- Unless I'm mistaken,
that was almost one of the rarest Patronuses.
One more question, choose well.
Shut the (bleep) up, wait, no, what?
No, it can't be.
No, no.
- Is it amazing, or is it terrible?
- [Keith] Is it a cow?
- Is it amazing or is it terrible?
(intense music)
(screaming) - Oh my God, oh my God!
(screaming)
(upbeat music)
- Hey, everyone.
We at The Try Guys stand with the trans community.
- Please donate to The Trevor Project if you can,
to support LGBTQ+ youth.
- And a very special thanks to Harry Potter's author,
Shakira, for giving us such a magical, queer-friendly world.
- Now, enjoy as we find out what our Patronuses are
for the very first time.
(twinkling)
(upbeat music)
- Hello and welcome to a very special edition
of "Try Guys Game Time."
Today, we are going to discover our Harry Potter Patronuses.
That's right, those tiny little ghost animals
that feed off the sucky mouth people.
(laughing)
Previously, we've learned our official Harry Potter houses,
but this week we're gonna learn
our Patronus and our wand.
- [Keith] What do you guys think
your Patronus is going to be?
- Oh, I'd like something cuddly.
I want a, like, maybe a panda
or a red panda. (squeaking)
- I want the opposite,
I want the least cuddly option possible.
I want something that looks like
it'll kill you in your sleep.
- You want a Dementor.
- Yeah. (laughing)
- Or what do they call--
- You want to fend off the dementors
with a bigger dementor.
- I'm hoping for something beefy, like a cow.
Like a cow, like a big cow with a,
like a milk cow just comes out
and throws more Patronuses out of its udders.
- (laughs) tiny cows.
- Yeah, little cows, and then those cows, cows,
- [Zach] Sort of like a chain of cows.
- Yeah, cow chain.
- Cows all the way down. - [Ned] Yeah, yeah.
- That's probably very effective.
- I would love to see a chicken fly out of a Patronus
(laughs) like out of the wand it's like, (clucking).
- Expecto Patronum!
(clucking)
(twinkling)
- Oh, I want my wand to be girthy (laughs).
- He wants his wand to be thicker than it is long,
a nice chode of a wand.
- That's not what I said, Zach.
- Oh, Chode Chang (laughs).
- [Ned] No, no, no.
(laughs)
Chode Chang, oh no!
(laughs)
- You're making fun of people from my house right now,
and I don't appreciate it!
(laughs)
- Might I also add,
did J.K. Rowling just decide the Asian character
would be named Cho Chang after,
I don't know, looking at a phone book?
(laughs)
Really, her name could've been Jennifer.
She's from the UK.
- Yeah I basically want it to be like limp linguini.
(laughs)
I just want it to be...
- A whip.
- Oh, what if you had a slap bracelet as a wand?
- Oh!
That's the one!
- I hope my wand is full of grass clippings and mud.
I hope, perhaps, there's a little milk?
- So, a cow?
- I want it to be a cow.
(laughs)
I want my wand to have something of a cow, or a bull, in it.
- And what's the sound that your wand makes?
- I'll throw it, and it'll go (moos).
- I want two things.
Anything related to a dragon, 'cause I love dragons so much.
- How much do you love dragons?
- So much, but also.
(laughs)
- He goes to dragon brunches all the time.
- [Zach] Oh, you're good.
- Oh my God, do you think the drag queens
in Harry Potter world are dragons?
- [Keith] Yes.
- So they're dragon queens?
- Yes.
They're dragon queens.
- They just have lipstick and really gorgeous wigs.
- And they do fire effects.
- "Ru Paul's Drag Race" is just dragons racing (laughs).
- [Ned] Welcome to Ollivander's,
makers of fine wands since 382 B.C.
- They measure Before Christ?
- Jesus was a wizard.
- Is that canon?
- Probably.
- I mean, that makes sense.
- [Eugene] I mean it explains everything.
Jesus was definitely a Slytherin.
- [Ned] First of all, would you describe yourselves
as average height, tall, or short?
- I would say, if I were to describe myself,
I'd say I'm tall.
- Easy!
I would describe myself as average height.
- Short!
- In fact,
I would say compared to the world,
I'm pretty tall! - [Eugene] Short.
