- Hello, lovely people.
So you were probably expecting a live stream,
because I said we were gonna have a live stream.
But then YouTube said,
"Hey, do you last minute want to
"go to the Edinburgh Television Festival?"
And I was like,
"Where's my YouTube original series?"
So I'm currently in Edinburgh.
And, thus, we bring to you the magic of "Baking Bad".
Name change by popular demand. (Claudia laughs)
- Why is it called, "Baking Bad"?
Were we really that bad? - We weren't great.
Let's be honest. - I think we were really tired
and weren't we,
Was it we were trying to pack or?
I can't remember. - Yeah.
It was Christmas.
It's a show in which I, Jessica,
someone who absolutely loves to bake,
but can eat absolutely nothing in a bakery,
tries to teach my dear wife, Claudia,
who likes to eat, how to bake.
- Yeah, I don't really enjoy baking.
- No. - No.
- Well, hopefully you'll enjoy making this.
We're gonna make some sugar-free,
gluten-free banana muffins.
- Oh, I like banana muffins.
- They're dairy-free as well. - Oh.
- Look at that.
- So, literally, everyone can eat it.
- Unless you got a problem with eggs, bananas.
- Well, then vegans.
- I think vegans have an egg substitute, don't they?
- I don't know. - I don't know.
They're also a low-FODMAP,
which is my own, particular, diet requirement.
- Well, let's get started. (excited yell)
- First of all, we're gonna do an unboxing
of a very, very exciting,
new edition to the house.
- Oh, that's how you do it.
I was like.
(table drum roll)
(ding)
- In my last baking live stream,
I was just mixing everything with a fork,
because we've moved house. - You coulda got a whisk.
- I know, if life was a fork.
It's not a good idea when you got hand palsies.
But then, fortunately, lovely people donated enough
that I could buy my own stand mixer,
which I've always wanted my whole life.
- I don't like baking, but I like all the
other bits that come with it.
- You don't like baking, you like gadgets.
There are additions, that's what she's looking at.
She wants the additions.
- You can even get a meat blender.
- How have you made my fun baking thing savory?
- Yeah.
- We gotta open it.
- A multipurpose tool, apparently.
Oh no, it bent my fork. (Jessica laughs)
(upbeat jazz music)
(people cheering)
- So, our very first ingredient
is going to be gluten-free flour.
- Okay. - Wife, please measure
220 grams of gluten-free flour.
(mixer noises) Waaah.
All my dreams are coming true.
- Electricity.
- We then need one tablespoon of flaxseed meal.
(Jessica grunts) (Claudia snickers)
Are you laughing at me?
- You can do your own baking show of you.
It would just be accompanied with
noises of struggle every few minutes.
- One teaspoon bicarbonate of soda.
- Ta-da. - Cool.
And a half teaspoon of salt.
- No, I don't trust you. (Jessica laughs)
Also, you know, if you spill salt,
you're gonna have bad luck
unless you throw it over your left shoulder or something.
- Half a teaspoon. - Oh well, we like salty.
- Would you please tip that into
this lovely-- - Oh my gosh, really?
- It's okay, look.
- No, let's put it up.
That's why it has a tipping mesh.
And you can take this out.
We could've just measured everything in it.
That woulda been easier.
- My voice, I'm sure, sounds terrible.
Someone asked me the other day,
"If she's deaf, how does she know
"that she's lost her voice?"
Sorry, do you assume that sore throats
feel different to hearing people and deaf people?
Does it? - Yeah, well we all know
disabled people are a different breed of person.
(Jessica laughs)
- We should have to go and live on our own little islands.
- More like a planet. - Oh.
(Jessica laughs)
- I don't want you to go to another planet.
- No, I don't want to.
Now, we move on to wet ingredients.
You're gonna use 120 milliliters of oil.
120 milliliters.
- I don't know if this is enough.
(Jessica laughs)
- Should we pour it in and then make it up in
dairy-free enriched with soya sunflower spread?
