had weakened the Tsar's authority.
Russia was massive.
And as a result had many ethnic minorities.
Non Russians more interested in their own cultural heritage
than in loving me, isn't it great?
So much beautiful culture and diversity in our great nation.
(bomb exploding loudly)
Alexander thought all these minorities
should be a little more Russian and thereby loyal to him.
So he repressed religious minorities.
He repressed non Russians.
He introduced the Okhrana.
A secret police force that repressed
anybody who thought having a Tsar was dumb.
If Alexander the second was the great reformer
Alexander the third was the great repressor.
Now that's how you run a country.
Hey dad.
Oh great, it's my son Nicholas,
who I like to call a girly girl
because he's so weak and pathetic.
When are you gonna grow up?
You still look like a girly girl to me.
But dad, I grew a beard.
Yeah, an ugly girly girl beard.
(crying loudly)
If Nicholas was to one day be Tsar.
He needed his dad to teach him how to run the country.
But his dad instead suggested
that Nicholas goes somewhere else.
So Nicholas went to Japan, got an edgy dragon tattoo.
Had his head sliced off by a policeman and then came home.
Now, will you teach me how to rule?
I suppose it's time.
Okay, there's a lot you need to know before
becoming Tsar, uh oh, what?
I've got kidney inflammation.
Oh no.
Upon his father's death, a totally unprepared
Nicholas the second ascended to the Russian throne.
He wasn't a reformer like his grandfather
nor was he a repressor like his dad.
Nicholas was Nicholas.
Timid, easily swayed
and more interested in doing whatever the hell this is
or this or this.
He wasn't ready to rule.
And he himself admitted it
saying I'm not yet ready to be Tsar.
I know nothing of the business of ruling.
Bit of an awkward time to bring it up.
However, Nicholas firmly believed
that he was chosen by God to be Russia's big daddy.
And while he doubted his ability to rule,
he was gonna give it his best shot.
And hey, who knows?
Maybe he wouldn't be so bad after all.
To get things off to a good start.
Nicholas promised free pretzels and beer
to a huge crowd in Moscow to celebrate his coronation.
So enticing a proposition to starving peasants
that the ensuing stampede left nearly 1500 people dead.
What the hell happened?
We're not sure, but you're scheduled
to go party with the French at eight o'clock.
Shouldn't I stay here out of respect for the people?
When have Russian Tsars ever respected the people?
(upbeat music)
Nicholas's decision to go party with the French
immediately tarnished his image.
Some were calling him Nicholas the bloody.
The Tsars had been partying hard
at the expense of the people for long enough
that emancipated the serfs
but failed to lift them out of poverty.
They used their secret police
to crack down on anyone who might criticize them
and they had failed to modernize and give the people rights.
Something the rest of Europe had begun doing
over a century ago.
The rule of the Tsars was quickly becoming outdated
and more and more Russians began wondering
if there was a better way.
For many, the solution was simple.
Just look to the West, republics, democracies
and constitutional monarchies galore.
But a small growing group rejected that
for an even better idea,
a little something they called communism.
Take Vladimir Lenin a intelligent member
of Russia's middle-class
and also a massive ill tempered jerk.
If you disagreed with him about anything
he wasn't afraid to call you out.
You fat headed simple-minded vapid cockeyed imbecile
Tenderheart Bear is a far superior
care bear to Bedtime Bear.
(crying loudly)
And he was no stranger to political unrest either.
His older brother was executed
for plotting to kill the Tsar
and Lenin himself was expelled from university
for participating in a student protest.
But how did Lenin go
from being a middle-class nerd
to the arbiter of socialist divinity?
Well, to tell that story,
we first need to go back a few decades
to when a man named Karl Marx,
wrote a manifesto explaining how capitalism
is a system where by the stinky British
oppressed and exploded the working masses
and that only through class warfare,
could the workers rise up and enstate a communist utopia.
Now go back forward a few decades
to Lenin reading that manifesto and loving it.
But publicly admitting you loved Marx
and not Russia's big daddy
would get you the cruelest punishment imaginable,
exile to Siberia.
