Okay guys...
Why do you always say "guys"? We're not all guys.
It's a general term.
I don't care if it's a sergeant term; I'm offended.
Those kids are always after me lucky charms.
What? The writers never give me anything significant to say. I spent all that time on the Glee Project for noth...
Anyway, everyone, I called this meeting because I'm worried about your future.
Wait. Why are you suddenly concerned about our futures?
You will tell your Glee club stupid things.
Yes.
You will have them overly worried about their futures and tell them to make rash decisions.
Yes.
On the count of three, you will wake up get a diet coke,
pour the drink over your body, and sing Purple Rain backwards.
1, 2, 3.
It doesn't matter. The point is, your life starts right after high school.
If you don't have your life figured out after you get that diploma, you're gonna die, alone.
How the hell do you have a license to teach?
Mr. Schue, we don't have to have our lives figured out by graduation.
Yes, you do. You just don't care because you're lazy. You have no drive, Mercedes.
If you're not Rachel, Kurt or Finn, you have no future.
Excuse you, I'm going to Yale.
Yale isn't New York, Quinn.
Wait, who says I'm going to New York?
No, no, Finn, it's quiet time, remember? You want your treat, don't you?
- Yes. - Then be a good boy.
How come he gets more treats than me?
Because he isn't disobedient.
Who cares about college? I is not going.
Uh, yes you is.
No, I'm not. What's the point?
Santana going to college is very important. It can help...
I'm gonna stop you right there, Mr. Schue,
because I'm a offended that you'd even suggest I'm not going to college.
You just said you weren't going though.
Oh, that's because I'm not. College is for chumps.
Santana, having a higher education is important. College will help in the long.
Uh, duh. That's why I'm going to college. It's important to me.
...Right. Guys, just know that the cream rises to the top.
Well, I'm creaming, Mr. Schue. I'm creaming all over the place.
I'm creaming harder, Mr. Schue.
I'm creaming so hard, I can't take it.
I'm creaming all the way to New York!
Why don't you both cream together and let me watch?
This got disturbing really fast.
Kurt Hummel and Mercedes Jones?
Wait, are you one of the new characters?
Yes, I'm... - Don't care. Go away.
- But I... - Go away.
- I just wanted to... - Go away.
- You can't... - Knock knock.
- Who's there? - Go away.
I just wanted your help.
You have five seconds. Go.
I'm a girl inside. Her name is Unique, and I want to show everyone who I really am.
How dare you try to be yourself.
Shame on you.
But I thought you two are all about being yourself.
That is SO two years ago.
You have to be like everyone else to fit in. That's what we're all about.
What about showing your true colors?
Are you high?
Rachel, I think I figured out what I want to do with my life.
That's great. Finn.
I want to be an actor.
Okay...? That's interesting...?
Yeah, that's why I'm going to the "Omars" to study.
Do you mean the Oscars?
Yeah, that. I heard it's an academy or something.
Oh, Finn.
Then maybe one day, I'll win a Timmy. - Tony.
Or I could win a "Graham Cracker". - Grammy.
See? I've got it all planned out.
Please at this scene be over.
I know why you all have been off your game. It's because Whitney Houston has passed away.
We're taking it pretty hard.
Even though we were perfectly fine a couple of seconds ago.
What are we gonna do? We can't function without Whitney.
That's why I've come up with the great solution.
We're not doing another tribute, are we?
Yes.
I'll go check on her.
Quinn what's wrong?
I'm not cashing in on somebody's death. Besides, I have physical therapy.
Can I join you? I can help.
That's what a certified physical therapist is for - no, thanks.
Yeah, but I'm good at helping with stretches.
I'd rather not see or feel your dreadlocks stand to attention.
I think you should give Joe a chance.
I agree. Quinn, you really need a boyfriend.
You won't be able to survive without one.
That's not true. Look at Santana and Brittany. There's no man in their relationship.
Incorrect. I wouldn't have come out if it weren't for Finn. He gave me the confidence to be proud.
He outed you.
Right, and I want to go to college(!)
Quinn I think you're losing it you need a boyfriend fast.
It doesn't matter. I mean who would want to be with me looking like this?
Yeah, you have a point.
I can't argue with you there
You're pretty much screwed.
- True. - Agreed
- Quinn. - Ah, Quinn.
- Boner. - Joner.
- Sex? - Strip club sex.
- Jesus, though. - Old-school, bro.
- Ugh. - Ugh.
Blaine, why are you looking through my phone?
It accidentally fell into my hand and my thumb happened to open up your message inbox.
That's odd.
What's odd are these texts, Kurt. Who's Chandler?
He's just a fellow gay.
It's more than that. "Hi Kurt. How are you?" Kurt, how could you.
- Blaine, it's just texting. - No, it's cheating.
- How is texting cheating? - You're a cheater.
Okay, so that means all the stuff you did with Sebastian was cheating too.
No because it's me. None of that applies to me. You know that.
If I let you sing about it while simultaneously embarrassing me for no reason,
will you feel better? - Yes.
- Fine. - I'll go get my suit from the dry cleaners.
Where the hell did you come from, Berry?
We're friends, right? - Uh, no.
- Yes, we are! Say we're friends! - Okay, we're friends.
Good. Now take this picture of my face and put it in your locker.
- What? - My face. Put it in your locker Santana.
Uh, I think I'll pass.
- Do it. - Um, okay.
My face will be all up in your locker, Santana,
day and night, every minute of every hour until you're forced to move it away.
You're freaking me out.
Santana, who are you talking to?
I'm talking to Rachel, Britt. She's right...
Oh, what the hell?
That was my audition. Did you like it?
Jumpin' Jack Flash. Burglar. Ghost.
Oh my God, really?
Sister Act.
That means so much coming from you. Thank you.
The Lion King.
I-I'm-I'm Rachel B-Berry, and-and I'm gonna, I'm gonna be si-singing...
The Color Purple.
I, I... Ohh...
Star Trek.
Guys, I'm never gonna get any of this stuff. It's too hard. I'm gonna flunk.
We've got to be able to teach you something before the prom.
We've been in here for hours.
Let's try it again, Puck. What's 2+3?
It's too hard.
Just try breaking it down.
- Think of rain. - In Spain.
Rain... S-Spain...
It's 7! - Got it!
Aren't you glad you have us to help you with this tough time?
Thanks guys. You're my daddies.
Let's forget I just said that.
Quinn, you can walk? - Yeah, I can do that now.
I see you dressed as Lea Michele tonight.
You know, Quinn, I voted for you to be Prom Queen.
Really?
- No, but we're still friends, right? - Not really.
- Just a little bit? - Not even a little.
- Quinn, don't talk back to me. - I-I, but you...
- Don't be a bad Quinn.
Sorry, Rachel.
You're forgiven. Now make me Prom Queen. - Okay.
Would you two stop making out? We've gots votes to count.
Ah, get a room or something!
- What is she talking about? - I have no idea?
- Dinosaurs. - Shut the f*** up, Mike.