- No.
- I think you're pretty tall.
- I think you're tall.
- You're like six even, right?
- How is this even a question?
- Six, if Zach is average, I should.
- You should be tall.
- I will go with tall.
- [Keith] Are my eyes hazel?
They're kinda blue/green, they're kinda green/brown.
- [Zach] Let's see those bad boys.
- They're like, they have the brown on the inside (mumbles).
- They're definitely green something.
- Green.
You do have very dark brown eyes.
- Yes, many Asians do.
- [Ned] They're beautiful.
- [Eugene] Thank you!
- Do you most pride yourself on determination,
originality, optimism, kindness, resilience?
- Imagination.
- [Together] Imagination! (twinkling)
- I believe I pride myself on my intelligence.
- Is your booty not an option?
- Booty is not an option.
- Boo!
- [Ned] Unfortunately.
- Do you most pride yourself on your determination,
I do, I am very determined.
- You are.
- Imagination, I have a big imagination.
- [Keith] Yeah.
- Resilience, I've been very resilient.
- For sure!
- Intelligence, I'm pretty smart.
- [Together] Oh, yeah!
- Originality,
super original.
- [Keith] Uh-huh. - [Zach] Preach!
- What about your humility?
- Kindness,
I'm pretty kind.
(laughs)
- To the right people.
- Not us.
- No, you're not.
- To strangers.
- Yeah, he's very kind to strangers.
Except for that racist lady.
(laughs)
- I'm gonna go with originality.
- Yeah, good one!
- I pride myself on that.
- You are very original.
- Yeah, it's getting old.
- Traveling alone down a deserted road,
you reach a crossroads.
Do you continue left towards the sea,
right towards the castle,
or head towards the forest?
- I'm going towards the sea!
You know me, I'm a real sea man!
- [Ned] Do you most fear fire, darkness, isolation, heights,
or small spaces?
- Think I could be isolation. (burps)
Whoa!
- Well, as a normal-sized man,
I'll say that small spaces are very scary.
(laughs)
Because it's so hard to fit my normally-sized body
inside of them!
- I think I most fear fire.
- Falling freaks me out.
Once, I went on a cruise when I was a kid,
and I was on the edge and I looked over,
I'm like, that's a nightmare.
- Can you say what do you fear, and then read off
those options like it's a heavy metal song?
(heavy metal guitars) - Do you most fear fire,
darkness,
isolation,
heights,
small spaces?
(growls)
Rage!
Bellatrix Lestrange.
- In a chest of magical artifacts,
which would you choose?
The silver dagger, the ornate mirror,
the golden key, dusty bottle,
black glove, glittering jewel,
or bound scroll?
I'm going for the bound scroll,
'cause I think inside of that is like--
- Lots of information.
- Lots of like, deep cuts.
- Recipes!
- Could be a map.
- Recipes for potions!
- [Eugene] Potions, or a map.
- A map.
- A drawing of Chode Chang.
- [Ned] Okay (clears throat).
(laughs)
- What would this beautiful fourth-year student?
- It's just the same, but she's really short and long.
(laughs)
- Her aspect ratio is just all off.
- I don't want the bound scroll,
that sounds like the Torah,
I already dropped out of Hebrew school.
Silver dagger's dope, but I'd be afraid to carry it
in my pants, 'cause it might stab me in the leg.
- Third leg.
(laughs)
- Here's a question for you.
What sounds more like a gay dance club?
The silver dagger,
or the black glove?
We're going partying at the black glove tonight.
- No, no, no, the silver dagger is the dance club.
The black glove is the sex club.
- The fetish club.
- We're going black glove!
- Hell yeah!
- L.A's hottest club is the black glove.
- (clears throat) It's super underground,
you have to text this number to gain access.
- Everybody who comes in only has four fingers.
(laughs)
- All the better to fist you with, my dear.
- (laughs) Oh my God!
(laughs)
- All right, my wand is...
Large wood.
- Yeah!
- With a unicorn hair core.
(gasps) - Nice!
- 10 3/4 inches.
- Damn!
- Wide?
Oh my God!
(laughs)
- [Ned] And hard flexibility.
- Wow.
- Nice!
- That sounds pretty much in line with what you wanted.
