What are some dating tips for single moms to help you get back out there?
What are you doing when the guy you're dating is away for three, four days a week?
And how is it you can keep a guy's respect by sleeping with him right at the beginning,
but lose it by sending him nude photos?
Hey guys, it is Mark here and welcome to Ask Mark for another week.
Well, you've got some fun ones, we've got some fun ones.
Let's get straight into them.
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Good questions this week.
And we start with Leaxy, so Leaxy,, I actually filmed this, Anya, Anya or Leaxy.
I actually filmed this last week, but the audio wasn't great.
So Leaxy.
He asks, Dear Mark, I already saw on a lot of your videos and I think that really helpful.
One thing that I always think about is that a man is attracted to a woman who has an exciting
life, which is true Anya.
I'm a single mom, uh, since almost seven years and now I'm 27 years old.
Congrats on being a mom.
That's really cool.
Uh, somehow I have the belief that because I'm a mom is the reason I'm not in a relationship.
I have to, I try hard to break that belief because you get what you believe in a spiritual
kind of way.
Anya, that's very true, Anya, good awareness.
But it's hard because I can't think of a reason why a guy would want to be with me when he
could have a girlfriend who's still quote unquote free.
My English is not the best but I hope you get what my problem is I never saw somebody
talk about these types of issues, uh single parents, I think that have a lot of concerns
than others, other than those without kids.
I know what you're trying to say there Anya.
Uh, I would love to hear your thoughts on this, regards, Anya.
Now, this is such a great question and if you're a mom out there, much respect to you,
it's the hardest job in the world.
So you have my total respect and you do face challenges that other women without kids are
not going to face, but that's not a reason to shy away and if you, if you think about,
think about time wise, the amount of years that it's going to be until those kids have
moved out.
If you don't start dating until then, you're going to be a fair bit older.
So you don't want to wait until the kids have moved out and prioritize yourself last before
you get back into dating.
Now, the biggest thing that will stop you as a single mom is believing that being a
single mom will stop you.
It is your beliefs.
It's up here.
This is the biggest thing and Anya, Anya's, identified this here because she said, yeah,
I believe that.
Why would a man want to be with me when he can be with a woman who's free?
And this is such crazy talk.
There are lots of guys out there who would love to date you as a single mum, you and
Anya and everyone out there, if you're a mum, do not go on believing this.
There's guys who are time poor.
There's guys who are single dads themselves, there's guys who are happy or would just love
to date a woman with kids.
There are lots of these men out there and you've got to get out there and find them.
So don't let this belief hold you back.
This is a belief, this is a belief Anya that you've probably adopted for meeting a couple
of men who certainly might've been like that, I'm sure were, but don't let it generalize
to all men because as you've said here, your beliefs will become your reality and it can
ruin your dating.
So remember, make sure that you get out there, and this is the second thing is you've got
to realize it's okay to make time for yourself and prioritize yourself.
You want to set a great example for your kids, right?
And you want your kids and your daughters especially to grow up prioritizing themselves
and making time for themselves.
Or you have to be that example.
You have to show them that it is okay to make time for yourself.
And if the right man came into your life right now, I'm sure you would agree you would make
time for him.
If he was the perfect guy.
If he ticked all the boxes, he was the one that wanted to date you as an amazing single
mum, you would make time for that man.
You'd find the time.
So find the time to go out there and meet him.
So this is the thing, you've got to tackle your beliefs.
Realize it's okay to make time for you and then make the time before you've met him.
Make the time to meeting.
You'd make the time when he was there.
So make the time before he enters your life to bring him in.
And that gives you the opportunity to meet people and do things with that time.
So I've got lots of other videos coming out for single moms.
There's some really good stuff on it's way two videos, in fact on their way.
But check out Facebook, facebook.com/howtomakehimyours about a week and a half ago on a Tuesday,
a week and a half before this published date.
I do a live video on this very topic, so go and have a look at that.
Anya, other single moms have a look at that video.
There's heaps more on there and I've got more videos for you on this topic very soon.
I promise you have my word.
Second question, this question is from Sharon C and Sharon says, do the advice of dating
apply to people who travel for a living?
Any suggestions?
I'm dealing with a guy who wants to see me again, but it's gone three to four days a
week.
