ON LIVE IN OUR STUDIO RIGHT NOW.
AS I'M SAYING THIS, CHRIS IS
TELLING OUR GUESTS, PAUL SCHEER
AND JASON MANTZOUKAS, THAT HE'LL
BE RIGHT BACK.
WE TOLD THE WORLD THIS IS GOING
TO BE A REGULAR EPISODE WHERE WE
LOOK AT SOME PETS.
THAT IS NOT THE CASE.
CHRIS IS ABOUT TO EXPLAIN WHAT
THAT MEANS.
HI, EVERYBODY, IT'S CHRIS HERE.
PROBABLY YOU SAW ME GET CALLED
OUT, THEY SAID SOMETHING WAS
WRONG WITH MY MIKE, PAUL AND
JASON WERE STARTING TO SMELL A
RAT.
THEY DON'T REALIZE WE'RE LIVE,
THEY'VE BEEN TOLD WE HAVE TWO
MORE MINUTES UNTIL WE'RE LIVE.
THEY THINK I'M COMING BACK.
I'M NOT.
THOSE GUYS DO IT WITH LOVE, BUT
THEY BULLY ME, THEY STEAM ROLL
ME.
THIS IS MY REVENGE.
I AM STRANDING THEM, ABANDONING
GUYS ARE LIVE RIGHT NOW ON LIVE
TV.
YOU'VE BEEN LIVE FOR A MINUTE.
>> GREAT.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> SO J.D., WAS I RIGHT, THE
MIKE ON GETHARD DIDN'T NEED TO
BE FIXED?
>> AM I RIGHT THAT THERE'S
ROBERT?
>> CHRIS IS NOT HOSTING THE SHOW
TONIGHT.
♪♪
>> HERE WE GO.
>> THE EPISODE IS CALLED "SCREW
IT, SHOW US YOUR PETS."
JASON, YOU'RE ALLERGIC TO MOST
ANIMALS.
>> DON'T CARE FOR THEM EITHER.
>> YOU BRING AN ANIMAL ON THIS
STAGE, I WILL MURDER IT.
>> SO WE'RE CHANGING IT.
TONIGHT WE'RE GOING TO GO TO THE
>> TURN AROUND, EVERYBODY TURN
AROUND.
>> UNNERVING TO THE PEOPLE AT
HOME.
>> SHOULD WE TURN THE OTHER WAY?
TURN AROUND.
>> THEY'RE WATCHING YOU.
>> THIS IS THE SHOW.
>> TURN AROUND, TURN AROUND.
>> THIS IS THE SHOW.
WE'RE LIVE.
HERE WE GO.
A GREAT SHOW COMING UP.
MORE CONFESSIONS.
>> WELL, WELL, WELL.
THIS IS RICH.
>> THE ROBOT.
>> I DON'T KNOW IF ANYBODY HAS
PARTICULARLY LOVE ANIMALS.
MAYBE WE SHOULD INTRODUCE YOUR
FIRST GUEST ON THE SHOW TONIGHT,
A REALLY, REALLY BIG SEDATE
TORTOISE.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN --
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN, FELLAS,
YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN, FELLAS.
>> GET THIS TORTOISE A MIKE.
>> ARE WE ON NOW?
>> RESPECT THE SEDATE TORTOISE.
YOU'RE STARRING IN A NEW SHOW
WITH JOHN STAMOS.
TELL THE TORTOISE.
>> THE FIRST TIME THAT I
MASTURBATED WAS WITH -- WELL,
YOU ACTUALLY BROUGHT IT UP.
>> DON'T CROSS IN FRONT OF THE
CAMERA.
DETAIL, YOU WEIRDO.
BUT THAT WAS WITH LIKE A GAVEL.
>> OH, YOU JUDGEJUDY'D.
>> NO, YOU'RE OUT OF ORDER.
♪♪
>> THIS IS CHRIS'S ENTRANCE
MUSIC.
IT TOOK ME A MINUTE AND THEN I
FIGURED IT OUT.