- Oh, yeah, that's hot.
- Oh, yeah, look at the grip on that bad boy.
- It's got a strong grip, actually, you want that.
- It's got a wide base, but a curved tip.
- [Ned] Ribbed also!
- How big was yours, Ned?
- 10 and?
- 10 3/4.
- Wow, I have a 38-inch wand, that's crazy.
(laughs)
- Holy cow!
- I've got Rowan wood with a phoenix feather core.
- Oh!
- 12 1/4, and surprisingly swishy flexibility!
- Yeah!
- [Together] (cheers)
- I got a big old phoenix stick
that's ready to whip!
- [Together] Oh yeah! - [Keith] That's cool.
- Oh yeah, it's so knobby! (laughs)
- [Ned] Yeah, it's kinda curved.
- [Eugene] Why is it so knobby?
- Knobby for my pleasure.
- My wand.
Acacia wood.
- Alexandria, Acacia wood, Cortez?
- Yes, Acacia wood.
Is it Acacia, is that how you pronounce it?
A-C-A-C-I-A. - [Ned] Oh, Acacia.
- Acacia, is that how you pronounce it?
- I think so.
- 14 inches, and quite bendy flexibility.
- Okay, now you had 10 3/4,
you had 12 1/4,
here comes big daddy Maple wood with a unicorn hair core,
14 1/4 inches!
- (gasps) - (beep)
- I can barely hold this mother (beep).
(laughs)
- Maple wood, delicious.
Mm-hmm, you can suck on the end of my stick all day long.
(twinkling)
- It's now time to find our Patronuses.
Patroni?
- All right, now, the Patronus test is timed.
- Okay, yes, my cursor's got glitter,
there's a deer, he's cute.
- Oh, maybe my Patronus can just be salmon,
so I'll always have lox for my bagels!
- I think it was fish.
- Then you'd have to cut up your Patronus (laughs).
- What do you want your Patronus to be?
- I want something cool and dangerous.
- Like a serpent.
- Like a bull.
Or a cow holding a gun.
(moos)
Yeah!
- That, I can get behind.
- (moos)
- All right, I'm beginning the quiz.
- Discover your
Patronus!
- [Eugene] Think of your happiest memory.
- [Ned] Oh, is it us? - [Zach] What is it?
- No.
- Is it us?
- Probably when I was drunk.
- When he first saw his enormous (mumbles).
(laughs)
- That big old knobby wand.
- He had a growth spurt.
- [Ned] Relax, think of your happiest memory.
- Getting married, Wes being born?
- Meeting us.
- Yeah, holding Wes on my chest with Ariel.
- And meeting us.
- Salt or sweet?
Uh, salt, baby!
- Salt!
- [Eugene] Fuck you, sweet!
- You can't melt the snow with a cookie.
- Serve, protect, seek.
Serve, baby!
Serving looks, bitch!
- [Together] Yes!
- I'm in the right state of mind for this,
'cause normally, I wouldn't have thought about that.
- Warm, cold?
Oh, (beep), I sweat a lot, I'm gonna go with cold.
Weird, weird,
normally I wouldn't do that.
- [Eugene] Silent or speak?
Silent.
- So far, this is like, very, purely, you.
- Yeah, I'm feeling this.
I'm like, in the zone.
- [Ned] You nearly produced a Patronus!
You're close!
- It's like, something is trying to emerge from your wand.
Keep going! (laughs)
- And I'm like, okay!
- I'm like, okay!
Something's trying to emerge!
- So close.
- [Zach] Oh, Ned!
- [Ned] Oh, we're going through the woods!
- [Keith] So close!
- We're searching!
- Don't make this sexual, (laughs) stop it, stop.
- [Ned] You're so close, keep going!
- Oh, you're so close, keep going!
(laughs)
- Stop it, stop it.
- So close.
- Love, trust, hope?
Hope!
(laughs)
- Such a Zach answer.
- Love, trust, hope?
Love.
- Yeah, obviously.
- Love, trust, hope?
Love.
No, trust!
No, too late!
(laughs)
- Love, trust, hope?
Trust!
I don't trust anybody,
but when I trust them, I'd die for them.
- Together, alone?
Together, I love people.
(laughs)
I love people!
- One more question, you're nearly there!
