- [All] I went to Disney jail,
- [Grace] and this is that story.
- There are a lot of different ways
you could find yourself in Disney jail.
- [Both] Some are weirder than others,
- but no matter the reason,
- it's not a place you wanna see.
I was just a freshman and it was me and my friend.
And we went on our first friend, you know,
little trip vacation.
So, my friend decided to wear a tube top,
because A: it was hot.
And B: she was tryin' to look cute.
And that wasn't the best idea to do,
but at the time I wasn't thinking about it.
She wasn't thinking about it!
- So me and my friends plan a trip to go to Florida.
I have never been to Disney,
I never even been to Florida!
So I was pretty lit, I was excited!
I'm like, oh, I'm so ready to go,
let's go, let's go!
We get to the hotel. The hotel is big lit.
Everything's looking nice.
We were like, "Let's spark up, get mellow, get lit.
"Get, you know, (sucking in sound)."
I was like, "Okay, this is gonna be a good time, baby!"
So, we went to Disney World
and my friend was like, "All right, look,
"I have this brownie."
I was already lit, I was at full capacity.
I was just hungry, I wasn't trying to get higher.
I just wanted to eat the food!
He didn't even tell me it was the edible.
I ate that (beep) so quick!
I was like, "(kissing noises) Mm!"
Worst mistake.
Shouldn't have eaten the whole brownie.
- It was the week that the Donald Trump animatronic
was being unveiled at the Hall of Presidents,
and I happened to be going down
with my family for, like, Christmas vacation.
For those of you who don't know
what the Hall of Presidents ride is,
it's really just an excuse for tired parents
to force their kids to take a nap
for 20 minutes in the park.
It's air-conditioned, and it's a whole history
of the presidents, the United States...
And then at the end whoever is the current president
recites the Oath of Office.
- So, we went to the infamous splash mountain,
got on the ride, everything was goin' good.
We were, ya know, screamin' and havin' a good time laughing.
And as soon as the picture part came,
we decided to do the hands-up-pose, like,
"Oh, wee! We're goin' down."
And honestly, that wasn't the best thing to do.
I heard her say, "Oh my gosh!"
And from the corner of my eyes, I could see her
bring her arms down, like, hug herself.
And I'm just like, "Did that just happen?"
I knew what happened, but I didn't want to believe it, okay?
As the ride was slowing down,
I was like, "What happened?"
She's like, "My top went down."
So, when we were waiting for the ride
to slow down and to stop and, you know,
the little bars and stuff had to come up,
and she was about to, like, lift the bars
up herself if it was possible.
We had to hurry up and get out before anyone else got it,
'cause you know, kids are fast!
And we rushed to the little monitors,
and that's basically what was on the monitor.
And it was so embarrassing.
- I have never had an edible in my life,
so at this point I am just wiggin' out.
I'm seeing all types of stuff.
Everything was very amplified,
it was like a lot of beautiful light colors, brown colors...
I was wobbling around like this.
I already got a bad leg,
so you already know, I was just, "Lean wit it, rock wit it,
lean wit it, rock wit it."
Families were staring at me like, "Who the hell
"and what the hell is this?"
- So, as soon as Donald Trump's animatronic
started saying the Oath of Office,
I stood up and started screaming,
"Lock him up! Lock him up! Lock him up!"
And I would not stop until they shut down the ride,
which they did. (laughs)
- Okay. So, we were blocking monitor
and, you know, of course some people want to be nosy,
because people can't mind their business!
Kids comin' over, and we're just like, "No, sorry,
"you cannot see this monitor."
And it wasn't even to be mean,
but it was like, it's for your own good,
because we're probably going to get in trouble
and your parents are gonna get mad.
And the next thing you know is, these two people came,
I guess secret, undercover people, whatever,
and they're like, "We need you two to come with us."
And I'm just like, "What?"
I was so scared and I was like,
"Okay, so where are we going exactly?"
And, so, they're like, "You know, we have to take you
to Disney jail right quick."
And my heart sank.
The only thing I could think of was,
"Okay, we're gonna have to pay a fine,
"we're getting kicked out."
I was so scared!
- So, I ended up going to the side by myself,
kind of trying to find a way to get away from everybody,
and I'm like, "Let me just roll it again,
"'cause maybe I'm buggin'."
I started rollin' up again,
and then this guy comes up to me,
and he goes, "Hey, come with me."
I'm like, "Who the hell is this? Who the hell are you?"
- There were lots of kids crying because-
and lots of parents crying, too,
'cause I definitely interrupted their kids' naps.
Most of the audience didn't like me.
There was, I remember one burly man coming up
and being like, "If you don't shut up, I will beat you up."
or something like that.
And I was like, "Okay, come on. That's a puppet."
And then I was carted off to Disney jail!
- And so, they led us to this room.
It's not like a, you know, a theme jail,
like some people might say,
it's no "It's a Small World" playing,
it's none of that stuff.
It's no bars, it's just a regular room,
a desk, little decorations, I guess, and that's it.
- It's just, there's lights, there's windows...
So, at this point I am just wiggin' out,
I'm seeing all the types of stuff.
I was hallucinating O.D.
When he was interrogating me,
I felt like the crypt keeper was interrogating me
with all these eyes.
But I kept seeing this little girl out the corner
of my eyes, she was little, she was dressed in white,
and every time I would turn around,
she was just there before my eyes.
I felt like I was in the scariest, dark, ride of the park.
- I think once they realized I was not a legitimate threat,
they were like, "You can go."
But they did say, "You can't come back
to the Hall of Presidents ever.
And I was like," I mean, how would you ever know?"
But, I mean, I would love if there is some picture
of me in the Hall of Presidents entrance,
that's like, "This person can not enter."
- And so, she decided to let us off with a warning.
And she was actually really, super nice.
She gave us some candy afterwards, so...
And that made us definitely feel better,
and we honestly didn't get on no rides after that.
- But, after I said what I said, they were like-
They kind of banned me.
They banned me.
(sad piano music)
The real jail is the outside world,
because I'm banned, I'm clipped.
They banned me for a whole year.
- Tucker Carlson's Daily Caller, or whatever website,
called me "The saddest man in America."
But, then like a week later salon.com said I was
like, "The voice of 2017," because I was, like,
this person screaming into a dark room
at something that wouldn't be able to hear me
or do anything about what I was saying.
So I loved that, I thought that-
I was like, "That's perfect I can die happy knowing that."
- My advise, don't wear a tube top to Disney World,
or any amusement park in general.
Where one with straps.
(upbeat instrumental music)