IT IS TIME TO PLAY THE LATE DAVID LETTERMAN SHOW!
NOW, UH, STEPHEN COLBERT'S TAKEN OVER THE LATE SHOW.
HE'S DOING A FANTASTIC JOB.
HE'S BRILLIANT.
AND A LOT OF YOU ARE PROBABLY WONDERING, "WELL, WHAT'S DAVID
LETTERMAN UP TO SINCE THE SHOW WENT OFF THE AIR WAY BACK IN
MAY?" WELL, ACCORDING TO E! ONLINE, HE
HAS BEEN ASLEEP FOR 100 YEARS IN A SILVER MINE AFTER SANTA CLAUS
FELL OFF HIS ROOF.
HOLY... [BLEEP].
WHAT IS THAT?
I DON'T THINK ANY OF US COULD HAVE PREDICTED HE'D BE SELLING
FROZEN FISH STICKS OUT OF THE HOLD OF A RUSTY SCHOONER IN
GLOUCESTER BAY.
NOT ONE OF US.
DID NOT SEE THAT COMING.
GUYS, I WOULD LIKE YOU TO GIVE ME AS MANY TOP TEN LISTS OF THIS
NEW, SCRAGGLIER, 19TH CENTURY PROSPECTOR DAVID LETTERMAN.
UH, I'M GONNA PUT 60 SECONDS ON THE CLOCK.
AND BEGIN.
(BELL DINGS) YES, SARAH.
>> UH, TOP TEN CONSPIRACIES I'M JOURNALING ABOUT IN MY PANIC
ROOM.
>> HARDWICK: POINTS.
(BELL DINGS) JASON.
>> UH, TOP TEN THINGS FOUND IN MY BEARD.
NUMBER NINE, ANDY KAUFMAN.
>> HARDWICK: POINTS.
(BELL DINGS) RANDY.
>> TOP TEN REASONS I LOOK LIKE BUT DON'T SMELL LIKE KELSEY
GRAMMER.
>> HARDWICK: POINTS.
(BELL DINGS) RANDY AGAIN.
>> TOP TEN DECLARATIONS OF INDEPENDENCE THAT I'VE SIGNED
RECENTLY.
>> HARDWICK: POINTS.
(BELL DINGS) SARAH TIANA.
>> TOP TEN FARMERS' MARKETS I'M GOING TO DRIVE THROUGH.
>> HARDWICK: POINTS. OH, [BLEEP]!
(BELL DINGS) OH, MAN. YEAH.
I GOT TO GIVE HER POINTS.
(BELL DINGS) JAY.
>> TOP TEN ERNEST HEMINGWAYS I LOOK LIKE.
>> HARDWICK: POINTS.
(BELL DINGS) UH, RANDY.
>> TOP TEN MALLS I'LL WORK AT THIS CHRISTMAS.
>> HARDWICK: POINTS. PERFECT.