Enjoy exile where you'll live with your wife
chill around town and secretly write socialists newspapers.
Hey, that doesn't sound so bad.
And your mother-in-law's going to live with you, no!
Once Lenin finished his stint in Siberia.
He left Russia for Europe
where he was free to hang out with other Russian Marxists
and talk about how great communism was.
Now today, you might hear the word communism
and think of this.
(dramatic orchestral music)
But that's not how intellectuals
living under a Tsarist regime saw it.
To them, communism promised the land
where all were equal, where workers weren't exploited
and even people like you could get a girlfriend.
So Lenin joined a party of Russian communists
living in Europe
and he founded a communist newsletter
that was smuggled into Russia
to try to radicalize the people.
However, not everyone in the socialist party
agreed with Lenin.
In fact, they disagreed with him on a lot of issues
and Lenin was so uncompromising
that he caused a split in the party.
During one conference, a heated debate broke out
and Lenin was unwilling to give an inch.
You pig ignorant, half witted fatuous morons,
cereal is a soup.
Listen, Lenin, you're a smart guy,
but you have no idea what you're talking about.
We're out of here.
All in favor of cereal being a soup.
Hey, would you look at that, we're in the majority.
So Lenin set up his own faction within the party.
He called the Majority
or Bolshevik if you're speaking Russian
and the other faction
became known as the Minority or Menshevik.
And oddly, the majority were often in the Minority
and the minority in the Majority.
The Mensheviks were less radical.
Whereas Lenin wanted the Bolsheviks to be loyal to him
and his uncompromising ideas.
And if you weren't loyal
well then you're gonna get a big brain beat down.
Mensheviks worried that Lenin's attitude
could lead to a one-man dictatorship,
but come up, does this guy look like a dictator to you?
For now Lenin remained in Europe,
writing his socialist newspaper
and impatiently awaiting an opportunity
to overthrow the Tsar and bring communist utopia to Russia.
Cool, a free hat.
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(speaking in foreign language)
Now, where was I?
Oh yeah, a timid easily swayed Tsar,
a massive ill tempered jerk
impatiently awaiting a communist revolution.
And revolution was coming,
but not in the way Lenin thought.
Back in St. Petersburg.
One of the Tsar's most skilled and influential advisors
knew the country finally needed to catch up
with the rest of Europe.
Hey Nick, we really got to industrialize.
Get more factories
and make some I don't know, textiles or something.
Won't that change the social fabric of Russia?
Maybe, hey isn't it past your bedtime?
But I haven't had my milk and snuggles yet.
Will you snuggle me?
Nicholas thought modernization was boring.
But he let Sergei do his thing
and do his thing he did.
He borrowed some money and got Russia some sexy factories.
And you know what sexy factories means, sexy workers,
dirt poor, sexy workers.
Long hours, low wages, filthy disease-ridden factories,
sleep in over crowded dormitories
with all your stinky worker friends.
Get your arms ripped off in a freak Russian dole accident
conditions were terrible.
But this growing working class
wasn't about to take it lying down.
They started to do what workers do best, strike.
Despite Sergei's efforts,
people in Russia still weren't happy.
Peasants were still poor, liberals still wanted reform.
And now the workers wanted better working conditions.
And the problem with being an autocrat
is that when everyone's unhappy
there's only person to blame, you.
The people hate me, what do I do?
Ooh, I know, why don't we find a weak
and pathetic nation to go to war with.
We'll win easily and everyone will love me again.
Why don't we just try treating the people better?
As luck would have it.
An opportunity for war was forming in the far East.
Russia wanted to expand its sphere of influence
into Northern China and coincidentally, so did Japan.
But Japan didn't really want war.
So they proposed an idea to reduce the tension.
Hey man, we'll let you do your thing in Manchuria.
If you let us do our thing in Korea.
I don't think so.
We've got the largest army in the world, what do you have?
I'm the Emperor of Japan, I have a giant Mecha suit.
Whoa, cool.
Nicholas and the boys didn't see Japan as a threat.
So they felt they could push Japan around.
But little did they know
Japan had been rapidly militarizing.
And when they launched a surprise attack
on a Russian fleet at Port Arthur, everyone was shocked.
