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- [Instructor] Hey Psych2goers,
welcome back to another video.
Thank you so much for being here.
With your help and support,
we are able to succeed in our mission
to make mental health and psychology
more accessible to everyone.
So thank you.
Now, let's continue.
We all have to face rejection at one time or another.
It's an inevitable fact of life,
dealing with rejections, failures and disappointment.
Maybe you were shot down by your crush,
or were passed over for the lead in the school play.
How you deal with rejection
reflects back on your character.
The way in which you choose to handle
the less than ideal situations in life is important.
Though it may be hard,
and your self esteem may have taken a hit,
there are healthy ways to cope with rejection.
Here are 10 ways to do so.
Number one, accept the answer.
Do you think you have a great idea
for your group project,
but the group leader shot you down too quickly?
Or have you ever asked your crush out on a date
and they said no?
When this happens,
your first instinct may be to try and convince
the person to say yes instead.
But it's best to respect
and accept the answer that they've given to you.
Don't pressure them to change their mind
or give you a second chance
because even if you do manage to convince them,
you'll be stuck in an environment
where that person won't want you there
and the environment or your relationship with that person
can then become toxic.
Number two, distance yourself from the situation.
Have you ever experienced
a truly difficult type of rejection?
Did you step away and get to calm yourself down?
Or did you move ahead
and try to deal with things right away?
Research suggests that stepping away from a problem
to tend to your emotional needs
is a healthy coping mechanism.
This kind of healthy distance
also helps reduce the possibility of intrusive thoughts.
If you are rejected over the phone or a computer,
take a break from your electronics.
Move into a different room
than the one you got the news in,
or take a walk outside.
If there are times where you can't physically leave,
or if having a public breakdown
may lead to a panic attack,
try to mentally distance yourself from the rejection
by focusing all of your energy onto the present,
until you can find some more private
to process your emotions.
Number three, allow yourself to feel.
It's important to let yourself feel your emotions,
even if you think you might be overreacting.
Long term emotional suppression
can lead to emotional repression,
and this can cause poor physical and mental health,
increased stress and possibly depression.
Everyone has different levels of emotional resiliency,
and their reaction to certain situations
depends on the state of their mental health
and other life factors.
For example, a harsh rejection
is more likely to trigger a depressive episode
in someone with clinical depression .
You might feel feelings of guilt, embarrassment,
sadness and anger in response to being rejected.
And that's all okay.
Number four, spend time with friends,
family or in therapy.
Have you ever felt hurt
or lost when dealing with rejection?
The talking about the situation with someone you trust,
help you navigate your feelings better.
Spending time with friends or family
can help boost your self esteem
and help you out of your head.
Especially if you're experiencing self hatred
or self doubt after a bad rejection.
When you're dealing with this kind of pain,
you want to be heard listened to and empathized with.
So try and set boundaries and communicate your needs
to the people you're spending time with
or if you're in therapy,
talking with your therapist is also a great way
to help process your feelings of rejection.
Number five, do something you love.
Do you have a favorite instrument you like to play
or a favorite movie or TV series
that you like to watch?
Do you enjoy a nice walk around the neighborhood
or on the beach?
Doing something that you love
can help distract you from the pain of rejection
and helps remind you that your life has more value
than just this recently missed opportunity.
It's easy to equate your worth with your job,
significant other or your personal success.
When you do something that brings you joy,
it helps you focus on the other aspects of yourself.
Revisit an old abandoned hobby,
or pick up a new one.
If you need a break from a beloved hobby
because it was related to the rejection,
you can always try and do something similar instead.
Like instead of playing the violin,
you can simply listen to classical music.
Number six, practice self care.
Self care is a great way to rebuild your self confidence
if your self esteem has taken a hit due to rejection.
Rejection may have you doubting your competency
or your worth.
Self care looks like different things
depending on who you are.
Self care is often portrayed as,
cutesy feel good things like eating ice cream
and taking a bubble bath.
And while these feel good things can certainly help,
self care also includes taking care of your body.
Eat at regular times, drink plenty of water
and workout regularly to release feel good endorphins.
But if working home feels like too much for you right now,
even something as small as getting out of bed
and getting dressed for the day is still a good start.
If you're someone who isn't affected by rejection,
self care can look like remembering
to assess how you feel,
and making sure you are taking breaks from school
or work when needed.
Number seven, work on yourself.
Self reflection usually immediately follows a rejection.
If the person, group or organization who rejected you
gave you constructive criticism,
look it over and consider incorporating some of their advice
into your next idea, request or application.
If they didn't offer any feedback,
try to determine if part of the problem stems from yourself.
Perhaps you have a fear of failure,
and it got the best of you this time.
Maybe you had a really good project idea,
but you got so nervous during your presentation
that you couldn't express it properly.
Getting more comfortable in front of a crowd
by practicing in front of your friends
and family can help you with that.
Or maybe you achieved your personal best
and still got rejected.
In these situations, be mindful
and proud of the progress you've made,
and continue working on improving yourself and your skills.
Number eight, learn from the experience.
Despite the pain of rejection,
there is always something to be learned from them.
Even if it's just adding them to the list of things
you've survived and worked through.
Maybe you'll learn
that you weren't ready for the opportunity yet.
And you need to develop yourself, your skills
and your education further before trying again.
Or maybe you find out
who in your life is there to support you
during hard times.
This way of dealing with rejection can be difficult
because you associate good feelings
with the person, job or opportunity you lost
and it can be hard to be objective.
But taking something away from that experience
and growing from it
is a good way to not let that rejection define your future.
Number nine, put the rejection into context.
While you shouldn't minimize your emotions over rejection,
it can help to put the event into context.
Make a list of the things you lost with the opportunity.
Then look at which of these things are unique
to that situation,
and which ones can be found in other opportunities
or from other sources.
Think about the negatives
of the opportunity you lost as well.
Maybe you would have had to live in a city
to take advantage of the lost opportunity
and now you're able to move closer to nature.
All too often we romanticize things we can't have
and turn them into regrets.
But taking time to debrief potentially traumatic events
like rejections as they happen
and reflecting on past rejections
may help minimize future intrusive thoughts
that can hold you back.
And number 10. explore other opportunities.
When you dwell over rejection,
you miss out on new opportunities.
Use your past rejections
to fuel your search for new goals and experiences.
After you've evaluated,
what you were hoping to get from the person
or organization who rejected you,
set aside a few minutes each day
to research new opportunities.
These new ventures may look very different
from the ones you missed, and that's okay.
As long as your needs are still being met,
it's important to consider all the options moving forward,
and choose the one that's best for you.
How do you cope with rejection?
Do you think one of these ways mentioned in the video
will help you deal with it?
Not all of these ways may work out for you
since we all deal with different things differently.
But developing healthy coping mechanisms
and talking with trusted friends and family,
or seeing a therapist
can really help you deal with rejection.
Please like and share this video if it helps you,
and you think it could help someone else too.
The studies and references used
are listed in the description below.
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and thank you for watching.
Will see you next time.