(upbeat music)
- So if you look at Dark Star it's sort of like
a comedic student version of Alien 'cause
Dan O'Bannon who wrote Alien wrote Dark Star and--
- Oh don't get me started on O'Bannon.
- O'Bannon's the best.
You actually have a Dan O'Bannon-ness about you.
- Thank you.
- You really sort of look very Dan O'Bannon-ish.
(laughs)
- Eli, great, I can see we're out of time.
Thanks, you, oh my god.
- It was a great like nerding out with you.
- Oh my god, I could do this all day long.
- I'm actually cooking something pretty cool right now.
It's a new movie where a film journalist is taken hostage.
So it's like you're literally the
first person I'm telling it to.
- That sounds like an amazing idea.
- Yeah should be fun, yeah tell your friends.
Yeah no, seriously, let your friends know.
If you have any friends that want to be movie stars.
- Oh yeah?
SO he tells me it's about a movie reporter
who's taken hostage, right?
And so he looks at me and he says hey, tell all your friends
because I'm casting this today.
- What the fuck did you just say?
- And that's a big deal I take it?
- Yeah, off camera, yeah.
- You're so new.
- It's the real deal.
- Yeah that's what I'm saying, guys, it's true!
It's probably going to be like a whole franchise.
- Well of course it is, Captain Doughnut.
Listen, if he thinks I'm not getting
points on this thing, he is a fool.
And Britney, you know how much I value the back end.
(laughs)
- Ha ha gross.
- Don't fucking touch me.
- Can we just be serious here for a minute?
All right, if I'm not mistaken I'm the only person
here who's done a two episode arc on Franklin and Bash.
You guys remember it, I was very good.
Breckin Meyer, good friend of mine said I was sublime.
- Guys, the fact of the matter is,
one of our lives is gonna change today.
Right Christopher?
- Okay baby let's take a selfie.
Oh my god are you okay?
- I get it, I have like great teeth,
I never had braces, my skin's perfect,
my eyes are beautiful, I'm definitely touched
by the hand of Jesus, but like--
- You're so handsome.
- I've really had this secret dream
of being an actor, you know?
And my parents they've never supported it.
- Oh honey.
Your parents sound like assholes.
- I'm just feeling really ugly, I don't know.
It's just--
- Okay Christopher?
You're one of the most beautiful men I've ever
laid eyes on and I'm including myself in a man's wig.
I'm gonna get real with you for a second.
If you want to be an actor, be an actor.
If you want to be a garbage man, be a garbage man.
You know what I'm saying though?
You need to get out there and you need to take what's yours
because you only live once, as far as we know.
- You're a lifesaver.
- Stop, you're so cute.
I love you so much.
- I love you.
- I'm like in love with you.
- I'm in love with you, no, no, but just not.
- Okay sorry.
- Just like, I'm gonna do it.
- Go, go, yolo!
That's good, I should hashtag yolo.
Has anyone ever done that?
- Hey buzz buzz buzz.
Christopher David, yes I'm absolutely an actor.
- I wanted to make something that was more
in the Tarkovsky Solaris--
- Enough about that for a second.
Do you get a chance to watch any of the stuff
they're doing over at TNT?
Franklin and Bash, you seen any of that?
It's really good.
- No, I've been a little busy lately.
- Dylan McDermott Dermot Mulroney
Dylan McDermott Dermot Mulroney.
Hello, my name is Benedict Cumberbatch.
- I really wanted to do something that was
somewhere between a mix of Blair Witch and--
- Let me just give you this.
I was also playing myself in Step Up 3D, information
on the back and good luck with this project.
It looks terrific, it's cute.
- You're a young James Franco.
You're Dave Franco.
Oh yeah, you're Zac Ef, no you're Dave Franco.
This is the day.
Shit!
- It's interesting because--
I hear that you're kind of looking
for the next big star for your next film?
- Obviously Decker talked to some other people.
- Yeah he sure did.
- James Franco buddy, look at you.
You're like a mirror.
Fuck!
- I love horror, I love science fiction--
- I was voted most likely to get murdered in high school.
- You were?
- I don't know if you're planning any other horror movies.
- You sort of need a good horror movie scream.
- I have that.
- Can I hear it?
- Yes.
(screams)
- Yeah.
(laughs)
- Shut up!
(sobs)
God damn it!
- Yeah I'm looking for Christopher.
Hey hey, Christopher are you in there?
I can hear something.
What are you doing in there?
Okay, get me when you're out.
- Hey.
- Christopher David.
- Hi.
Oh god, does anyone have a towel?
- It's the buzz.
- Purell, is my Purell over there?
- Buzz buzz buzzes, Christopher David here.
- Hey.
(clears throat)
- Buzz--
- Do you have a question?
Do you want me, why don't I just start?
Let me tell you about Mission Fear.
I'm so excited--
- Yeah I've got questions for you.
Okay Eli.
- Do you, you know a lot of people don't know this about me,
but I've always wanted to do sci-fi.
It's like been this secret dream.
(laughs)
- Secret dream, is that what you just said?
(laughs)
It's your secret dream.
Oh my god it's your secret dream.
- Christopher, please let Eli Roth out!
- Hey what's going on you guys?
- Christopher went nuts in there.
He's holding him hostage.
Don't you hurt my Eli!
- Not to make this about me,
but I feel like this might be my fault.
I accidentally told Christopher he was important.
- Why would you do that?
- Hey have you guys seen my phone charger?
- Shut up, shut up!
- Okay watch out, watch out.
- Ha ha wow, what a talent this guy is.
- Big news!
Sounds like I'm going to be signing up for IMDB pro.
I booked it!
- Yes you did, okay we're just gonna
take it down a notch, okay?
Get his ass!
- Fuck you Eli Roth.
- Fuck you you fucking discount Jay Hernandez.
(gasps)
- Does this mean the role's still up for grabs?
- Secret dream!
- Is he saying see my penis?
That's weird.