- [Eugene] You have an uncommon Patronus.
- Oh, shit, he's got a rare one!
- [Eugene] One more question.
- An uncommon, it said?
- Yeah.
- He's got a holographic one.
- Sleek or sharp?
Sharp, baby!
Sharp like fangs and this hair (clicks tongue).
(laughs)
- [Keith] Here we (beep)-ing go!
- [Eugene] Oh, is it happening, is it happening?
- Click and drag, and release your inner Patronus.
(gasps)
- I see something!
- You are so close (laughs).
- Something's starting to come from the tip.
- Click, drag, and release for your Patronus.
(gasps)
- You're done?
- Release!
- A Dapple Gray Mare!
I'm a sexy horse, mother (beep).
- [Together] Wow! (claps)
- [Zach] You know why?
You know what horses are known for?
- Big wands.
- [Zach] Whoa!
Look at how sexy that horse is!
Dude, I am a sexy horse.
I feel good about that.
I'm gonna ride my Patronus right into town.
- Are you trying to (beep) your Patronus?
- No!
No, no, no.
No.
That's,
can you do that?
(laughs)
- Oh, my Patronus is
a Manx Cat!
- [Together] Oh!
- [Eugene] You love cats!
- [Keith] I do like cats.
It's got no tail,
just some cat.
(laughs)
All right, yeah!
- I see that.
- It's a cat!
- (laughs) Yeah!
- Wait, is his name still Moo?
- Yeah, I think we'll name him Moo.
- Yeah.
- A moo cat. - Moo cat.
- And your wand is named?
- My wand is named Moo, and my cat is named Moo Moo.
I can't believe that I've got the longest wand,
and a (beep).
(laughs)
- Oh, roast!
You didn't expect that from me, did you?
- Yeah, sorry about that.
- Well, congratulations on making it so late in the video.
- Oh, this is a big moment for me!
- Imagine if--
- Wait, shh!
- (gasps) It's a Kingfisher bird!
(laughs)
- Wait a minute!
It's a bird, like a chicken!
- It doesn't have to be big.
That's what I realized going through the forest.
- Especially when your wand's so huge.
- It just had to have pure love energy.
- Oh!
Do you remember on my Instagram,
we're gonna put the picture.
We met a Kingfisher in New Zealand,
so I took a picture next to it.
It was gorgeous!
- I'm a Hufflepuff,
with a thick ass wand,
with a little tiny beautiful bird as a Patronus.
- What's the bird's name?
- Edward.
(laughs)
- Unless I'm mistaken, that was almost one
of the rarest Patronuses.
One more question, choose well.
Shut the (beep) up!
Wait, no, what?
No, no, it can't be.
Bewitch, or enchant?
Bewitch, baby!
(gasps)
Bewitch!
Oh, no, what is it?
(intense music)
- A snail! (laughs)
- Come on, cow!
- Oh my God, I'm so nervous now.
Click, drag, and release for your Patronus.
(intense music)
(gasps)
(intense music)
I'm really drunk.
No, no.
- [Keith] Is it a woman?
- Is it amazing or is it terrible?
- Is it a cow?
- Is it amazing or is it terrible?
(screams)
- Oh my God!
Oh my God, he got a dragon!
(screams)
- [Together] Oh my God!
(screams)
- [Together] Oh my God!
- How did that happen?
- Oh my God!
- Wow, magic's real!
- I'm so happy!
I've never been happier!
- [Keith] I can't believe you got a dragon.
- [Eugene] But I just answered honestly.
- Did you hear how high-pitched my scream was?
- But it was so pure!
- It was genuine!
- I'm gonna cry,
I'm so happy.
- Man, Eugene won this video.
I didn't think this video would have a winner.
- Even when it's a (beep)-ing
computer-generated questionnaire, he wins.
This is crazy.
This is the single greatest moment.
- Of my life (laughs).
- You've witnessed history today.
- Did other people get dragons out there?
- And with that, we all shall say.
- [Together] Expecto Patronum!
(upbeat music)
- You don't want one of those long and slender wands.
Like, my greatest fear is a wand snapping.
What if you had a wand that was just like a Coke can?
(laughs)
And you just, like, boom!
Boom, boom!
That mother (beep) never snaps!