Nicholas hoped it was an opportunity to win a quick war
and regain the support of the people.
Nobody seriously thought a puny Asian country
could defeat a European superpower.
And the Russian people were filled with patriotic spunk.
Hey everyone, we're at war with Japan.
(crowd cheering loudly)
(whispering quietly)
Hey everyone, we're losing the war.
(crowd booing loudly)
The Japanese won,
an embarrassing defeat for Tsar Nicholas.
Russia had enough problems
but now it had been internationally humiliated.
The public were outraged, unrest increased.
Nicholas needed snuggles now more than ever.
The tension was rising rapidly
and Russia was on the verge of revolution.
All it needed was one disaster to push it over the edge.
And that disaster would come in January, 1905
from an unlikely source
a handsome Orthodox priest named Father Gapon,
Father Gapon was leading workers and their families
to the winter palace.
But this wasn't some violent uprising,
it was a peaceful protest.
They wanted to deliver a petition to Nicholas
which simply asked for more freedom
and better working conditions.
The protest was actually so peaceful and respectful
that the Marxist thought it was a big waste of time.
Hey Nicholas, some priest is leading a peaceful protest.
It says here they wanna give you a petition.
A peaceful petitioning priest, I better get out of here.
Nicholas had actually left the winter palace days earlier
and in his place they brought in a truckload of troops
ordered to stop Father Gapon from reaching the palace.
Hello good, sir and long lived the Tsar.
Please, allow me to pass this simple petition
towards our dear father Nicholas the second.
Good day to you to please,
allow us to respond by opening fire.
(gun fired loudly)
What began as a peaceful protest ended in tragedy.
Imperial soldiers opened fire on the crowd.
Around 200 civilians died 800 more were wounded.
All they wanted was the opportunity to ask Nicholas
to improve their lives.
Instead they were met with bullets.
Nicholas didn't personally order the troops to fire,
but as an autocrat, he got the blame.
The event became known as Bloody Sunday
and Nicholas's reputation plummeted.
Strikes erupted across the empire,
workers demands increased,
liberals demanded political power,
peasants demanded lamd.
The country was out of control
and the 1905 revolution had begun.
Listen Nicholas peasants seizing my land
and murdering my family, I can tolerate,
but illegally chopping my wood, that's obscene
and the worse I treat my workers, the more they strike,
I don't get it.
Everyone relax, as long as the military is still on my side
there's nothing to worry about.
Sir, the sailors are starting to mutiny.
Well, my life just sucks.
With Russia still losing to the Japanese
unrest was growing in the military.
And some sailors had even taken to killing officers.
Having the people against you is bad enough,
but if the military joined in, it would be game over.
To make matters worse,
in October workers in Marxists including one Leon Trotsky
began setting up local elected councils called Soviets
that coordinated strikes and supplied the workers.
Sergei could see the writing on the wall.
Things were going south fast
and he needed a big idea to save the Tsar.
And luckily he had just that.
You see all these angry people
from different parts of society
weren't really working together.
Meaning there was a weakness to exploit.
Sergei wrote a manifesto that would give the liberals
an elected assembly called the Duma.
It took some convincing
but eventually Nicholas agreed to share power
and have his laws approved by an elected assembly.
Hey liberals, here's your stupid manifesto, happy now?
We certainly are.
But what about these guys?
Aren't you gonna give them what they want?
Oh goodness no.
I was just gonna kill them.
With the liberal satisfied
and after ending the war with Japan.
The Tsar thousands of troops home
who then dismantled the Soviets,
arrested their leaders
and crushed the peasant uprisings in the countryside.
And how about that pesky parliament
Nicholas had agreed to share power with?
Well, he then wrote a bunch of new laws
which basically said, hey, remember that manifesto I wrote
and how you guys were going to approve my laws?
Slight change of plan.
Actually, I'm gonna do whatever the hell I want.
And you guys are gonna shut up.
What, the people won't stand for this.
People, what people?
This is why people don't like you.
And just like that Nicholas had survived the 1905 revolution
but wait a revolution in Russia, where was Lenin?
