-Jessica Biel and Billy Crudup are here tonight.
And I'm very excited, because, actually,
it's a pretty crazy coincidence.
We have sort of a long history.
A lot of people -- Not a lot of people know this,
but all three of us worked at
the same car dealership together back in the early '90s.
We even shot some commercials for it.
-Wow.
-But to keep our line readings fresh,
our director wouldn't let us see the lines
until while we were shooting.
So we were reading them for the very first time
right there on set.
-Wow.
-Well, I found one of our old commercials.
So here, for the first time in decades, is an ad for JJB Autos.
[ Cheers and applause ] ♪♪
-Are you looking for a high-quality pre-owned car,
truck, or snowmobile, but don't know where to turn?
Well, stop looking, because your ride is here,
right here at JJB Autos.
We want to put the keys in your hand today.
-Do you like cars? Do you like "The Flintstones?"
Well, do we have a car for you.
It doesn't have brakes, but it has two holes in the floor,
so you have to stop it using your feet.
Good luck, 'cause you're gonna die.
-Chrysler, Jeep, and Honda.
Those are the names for each toe on my right foot.
[ Engine revs ]
-I don't have my driver's license,
but that hasn't stopped me from getting behind the wheel,
and it shouldn't stop you.
No license, no problem.
But if you're a cop, you gotta kiss me.
[ Tires screech ]
-If you don't buy a car from me,
my wife will leave me for a karate instructor.
-And you know who his wife's karate instructor is -- my son.
-And her son -- that's me, and I'm horny as hell.
[ Horn honks ]
-Do you ever wonder what happened to O.J.'s white Bronco?
Come on in. We'll show you.
-Bad credit, no credit.
Bad breath, itchy, flaky scalp, nausea, heartburn,
indigestion, allergic to love?
Roommates with a horse? Buddy, welcome to my life.
[ Tires screech ]
-I was born to sell cars, and by "born to sell cars,"
I mean born with a little monkey tail.
-Are you looking for something exciting and sexy?
We got the car from "Back to the Future."
Not the DeLorean.
The van that the terrorists were driving
when they killed Doc Brown.
[ Engine revs ]
-We have cars in all the colors --
yellow, gold, bronze.
silvish, Jean-John money, moony, grawbrin, brown...
marshmallow.
I love color. Color good. If...
If you like color, say "hee-haw."
-Hee-haw! -Me...
Me fav color purplug.
Carabunga!
-You probably recognize me,
and, no, it's not from my car commercials.
I've been standing outside your window every night
for the last four nights, just watching you sleep.
But don't bother calling 911.
I set up my cellphone to ping from three towers away,
so it's like I was never there.
I learned that from watching "Dateline."
Happy Halloween mother[bleep]
[ Horn honks ]
-Eeny, meeny, miney, mar.
-Hit a tiger with your car.
-I never really...
I never really knew my dad.
-JJB Autos -- lease options available.
-My thanks to Jessica Biel and Billy Crudup.