Transcriber: Marta Quirós Alarcón Reviewer: Nada Qanbar
(Applause)
Thank you.
Your computer is popping up with messages
all day long, interrupting you, huh?
All day.
"You sure you want to download this?"
"You sure you want to open that?"
"You sure you want to close that?"
No, I'm not sure, no.
I'm sure I wanna print this Jiffy Lube coupon
without having a four hour discussion.
(Laughter)
Stop interrupting me.
I have a message for Adobe Flash Player:
You do what you got to do, I don't give a damn.
(Laughter)
(Applause)
Why am I involved in the process, Adobe?
"Do you want to upgrade?"
I don't know, Adobe. Do you?
I mean, it is your thing now, isn't it?
Why does my opinion count?
Does Adobe think if they upgrade without telling you, you'd even know?
(Laughter)
Like you're going to be on your computer, like, "Wait a minute.
This does not feel like version 8.2.1.
(Laughter)
I was comfortable with 8.0.34-6. Now I'm all out of whack."
So you click "yes" just to try to get out of there,
but the questions keep coming.
"Where do you want to save the file?"
I don't care. I don't know.
(Laughter)
First of all, what file? What are we even talking about?
(Laughter)
There's a file?
Save it at your place. You hang onto it.
Can you keep it? You keep it.
You keep it. I'll let you know if I need it.
Why does your computer think you would know any of this?
I got a warning message the other day:
"Warning! Someone's trying to steal your IP address. You should change it."
No, I think you should change it because you seem to be on top of it.
(Laughter)
I can't change it. I don't know what it is or where it is.
(Laughter)
And if I did change it, the next pop-up would be:
"Wrong IP address. Computer broken. Shutting down.
Invalid. Error 013101."
Cool, thanks for numbering them. That helps me.
(Laughter)
And your computer always blames you.
It's always your fault, right? It's always your fault.
"Warning! All of your files may have been damaged
due to your computer improperly shutting down."
Yeah, you shut it down. Why? Why did you do that?
I hit the spacebar, you went black.
(Laughter)
You shouldn't pop up with a warning. You should pop up with an apology.
(Laughter)
"Hey, man, got freaked out. Had to take a break. I'm back."
(Laughter)
By the way, "All of your files may have been damaged"?
Could you be any more vague?
(Laughter)
So everything could be broken, or nothing. Cool, thanks for the heads up.
I get this one all the time, this is my favourite one.
"Warning! This form is not secure. Are you sure you want to send it?"
Yeah, I do, because you say that all the time and nothing happens. So yeah.
I'm starting to think that's not a real thing.
I think you make that up to give me anxiety. That's what I think.
I'm gonna call you on your bluff, Safari. I'm gonna send the form.
(Laughter)
By the way, in case you didn't notice, all I'm doing
is signing up for the Chipotle Newsletter, so I think I'll chance it.
(Laughter)
(Applause)
I'll go ahead and run the risk of everybody knowing my salsa preferences.
(Laughter)
It's all negative messages, right?
It's all negative, that's the most hurtful. It's always negative.
"Error", "Can't find", "No", "Won't open", "Shut down".
I'd like one positive message sprinkled in there, somewhere.
I don't know where, I don't know how.
Once in a while, I'd just like my computer to go:
"Wow, you typed that fast! That was really good!"
(Laughter)
(Applause)
"Aw, did somebody remember their password on the first try?
Who's a big boy?"
(Applause)
That is my hope for the future of computers.
I think that if we come together we can start a movement. What do you think?
Thanks so much for listening. Thank you, guys.
Thank you, guys. So much.
(Applause)