Well, Sharon, we haven't done a big video on long distances yet and I'm going to have
one out very soon for y'all.
I'm going to have one out a few weeks away.
I promise it's in the editing phase and it's going to be really comprehensive to all of,
all of long distance stuff, but the biggest thing is this guy is going to be a way, so
that means that you've got to use the time his away to keep being the best you.
That is the biggest tip with long distance is use that extra time because it's the one
thing you have that a normal relationship is unlikely to have.
You're going to have more time so use it to work on yourself and be your best self.
Be your own self source of self assurance and your own source of happiness in that time,
and if you're using that time and it's going to make him want to come back and be there
for those three or four days a week with you sharing your light when you, when he is there.
Ah, and the final question, can I have some fun with this one.
Final question is from Whispering Sound and we posted a bit of an interesting video yesterday.
My opinion on nude photos and it ruffled a few feathers which I love and I love getting
some chat going.
I love getting some debate going about this so we can discuss the topics.
Whispering says I think early on one could lose respect if that is the only thing that
is talked about, but there are a ton of other factors that go along with earning and losing
respect for one another.
I cracked up when you said you and your ex slept together on your first time meeting
and you had respect for her.
But yet, nude shots too early would have lost it.
A couple of you said this, so I really want to, I thought this is a great comment so I
wanted to bring this up, uh, that you had tremendous respect because she waited that
long to send pics.
Uh, by then, how many times had you slept together?
Obviously quite a lot.
Who really cares about that point?
Boring and sounds ass backwards to me.
If my boobs and end up on Google, who cares?
They are beautiful and no one would even know they're mine, anyway.
Say you met someone on a nude beach on vacation one day.
Do you honestly think the guy would lose respect for her because he saw her boobs gasping,
gasping, covering mouth.
Normally, I really enjoy your videos, but this one just made me laugh.
Sorry.
All right.
This was a great comment.
I really liked this comment and one thing I said in that previous video was that in
a former relationship of mine, this particular woman slept with me, yeah, the same night
we met and I lost no respect at all for her for that.
And yet if there'd been a nude photo situation, it may have, and I respected the fact a lot
that it took me essentially nine months to get those from her.
So what's going on there?
As a coach, what I want to give you is the way I think about problems because if you
know that you can answer all the questions on your own.
So rather than just looking at the superficial stuff like we did in that video, I want to
give you the way I think about this problem.
I want to talk about three really important factors here, really important factors that
apply to a guy's respect as it relates to sex and new photos and things like that.
Now the first one is intent intent.
Now, if you haven't already watched the video, is it bad to sleep with a guy on the first
date?
I'll put it at the very top of the description.
You haven't already watched that video.
Go and watch that because in that video I talk about this concept of intent.
Mark Manson, a wonderful author talks about this a lot.
You can do the same action and have a different intent and it will be right or wrong.
Now, in that is it bad to sleep with a guy on the first date video I talk about in and
I talk about, depending on your intent for why you sleep with the guy, you can lose his
respect by sleeping with him at the beginning or you can keep his respect or even gain his
respect.
It depends on your intent.
I want you to remember this sentence is a very important sentence I'm going to talk
a bit about throughout this video.
I don't care what he thinks of this, I'm doing this for me.
This is incredibly important and this is the mindset that comes behind everything because
whether it's six or nude photos or a booty call, it is the intent that is one of the,
really the ultimate determinator of his respect.
But there's a couple of other factors at play with nude photos.
The first one is the convenience factor.
Now, the best example I can give you of the convenience factor is with a booty call.
What do we say about booty calls?
We say do it at your convenience when it suits you and you'll have a guy's respect.
But if you go over there whenever he wants at his convenience, you'll start to lose his
respect.
Why sex on tap is a boyfriend benefit and you're making it at his convenience whenever
he wants it, so he's not going to respect it.
You, you're giving that away.
Convenience.
Sex on tap also applies to nude photos.
Once a guy has that photo, he has it whenever he wants it, he can see you naked whenever
he wants it, and that is a big boyfriend benefit for him to have.
So that's the second factor.
And the third factor is the Google risk factor, and this is one that does not apply to sex,
does not apply to booty calls, but applies to new photos is that photo can end up on
Google and it can ruin your life.
Now whispering said something here that I absolutely loved.
She said, if my boobs end up on Google, who cares?