Well Lenin and his communist pals were still in exile.
He tried desperately to radicalize the uprising
but all he could do was watch
as the movements failed to organize
the liberal sold out the poor
and the Tsar played the people.
Furious, he believed Russia had missed a great chance
for a real revolution.
From now on, he felt the only way left
was an armed revolution by the workers.
Watching the events of 1905 unfold
Lenin learnt a lot.
The Tsar however, would prove to have learned nothing.
After the 1905 revolution had failed.
The Tsars new top man was Pyotr Stolypin
and he had big ideas to prevent any more chaos.
Step one, reform agriculture
this'll make the peasants love you.
And step two, we'll kill anyone who doesn't.
To discourage any more revolutionary ideas
Stolypin began to crack down even harder
on the Tsar's opponents
and thousands were sentenced to death.
The news even earned itself a new nickname,
Stolypin's Necktie, I don't get it.
Oh, I see.
'Cause it goes around my neck and that's so funny.
But despite depression many positive reforms
were also being made and the Russian economy
even began to improve.
This a problem for Lenin.
If the people weren't suffering
then they wouldn't support a revolution.
Still in exile and lacking funds,
the Bolsheviks simply weren't in a position to do anything.
Luckily it was around this time
that Lenin met an incredibly handsome Georgian
with your second favorite historical mustache,
Joseph Stalin.
Lenin and Stalin met at a communist convention
in Finland and Lenin liked Stalin
because he was a real go getter
and was great at fundraising for the Bolsheviks
and by fundraising I mean kidnapping, robbing,
extorting, bribing, ransoming, assassinating,
prison breaking, stealing, bank raiding,
executioning and stealing again.
He's Stalin the Mensheviks aren't so hot
in all this stealing, but we still need money.
So the next time you do a big heist, just do it quietly.
Okay, quietly, got it.
(guns firing loudly)
If this isn't quiet, I don't know what it is.
Stalin's wacky antics eventually got him exiled to Siberia
but he had established himself as a big balls Bolshevik.
However, no amount of Bolshevik balls
could stop what was happening.
The Russian economy was making a recovery.
For the Tsar, things were looking up.
This is great.
All Nicholas has to do is sit back and not mess anything up.
Hey everyone, big news.
I'd like to introduce you to my new best friend.
He's a crazy, drunken, beardy, horny,
scandal ridden magic wizard, man.
And he smells like a goat.
We're screwed.
Rasputin, a dirt poor peasant from dirt poor nowhere.
But un-like all the other dirt poor peasants,
Rasputin had holy healing powers.
And when this holy mystic wandered into St. Petersburg,
people began to notice.
He quickly became famous
and word this mystery man and his healing hands
made its way to the royal palace.
The appearance of a holy homeless healer
was of great interest to the Tsar and his wife.
As far as worlds go, they weren't that in bred
but they were just in bred enough
for their son Alexe to get hemophilia
or in layman's terms, mama mia, that's a lot of blood.
Know Rasputin could heal people,
in 1906, Alexandra asked for Rasputin
to come and see if he could cure their son
and crazy as it sounds Rasputin did heal Alexei,
possibly by taking him off his doctor prescribed aspirin.
Having seemingly done the impossible
Rasputin became very, very close to the royal family
but having a crazy homeless wizard man hanging around
wasn't a good look for the Tsar because Rasputin was freaky.
Not only was he a big fan of alcohol
but he'd also throw these crazy parties
with Russian nobility.
(beeping loudly)
And nobody knew how the goat got on the roof.
Initially the press were banned
from talking about Rasputin
but eventually the ban was lifted
and the tabloids went to town.
The whole thing was a huge scandal
and everyone was freaked out that this guy
was influencing the Tsar and his wife.
Nicholas could have spent this period of relative peace
improving his image.
Instead he spent it doing this,
but as weird as the whole Rasputin thing was
so long as the economy continued to improve
and the people's lives kept getting better,
maybe Nick would be okay.
Maybe there would be no more revolutions.
Maybe this video could even end right here
or maybe things were about to get worse, a lot worse.
You see the years 1914,
and that means it's for World War One.
(dramatic music)