I can't believe we've never done this before.
This is so good.
So good for Monica.
[bell dings] Oh, look at that. Time's up. My turn.
- That was a half an hour? - It's your timer.
Alright, you know, I don't like to brag about it
but I give, like, the best massages.
Alright. Then massage me up right nice.
[moaning]
It's so good, isn't it?
It's so good, I don't know what I've done to deserve it.
Oh, God.
Say goodbye to sore muscles.
Goodbye, muscles!
You know, it's funny. You'd think I'd be angry.
I mean, you'd think I'd wanna rip his tiny little head off.
Fortunately, I'm past it.
Phoebe, you do seem a little tense.
- Here. Let me help you. - Alright.
Oh, get off! Ow! Oh, stop it!
Why? Why are you doing that to me?
What are you talking about?
As a masseuse and a human
I'm begging you, never do that to anyone.
Uh, I give good massages.
[scoffs]
I mean I used to give them to Rachel all the time
before she got allergic.
And Chandler, he loves them. Watch.
He does not like it. He hates it. He's in pain.
- No, he's not. - Yes, he is.
- What? - I'm sorry, but..
O-o-o-w!
Have you been lying to me?
I-I can't believe you'd do that.
Well, maybe he just didn't want to hurt your feelings.
But the minute we start to lie to each other..
And by "We"
I mean society.
- Hey, is Rachel here? - No.
Listen, I just wanted to apologize
about this afternoon
and the whole massage thing, you know?
I-I really like 'em.
Oh, please, stop.
We're supposed to be honest with each other.
I-I just wish you could tell me.
Just say it, "I don't like your massages."
I don't like your massages.
See? It's no big deal.
Okay, but now, see? You're crying.
I'm not crying about that.
I'm crying about something that happened at work.
What?
My boyfriend said he didn't like my massages.
Honey, it's okay. You don't have to be the best at everything.
Oh, my God.
You don't know me at all!
Okay.
You give the worst massages in the world.
I'm crying here.
Look, just hear me out, okay?
You give the best bad massages, okay?
If anybody was looking for the best bad massage
and they were thinking to themselves
"Who's the best at that?"
They'd have to go to you.
Huh.
So, you're saying that, like, um
if there was an award for the best bad massage.
Well, who would get that?
Oh, it would be you.
You, Monica and you'd get all the votes.
So, maybe they could, um, call the award "The Monica?"
Absolutely.
Okay.
- I suck. - Yeah.