They are beautiful and no one would even know they are mine anyway.
I have so much respect for that because she's just saying that they're mine.
I love my body just the way it is and if that's you, if that's you, then this whole advice
then that whole element of the don't send no nude photos advice does not apply to you
because you don't, you don't mind if it's out there.
If you can send a guy a nude photo and go, I don't care if this goes out there.
I love the way I look.
I'd be, I'm fine with being on the internet.
Then that whole factor is switched out and you'd just look at the other two.
Convenience and intent.
So the biggest difference between photos and actually sleeping with the guy is this Google
risk factor.
But if you take that out, if you say and respect if you do, like crazy respect, if you just
own your body image that much that you just go, I'm beautiful, I don't care if I'm out
there like awesome, good for you.
And your intent will come through with that as well.
But if you do care, if that photo went on Google, then I do not recommend sending it
to someone who is not a committed boyfriend.
But let's take the Google risk factor out.
Let's say you don't even, let's say you don't even look at that.
Let's look at the situation whispering provided.
Say you met someone on a new beach on vacation one day.
Do you think that guy would lose respect because he saw her boobs?
Well, the Google risk factor doesn't apply cause no one's taking photos.
But let's look at the other two.
Convenience.
It doesn't exist.
I can't go and see that woman whenever I want.
Her, her boobs and are waiting for me at home at my convenience.
So again, that's completely different.
And what's her intent?
Let's go back to the sentence we talked about at the beginning.
I don't care what he thinks.
I'm doing this for me.
That woman could be on the beach nude.
And if she's thinking like that, she's going to get a guy's respect.
Or if she sees that guy coming and she's like, I really want him to like me.
I'm going to take off my shirt and go over and talk to him.
The guy's going to be like, why did you take your shirt off?
You didn't have to do that to impress me and it's going to lose his respect.
It's not the nudity on the beach.
It's not the sex, it's not the nude photos.
It's the intent behind them that really determines a guy's respect.
So that's why the beach example whispering doesn't apply.
It doesn't have those factors in it.
And she's there for her own reasons.
And look, you can even take the convenience factor out.
Let's say, let's say you use Snapchat rather than a normal photo.
And you said, well, I'm not even giving him the convenience.
I'm giving him the photo, which is going to disappear anyway, so he doesn't even get the
convenience.
I don't care if it goes on Google, I'll do it on Snapchat anyway, so it'll disappear.
So he doesn't have the sex on tap boyfriend benefit.
Well, we're back to intent and the intent has to be, I don't care what he thinks.
I'm not doing this for him.
I'm doing this for me.
But that's a lot harder to apply with a photo as opposed to sex.
See, when you're getting sex, you can enjoy yourself.
You're like, I don't care what he thinks.
I'm just doing this for me.
This is where you've got to have really cause really core honesty, really core self honesty
and go, why am I sending this guy this photo?
Am I trying to build his interest, am my trying to get him interested in me or am I just doing
this because this is something I want to do for me?
If you can honestly say that you don't care if this photo ends up in Google, it'll probably
disappear anyway cause it's Snapchat and I'm willing to take the risk that he won't screenshot
it and I'm doing this for me.
It's not to build his interest for any reason at all.
That would be extremely unusual.
But if you can honestly say that by all means send him the photo.
But those are the factors you need to consider the Google risk factor, the convenience and
most importantly, the intent behind it before you decide if you're going to send a guy a
nude photo.
Food for thought.
Oh ladies, I hope you enjoyed it.
Went into a bit of depth there, a bit of really cool psychology, but intent is huge and intent
comes into a lot of areas in dating.
So it's a concept I'd like to do more videos on.
Um, wonderful author as well.
Mark Manson, check out his stuff.
The article, Fuck Yes or No is one of the best dating articles you will ever find you'll,
you'll ever find.
So go have a read about.
It's awesome.
I'll, I'll see if I can put a link in the description too.
Thank you so much for watching.
Let me know if you have more questions.
Do you just disagree the shit with me?
Do you just not [inaudible] talking rubbish?
I don't agree at all.
Why?
Why you say these things not here?
Comments, pop it in there.
Hit the subscribe button, little bell and hit a like a button on the video.
Let me know.
Whispering, uh few of you, others had similar comments, so let me know if that answers your
question and I shall see you again very soon.