- It's about 80 millimeters.
Milliliters. - Yes, indeed.
- Looks like 150 now. - Cool.
- And that bit hasn't even blobbed in yet.
- Let me get this bit then.
- Look at this, oh my god.
(Jessica laughs)
I mean, is it-- - Claudia!
(Claudia singing)
It's a very shiny table now.
(utensils banging) - Whoops.
(liquids sploshing)
- Ooh.
- Nice, that was a nice sound effect.
- That's really appetizing now, isn't it?
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- Are you gonna bake with our kids like this?
They'll be like, "I don't want it, Mommy".
(laughs) - Shh.
Now, 100 grams of sugar.
I use this lovely artificial sugar.
It is sucralose.
You don't have to buy Splenda, by the way.
Splenda is sucralose,
it is better for you than aspartame,
but it's actually more expensive,
because you can get supermarket own brand sucralose.
- You know what else you don't have to buy?
Diet Coke, 'cause you can buy diet cola.
It's non-branded.
- Oh, Claudia.
- Well, some people might argue that
this is not the same as Splenda.
- 100 grams please.
- Oh yeah, I always think this is very cool
because it goes on forever 'cause it's so light.
(cheerful music)
That's still going.
- Oh wait. (record scratching)
(Jessica laughs)
Sorry, I just realized it's 100 grams of sugar,
and that's artificial sugar,
so you'll never get to 100 grams.
You need 10 grams. - (beep)
Sorry.
Jessie, I just poured it all out.
You just watched me do that for a good
at least seven seconds.
- I forgot.
- What do we do now?
Do you have a funnel?
- We do have a funnel.
Have you seen the funnel?
- Who you talking to?
(laughs)
- Well, that's 20. - It was slightly...
- Let's put it all in. - Yeah, that'll do.
I'm just too ill at the moment to count.
(grunts)
- More of this. (laughing)
- Oh, watching Jessica struggle.
- You know that Nigel and Orson are like,
"Mm so delicious."
Yours is like weird pain noises.
I'm sure there's an area--
- I'm sure there's an area of the internet that loves those.
I don't know what to call them.
(laughs)
So, what I'm gonna do is,
because there's all that sugar in the thingy,
I'm gonna use this mixing jug,
which is a marker for sugar for 100 grams of sugar,
and then put it up with this artificial sugar,
so it reaches the same point.
- Once this thing's mixed, is that our baking done?
- Well, you have to put it in the oven, my love.
Have you already lost interest in baking?
- Yeah.
- Well, you can have more interest in the eating later.
- You know why?
It's because there's no good smells produced.
And when you're doing savory stuff,
you have the smell of garlic once they're chopping it up,
or the smell of herbs when you're doing that,
spices sizzling in the pan.
- You know what your problem is though?
You get too hungry.
So really,
that reason that you like cooking
is because you're constantly smelling food
and then the food is just in your belly.
Whereas baking, you have to do the work and then you wait
when it's in the oven. - Fair enough.
I apologize if I look like something really
like waaah 'cause the sun's just come through, hasn't it?
- Right. (mixer noise)
- Wow.
That's just gonna clump.
What's that really look like?
- And now we're going to add two large eggs.
- Where'd that moisture come from?
- The oil.
- Oh yeah. (laughing)
- It's called mixing. (laughing)
- [Claudia] Oh my god.
That was skillful.
- [Jessica] Whoops.
(mixer noise)
We're gonna add our last few ingredients
and then scrape down the sides.
- Yeah.
I can do that.
I think you have to like--
- All right, you scrape it down, scrape it down.
- You just have to make sure it's all gettin' in there.
(mixer noise)
- Are you enjoying baking now?
- Yeah, I guess.
- The mixer's making it better.
- This is the first time we've ever used it.
I'm sure by the second time we use it,
I'll probably be over it.
Whoa, lady. - Sorry.
- Now there's nearly Splenda everywhere.
That would not be fun to clean up.
It's not Splenda.
