Sonic the Hedgehog Sega Genesis mascot
chili dog enthusiast and hero of one of
the strangest comic series to ever be
set on paper but it's his frenemy
knuckles I'm talking about today and how
he became a god I'm Jocelyn the intern I
do all the research nobody else wants to
straight from the desk of battle so if
you don't know by now the Sonic the
Hedgehog Archie comics are batshit
insane I'm talking evil sonic taking
Sonic's place and sleeping with all his
lady friends insane but what you may not
know is that in the late 1990s knuckles
actually had his own line of comic books
unfortunately it got cancelled because
nobody read them which probably made a
lot of sonic readers really confused
when he showed up in Sonic the Hedgehog
number 89 teamed up with Sonic Robin
Hood to tussle with the High Sheriff of
Nottingham and then suddenly turned
green apparently knuckles awakened his
true power and along with the color
change gave him the powers of an
omnipotent God
aka chaos knuckles so how did we get
here
well knuckles is a descendant of the
Brotherhood of Guardians an ancient
order of echidnas who protects the
all-powerful Master Emerald tapping into
its chaos power for mystical abilities
back in the day knuckles dad had a
vision of his son's death
so in order to prevent this he did what
any logical father would do he
genetically experimented on himself and
his unborn child filling knuckles with
chaos energy mutating his son into the
animal of domination we saw earlier
now while this looks extremely painful
it has its perks like the ability to
bend time and space that's nice but what
did knuckles do with all this newfound
power well to better understand his
power he got all buddy-buddy with his
evil grade
Mitri and the Dark Legion maybe not the
best choice but for a meathead like
knuckles bad choices come pretty easy
like exploring his family tree and
hooking up with his distant cousin Julie
su-sure 11th generation removed cousin
but still there's plenty of acuteness in
the sea there knuckles okay anyway while
gallivanting around with the baddies
green-bean over here decided to get
pretty liberal with time travel and
wound up ruining basically everything
like multiple milestone events in
history just got torn apart because he
tried to fix them and it's implied that
his meddling ended up creating two
timelines a good timeline and a bad
timeline what comes next
oh boy the two timelines have very
different paths for knuckles in the
darker timeline knuckles is a real dick
he ends up killing everyone on Mobius
and collecting their souls like some
Rastafarian shang tsung
also he not only falls in love with
Julie Hsu but they end up having a kid
together her name is Laura sue or Jani
Cod depending on who you're asking she
grows up and does some time-traveling on
her own I could do an entire episode on
Laura sue and the lawsuit it created but
we'll save that for another time like in
the good timeline knuckles eventually
got control over his powers just in time
for a mammoth in a swaggy suit to steal
up this guy also turned into a chaos cod
in a previous comic because
who has its am i right with his powers
weakening fast knuckles pulled off his
last resort move and blew himself up he
blew himself up so now he's dead in the
insanity can die with him
just kidding he didn't really die duh
instead he actually just evolved to a
higher plane where he gets to do the
standard ethereal stuff
you know like attending his own funeral
and meeting God who of course isn't a
kid nun named Aurora anyway God Kidman
was cool enough to let knuckles go back
to being red and she even threw in a
little reincarnation in exchange
knuckles had to give up his godlike
powers well until like 20 issues later
when they just came back because nothing
really matters long-term in comics and
of course with his powers returning
knuckles loses control again but this
time the only way to stop knuckles is
for his dad to sacrifice himself a
fitting end to the chaos when you think
about it of course again nothing matters
because a few issues later everything
was reckoned by Megaman that's right the
Blue Bomber and something called the
Super Genesis wave basically nullified
like 200 issues of Sonic the Hedgehog so
there you go
now you also have to share in this
useless insane bit of knuckles knowledge
you know sometimes reading all these
comics really makes me wanna clean my
eyeballs with bleach your boy chan ear
in the studio
Oh fun fact remember the vision of nuts
as his death that lock has which sets
off this entire chain of events he huh
it never actually happens
Robotnik's Claude robot never shows up
so this storyline is completely
pointless as well as Fred Conte
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