Translator: Mannen Asefa Reviewer: Denise RQ
How dark is the color of its skin?
As that will define its struggles within.
"Is it a boy or is it a girl?", is asked.
As if to define its life's task.
Will it stay or will it go?
The answer, its parents need to know.
From the day that it was born
its very essence, society scorned.
From birth, society coded its future to doom.
It hacked the code
and redirected its future to zoom.
Silent,
it could never be,
because it, ladies and gentlemen, is me.
(Applause)
One of the most precious commodities we have is our identity.
By that I mean the way we see ourselves and the way we assess our self-worth.
At a young age, I discovered that society had predetermined codes
that were used not just to identify us,
but were used to determine who we are, and who we were going to be.
These codes were arbitrary and limited one's potential.
I decided I was not going to be molded by, limited by,
or controlled by these codes or identifiers.
My parents were teachers.
One very important lesson they taught me is the importance of respect.
Having self-respect.
And then you can respect others.
My father always said, "To thy known self be true."
So at the age of 19,
I disclosed to my parents that I was a lesbian.
My father, a religious man,
responded with unconditional love and respect.
My mother, also a religious woman,
responded quite differently.
Mommy's concern was more about appearances
and her religious convictions.
Her response included demeaning,
minimizing, and hateful discourse.
Because of this, I decided to terminate contact with my mother.
I didn't see or speak to my mother
for two, actually it was almost three years.
During that time, I later learned
my mother educated herself on the code "Lesbian"
and with my father's help,
she was able to overcome her intolerance and reach a place of respect.
And only then were we able to reconnect.
You see, equal treatment entails not treating each other differently.
My mother has four children.
To have accepted mother's position regarding my being a lesbian
would have required that I accept a less stand position with my mother
that my other three heterosexual siblings did not have to accept.
And remember the teachings of my parents?
I couldn't do that because then, that would mean being disrespectful to me.
Respect does not mean
agreement, acceptance, or tolerance.
Those concepts makes us feel as if we have to give up something
in order to engage with someone with a different belief or value system.
Respect actually means it's OK to disagree.
However, it's the manner in which the disagreement is handled
that's important.
It should not include demeaning, minimizing, or hateful,
or any such type of discourse or interaction.
I love my mother,
and today, we have a very wonderful, loving, respectful relationship.
And she is here tonight.
(Applause)
Ladies and gentlemen,
I respect an individual's position and views
on any and all aspects of me.
All I ask is they respect my position to respectfully disagree.
A few months ago, I visited home,
and I went to church with my mother,
and a woman at church was struggling with my being a lesbian.
And she said, "I am going to pray for you"
(Laughter)
"and I'm going to pray that you find a man."
(Laughter)
My heterosexual cousin got upset with the woman
and then got upset with me for not getting upset with the woman.
Now, Ladies and gentlemen,
why would I get upset with this woman
when she was doing two things that I thought were wonderful?
First of all,
this woman thought enough of me to include me in her prayers.
(Laughter)
Thank you.
(Applause)
And then she thought enough of me to pray for something I actually needed, a man.
Thank you again.
Because you see, my wife and I are busy professionals,
and we have plenty of chores.
(Laughter) (Applause)
And any help we can get is truly appreciated.
(Laughter)
Respect yourself and earn the respect of others.
The courts grant privileges that are not earned.
The codes come with messages,
some subtle, others not so subtle.
Messages such as, "Who do you think you are?"
"Know your place,"
"Go back to whereever you come from,"
"Watch your back."
And the list goes on and on and on.
The codes and their messages work like this.
Can you think of a positive meaning for the word black?
Or a negative meaning for the word white?
Let me know when you think of one because I couldn't.
You see, black means
- ah. Check the dictionary --
black means, "dark, dull, dreary,
deadly, sinister, dangerous."
White means, "light, bright, [fair],
neutral, colorless, pure."
Now if white is pure, then everything else is a thing of color.
So, African, East Indian, Asian,
Hispanic, indigenous people,
people of mixed races;
to include mixture with white you are a person of color.
The code and its messages work like this.
I was not to be a college graduate. Why?
Because I am black or a person of color.
That is code for uneducatable.
Not educated, not educated enough,
or not well-educated.
Translation: not qualified or not well qualified.
You're told, you're not experienced or experienced enough.
A lighter-skinned person is deemed capable before even starting a task.
Where as a darker-skinned person is deemed not capable
and has to prove his or herself.
There are lessened expectations.
Less pay is given.
And less pay, ladies and gentlemen, equals less say.
So the code says,
black person or person of color, you need not apply.
I was not to be a lawyer, why?
Because I'm a woman.
My priority in life is that of mother, caregiver, nurturer.
I am presumed not to be able to give 100% in the work place
because my place is in the home.
My priority is predetermined by my gender.
The woman is told even though she is educated or well-educated
she is not qualified or not qualified enough.
Or she doesn't have experience or enough experience.
In many countries, including Trinidad and Tobago,
women have graduated with college degrees
at a higher rate than men.
Yet, that fact hasn't correlated
with women achieving positions of power and influence in the workforce
at the same rate.
This fact can also be seen in the inequities
that disproportionately affect women.
And you've heard some of them:
poverty, health,
and violence.
The code says, "She's weak or weaker,"
less pay is given, and less pay equals less say,
and less say means less power.
The code says, "Woman, you need not apply."
I was not to be a judge, why?
Because I am outsider, an immigrant, a foreigner; same thing.
Here, you're more likely to be educated, qualified, and experienced.
But you're told, you have not been here long enough.
But what does here mean?
You haven't been in this position, in this country,
in this organization long enough.
A few years ago, before becoming a judge,
I applied for a supervisory position.
I was told I was the most qualified and experienced applicant,
yet, I did not get the position.
When I asked why, I was told, "Because I had not been here long enough."
But what does here mean?
And I was told, "I hadn't been in the office long enough."
I accepted the response, until the very next day
I was asked to perform the duties of the recently promoted supervisor.
And when I asked why - check this out -
I was told the recently promoted supervisor
did not have the experience and qualifications yet,
and was being trained.
Less pay is given.
And less pay equals less say.
So the code said, "Outsider, foreigner, immigrant; you need not apply."
I am a criminal.
Why?
Because I'm a lesbian.
Just like that.
My qualifications, education, and experience do not matter.
I don't matter.
Just like that.
I am subject to society's scorn.
Unequal and discriminatory treatment.
I can be sentenced for over 20+ years for being a lesbian.
Interestingly, if I am murdered for being a lesbian,
my murderer can get less time.
The code says, "Lesbian, gay,
bisexual, transgendered individual;
you need not apply."
There may come a point in your life
where your identity is attacked.
Don't react by throwing a tea cup, a saucer, or a plaque.
(Laughter) (Applause)
Those actions may be seen as criminal
when your true intent is to be treated and seen as an equal.
We are human beings with many, many differences,
and believe me Trinidad and Tobago,
I understand your concern about appearances.
But imagine
just how powerful and empowering our interactions can be
if we can see and treat each other
on any and all issues respectfully.
"IT" stands for Identity Transcendence.
It entails claiming your identity
and charting the course of your destiny.
So if you, my fellow citizens, truly believe
that here every creed and race can find an equal place
stand up with me for equality in all its forms for all.
We have differences, but we are not truly different.
We have the ability and the power
to crack these predetermined codes,
and we can claim our identities
and chart the course of our destinies,
and we can do it standing side by side.
Thank you.
(Applause)