(Jessica laughs)
- Okay, three bananas.
They're very ripe.
We're gonna change the head on this.
This one has a scoopy bit as well.
- Yeah, this one scrapes-- - The side, how good's that?
- Our dog's are really into fruit recently.
Well, it's just staring at me.
I don't think you like banana, Walter.
And they love satsumas,
blackberries. - Berries.
Melon, they actually eat melon.
- Yeah, watermelon, it's nice.
Keeps them cool in the summer.
Bananas are really weird, aren't they?
- Yeah. - There's no fruit like them.
- So pulpy.
- [Claudia] Now, here you go.
- Yay, thanks baby.
- [Claudia] Oh, nice.
- Banana is so appetizing and, yet, so gross.
- A lot of people hate bananas, don't they?
Having a real aversion to them.
- You can kinda get why.
- Let's see what this mixes like.
- Okay.
Ready?
(mixer noise)
- Well, that's better. - Whoa.
- Feel like that's gonna punch it out the way.
- All right.
Now, all we have to do is add some vanilla extract.
I found my vanilla extract.
- I didn't know we lost it.
- I lost it during the live stream.
- Ah.
- One teaspoon.
(spoon tapping on mixer)
- Okay.
(mixer noise)
Whoops, sorry.
Did that get anywhere? - Lady.
Now we're gonna add it to the dry.
So pull out, please.
- That's what she said.
- Tried to avoid that one but okay.
- You want me to twist it?
Yeah, that's in. - Oh, okay.
That's what she said. (laughing)
I can't do, can I? - No.
You're not naughty enough. - No.
Okay, and then we add the wet to the dry.
Little by little, and then whisk.
(bubbling noises)
Whisk.
(mixer noise) Oh, it's becoming stickier.
- Looks like a bread dough right now.
- [Jessica] It doesn't look super appetizing right now,
but it will in a minute.
(mixer noise)
(Claudia giggles)
Fascinating.
- You want the scrapy thing?
(splashing noises)
- Okay, I think I'm gonna take it faster.
(mixer noise speeds up)
(laughs)
Oh, it looks really good.
- Now what? - Okay.
Now,
we're gonna add some--
- Why is baking so boring?
I just wanna go cook my mince.
my sack of mince.
Can I leave you to it?
- We're almost done.
- You know what we need?
- Forky.
- Steady.
Forky's got anger problems.
- Forky you.
All right, now I'm gonna crumple these up.
Probably should've got some knives
so that we could chop them, but
crumbling it is.
The painstaking work.
- It's part of the show
to watch you suffer. (Jessica laughing)
- I'm not strong enough to break fricking walnuts properly.
- I don't really like walnuts.
(busy dial tone)
- All right, well let's stop then.
No more walnuts.
You're supposed to put 75 grams in,
but no more walnuts. - That's enough.
(mixer noise)
- Lovely.
All right, now we're ready to put it into our
muffin cases and then to our preheated oven.
- Good.
- Claudia got bored of baking,
so now, I'm gonna do it in fast-forward all by myself
using these adorable little cases from the V & A.
Enjoy.
(cheerful relaxing music)
Ta-da, finished product. (cheering)
- Yeah, they smell good.
- We have actually eaten half of them already though.
- I haven't actually eaten any.
- Have you not? - No.
- Jesus, I've eaten half of them.
Okay, have one, my love. - Thanks.
- If you would like the recipe for these
lovely low-FODMAP banana muffins,
then it will be in the description down below.
Make some of your own.
Please let us know what you think.
And please do think of suggestions
for what we should attempt to bake next.
Preferably, gluten-free.
- Or cook next 'cause I don't like baking.
- We're going to bake.
It's called, "Baking Bad". - Okay.
- It could be savory baking.
We could savory bake for you.
- Okay.
- Aw. - Maybe a savory muffin.
- Yeah, sure, we'll make a savory muffin.
Or pastry, you'll love that. - Okay.
This is quite dry. (laughs)
- Bye bye.
(cheerful music)