Voiceover: J R H N D R
Ethan: I need more lube dude
Voiceover: Just the right height and your bucket isn't there (Ethan Coughing Loudly)
(Ethan: Coughing)
Man: Did you get that mammal?
(Lady: Shakes head) Yeah
Ethan: Shawn, get my enema bucket dude!!! Background Man: Oh yeah, yeah. That was my favorite mammal ever.
BWAAAAA
(Chuckles)
Man: Stand a pretty woman and a pretty mare, I'll take the mare
Coughs 'N Flops
Hi Everybody, this is Ethan from H3H3 Productions on the behalf of Expert Village
Hey this is Ethan Klein from...
Ethan: Peep a cute girl like this
Ethan: And if you can see that she's looking at you back through the-
-colander, then you know she's interested and then you should go on for the ether rag to the face-
-and drag her home to your rape dungeon
Ethan: Now on Expert Village, I mean it's like Disney Land-
-on YouTube
(Chuckles)
Ethan: Have you ever found a YouTube channel so great that you wanted to tell the whole world about it?
Ethan: Well I have
(Breaking Noise)
Check it out, I'll even, I learnt (Gibberish)
(Screeches)
(Coughs)
Ethan: Woooh
(Screeches)
(Coughs)
(More noises) (Coughing and Slurping)
(More Noises) (Satan's Screech) (Coughing)
(Chuckles)
Ethan: Experts for these Expert, uh... , Cringe Village, uh, videos
Ethan: Damn it, SHAUN
Ethan: It's Just gonna get worst from here
(Scratching)
Ethan: Uhh, why am I itching my face so hard, dude, I shouldn't do this while i'm talk- doing this bit
(Sigh)
(Man talks in the background while Ethan sings) Man: Do mares have orgasms? Yes they do. They're called Maregasms. And when a mare orgasms. Um.
Ethan: You see this soul patch, you see this white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white face
Ethan: I don't know why that matters that he's white but if find it a little bit amusing
Ethan: My Dad has a soul patch
Ethan: Full disclaimer on that
Man: At that moment of ... orgasm.
(Man talking in the background): For lack of a better word. The two souls actually merge .
Ethan: So beautiful dude, so mystical
Man: -It's....humbling.
Ethan: It's humbling
Ethan: Woo, you jealous, where's my bucket?
Ethan: Left my bucket at home boi
Ethan: You jealous? ( Blalalalalala)
Ethan: Yeahhhh duuude. Gimme some horse cock (slurping noises)
(slurping noises continue) No fucking bucket.
Ethan: Leave your buckets at home bois.
Ethan: Hila, have you ever had a maregasm?
Ethan: You ever maregasm gurl?
Ethan: This is- this is one of my favorite
Ethan: flirting techniques
I drink at the bar, and I go, "Oh yeah-
Oh that's a really interesting story-
That's a really interesting story, Excuse me one moment."
(Slurping)
(deep gulp)
"Please continue."
Ethan: Mares do orgasm, okay?
I'm si- I'm sick of people trying to
ask me (BLAH)(BLNLBLBLB)
Whhhoooo
I'm loving these E- Expert pan- Experts
Village Experts, Pimp Experts
(Sips loudly) Hila: Ex- Expert Village...
Ethan: AHH. What?
Hila: I just-- corrected you
Ethan: Don't ever do that again, Hila
Ethan: SHAUN, mares do orgasm, I just heard it here
Ethan: Yeah they do, the mares do have orgasms
Ethan: Hold on, I'll tell you what they're called
Ethan: I don't know, he didn't say it yet
Man: They're called mare-gasms
Ethan: They're called mare-gasms, dude
Ethan: Then Patrice comes out, fuckin' drugs everyone.
The end. Rape dungeon. Patrice,
Great lighting. Rape dungeon. The end.
Ethan: If you guys out there who are single and looking for love and thinkin', "You know what?
I don't know if-" Oh, fuck
my shithole. Oh, fuck. Hila: What?
Ethan: All I'm sayin' is that,
yeah, dude, I might climb up on that bucket.
If someone put a head up- gun up to my head and said, "You gotta fuck one or the other-"
I know that's comin' out wrong, okay,
and I'm sayin' that I'm interested in fucking animals or something.
That's not the case.
It's about her. It's not about the horse.
You know what I mean?
Ethan: -reporting a, uh, I've just- yeah, rape, serial rape-
Yeah, we just saw a video on YouTube
Hey, ah, I've just realized this is the same act we did in the first one, in the beginning
And, that's okay, it's still funny. Uh-huh; Ethan-
Ethan: Am I homeless, you know?
Am I homeless or do I just not care?
Perfect example of great eye te- eye- bleh. ULB, BLPPLPPLPPLP
-eat eye contact. I mean, compared to my previous-
PPLP
Ethan: Don't forget to pick up the Chinese food, okay?
Especially wonton soup
and um, don't forget the, uh, super-red sweet sauce
that is a metaphor for the blood of a young girl's vagina
who was raped- that's really dark. And gross.
But do it anyway, okay?
Ethan: Mare-riage counseling, "mare." Heh
PFFF
Heh.
Not that good.
Tone it down a little bit, and that-
"That way you-" Ethan: Heh. I'm done.
Heh.
PLCKHHH. Horrible.
This isn't funny. That's not funny.
You wanna keep rolling? You wanna just keep rolling or you want me to stop?
*Green Hill Zone (Special Ethan mix)*
Ethan: If you're looking for more h3h3 content, I recommend clicking the video there right in the middle so we can
take you to our second channel, to our video blog,
and hey, I think it's pretty entertaining, I think you guys are gonna have a lot of fun there.
Do you have anything you want to add, Hila?
Hila: Nothing.
Ethan: An unoriginal [horn] *hew hew* Productions...