- I don't know about you,
but I would do just about anything
to just fast forward out of this mess of a year.
- Anything?
- Anything.
- Would you cut up fresh jalapenos,
and then put on contact lenses?
- Yup.
(Kim moaning) It's fine.
Would you walk across a room of Legos
in order to just get through this year?
- Yes.
Ow, oh God, ow, come on.
No, it's fine, fine, we're fine. (shouts)
- Would you do four years of taxes in one sitting?
- In a second.
I don't even know what I'm doing at this point.
I think I have dependents in this house.
They seem pretty freaking dependent.
Would you do an eight hour informational meeting
on healthcare options?
- Yes.
Yes.
- [Woman] Okay, let's move on to short-term health insurance
that does not meet
the minimal essential coverage requirements.
Now, this has-
- I would do math word problems.
- Oh, God.
- And there's an eight down here,
so if that is to six what three is to two.
- I would go to a dentist for a whole day.
And not just a regular dentist,
one of those dentists who asks you questions
with her fingers in your mouth.
- [Dentist] So how are the kids doing?
(Penn mumbling)
- Rather than do the rest of 2020,
I would have the whole family get head lice.
(Penn groans)
And the dog, too.
- Really? - Yup.
- I know, girl, I just have to comb.
I just have to comb the whole thing.
- I would do a full Ironman Triathlon
that I've never trained for.
- You know you have to wear like this, right?
- For?
- For like 16 hours.
- Okay, I'd rather do 2020.
- I would watch an entire round of golf.
(Penn laughs)
- [Announcer] Penn Johnson's lining up
for the birdie bat on 15.
He's, oh, now he's standing up
and he's taking some practice swings, and he's...
Oh, he's now crouched over the butter.
- I got it, I got it, I got it.
I would host a family dinner and say,
hey, what do you guys think of the election?
- [Kim] Penn, why would you ask that?
- [Man] Well, I'm glad you asked around,
I'll carry- (family arguing)
- You sound like a racist!
I would sit in a middle seat on an airplane cross country.
- What?
- No, international. - No!
Middle seat, awake the whole time, sit straight up.
Easy.
Vacation compared to this.
Sir, sir, we share the armrest,
and the middle seat gets the armrest!
- I would listen to "Baby Shark" for 24 hours on repeat
with my son singing it.
- I don't think you could do that.
- Yes.
♪ Mommy shark, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo ♪
♪ Mommy shark ♪
- I would listen to you summarize the last book you read.
- (scoffs) What's wrong with that?
- Cut to the video.
- It kinda stays with the spaceship,
so you have to radiate it out.
So there's a bunch of different ideas.
One idea that they have,
they're not sure if it's gonna work,
is a radiation sail.
I...
I would let you tweeze my nose hairs.
- Yes!
- Not that one, not the middle one, not (screams)
- I would let our 13-year-old daughter
start driver's ed early.
- No, you would not!
- Yes, I would. - No, you would not.
- I know you,
you're gonna be sleepless - 2020, no.
for like... - Lola driving, I'm totally,
- I'm fine with that. - There's no way.
- I mean, what could be worse?
Break, break, break!
Stop!
- The car isn't even on.
- I would get my next doctor's physical
in front of 40,000 people in a stadium.
- That's not too bad.
- I'm at 45 now.
- Oh.
- [Announcer] Okay, Penn.
You're now old enough for your first prostate exam!
Assume the position.
- Let us know in the comments
what would you rather do than 2020?
I mean, pick up all the dog poop in the neighborhood?
It's easy.
Done. - Yeah.
- Like there's thing called antimatter,
and they can only create it in one place right now,
it's the CERN Laboratory in Switzerland.
And they've only created very small amounts of it.
If you get a bunch of larger stable amounts of antimatter,
you can have more propulsion than like,
'cause it's not really just about propulsion,
it's about weight of the fuel
plus the distance that you have to go.
So antimatter's very little weight, it's hard to make.
But once you do it,
it creates this ridiculous amount of heat,
and it's not like Earth
where you can just leave it behind you, like Oxygen.
If you have atmosphere, that happens,
so you gotta radiate it out with either a sail
or some kind of like, think about your radiator.
- I hear sale, and I'm like 40% off.
But that's not what you're talking about.
- No, like a giant...
Like it would have to be some kind of like polymer.
Like some kind of Mylar sheet - Did you get tons of action
in high school?
- I was kinda busy with my synthesizers.
(Kim laughs)