HE'S DOING HANDS.
>> I FEEL LIKE THIS IS GOING
PRETTY WELL.
>> YOU THINK?
>> MELBA TOAST.
>> FOR A TALK SHOW, YOU NEED AN
AUDIENCE, THIS IS A FACT.
I THINK I KNOW MY AUDIENCE
PRETTY WELL.
I KNOW HOW TO HANDICAP YOU.
>> IN THE OTHER ROOM, WHOEVER
WANTS TO GO DOWNSTAIRS AND PET
ONE SHEEP AND SIX BABY GOATS,
FOLLOW BANANA MAN RIGHT NOW.
GOOD LUCK, PAUL AND JASON.
>> COWARDS.
GO, GO.
>> I'M GLAD THAT YOU GUYS ARE
ABANDONING THEM FOR ANIMALS.
>> THAT WAS MAX SEVEN PEOPLE.
I WANT YOU TO WATCH, SEVEN
PEOPLE LEFT.
>> I'M WILLING TO ADMIT THAT DID
NOT WORK AS WELL AS I WANTED.
>> WHO WANTS TO SEE THE REST OF
THE SHOW?
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> GOODBYE!
PLAY THE SONG.
GOODBYE!
♪♪
>> HERE'S WHAT WE'RE GOING TO
DO.
INTO THE STUDIO.
IT'S GOT TO BE --
>> WHAT'S HAPPENING?
>> AND FOR MY NEXT TRICK.
[ APPLAUSE ]
>> THAT'S WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE,
BOOM.
>> I WILL GIVE YOU TWO TIES.
AND YOU BOTH HAVE TO WEAR TIES.
WHERE'S THE truTV HATS?
>> IF YOU GUYS NEED AN
ASSISTANT, I'M HERE FOR YOU.
>> INTERESTING.
>> NOT ONLY ARE YOU NOT COMING
WITH ME, YOU'RE GOING WITH THEM?
>> HERE'S THE THING, GETHARD,
YOU CAN STAY HERE, BECAUSE US IN
THE AUDIENCE, WE'RE GETTING OUT
OF HERE.
>> TO THE STREET.
>> WE'RE DOING THE SHOW IN THE
STREET.
>> OKAY, EVERYBODY OUT.
>> WE'RE ALL GOING, IT DOESN'T
MATTER.
WE'RE SHUTTING IT DOWN.
PLAY A SONG, GEORGE.
♪♪
>> WE'RE GOING TO GO DOWN.
>> HERE WE GO, THIS IS WHAT'S
HAPPENING.
THE SEASON IS OVER.
YORK CITY.
IT IS RAINING RIGHT NOW.
THIS IS "THE CHRIS GETHARD SHOW"
ON THE STREETS.
WE HAVE ABANDONED THE STRUCTURES
THAT HELD US BACK.
>> HEY, EVERYBODY.
I GUESS MY REVENGE FAILED, SAFE
TO SAY.
IT DIDN'T RECALL TURN OUT HOW I
WANTED IT TO.
IT'S JUST ME AND HALEY AND ERIN
AND SID AND THE GUY WHO TAKES
CARE OF SID.
AND I GUESS I JUST WANTED TO SAY
THANKS TO EVERYBODY FOR WATCHING
WHO SUPPORTED "THE CHRIS GETHARD
SHOW," I'M REALLY PROUD OF THE
I WANT TO FEEL LIKE I'M MAKING A
SHOW WHERE REGULAR PEOPLE HAVE A
VOICE.
I THINK WE HAVE SOME TIME LEFT.
I THINK WE GOT SOMEBODY ON
SKYPE.
IS THERE ANYBODY ON SKYPE THAT
WANTS TO SHOW ME THEIR PET?
HEY, NOAH, YOU GOT A CAT, HUH?
>> YEAH.
WHAT'S UP?
>> NOT MUCH, MAN, HOW ARE YOU?
>> I'M DOING WELL.
>> DO YOU EVER FEEL ALONE?
>> YEAH.