Hi guys.
I'm Melissa.
Welcome back to CloudMom.com.
Great question from a YouTube viewer about the terrible twos, umm, from Crystal Overbaugh
on the terrible twos, what can you do?
I thought this was such a great question.
My joke about the terrible twos is that they become the terrible threes, and then the terrible
fours, and then the terrible fives, and it just continues on until college.
No, but in all seriousness, what does this term mean, the "terrible twos," and what can
you do if you feel like your child is going through the terrible twos?
Well, from what I've learned, the terrible twos is actually a term that was coined in
the fifties when there was so much pressure on families to live up to this picture perfect
image.
Remember the Leave It To Beaver family?
And mothers felt that when their children started, you know, misbehaving and having
tantrums and fits, that it was really something that had gone terribly wrong, thus the phrase
"the terrible twos."
Many experts will say, however, that it's not really an appropriate phrase, because
babies can have fits and children and toddlers can have fits and tantrums, you know, starting
pretty young, and extending way beyond the twos.
But anyway, what is going on at the point when your baby is around two that makes them
have these tantrums?
Well from what I've read and from what I've experienced, children become much more mobile.
They're able to walk around more, they're able to physically move more.
They're more involved with the world, so parents have got to begin setting more limits and
saying, "No, no no."
Which can cause the children, who are not yet able to articulate their feelings or use
language, to get very upset, thus the tantrums and the fits.
It happens a lot.
It happened a lot to me, and I remember with my first child, when one day we were like
sitting around in the kitchen and all of a sudden he had this huge tantrum.
And he's lying on the floor and like kicking and screaming, and I was like, "What, are
you like acting?
Like what are you doing?"
It just seemed surreal.
I thought it was so bizarre, but it just can come upon you like that.
So the question is, what do you do?
Okay, a couple things I've learned about what works and what doesn't work.
Praise the good behavior.
If your child is going through something that's frustrating and you say, "No," and they react
well, give them the positive feedback, always a good idea.
Okay?
Number two, just wait out the fits.
Don't try to control them, and certainly don't try to discipline your child in that moment.
That has never worked for me.
I still try to do it sometimes, because I'm still in this with my baby, Marielle, who's
three and still in the terrible twos, but it just doesn't work.
I feel like she's in another zone entirely.
And to try to discipline her or get through to her or explain something to her, it's just
not going to work.
And what works the best is to let her just like spin out and burn out, and then when
she's calmed down, then I can try to have a conversation with her.
Okay?
And, but part of that, and this is the really hard thing, I would try really hard not to
give in.
And believe me, I have been very, very tempted, because when Marielle has her fits, which
are often in public, it's really embarrassing.
And I feel like people are looking at me and saying, you know, "What a bad mom," and I'm
like, "God," you know, it's just so humiliating.
People think like what's wrong with that child, what's wrong with that mom.
It's really horrible.
But if she's having a fit because I won't give her like the tenth cracker, or the fourth
cookie, I feel like giving in is exactly the wrong thing.
Because it's telling her that the next time she doesn't get what she wants, she should
have a tantrum because it's effective.
So, I really try not to give in, just to kind of swallow my pride, let her do her thing.
It's like, you know, she's like a little storm going.
Let her burn out, and then quietly talk to her.
And it has been getting better, I would say the last six months have definitely been getting
better.
And the less I react, the better it is, because often too, kids are looking for you to react
and get angry.
That's another form of attention, I've seen with my kids, that they can be searching out.
So anyway, those are my thoughts and advice on temper tantrums.
I have a couple other shows on how to deal with tantrums, at home and in public.
So please check those out.
I would really appreciate other moms and dads weighing in with what has worked for them.
This is a really, really difficult thing to go through, and I need the tips myself.
So please weigh in if you've got some advice, and thank you so, so much for watching CloudMom.